“Oh, I wouldn’t say that to her face,” Eric explained dismissively as I called him out on his inappropriate, flippant remark. “I only say that here because it’s fine among us guys. You know I love you, sweetheart. Just not vaginas. Eww. This should be a place for cocks only. Nice, big cocks.”

Eric seems like the type of guy I'd be friends with.

Is it really fine to talk this way? Even “among us guys”? I know there are cisgender men out there that are bothered by these types of remarks and even feel uncomfortable hearing them.

She says, while also finding it impossible to refer to gay men using non offensive words. Apparently gay men being bothered and uncomfortable by a homophobic word doesn't matter.

I’ve stood in leather bars while title holders who call themselves trans-inclusive yammer about how men whose dicks aren’t big enough are just a waste of air. I’ve heard size queens exclaim outright that any man with a two inch dick might as well just kill himself and end the shameful misery.

And surely she couldn't care less about small sized gay men that might feel bad because of this, they're just colateral damage in her argument.

I would never legitimately be recognized in my community?

I'm pretty sure TQ+ communities would accept you. Maybe you'd realize that if you didn't waste so much time forcing another community that isn't yours to fit you.