I used to pay this woman in Venezuela to paint her nails and suck her fingers and crap. She got COVID and we stopped talking. But, she messaged me and said she was back. Because we had been talking for a bit without buying anything, I asked her if she just wanted to talk a bit every now and then. So we talked for a few days and she basically told me everything about her life(not everything but enough to see the big picture). I thought we were chill and we could voice chat and I could practice spanish.

So, I messaged her a few days ago because I was bored at night and wanted to tell her this joke I heard earlier. She messaged me back today and said she doesn't consider me a friend and to stop messaging her unless i plan on buying something. But then she was like "You're a smart guy, I hope you get better" basically like I hope you stop buying porn on the internet like a weirdo.

I'm pretty hurt right now. I mean, I should've known she was only chatting because she wanted money. But, we literally had 3 voice calls and were texting daily for a bit without ANY mention of porn or buying pics. She was even like "We should practice once a week so you can help me with english" and then, out of no where, hit me with a "Nah, I don't want to be friends. Buy pics or disappear"

I just want one woman to talk to that knows who I am guys. Like, it's one thing to have a basic conversation with some weird woman. It's another to talk to a woman that knows your incel plight and all your fetishes and life goals and ambitions and successes and stuff.

Like I don't know. I GET IT. I completely get it. But like, no woman cares to ask questions about you and stuff. No woman is interested in your hobbies. The only women I've ever found in my entire life who ask me questions about my life and the things that I do are women I meet on the internet in chatrooms or women I pay for pics.

It hurts because ONE day, I'd like to have a nonsexual sexual conversation with a real woman. Fake intimacy. I want to talk to a woman that knows I've been a weirdo on the internet, knows I have a handfetish, but cares about the cool things that I do in life too.

It hurts because I've been down in the dumps all week. Two jobs, OK GPA, Published writer, I own a car, I can purchase booze. When I was bluepilled, these were all the things I thought I'd need to get a woman. Every time I mentioned not having anything to do, the first thing they'd say is "You don't have a job? you broke or something?". If I told them I couldn't do something because my parents would have to take me, they'd make fun of me for not having a car. If I talked about writing, they'd always bring up how they know some white dude interested in writing that ALSO plays sports or something.

I really thought once I had a job, a car, I was in shape, I had achievements I could talk about, I had money, that women would become interested. That they'd be like "Damn, you've got stuff going on. Can I be a part of that?". But no, a woman has not asked me a single question about my life since 3rd grade. And that was my teacher. And no I'm not counting family.

I'm just so tired. Without money, I am nothing to women. I'm just fighting to be on equal grounds with some white kid whose parents are letting him drive their $20,000 car to school. That was the gold standard. Any basic ass white kid who had a nice car in sophomore year of high school could AT LEAST get some asian freshmen climbing him like a cat stand.

I just want the bare minimum attention from women that weird looking white dudes got the second they had a car in high school. I'm a fully established man and, to women, I might as well be a walking fantasma.

So I've been yucky yucky all week. I'm close to crying. Two jobs, two years off having 3 degrees, bilingual, published short story writer and poet, have a car, have connections, have a nice showoff laptop and phone, but I'm incomparable to a white high schooler. A white high schooler can literally live in a trailer park shouting nigger 24/7/365 and they're just automatically better than me no matter what I accomplish. Even black celebrities know this. Why do all black celebrities get rich and famous and suddenly have an asian woman on their hip? Because THEY know that Asian women are off-limits to black men. They might've had white chicks, even some of the darker rappers might've had a black woman or two, but ethnic tax is fatality.

I will never be anything in the eyes of women until I'm literally rich enough to buy one. Until I have quintuple the networth of the average woman and can pay all her bills, buy her a luxury car, a separate house, and will allow her to fuck white guys all while "supposedly" dating me.

Sucks to be short, bald, and black. Sucks to be human in 2022. I'll be voting trump and republican down the line until America gets destroyed. Night