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[–]asterias 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think this has grown into an obsession, which is understandable in this situation but it doesn't do you any good. Just saying that you should make an effort to control your thoughts and steer them to something else, even if it's not easy.