"Vanilla shame" - yet another byproduct of liberal feminism?

submitted by vitunrotta from (self.GenderCritical)

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[–]MarkTwainiac 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

The sea change that's occurred is so sad & damaging. Of course, there have always been men who are sexual sadists and dickheads who get off on their female partners' pain. But when I was growing up (born mid-1950s), many/most teen boys & men took pride in being able to bring teen girls/women to orgasm, and when I was a younger teenager buys often did so by fingering us during make-out sessions with no demand or expectation that we girls reciprocate. (I was making out with boys who got me off for years before I was asked to consider or touch a dick.) And when boys/men were in love, they often placed more emphasis on their female partners' pleasure than on their own:

Roxy Music's "To Turn You On" from 1982: https://youtu.be/P136AgVU5FQ

Also, back then boys & men wanted their love interests to be happy overall:

Bobby Vinton's "Take Good Care of My Baby" from 1961 https://youtu.be/awNqLO6auQA

And instead of pressuring girls & women into anal sex, once upon a time boys & young men were happy just to dance with us and hold our hands:

https://youtu.be/B7X1oUfa8uE

https://youtu.be/jenWdylTtzs

And if they got to make out with a girl, they were over the moon: https://youtu.be/TSpiwK5fig0

[–]MonstrousRegiment 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Wow, I wish I had run in your circles instead of the bad company I fell into in the sixties.

There were selfish, demanding, pornsick guys then too. Maybe not as many, I don't know.

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, there were... I said in my first comment to username Moody that there have always been guys who are sadists and users... I should have added some more general prefatory comments acknowledging that there have always been guys who are sexually selfish & pornsick. In her 1970 book, Kate Millet exposed how such themes ran deep in major respected, acclaimed literary works like Henry Miller's novels & "Lady Chatterly's Lover." And of course the 1960s was an era that lionized men like Normal Mailer.

As always back then, men in my country (the US) as everywhere committed tons of sexual assault, rape & harassment of girls/women - & I like most girls experienced plenty of it. But not from the guys I dated. As you intimated, my dating pool/social circle was definitely a factor: the boys/young men I dated were decent guys who'd been raised to have good manners (like Do Bees from the kiddie show Romper Room, LOL)... I knew and was hit on (and even stalked & assaulted) by creepy & bad guys, but I never dated or had voluntary sex with any of 'em, so they were excluded from my early teen make-out sessions.

The movie that really mainstreamed porn in the US ("Deep Throat") came out in 1972, when I turned 18, & there was a lot of other terrible media out there that seemed to celebrate male violence & sexual aggression ("Straw Dogs," "A Clockwork Orange"). But funny thing, in the late 60s and early 70s, feminism ("women's lib") had become quite mainstream too. So the prevailing culture was very much a mixed bag.

The years when I was making out with boys but not doing any dick (67, 68, 69, 70) seem to have occurred in what might have been a brief "sweet spot" of a cultural moment - or perhaps an uncharacteristic blip - when even as "free love" and "sexual revolution" were replacing prudery, politeness & repression to become the prevailing ethos in the West (providing boys & men new means of pressuring, coercing & guilting girls/women into unwanted sex acts) it was still the case that (some) boys & young men (all my BFs back then were young as I was, LOL) treated the girls/women they were into sexually in respectful ways while they at the very same time said boys/young men were really proud of being able to get their hands in our pants and get us off.

It was the era when the radio was full of hit songs in which males sung of their undying adoration for the girls/women they were in love with as in "My Girl" (Temptations), "Cherish" (The Association), "I Love You More Today Than Yesterday But Not as Much as Tomorrow" (Spiral Staircase), "This Guy's In Love With You" (Herb Alpert & Tijuana Brass), "Crazy Love" (Van Morrison), "Our House" (Crosby Stills Nash & Young) and a zillion others.

Of course, those sorts of songs didn't/don't represent the entire cultural climate of the time, but the idea that being a "real man" meant being a decent bloke who was caring & respectful to the girl/woman with whom he was in love was very much in the air: "To Love Somebody" (Bee Gees, 1967) https://youtu.be/QHtGu0OGEpc "Happy Together" (Turtles, 1967) https://youtu.be/mRCe5L1imxg "I Was Made To Love Her" (Stevie Wonder, 1967) https://youtu.be/9pYux5-d1Es "Never My Love" (Association, 1967) https://youtu.be/UzgpB9xpyT8 "Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher" (Jackie Wilson, 1967) https://youtu.be/mzDVaKRApcg "Midnight Confession" (Grass Roots, 1968) https://youtu.be/5nZnqtDdsws "A Girl Like You" (Rascals, 1968) https://youtu.be/8X9PjUpWpLk (Cornelius Brothers) https://youtu.be/Bet9mulSszI "Every Day With You Girl" (Classics IV, 1969) https://youtu.be/hG4DPXnPqNA Treat Her Like A Lady" (Cornelius Brothers, 1971) https://youtu.be/Bet9mulSszI

[–]MonstrousRegiment 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Super playlist!