starflite

I have a couple, but the funniest one (in hindsight) was when I went to get sushi with a girl I met on Tinder. Let's call her Katie, because that was her name. Katie arrived late, and we sat down and she immediately ordered edamame. But she pronounced it "ee-da-mom" and our waitress was visibly confused. The waitress figured it out and was like "Oh, edamame, yes!" and Katie continued to mispronounce it multiple times throughout the date. I'm a vegetarian and I ordered some veggie/fried tofu sushi and this girl told me how boring it was that I didn't eat meat. I tried to get her to talk about what she was studying, what she wanted to do, etc, and she said she was majoring in Industrial Engineering and she wanted to work at Disney World so she could make ride lines more efficient. That was her life's dream. Okay then. She asked what I did and I was excited to tell her about the research lab I was working in, which was focused on microbiome research, which is essentially the study of microbial ecosystems, like within the intestines, or mouth, or vagina, etc. She said she didn't get it, and I was like "oh, which part?" And she said that's ridiculous, bacteria don't live inside people. She thought I was making it up to fuck with her. I've spoken to many people who didn't realize how complex the subject was, but I've never seen someone flat out deny that "bugs" live inside other things. She's a bit of an urban legend among my friends now.

Another time, I went on a date with a girl who didn't look ANYTHING like her pictures. I actually looked right at her several times before concluding that my date wasn't at the restaurant yet and sending her a text to let her know where I was sitting. The girl I was expecting was petite, short, with long hair, and the one that showed up was tall and heavy with short hair. I think she must have used pictures of a younger sister or something. She spent the entire date talking over me and telling me how much money she made and how she had a house in Germany. The only question she asked me all night was, "Why aren't you drinking more wine?" and really, I just wanted to leave ASAP.

Then last week I went on a date with a girl who brought her dog without telling me, and she spent more time talking to the dog than to me. I'm gonna die alone and it's gonna be so great.