99% of communication in public is non-verbal. Your smile, your posture, your demeanor, your willingness to help others. You can call this the "Tourist syndrome" you are a tourist in your own neighborhood. You are leaving a good impression.

submitted by Brent_Kaskel_Pussy_F🛕 Castle Made of Sand 🛕 from self.testing_sub3

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[–]Sonofman888 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Just simply acknowledging someone's existence with eye contact, a smile and a nod will suffice imo. This is how 90% of my interactions begin in public. This is good advice for anyone looking to improve socially.

[–]Brent_Kaskel_Pussy_F🛕 Castle Made of Sand 🛕[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm still recovering from serious damage from both a narcissistic parent, and narcissistic ex "girlfriend" I have a lifetime of being abused and blamed for things I didn't do, and then being again blamed for their bad behavior. So my social skills are out of whack. Most of the time I don't even bother talking.

However in constructing my life into being something, I found that I've set myself up now to where people EXPECT me to do smalltalk. Say a few words.

So if this makes sense - I had NO social kills, and zero interest in humans. Through nutrition I made myself social. Legit. Through nutrition I made myself social. I was no longer worried about anything and enjoyed interacting with other humans. For example when I go out now I have a huge smile on my face even in pandemic. It's just so much fun being around people.

I'm not thinking about "if I like them," for example if we both play the same video game. Or if we both speak the same language (my area is very multicultural - I once had a conversation with a Chinese woman in her 50's just purely out of the blue cause I heard her speaking. I started talking to her. At first she called herself a teacher, then recanted, and called herself a student of English)

Can you picture that? I'm so enthusiastic, and happy, and "approachable" that I can talk to foreign Chinese woman who can't even speak English. It's incredible.

The point of what I'm saying is this - to get to this point, it's all ground work. For example if you're antisocial and don't eat proper nutrition like an IP2 user you will come off as a creep. This will defeat you, you'll retreat, and you won't try it again. (This is for any lurking IP2 users to gain benefit from this)

Be happy, think beyond yourself, eat properly, lift weights, and start smiling, start posture, start eye contact especially.

I do a unique thing with eye contact. I never give women eye contact. With women it's a unique thing. You will always be a "rapist" with women, unless they decided they're attracted to you. And the only way for a woman to be attracted to you to begin with is not to give her the time of day. To be "better than" her. To not need her. So women automatically go in the garbage bin when I'm out (unless they're black or Asian women, then I am far more open and happy to interact with them)

I give men eye contact to let him know he's masculine, in control, he's the leader. I'm not looking at his bitch. I'm looking at him, because I relate to him, and his female doesn't matter. We're cool. So give men eye contact.

Give blacks eye contact

Give Asians eye contact

Once you eliminate white women and white dudes you've eliminated nearly ALL the faggots in life

So giving people eye contact to let them know they're human, you're on their team, this is how I got that black dude to stand up for me in the line up at the store. He knows that I'm down for him and he's going to be down for me.

What I wanted to express in this comment is that I have all the groundwork. I just don't have the verbal social skills developed. I don't live with anybody, have no friends in real life, have no family, nobody I would ever talk to.

But the interesting thing is - people EXPECT me to talk to them, because I've done the 99% of the work. I have the inner happiness, the abundance mentality, I'm not worried about anything, I'm happy with whatever reaction I get (even if it's none at all,) my world isn't over.

I give all the signals to the people around me that I'm a cool guy and easy to talk to and they expect me to talk to them even though I have ZERO social skills. That's what I'm going for here with my comment. I have no fucking social skills and people expect me to say something. They are open to it, and seem confused when I don't have the charisma that I seem to have. But they are happy around me anyway.

So even with no social skills you can do the groundwork and become a leader and likable when you're outside in the world.

[–]Brent_Kaskel_Pussy_F🛕 Castle Made of Sand 🛕[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I started talking to people as a result of this thread. No longer keeping my mouth closed but talking to them. it's going great. I basically have the "landing gear" all set up. I'm not worried about anything. People can see I'm enjoying myself. So no matter what the outcome of the interaction it's not going to harm me. Once this has been set up then you're free to chat with people. Which is what I've now started doing chatting.

[–]Sonofman888 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Small talk might seem tedious at first but once you meet people you enjoy talking to you will find yourself staying current with the things that they/you find interesting like sports, music, art, games etc.

[–]Brent_Kaskel_Pussy_F🛕 Castle Made of Sand 🛕[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's exactly what happened. The guy told me Oktoberfest is closed cause I poked him telling him how I bet festivals are going to be closed

Ive previously shared my favorite flavor with a girl in an elevator who offered me some chips

I let the people working @ the frozen yogurt decide my flavor for me based on their preferences

If you're friendly, happy, "not evil" then you ask a few questions people seem to give up interesting bits of information

[–]Sonofman888 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The main obstacle for most people is initiating conversation aka breaking the ice lol and I find that if I always initiate they will feel more comfortable going forward. Social anxiety is more common than most people realize tbh and if you can get over the initial fear you will find great success (with practice) if you are more outgoing.

[–]Brent_Kaskel_Pussy_F🛕 Castle Made of Sand 🛕[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The thing that broke it open for me was when my "ex girlfriend" beat the crap out of me. I then found "personality disorder can't take accountability" - NARCISSISM

Then I realized that my mom is the same thing as the "ex" Then I realized that my superintendent in this building is the same thing. This had been the dark cloud over me the whole time.

This is what I imagine happens for people:

https://i.imgur.com/xMSKSXf.jpg

A trait of narcissism

  • You're not allowed to disagree and "Still be friends"

  • You're not allowed to think differently

  • You're not allowed to have your own opinions

  • You can "say something wrong" when talking to people, narcs are hyper sensitive to "wrong tone" even though they themselves shit all over you

You have these complete turds swimming around in the social pool. And once you encounter them a few times you shut off thinking everybody is this way, it's only a matter of time until it comes out. That's what it was like for me.

When rapper 50 Cent after being shot 9 times was in the hospital bed he said that the moment he was most afraid was when he wasn't doing anything. Once he became angry, aggressive, and put in action, that's when the fear goes away.

It's easy for anybody to give up on socializing. They don't know what they're "stepping on," they don't know who is what.

This is why I advocate NARCISSISM should be taught in schools (and ultimately, narcissists should be executed, but that's a different story.) Once you can reliably identify the creeps and the weirdos This takes away ALL SOCIAL ANXIETY, at least it did for me.

That combined with nutrition.

Which I imagine is how psychiatry / psychology works. They put you on behavioral therapy while also giving you drugs that reinforces "you're doing the right thing."

You can never "step in the wrong thing," if all you care about is making somebody's day better. Give them the gift of feeling attractive, like they're human, they're appreciated. Literally cannot mess up this conversation. These are what I would call "bullet proof conversations."

If you're happy about something - you love the current weather. If you're happy about something and you share it with somebody else. I was walking home and saw a rainbow. An older Asian woman was working in her garden. I called her out and showed her the rainbow. Such an interesting exchange, a younger white dude dressed like a piece of shit, calls an established older Asian woman to watch the rainbow. She was very appreciative and loved it.

If you're sharing something you enjoy, or if you're attempting to make somebody's day better (no matter how bad you are at this) these are bullet proof conversations.

Also, if you give homeless money, gloves, buy them alcohol, buy them smokes, You get to see on their face the face of genuine happiness.

Through acts of charity you can see, without a doubt, what a person is like when they are happy and loved.

It's worth dropping your own cash (easier to do when you aren't married) to buy people things. To see their "face" when they are truly happy and appreciated and their life has been made easier. Once you invest the money to see their happy face you now know what their happy face is. (In general, what people's happy face looks like)

Then strive to put that person's happy face on their face when you talk to them.

In this manner you can build an entire portfolio of positive human interactions and ultimately start developing some sort of personality, charisma, character, and through building these habits this becomes routine. It's no longer a chore. Then you can start having some truly unique and rewarding experiences with the people you encounter.

[–]Butttcandy 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's true but sometimes interacting with people can be draining and exhausting

[–]Brent_Kaskel_Pussy_F🛕 Castle Made of Sand 🛕[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Cut it short, and set boundaries. Around 15% (vague number) of people have narcissism. And it's growing. So one trick I found is keep it short. Also - expand yourself in order to talk to more people.

The feeling you get inside dealing with a person is your guiding light. Often times you won't even know somebody is a mess. But the feeling in your stomach you get when you're around them and talking to them lets you know never to deal with that person.

"Epidemiology. The lifetime rates of narcissistic personality disorder are estimated at 1% in the general population; and between 2% to 16% in the clinical population."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

However I think it would be safe to assume 15% is a good number of people who are not worth your time

And when it comes to women pick who you interact with very carefully. I find that women are very toxic to my mental wellbeing. They're treated much better than I am (no matter what I do). I can't go in public with women on me. I like to go to places alone

If you feel exhausted dealing with people that's alright. Some people are meant to be exhausting. Some people are very broken.

[–]Butttcandy 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I never saw it that way. I always blamed the exhaustion on myself., but it's actually 50/50