Friday, March 13, 2020

Dear Diary,

I just went grocery shopping at my local grocery store from 12:30-1:00 pm - middle of a school/work day. It was madness. I thought there was a special holiday or something I wasn't aware of. My checkout clerk said she'd never seen anything like it. Apparently it was all due to the virus.

The place was packed - and not just full of old people - there were kids there. One stopped traffic in an aisle starring at me, so I told him that I glued on my big white beard that morning and laughed, "Ho ho ho." And in checkout right in front of me there was another ginger boy of about 9 years old with an earring and no manners. There were others too - all out of school. WTF?!

All ages were hoarding as if their lives depended on it. No one was panicking, no one had masks, but they were all there and stocking up like they just learned about prepping - or throwing a hellova party. (End Of The World Party at my place tonight!!! You're all invited.) All the carts were in motion so I had the thrill of being a very obvious and casual shoplifter stashing things in my bag (then payed at the front). The shelves were not quite empty but it was utterly shocking.

Every person within earshot of me (8 feet max among the fray at the checkouts) agreed that it was just propaganda hysteria and that they would be passing draconian laws, etc. Yet they were there stocking up. I was just getting food this week. A couple even told me that Canada shut down the airport borders.

I said it's a plan to isolate all the useless eater Boomers, execute them, and blame it on the bossa nova virus. As Boomers they laughed. Face to face interactions are so much easier than online shit.

The irony that they were all putting themselves in more jeopardy among the mob was not lost on them either.

Despite the stock market crashing, I wonder how much the markets will get a boost from this extra splurging. Or maybe that just confuse the figures.

Also, almost every time I get groceries there I see some gorgeous woman or few who are vastly superior to the "stars" of Hollywood. That always puzzles me to no end. While I would be thrilled to engage them in profoundly deep conversations to find out what they're really like beyond my superficial assessments, alas, how could that ever come to pass. Glances of their looks are all I have to go on.

I had a twisted thought: What if at the entrances of all the grocery stores they set up some light misters to spay people with the virus. The could get rid of all the hoarders. Then again, they could set them up at voting stations to get the people who actually want to affect change.

Friday the 13th - "dark Friday", like crashes of olde - and I was lucky enough to get food in time before discovering it's all gone. My only regret in the whole thing was that I couldn't say "gift it forward" when passing on the shopping carts that require a dollar coin to unlock them.

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