Am I the asshole for not letting my son transition until 18?

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[–]ClassroomPast6178 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

You’re the asshole for not telling your daughter that she’s a young woman and there’s no earthly thing that can be done to change that and that in time she will come to accept this.

You are the asshole for promising her a lifetime of surgical and medical interventions that will leave her mutilated, sterile and unable to enjoy a normal sex life.

You’re the asshole because you went online for validation or absolution instead of acting like the parent that you are and telling your child the cold hard truth.

You’re the asshole because when your ten year old daughter said she wasn’t as girl you agreed with her.

So, yes, yes you are an asshole.

And all the respondents in that thread that encouraged surgery and hormones, every last one of them, is a cunt.

[–]Alienhunter糞大名 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Yeah I read all this and I just think, you know I guess it's fine to accept the idea and even ask questions about it to get to the root of it, of why their daughter would want to be a boy. Some girl is uncomfortable with her life and wishes she was born a boy instead? Doesn't really seem that unusual to me, she can realize that boys have certain benefits and privileges she might be jealous of, but you've really got to ask follow up questions to that and figure out why.

Not this sudden and complete acceptance of their preferred identity. Like if the girl wants to act less girly, dress more boyish and not play with dolls and prefer to play sports or whatever traditionally male activities instead, I see no real problem with that, but once it comes to "I am actually a boy not s girl" well there's a little problem called reality in the way.

Like I get that if you really want to be like, a professional sports player, you might not like the fact that your sex is essentially a physical handicap preventing you from being the absolute best ever, but it's not going to stop you from being a professional sports player if that's what you really want and you have the talent, you just won't be the best human at it ever.

Hardly a uniquely female problem, plenty of males, hell most males, even the most passionate about sports, can never, and will never be able to make it in the pros because they aren't physically capable despite being the "correct sex".

I think it just is the ultimate crazy that comes from the idea that "you can be anything you want to be if you want it hard enough and never give up" actually you can't. And it sucks. You can want something more than anything, you can work at it harder than anyone, and despite all that, you might not ever get it for reasons entirely outside of your control. And that sucks, but it's not going to change. So you've just got to accept reality, accept that things are outside of your control, and just focus on doing whatever it is that is in your control and not worry about the things that aren't.

[–]ClassroomPast6178 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I think it just is the ultimate crazy that comes from the idea that "you can be anything you want to be if you want it hard enough and never give up" actually you can't.

This is something I noticed when I started teaching, children, girls and boys, are bombarded from practically the moment they’re born with two messages, “you can be/do whatever you want” and “you’re special” and it’s just plain wrong.

There was an attempt a few years ago to emphasise effort, but that seems to have died off (it was the only worthwhile part of the “mindset” guff and a smaller part of “grit” too, both of which were terrible fads in education for a while).

Combined with social media and the media in general marketing ridiculous lifestyles to young people and it’s a recipe for unhappiness. The rise of “I want to be a YouTuber/influencer/Twitch streamer” is terrifying, I’ve had classes where 75% wanted to earn money through social media and the rest wanted to be a mixture of footballers, models, singers and actresses.

[–]Alienhunter糞大名 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think it's a hard balance between not crushing a kids dreams vs bring realistic about their chances. You definitely want to encourage kids to develop their talents but not everyone has the raw talent necessary to reach the top.

Rather than you can be whatever you want, I think it's better to tell the kids that they need to find something they enjoy, and are good at. It may not be what they wanted, initially, but it will become what they want when they realize they enjoy it and are competent at it.

The alternative is, like you see on music performance shows, some kid that thinks they are hot shit but utterly lack talent, but generally I find it's the parents pushing that sort of thing, it's like "you can be anything you want to be as long as that's a doctor/lawyer/professional violinist at Carnegie hall" preferably all three at once" I can just see it now my kid on stage at Carnegie hall playing the violin while performing open heart surgery and making oral arguments to the supreme court judge in attendance. It's beautiful, and a totally realistic dream!

[–]Tom_Bombadil 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

“you can be/do whatever you want” and “you’re special” and it’s just plain wrong.

You can be an astronaut. Or maybe a dinosaur.

[–]PenseePansy 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Or a dinosaur astronaut!

[–]Tom_Bombadil 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly

[–]OuroborosTheory 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I read a nice post here back when it was on R*ddit about how "you're enough as you are" is a bad message because being rejected doesn't mean "I might have to change something," it's interpreted as "the other person has rejected me personally"

(and of course the real problem is that these are ALL educator fads, as much as TRA ideology or DEI "if you disagree on anything that means I'm right and you need to simply listen and accept my wisdom" sessions)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLaAgatOVSA