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[–]LesChameleon 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Huhhh, this is a tough situation.

Rather than discussing whether she a lesbian or not, I'd focus here on how she doesn't seem to care about your feelings and isn't willing to compromise at all (which is a huge red flag and IMO means that this person isn't someone you should date seriously). If she can't offer you what you need in terms of sex, then she's not the one for you, regardless of how much some other aspects of you two spending time together are good. As you said, you get along "like best friends" and maybe that's what you two should be...? Oftentimes, lesbians tend to get into a relationship with someone just because they feel this amazing emotional connection, but that alone isn't enough - not having great sex and mutual attraction is the most obvious sign that you two are better of as gay pals, rather than girlfriends.

[–]Icebridge 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would say no one needs to "compromise" when it comes to this. It doesnt feel like a compromise because in this sort of situation it would be one of them something shes uncomfortable with. Seems like op has has the discussion and her gf has either explicitly or passively expressed discomfort with going down on her or using toys. Why would it be wrong for a guy to pressure or want his gf to do something she doesnt want to do (not saying op is doing this by asking one time ofc but in this context suggesting she should "compromise" reminds me of that), or get her to do something else she doesnt want to do as "consolation/compromise" but its ok for us? Nor should anyone be shamed for boundaries imo. Ops gfs boundaries are pretty restrictive and will limit the amount of people she is compatible with, but thats how it is. Op makes it seem like they have a good relationship outside of sex so its hard for me to see ops gf entirely negatively, i agree its better to be friends.

To answer op, is it "normal"? No, not really. Maybe she just has an excessively low sex drive or something. I wouldn't draw any conclusions about her not being a lesbian unless i saw her act attracted to men though. The way i look at it is: I'm a lesbian and I'd never let anyone who isn't female go down on me, even if i didn't have to reciprocate, the idea of men doing that to me is repulsive. So she must at least be attracted to you in some way? But it doesn't really matter because at the end of the day you arent sexually compatible. Its not a rejection or a reflection on either of you negatively. I know its tough to end a relationship with someone you like over this, especially because our dating pool is small, but i dont think this will be a common issue you run into.