Among LGBT Americans, bisexuals stand out when it comes to identity, acceptance

submitted by PeakingPeachEater from (self.Bisexuals)

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[–]Constantine 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

  1. No, because I'm perpetually single and already feel like I surprised my family by being interested in men in the first place as a GNC woman, so I don't want to like have that awkward conversation again unecessarily. I know they won't really care, so I'm just kind of meh about telling them as long as I'm single and don't really have a reason to. As for non-family, everyone already assumes I'm a lesbian anyway without asking, apparently, and it doesn't come up much. I suppose next time it does come up I could correct them, but usually it's very awkward and not that important.

  2. I don't know, I feel like it would be cool if more people came out, but I'm also honestly annoyed by so many bi women in het relationships coming out and shopping for "unicorns" and perpetuating negative stereotypes, so I guess it depends on who we're talking about here. Not that I think there's anything wrong with het-leaning bi women, or open relationships, or whatever, but I worry about being judged/trying to date as someone who's not into that kind of set-up. I wish more bi men would come out, but I get why they don't.

  3. See above two points. Numbers wise, and for social pressure reasons, I think we're more likely to end up in het relationships, so why come out when it doesn't really matter? And bisexuals are judged by straights and LGs alike, so less likely to want to come out to either for that reason.

  4. See above. More opposite sex partners to choose from, and social pressure to be in a het relationship. I think they're both factors.

  5. Depends. I like it here in GC communities. I also like that liberal feminists have made bisexuality more "visible" or whatever word they're using right now, but then there are all the negative stereotypes listed above that go along with that, and all the QT bullshit. I don't think bi men have made much progress at all, unfortunately. We almost never hear about them even in bi communities.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I can relate to a lot of what you said as a gender non-conforming woman. I thought I was gay for the longest time and tried hiding it---also thought I needed to transition to be "normal" and "straight".

I hope you don't mind me asking, because it's a rather personal question(you don't have to answer if you're not comfortable--), but why do you feel as "perpetually single"? Was it in relation to biphobia or other things? I felt that way before too...For me, just that the women I liked were straight or I was too scared to ask or the men that I liked rejected me for being too "boyish" or they ended up being creepy and only liking me because I was "exotic".

I wish more bi men would come out, but I get why they don't.

I can't speak for bi men, but from what I've seen, they've been told they're secretly gay, that they don't exist, have HIV/STD, are not masculine enough, etc and I think it may be so constant that they just get tired of trying/bothering to be visible. I have an article posted on this sub and there's this quote:

Suresha pointed me to a 2005 New York Times article with the headline “Straight, Gay, Or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited,” the fallout of which he saw as “a disaster for bi people.” The article reported on a new study “cast[ing] doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men.” The study in question measured the genital arousal of a small sample of men and found, as the Times summarized, that “three-quarters of the [bisexual male] group had arousal patterns identical to those of gay men; the rest were indistinguishable from heterosexuals.”

I feel you though, I would love to hear more from bisexual men to see what they go through. Your question would be a good post here and over at s/LGBDropTheT since it has a wider audience.

[–]Constantine 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sure, I don’t mind answering. I think my perpetual singleness is related to a combination of things, chief among them that I have Asperger’s and am just generally bad at social interaction. Romantic relationships seem to be my kryptonite in this regard.

Additionally, men do seem to find me too masculine, even now that I present more “tomboyish” than “butch.” At first, men seem to like that I’m “not like the other girls,” but then I either drop them for buying into such a ridiculous trope or they get threatened because I’m not feminine enough for them after all. As for women, to go back to my first point I find them even more difficult to interact with than men in most cases for some reason.

And yeah, I was actually reading about that study yesterday in regards to bi men. The guy who ran the study also used his conclusions to justify arguing that all women are bi as opposed to straight/lesbian. This strikes me as methodologically questionable. The results of the study have been replicated, I believe, but that still doesn’t speak to the cause. The way men and women are socialized could account for the differences in physiological responses to pornography, for instance, not sexual orientation. This study also strikes me as interesting when compared to the ones that demonstrate male sexuality is more malleable in that porn can instill fetishes in them easier than in women. But now we’re way off topic, haha.