Alright, it's finally time for me to unleash my frustration about escalators. First off, they're like the amputee tortoise babes of the transportation world. You step on them expecting to zippidee-doo-daa up or down to your destination, but instead, you're greeted with this excruciating crawl that makes you feel like you're a legless monkey trying desperately to escape a cheetah walking up to slap you around for fun while battling unconsciousness. And don't even get me started on the people who stand still on them like they're statues, blocking your way and staring at you with their soulless, predatory eyes, as if they're about to gut you like a fish and laugh about it and post the video in a private WhatsApp group. It's like, jeez people! Some of us have to get to work! Ayyy I'm walkin' here!

Then there's the constant fear of getting your shoelaces sucked into the teeth of the escalator monster. You can't help but picture yourself being eaten alive by the escalator while children clap and giggle. And let's not forget the unsettling sensation of stepping onto an escalator that's going the opposite direction—your brain can't quite compute it, and suddenly you're hit with a wave of dizziness that makes you question who the fuck put you on this Earth and why, God, WHY??

And the worst part? Escalators are everywhere, lurking in malls, train stations, airports—places where you're just trying to go about your day without feeling like you're going to be eaten by a mindless machine or turned into a skin suit by random passersby. So yeah, escalators may be a convenient invention for some, but no thank you! I'll pass!