Author isn't someone to give a shit about.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/jun/24/my-brother-moochie-review-isaac-bailey-race-racism-murder

His oldest brother, Moochie, is his childhood hero, the man-boy who protects his poor working-class mother from their violently abusive father. Then, when the author is only nine, Moochie is arrested for stabbing a white man to death after robbing him. That murder marks the author, his indomitable mother, his seven brothers and his two sisters for the rest of their lives.

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This failure to confront his past produces a near-catastrophe after he gets married. In his 30s, Bailey begins to be overwhelmed by visions of murdering his wife and children. Eventually, he realized “you didn’t have to find your way to a battlefield” to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. “All you had to do was … to have your nine-year-old eyes watch helplessly as your oldest brother is taken away in handcuffs and your 35-year-old brain later produce overpowering images of your doing to your wife and kids what your brother did to the man” he murdered.

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Only one thing in his life was almost as complicated as coming to grips with the fact that he had potentially been “the biggest threat” to his family. That was “trying to process how to love a hero big brother who had murdered … How to love a murderer without excusing the murder has always been a burning question in my brain.”