i saved this one from the net many years ago. Blog is long gone.

Once, I thought I was trans. I decided to transition, and fully entered into the world of self-policing, comparing my every action, word and though to my internalized patriarchal model of what it meant to 'be a woman'. I prided myself on my voice, my body language, my transformation from violent, angry, lost male to feminine, collected and sophisticated 'woman'. I passed.

After surgery, the fact that despite my performance and commitment, I could never be a biological female slowly broke through my delusional world, and reality started to bite. Unlike my peers, who screamed at the world that biology wasn't real, I worked on myself to come to an acceptance of reality.

Goodbye