Both: Are sexual stereotypes about men and women in the bedroom true?

submitted by worried19 from (self.GCdebatesQT)

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[–]worried19[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Pre-transition, the question of being dominant/submissive or a top/bottom in the context of male-male relations always was one of the first things to establish with a new partner, at least with casual sex.

I guess when it's two guys, you have to work out who's going to be doing what. Heterosexual intercourse is more straightforward. It's my understanding that the top/bottom thing between gay men is distinct from dominant/submissive, which are the BDSM roles. Did you find that gay men wanted a BDSM dynamic? Did they assume that you would be submissive to them, being (presumably) more GNC? Or did they assume they were going to be the "top" in terms of penetration? I suppose for casual sex, men might make that clear even before meeting.

[–]Juniperius 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I guess when it's two guys, you have to work out who's going to be doing what.

This seems strange to me- as a Lesbian, in my experience, my partners and I have done more or less the same things for one another. We don't tend to turn activities into identities the way gay men seem to do.

[–]worried19[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, I guess that only applies if they're going to have intercourse. I would assume lots of gay men switch back and forth in general, but on any given occasion, one guy's doing the penetrating and the other is being penetrated.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I was pretty oblivious to BDSM at that time, but 'dominant' and 'submissive' were commonly used descriptors that were almost used interchangeably with 'top' and 'bottom' in online posts. Maybe those dynamics were more at play than I realized, those were often very objectifying experiences (maybe that's just anonymous sex though?). All but one of those guys I met through Craigslist, and they always made it clear what they liked and what they wanted in their post, so I would get with 'masc dom tops' who were looking for 'fem sub bottoms' or something similarly phrased. Just answering an ad sort of implied what one was into, so there wasn't much discussion that way ever in my experience. The one guy I knew from high school was really masculine-presenting, and I guess we both just assumed each other's sexual preferences and interests because we never discussed it. It seems like being GNC led others to assume I'm more sexually submissive and a 'bottom', and to be fair I pretty much always assumed more masculine guys were more dominant 'tops'.

[–]worried19[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's interesting. Maybe top/bottom has been overtaken by dom/sub because of porn culture, even if no actual BDSM is obviously taking place. This was back in the 2000s?

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Late 2000s/early 2010s. At least in that online space, many of them were closeted with girlfriends and wives so they might not be representative of how most gay or bi men talk(ed) or use that lingo.

[–]worried19[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That makes sense, especially if they were on the down low.