The ways cold weather can affect your body – from winter vagina to blood clots ... wait, what?

submitted by jet199 from (thesun.co.uk)

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[–]Noam_Chomsky 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

The ways cold weather can affect your body – from winter vagina.

I suffer from winter penis.

It turns grey, and wrinkly.

It then grows to about 9' in length. I can tear small trees out of the ground with it.

Winter penis isn't all that bad.

Never had any blood clots. Never will, cause I'm not getting the gene therapy.

Anyone tries to give me a gene therapy, and they'll be flogged the winter penis.

[–]turtlew0rk 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Roughly how large of a tree can you manage?

[–]Noam_Chomsky 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Not too big. Any tree up to 8"-9" in diameter. Takes less than a minute, or so..

[–]turtlew0rk 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Not too big, but certainly not something to shake a stick at. Call me an optimist but I bet Winter Penis has more gifts for you that you have yet to discover. Ot possibly I am just worried about my own status as I am certainly showing signs. My penis has definitely been grey and wrinkly come to think of it. No more han usual but that doesn't mean I am in the clear by any means.

Now the good news...I run a tree transplant service that pulls the tree roots and all and plant it anywhere they want it. Never had a transplant fail so long as the tree has matured to 7 to 8.5" in diameter and you execute the extraction in less than 90 seconds. Only issue is I can only afford 1 professional grade tree extracting machine so we are limited to that as well as my employees all resigning because they refuse to work my untheorized genes.

[–]Noam_Chomsky 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Point me in the direction of the trees you need.

Winter penis is on it.

[–]turtlew0rk 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

You are a good egg Winter penis.

[–]BadumTsh101 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No I imagine that's sperm, not eggs.