I peaked after dating a trans girl and need advice on how to leave by lunemoonjune in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 92 insightful - 1 fun92 insightful - 0 fun93 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What's with all the 'she'? This person is a male. A male who isn't even trying very hard to 'be a woman' from the sounds of it. (Not that any amount of 'effort' can result in someone magically changing sex anyway). This person is gaslighting you, making you have sex you don't want to have as a lesbian - heterosexual sex that involves interacting with a male person and their penis - and you are worried about this person? Really? I can promise you this person is not in any way worried about you or your wellbeing.

Don't even get drawn into explaining and reasoning with this person. No matter what it will end up with you being accused of being transphobic. Just don't give them the opportunity. Just say, it's not working, it's over. Block this individual every way you can and go no contact. That's it. That is your solution.

I peaked after dating a trans girl and need advice on how to leave by lunemoonjune in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 86 insightful - 1 fun86 insightful - 0 fun87 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There are plenty of young lesbians who have been/are being gaslighted into dating these, quite frankly, predatory men who proliferate throughout LGBTQ spaces. OP may well be one of them. Being a lesbian who has been manipulated into practising conversion therapy on herself does not make her bisexual. She's still a lesbian if she's only attracted to women, i.e. biological females.

We've reached peak crazy. by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 68 insightful - 4 fun68 insightful - 3 fun69 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Ah yes, when women saying no to men's dick is a hate crime.

Also, please stop with the "it's just like a strap-on" line! No lesbian is falling for that.

BBC Distancing Itself from Mermaids, The LGBT Foundation, The Gender Trust, and The Gender Identity Research and Education Society (cross-posted from spinster.xyz) by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 62 insightful - 3 fun62 insightful - 2 fun63 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

read a rumour on Mumsnet that the Times is about to break a big scandal of some sort, probably to do with transing of children. Speculation that the BBC is aware and trying to distance themselves before the story breaks. No idea if any of it is true. However, let's not let places like the BBC weasel their way out if that's what they're trying to do. They've been a big source of supporting this crap for years.

Why are lesbians more compliant with TRA than gay men? by rouge_tropical in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 51 insightful - 4 fun51 insightful - 3 fun52 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Yep, all these issues. All the way back in the mid-2000s when the war over Michfest was raging, there were so many lesbians who got sent death threats and rape threats, who had their businesses destroyed, who got ostracised, who lost their jobs. Big silence from the GBT, no fucks given from most of the feminist organisations at the time. And it's basically been going on the same way since then.

Gender Critical was extraordinary by milpathecat in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 51 insightful - 1 fun51 insightful - 0 fun52 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

that is an awesome post, nothing to apologise for. Good luck pushing back self-ID in Spain!

So the guardian is cutting jobs and "dying" and rad fems are being blamed? What? by inneedofspace in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 45 insightful - 5 fun45 insightful - 4 fun46 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

That twitter thread is a gift. On the one hand, lots of sensible women and a few men saying they can't support the Guardian because of their consistent misogyny, bullying, mis-reporting, selective silencing of viewpoints, homophobia (sending a lesbian on a blind date with a TW which turned into a massive clusterfuck), and so on.

And then on the other hand, hardcore TRAs who are saying the Guardian is not a good enough ally, and is transphobic. When the Guardian has gone all-in on the brave new world of trans.

Just goes to show, no matter how much you sell yourself out, no matter how much of a pathetic, grovelling organisation/publication you become, it will never be enough for some.

Netflix's Sabrina and homophobia by 8bitgay in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 42 insightful - 2 fun42 insightful - 1 fun43 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'd heard about the Theo character, but hadn't heard anyone talk about the rest of it. Sounds like there's a lot of homophobia swirling around.

"interesting" thread about the femme/butch label debate I've found, what do y'all think? by hyunnahh in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 38 insightful - 3 fun38 insightful - 2 fun39 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Didn't read it all, stopped when it got to 'cis' lesbians and evol lesbian feminists.

What seems to have escaped the writer is that the reason it was formerly difficult to distinguish between lesbians and bi women is because women did not have independence or sexual autonomy. Very few women could survive without marriage, so it's virtually impossible to sit here hundreds of years later trying to guess which women having affairs were lesbians trapped in marriages or bisexual women who liked sex with both.

The era of second wave feminism and women's liberation, including women's sexual liberation, meant that lesbians started to be much more able to articulate and name their exclusive sexual attraction for women, as well as have the freedom to only pursue relationships with women. That started to make it pretty fucken' obvious which ones were the lesbians and which ones were the bisexuals.

I didn't even understand why she dragged butch/femme into the mess of an argument she was trying to make - that has always been something associated with lesbian culture, not bisexuals.

Edit: I finished reading it, because I'm a masochist. The gist of the argument seems to be: bisexuals have always hung around lesbians, therefore lesbians and bisexuals are indistinguishable, therefore lesbians don't own butch/femme, and a transwoman agrees with her so she's right. And the only reason lesbian-only culture/spaces existed in the 2nd wave was because evol radfems, not because feminism meant that tons of lesbians were suddenly able to come out of the closet and start their own communities.

But you can't expect much from someone who thinks they can fit the history of the evolution of lesbian identity into a twitter thread.

Unbelievably stupid list from latebloomerlesbians: signs that you are a late bloomer by Astrid2448 in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 37 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 0 fun38 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If my crush is nice to me and/or shows any level of reciprocity, I find a way to reject her. I mostly do this in front of other people to really drive the message home. I make it clear to everyone that I am partnered to a man. I notice that it hurts her. It hurts me more.

Wow, deliberately attract a woman to play with her feelings (so you can feel good about yourself/entertain yourself in your boring life), then reject her and hurt her, but YOU'RE the injured party. This is Exhibit A of why lesbians should steer clear of women who are obviously not lesbians.

Women in Technology & Science Ireland says the book ‚ "Invisible Women" is deeply problematic because it doesn't include transwomen and non-binary by turtleduck23 in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 36 insightful - 2 fun36 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

This really annoys me about the non-binary crowd. They want to be 'excluded' when it's convenient - eg sexist expectations, but then 'included' when its to their advantage. It's so self-serving and a big fuck you to the rest of us.

Why is it so hard for people to realize how harmful they are to us? by throwaway080808 in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 35 insightful - 1 fun35 insightful - 0 fun36 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

These are homophobes who have been emboldened by a sort of neo-homophobic cultural movement that makes them feel 'progressive' to shit all over lesbians. It's sucks that things have gotten this bad, it really does. Engaging with them won't help much. If that person really is a lesbian, she'll wake up sooner or later on her own. If she's not, then there's no point traumatising yourself trying to get through. Focus on finding the lesbians who already know what's going on, and build connections there.

I have no idea what the ages are like here. There are quite a lot of young lesbians on Spinster (at least going by those who share their ages in their profile).

Do you think this is the end for TL? by a_blue_bird in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 34 insightful - 4 fun34 insightful - 3 fun35 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Nah. Lesbians will always rise from the ashes.

Children's news website apologises to JK Rowling over trans tweet row by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 32 insightful - 9 fun32 insightful - 8 fun33 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

Two of the objectors who resigned were Fox & Owl, an insufferable trans/non-binary couple who are basically straights with extra steps (i.e. they're actually a bog-standard het couple who pretend to be super special and interesting by jumping on the trans bandwagon because they have non-standard fashion sense and play pronoun games with each other).

The literary world is still reeling (with relief).

Lesbians on r/AL actually try to discuss the issue of Lesbophobia. Mod locks the thread of course. by yousaythosethings in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, quite frankly, this has been a huge problem going on for years. I know of a lesbian festival that ended up in a huge legal mess years ago because a bisexual woman who called herself a lesbian wanted to take her male partner (transwoman), and the organisers said no, and then said man sued the festival for discrimination (and lost, but only on a technicality. Court actually agreed he'd been unfairly discriminated against by lesbians).

I do think though that as unfair as it is, the onus is on lesbians to stand our ground and call this stuff out. Things have gotten so bad because of years of lesbians being kind and nice and not drawing a hard line around lesbian-only spaces and telling everyone else to get out (the bisexuals, the celibate straight women etc.)

Obviously in LGB spaces or spaces that are for lesbians and bi women, then that's completely different, no issues with bisexual women in those spaces. But I think lesbians really have to bite the bullet and learn to be 'meeeean' about having hard boundaries around lesbian-only spaces.

This is just so upsetting to read and look at all the the upvotes and comments. by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 29 insightful - 12 fun29 insightful - 11 fun30 insightful - 12 fun -  (0 children)

These are my only two questions, really.

Would all those women, including OP, be willing date each other? If not, why not?

Ever noticed that lesbians have the least spaces out of the LGBT community? by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lesbian spaces are relentlessly targeted, that’s why. The spaces either end up becoming ‘inclusive’ ie, no longer for lesbians, or they get destroyed because the organisers and participants eventually give up.

Even when all the rl spaces are gone, and all that’s left is one tiny space on reddit, that is still too much, and must also be targeted.

How Can We Reclaim "Lesbian"? by LesbiSilly in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think it's a case where leading by example is most helpful. A lot of the tumblr types who are using WLW and Queer etc. - It's all they know. It's not much good trying to argue with them, because a lot of them have a very limited and skewed perspective on the history of the LGB movement.

Being able to SEE the alternative in action is when the penny seems to drop for a lot of them.

So - use the word lesbian. Explain why you choose to use that word, over other words. Support those groups that are about re-claiming lesbianism for lesbians, like Get the L Out, or the new LGB group that's started up in the UK (which is very clear about the need to specifically support lesbians in particular because of the QT stuff).

If you're going to start a group - even just a small group that's just for a few friends, people you know or whatever - then be clear. It's lesbian only. If someone comes along who is bi, or queer, or WLW, and wants in, say no, it's for lesbians, and send them on their way.

Make it clear that all those other groups are not lesbians, and do not represent lesbians, as far as you are concerned. Don't enable your own erasure when you can help it.

Why do so many women deny the existence of misogyny? by RedditHatesLesbians in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 25 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think the vast majority of women cope with their lives by carrying around a huge load of cognitive dissonance. This basically allows them to function and get through a life that might otherwise be unbearable. The problem is, that load of cognitive dissonance also prevents them from ever really seeing what the issues are, and how to actually fight effectively. Since women like this are also constantly gaslighting themselves, it also means that they're very susceptible to other forms of gaslighting too - societal gaslighting, manipulation from partners or family members, and so on.

This is why I think women have fallen for the transactivist movement so easily. It's not just female socialisation kicking in (empathy for a supposedly oppressed minority); it's also because women spend so much time lying to themselves that they can't see truth from lies very well.

Men know this about women, and take advantage of it all the time.

Black women and mothers especially are teaching gender essentialisam O_o Damn my mother failed with her straight indoctrination. Tsk tsk tsk by fijupanda in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 25 insightful - 4 fun25 insightful - 3 fun26 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Blaming Black mothers for trans oppression. Couldn't make this stuff up. I would think Black mothers are probably more concerned with teaching their kids to survive in a dangerous racist society.

Who is behind the trans/antiwomen movement? by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Men.

Well, it finally happened...I got cancelled for speaking out against the banning of r/GenderCritical. by sun-spotted in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The more of us speak up the better. At some point the penny will drop that we're not actually the ones who have the minority opinion on this issue. It's easier for them to pretend that while everyone is too scared to say anything.

So the guardian is cutting jobs and "dying" and rad fems are being blamed? What? by inneedofspace in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If someone is in charge of a major news outlet, it is their actual job to investigate and understand the nuances of issues. If he didn't do that, then he was shit at his job. And it's not unreasonable to assume that someone who is shit at their job will drive their newspaper into the ground. Maybe he shouldn't have been shit at his job, hey?

Edit: And also, maybe he shouldn't be trying to unload his failure do adequately do his job onto other people, namely women. What an entitled fucking git.

Who would of thought that in 2020 lesbians , gays, and bisexuals would be on the run again from hate and homophobia. by midnight305 in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

it's really odd. This year's Pride especially seems to be all about punishing same-sex attracted people, with the punishment all coming from the TQ+ community. Maybe they feel like they have to silence us online even more this year since there are no pride parades? Normally they'd just ban us from the marches and be done with it. Now, we have to be rooted out from having a presence ANYWHERE, perhaps especially where uninitiated normies might accidentally wander across our perspective.

Ever noticed that lesbians have the least spaces out of the LGBT community? by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What's driving the ideology is misogyny and homophobia. It doesn't matter how many times you or anyone else try to explain nicely that you/we just want our own space. Wanting our own space IS the problem to these people. The regressive left have been demonising lesbians in this way for years. The left-wing and LGBT media all published multiple articles celebrating the end of Michfest in 2015, because it was apparently such a 'hateful' space. In reality, it was a festival where lesbians could get together and have a good time. But because the lesbians said 'no dicks' that was a hate crime, apparently. I have seen so many lesbians waste hours of their lives trying to argue in good faith with these abusers. Never be drawn into a situation where you are trying to justify why you should get to have your boundaries. Do you ever see men doing that? Nope. Forget about all the lies the left tells about being pro-woman, pro-gay etc. None of it stands up to scrutiny, sadly. Not saying that the right is any better, obviously. But the left are not the friends of lesbians.

Women in Technology & Science Ireland says the book ‚ "Invisible Women" is deeply problematic because it doesn't include transwomen and non-binary by turtleduck23 in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 21 insightful - 7 fun21 insightful - 6 fun22 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, it's "I want to be invisible as a woman, but how dare you exclude me from Invisible Women!"

So are dudes allowed to participate here or is someone going to make another GC guys sub? by TheSeventhSense in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The GC reddit guys have behaved really well through this banning stuff. I don't think anyone is angry at them or blaming them for not getting banned along with the rest of us. We understand what's going on.

So are dudes allowed to participate here or is someone going to make another GC guys sub? by TheSeventhSense in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just to clarify: Spinster is not women-only. Anyone can have an account on there. I follow a few guys over there. the difference is that things are set up so that men can't dogpile and harass women the way they do on twitter. And women won't get banned for saying feminist things.

Have you had anyone question you for your stance on dating trans people? by reluctant_commenter in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A lot of how things play out is context dependent. Like, for example, I have known of extreme cases where a particular transwoman got fixated on a lesbian, and then went nuclear after being turned down and made it a personal mission to destroy her life, re making her an outcast from the community, getting all her friends to turn against her etc. Happenings like this are why lesbians wised up and started leaving the 'community' in droves.

Having those discussions at work? Be very, very cautious. Particularly in liberal areas/jobs any whiff of terfiness can be enough to get you out. I pretty much don't discuss anything personal at work, or anything political. But I also can't stand most of the people I work with, so try not to talk to them at all, haha.

If it's just the general liberal rabble? Most of them aren't well informed enough to really understand the clusterfuck of LGBT politics. Even many committed liberals still understand the basic meaning of gay and lesbian, and will generally revert to those meanings/usages/understandings even if they stumble about with the clumsy woke vocab from time to time.

But if it's some weird situation where, for some reason, someone is trying to shame you, or pressure you, or get you to acknowledge that you could date a transwoman under some hypothetical circumstance, then just say 'nope' and walk away. You don't have to fight every battle every day. No one has the energy for that. People like that will just exhaust you if you let them.

Lesbians on r/AL actually try to discuss the issue of Lesbophobia. Mod locks the thread of course. by yousaythosethings in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 20 insightful - 10 fun20 insightful - 9 fun21 insightful - 10 fun -  (0 children)

Haha, this makes me remember this absolutely tortuous tumblr incident where a lesbian wrote a post complaining about heterosexism in the media. She was pulling apart some article about some boring straight couple and how great their sex life was or something, I can't recall exactly.

So then someone comes along, and is all, "but what about lesbians who date transwomen with dicks???" and then this OP had to tie herself up in knots explaining why that would be totally okay to be celebrated in the media, and would be so different from celebrating a het couple. To this day, I wonder if that person asking the question was a troll who just wanted to see a genderist make a fool out of themselves.

Rant about fertility clinics by Fleursdumal in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 20 insightful - 4 fun20 insightful - 3 fun21 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I don't understand. Haven't they ever had to adapt the system for lesbian couples before? Or even single women?? I'd probably take in a basic biology book and be like, yeah, so I've noticed that despite being a fertility clinic, you seem to have problems understanding how human reproduction works...

Lesbian Couple Attacked by Group of Male Passengers on London Bus by fijupanda in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Police in England have massive funding issues. In many areas, they will not investigate crimes like burglaries, car theft, physical assault etc. But they will always find the time to pursue people for 'hate crimes' on twitter, of course (which means making a comment not in line with trans orthodoxy).

I think initially police dismissed this case, but then had to pay attention to it once it blew up into a huge deal in the media. Who knows if that led to arrest, charges etc. in the long term. Also, after it became a big media deal, one half of this couple wrote some dreadful media piece where she spent the whole time hand-ringing over being too 'privileged' because she was white. After experiencing a homophobic attack. God, it was such a wasted opportunity. Like, she could have spent the article drawing attention to all the difficulties and dangers LGB people still face, and say that disproportionately those issues will also be experienced by those who are less well off/ethnic minorities, and tell people what they could do to help (charity donations or whatever). Instead she just talked about how she was a bad person because she was a white woman who experienced a hate crime and eventually got people to give a shit.

Ever noticed that lesbians have the least spaces out of the LGBT community? by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Okay, so I'm about to say something. It's something I've said before on multiple occasions, and sometimes I've had people get very upset with me (without being able to actually refute my point). The Left destroyed the lesbian movement in Western Democratic Societies, not the Right. Obviously, the far right isn't fond of the LGB (or the T for that matter). In countries like Russia, far-right governments in Eastern Europe, not to mention other countries like Brazil etc. - gay people get a shit deal, and a very dangerous deal. Not disputing that.

However, if we're going to talk about the much-vaunted democracies of numerous countries like the US, Canada, UK, Western Europe, Australia, NZ - then it was the Left who successfully got all the lesbian spaces and lesbian political advocacy shut down, not the Right.

The proof of how much the Left hates us is evident from the fact that we are even here, on this platform. Saidit would probably be largely regarded as a right-wing space. And while the Saidit crowd seem to certainly be rather bemused to suddenly find themselves flooded with LGB and feminist refugees, they are at least letting us have our fucking spaces here for now, however begrudgingly.

One of the only groups in the US who has let lesbians speak publicly about the issues affecting us is the Heritage Foundation, a conservative Christian organisation. And the lesbians who did that and went and spoke there, because they believed it was so important to actually get the word out about what was happening, were immediately cancelled by the Left for aligning themselves with religious bigots. Refuse to let the lesbians speak, then punish them for going and speaking to the people who would listen. Lovely.

I think a lot of people really need to seriously interrogate (to themselves) what their values actually are - what does 'left' mean to them? What does 'progressive' mean? What is the future they want to see? Are the political parties/individuals they support actually working towards that vision? If not, who is? Most people don't really think about these things very deeply (and I think increasingly many are too scared, too apathetic, too confused or too disgusted by politics to want to go anywhere near it) and have a very superficial allegiance to a nebulous set of values that makes them feel good, but which in fairly disconnected from the way their political parties are working in the real world.

Lesbians on r/AL actually try to discuss the issue of Lesbophobia. Mod locks the thread of course. by yousaythosethings in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 19 insightful - 9 fun19 insightful - 8 fun20 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

Mouthfeel is a word that is ruined forever. It should just be struck off the English language, preferably destroyed with a meteor or similar.

The detransitioners: what happens when trans men want to be women again? by questioningtw in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think this is probably the article that, when about to be released, made the BBC take down some of their links to Mermaids et al.

So...how are we coping with this fiasco? I swear I had a small heart attack. This feels like war. by MsHurricane in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This has always been the strategy. A long time ago (think first decade of the 2000s) when the T was busily being added to the LGB all over the place, there were actually a lot of objections. Back then, a lot of the discussions were happening on Facebook. What inevitably happened was that all the dissenting comments got banned. It was to create a false consensus and a false reality. The problem now is that way more people know what's going on, and the issues have gone beyond infighting in a small minority community no one cares about to censoring mainstream opinions and basic biological facts. Another prediction: The 'Left' (so called) just handed Donald Trump the next election with this stunt.

This is just so upsetting to read and look at all the the upvotes and comments. by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's a group primarily for het women, and bi women I guess. The idea behind the group isn't bad, basically that women should actually hold men to some kind of standards in relationships and not be completely focused on just getting and keeping a man, any man, no matter how duchey he may be. But I think the 'translation' above: that these women seem to view lesbians as a consolation prize to toy with while they wait for the right man to show up, is pretty accurate. Also a really weird post for a woman to make when she's married to a guy and doesn't seem to have any intentions of leaving.

Welcome to the new Gender Critical! by radfemanon in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

funny how transwomen are the most oppressed minority ever but have no trouble mass banning feminists from talking on the internet.

Who would of thought that in 2020 lesbians , gays, and bisexuals would be on the run again from hate and homophobia. by midnight305 in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If it makes you feel any better, I've been watching this shit-show unfold since the early 2000s, and I've never seen as much awareness and resistance to it all as there is now. The idea of someone like JK Rowling coming to the support of lesbians would have been unthinkable back then. No disrespect meant to her, but if she'd been aware of the 'conflict' back then, I am pretty certain she would have been on the pro-trans and anti-lesbian side, because that was just the default position that the nice, clueless allies took. We even have some conservatives speaking up for us. And I know there are different perspectives on that, not everyone likes it, but again...20 years ago, that would have been unthinkable. The bannings are happening because we're getting too loud and too organised and too effective. So we just need to keep doing more of the same.

"interesting" thread about the femme/butch label debate I've found, what do y'all think? by hyunnahh in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What I have always said about this for years is that - no one is stopping bisexuals from building their own culture, if that is what they want. They can create their own language, their own spaces, their own art or whatever that centres bisexuals. They can invite their partners/friends/whoever into their spaces, where their bisexuality is celebrated. But they absolutely never seem to want to do that. They just shimmy between the straight world and the gay world, depending on who they're dating. And that's fine if they want to do that, but they can't then complain about how they're exactly the same, or conversely 'invisible', depending on what they're pissed off about that day, and that everything that's gay really belongs to them too.

What was your worst date experience? by fieryoyster in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 16 insightful - 12 fun16 insightful - 11 fun17 insightful - 12 fun -  (0 children)

Went on a date with a lesbian who seemed normal. She was quite attractive, the date went well, we agreed on a second date. Things were looking quite promising!

Then the incessant texting started. Texts at 5 in the morning. Texts sent five minutes after wanting to know why I hadn't replied to the first 5-in-the-morning text. Texts saying how in love with me she was. Texts saying she would 'figure out all my secrets' which I think was meant to be cute or sexy or something, but was oh-so-creepy. Then my favourite, "God told me we were meant to be together." There were so many red flags if I'd been a bull I wouldn't have known what to do with myself.

So I cancelled the 2nd date, said you have serious boundary issues you need to work on, good luck & goodbye. Blocked her.

Then she started calling me from a No Caller ID number so I couldn't block her, but one time she screwed up and the number actually showed up on my phone so I blocked that too, and that was an end to the whole sorry business.

I feel kinda special though. How many lesbians can say that GOD took a personal interest in their dating life.

This is the trap the T's try to catch everyone else in by ElectricSheep in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 16 insightful - 4 fun16 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Woke authoritarianism in one tidy picture. Right down to the hipster and the mobile phone.

A friend of mine posted a conplete misrepresentation of radical feminism by InvisibleWoman in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, these mischaracterisations have been around for a looong time. Always says more about the accuser than the group they're pointing fingers at.

Good LGB(T) Youtubers by oofreesouloo in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Magdalen Berns if you haven't watched her stuff already.

Giggle app moves to become female only after feedback. If TiMs are reported they will be removed. by jet199 in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Changed her stance? More like her previous woke stance wasn’t the moneymaker she hoped, so now she’s lazily rebranding in the hopes of exploiting the growing number of women pushing back against gender identity politics. Capitalism isn’t a charity.

Do you find that people don’t believe you when you describe what’s happening to lesbians? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes. Been disbelieved about this for years.

So are dudes allowed to participate here or is someone going to make another GC guys sub? by TheSeventhSense in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

spinster has a longer character limit than twitter, so at least it's possible to write some complex thoughts. But yes, I myself much prefer forum-type setups. It's just easier to track conversations, highlight resources and so on.

On FTM Lesbianism - "I am a female-to-male homosexual transsexual. Better put, I am a lesbian trans man. How do I do it? By existing. That’s all it takes. I just am." by uwubunny in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was around in those days. I wasn't thrilled at lesbians whose self-hatred ran so deep they decided to try and transition out of their problems as women and lesbians, and then still expect to take refuge in that same community. Pretty disrespectful in my view.

Women are just objectively more aesthetically pleasing than men by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Yes. I loved looking at books with all the romantic paintings by John William Waterhouse & co because of all the beautiful women. Could never understand what was meant to be appealing about men.

Political Lesbianism is not forced lesbianism/fake lesbianism. by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I pretty much agree with how you've characterised the context of what political lesbianism meant back when the concept first came into being. I also agree that it gave many women a positive space in which they could connect with other women, and that it gave lesbians a space in which they could explore themselves and realise they were lesbians.

But I also agree with the person who quoted the recent Sheila Jeffreys article where she talks about sexuality being a social construct. That really is what she, and others, were arguing back then, and some of them are still arguing for it now. And I don't think we have a lot of evidence that most people can choose their sexuality at will.

The other thing I'd point out is that, regardless of the good intentions of political lesbianism in its original context, it still was absolutely a large-scale attempt to redefine what lesbianism meant. The intent was to move lesbianism away from being female homosexuality, and into being this other thing that was an ideological political position, that may or may not involve sexual contact with other women for some.

This did have negative consequences for some lesbians at the time, particularly those who resisted lesbianism becoming an identity and wanted to keep it as being a sexual orientation. There were a lot of lesbian feminists books that talked about lesbians who were sexually attracted to other women, but not feminists, as not being 'true lesbians', and being quite derogatory about such women. They were pretty much viewed as the 'genital fetishists' of the day, and I absolutely think it was the inherent homophobia in these 'political lesbians' (many of whom were just straight women) that made them act in pretty shitty ways towards actual lesbians who wanted to sleep with other women. Not in every case, of course, but there was a conflict going on there.

From talking to older lesbians who lived through those times, it seems like there was also a class element to all this as well. The butch femme culture that Jeffreys famously condemned was, from what I understand, mainly a culture of working class lesbians at the time. Many of the women who were involved in all the theorising around political lesbianism and lesbian feminism tended to be women who were middle class or upper class, and writing from within the university sector at the time. So it was a bit of a top-down movement that was seeking to reclassify lesbianism as something for all separatist women, regardless of sexual orientation, while the dirty genital fetishist lesbians (who weren't on board) didn't get a say. I know there was one lesbian from a working class background who ended up going into the university sector precisely because that community felt like they needed to have a voice who could push back against this whole idea of reclassifying lesbianism into an identity, because so many ordinary lesbians who weren't as politically involved weren't cool with it. I just wish I could remember who it was!

So I do think it's not surprising at how political lesbianism has evolved to become what it is today, because the seeds of that were already there in what the movement was proposing. I'm happy to recognise the original context of the idea, to talk of some of the positives that came out of it, but I'm also going to criticise what I see as some of its hugely problematic aspects, both then and now.

weird aspect to butch dysphoria by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A woman exists for herself, not anyone else. Her body is hers and she doesn't 'owe' it to anyone to objectify herself. A female body isn't wasted because the woman who owns it doesn't want to put herself on display.

Lesbian Couple Attacked by Group of Male Passengers on London Bus by fijupanda in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Agreed on the British police. Though I am only half British, and only lived over there for a few years as an adult to see what it was like.

Also agreed on intersectionality being toxic. It's atrocious for a victim to apologise for having too much privilege because she's not an even WORSE victim who is also poor/Black/trans or whatever.

They are still trying to delete/silence us, right here on Saidit. by Lilith_Fair in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There's a long tradition of trying to take down feminist sites, particularly radical feminist sites, via DDOS attacks. I think it likely the attacks were initiated at least in part because GC and other similar groups (like the LGB groups) migrated here.

I'm feeling weirdly optimistic for Saidit by jelliknight in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

gendercritical also seems to have gained over 1000 users (I presume that is what 'readers' means) in the matter of a few hours. That's surely some kind of a new record?

Thoughts on the current climate on social media for young lesbians by Innisfree in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think one good thing that happens in this space is that when we disagree, we are generally disagreeing with IDEAS, not making it personal. We actually construct logical argument to support our position. The problem with the whole Instagram/TikTok culture of making yourself your own personal brand is that then, when someone disagrees with you, they are attacking YOU in a way. If you have turned yourself into a marketable commodity, then you have to protect your brand integrity. That means you can't question, you can't say things that will harm your 'brand' and the people who are following you as a brand. You can't let others question you either, or call your integrity into question. Because then all your followers won't like you any more, and you won't be profitable anymore.

A lot of this is actually the result of bastardising political activism and identities and turning them into capitalist commodities that can be bought and sold. Turns out that's a fucking atrocious idea. Who knew?

The "Sexual Spectrum": Why I Think It's Bunk by writerlylesbian in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, the coercive element is absolutely another reason to retire the whole thing.

let's retire the tomboy stereotype by fckme in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The town where I came out was mostly working class, and pretty tough. There was one mixed GL gay bar, in the bad part of town. Or maybe worse part of town, since the whole place was kind of the bad part of town, lol. Going into that gay bar usually involved negotiating drunk men, sometimes quite a lot of them, all deliberately loitering around outside jeering and throwing projectiles like beer bottles etc. Sometimes looking for anyone who they thought they could pick off and take away for a good beating/raping/who knows what else.

Like...In those days we really had to look out for each other and defend each other. From actual physical harm. And now pronouns kill people.

Upvote good, thoughtful comments that are not unduly mean! TRAs lost their ability to brigade and downvote ''sane TERFs'' on reddit to make us look more toxic. They're terrified people might see we're reasonable and it will work! by venecia in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just be nice!

No. Do you even understand this started as a radical feminist space, OP?

I'm starting to think all the worthwhile posters went to Spinster.

following saitit rules by writerlylesbian in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian[S] 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

but i have been having a quiet chuckle about the irony of the hard-right letting us have our spaces (if grudgingly) compared to the hard left who want us all scattered and silent. what a time to be alive.

Who would of thought that in 2020 lesbians , gays, and bisexuals would be on the run again from hate and homophobia. by midnight305 in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

well I think they're facing a bit of a conundrum this year with regards to the whole 'Pride' issue. Because on the one hand, even if world events are stopping the marches, all the Woke media of course want to virtue-signal the hell out of the whole thing online. BUT, there's a big danger that people could start listening to the 'wrong voices', esp. in the wake of some things which are currently happening like JK Rowling speaking up, transitioning of minors being questioned in the UK, Allison Bailey's actions against Stonewall. So they really have to go the extra mile to try and shut up all the riff-raff (ie the actual LGB) who might get the general public realising that all is not well in Alphabet Utopia.

I'm lost by badatnicknames in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 8 fun12 insightful - 7 fun13 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

There are no lesbians where he's going tho...

let's retire the tomboy stereotype by fckme in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh I know. The trial be fire stuff certainly separates the homos from the posers! They're there crying over not being 'centred' in every discussion and I'm like...Yeah, when we were your age, my friends and I were fighting actual gay bashers in the street. Just grow the fuck up.

let's retire the tomboy stereotype by fckme in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I feel like the 'performative queers' for want of a better phrase still are frequently a bit 'off'...Like, their body language is often really...submissive, for want of a better way of putting it. Lots of deference, lots of apologies and qualifiers in how they speak, not acting comfortable in their own skins. And then a lot of them go on about dating men, so that's a bit of a giveaway (but some of them inexplicably still insist they're lesbians. Come across a few like that. What even is this timeline?)

TRAs were angry when r/gendercritical existed. Now they're mad s/gendercritical exists. It's almost like banning subs doesn't delete people from existence by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I think this is true too. It feels like the way forward will be made by those who can have nuanced and sometimes difficult conversations, who have the ability to think critically, who can listen without resorting to screams of oppression every time a difference comes up.

How Can We Reclaim "Lesbian"? by LesbiSilly in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

the more you speak up, the easier it gets.

How Can We Reclaim "Lesbian"? by LesbiSilly in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I don't like Sapphic because the only ones I've seen embrace that term are all transwomen. It's weird.

TL is No More by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i'm not 'cis'

For women who like less censorship and a more open discussion atmosphere: Come on over to /s/Feminism! by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

that wasn't my experience in the several years I spent there. Usually what caused deletions was personal attacks and men coming along making attack comments (saying women deserved all the horrible things that happen to us, or other similar comments along those lines).

I'm feeling weirdly optimistic for Saidit by jelliknight in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Even if the site reaches a few thousand, that will probably make it a quite big and active site here. But it would be funny if we 'radicalised' the whole place. What a backfire to the censorship plans!

Lesbians on r/AL actually try to discuss the issue of Lesbophobia. Mod locks the thread of course. by yousaythosethings in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think both L's and B's need to stand together and be like "the definition of 'lesbian' is this very very specific thing. NO EXCPTIONS.

I think this is helpful, though. Doesn't hurt for the G's to join in defending lesbians, either. This is pretty much the approach taken by the new LGB Alliance, where they recognise the pressures that lesbians in particular are facing and are very clear about what a lesbian is. Because this nonsense has been going on for so long, and spread so far, it's going to take a lot of basic repetition before the narrative starts to shift.

And some of these problems are mixed up with both women and men treating 'lesbian' as a porn fantasy. The mainstream media will happily run articles all day every day about 'lesbians' who have boyfriends, because that is cool and fun and sexy whereas women saying no to men is a hate crime, obvs. Calling it out won't necessarily stop them doing it, but it makes it clear that lesbians are not happy about being misappropriated in that way.

Hasn't bisexuality joined the list of transphobic sexualities anyway? Hopefully that means all the attention-seeking sorts won't want to be viewed that way anymore, and can all go be omnisexuals or whatever crazy word they're using now.

What's your petty dealbreaker for relationships? by Jaded in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I once stopped dating a woman because she talked about her family too much. Does that count? To elaborate, though, this woman was someone who, well into adulthood, was still living at home (despite having a good job that would have given her the funds to get her own place), who seemingly had developed very little in the way of independence/friendship networks outside of her immediate family, who also didn't even LIKE her family that much and complained about how awful a lot of them were, especially the extended part of aunts/uncles/cousins etc.

And I just thought...What's keeping you there? Basically, nothing but your own fear/hang-ups. And I was probably extra not-sympathetic as someone who left home at 17 with very few resources because it was STILL better than the option of staying where I was.

What was your worst date experience? by fieryoyster in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

No, I didn't sleep with her. I'm pretty sure I could have been any random lesbian and she would have reacted the same. She was just desperate to be with someone, it really didn't matter who. But I'm glad I didn't sleep with her, as then I can only imagine how much worse everything would have played out!

How Can We Reclaim "Lesbian"? by LesbiSilly in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Basically what the commenter above me said. A straight person who feels 'queer' because they once did some minor thing like kissed a girl/got the hots watching two men kiss/said they fancied this or that famous person. These people are rife in academia, and they absolutely LOVE queer theory because it gives them a way to makes themselves feel rebellious and insert themselves into the gay movement.

One of the central tenants of queer theory is that social change comes about via individuals who rebel against social norms, including heterosexuality (not via doing boring political advocacy cos that's no fun!). So these het dumb asses position themselves as being sexual rebels because they once 'transgressed' heterosexual norms in some extremely minor way, and then have the gall to think they know what it means to be LGB.

There's a lot of criticisms to be made of queer theory, but one thing that has always really peeved me about it is that it very much positions LGB people as being freaks/outsiders/transgressors/weirdos etc. It's actually the opposite of what the gay movement fought for, which was for same-sex attracted people to get to live normal lives like everyone else. So when these heterosexual academics get all fired up about queer theory, it's also because they sub-consciously view LGB people as being freaks and whatever else, and can legitimise that homophobia via adopting queer theory. Also, there's a lot of weird fetishisation of gay people that goes on amongst them. I despise them.

Out of the loop, when did this all start? by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Cotton Ceiling was 2012. That was the notorious workshop run by TIMs to try and get lesbians to have sex with them. Notably, the advertising flyer of the event said something like, "we are already welcomed into lesbian spaces, and lesbians will work with us and be friends with us but they won't date us or have sex with us." This was deemed a problem that the workshop sought to 'cure'. So that gives you an idea of how entrenched a lot of this already was by 2012, that a TIM was basically saying men had already fully infiltrated lesbian spaces. Also it shows lesbians were fucking morons (sorry to say it about my own people, but it's true) for not understanding the escalation that would undoubtedly occur after the first boundary was breached.

The dysphoria/born in the wrong body narrative has been superseded by a kind of idea of pick'n'mix with regards to gender/sex/gender identity. This is pretty recent, I'd say it's really started happening in the wake of gay marriage being legalised in countries like the US and UK. It's a new money-making cause for charities who had outlived some of their usefulness. Some of it is fashion statement, some of it is trying to survive homophobia (for the LGB kids who get sucked in), some of it is predators and opportunists who see they can get something out of it.

The thing that is important to understand is that the movement didn't come out of nowhere. The seeds for a lot of this were sewn a long time ago, I'd say mostly in the first decade of the 2000s. But not many were paying attention, and those who were, weren't listened to. So this movement has been quietly trundling along, making changes, taking over groups and organisations, promoting itself in academia as an offshoot of queer theory, changing laws, getting politicians onside. And now the whole thing has reached critical mass and the rubber is hitting the road and we're starting to see the end results of all of this happening in the real world. And this is the point at which many people realise everything has changed around them.

'Why am I here?': Mara is a woman but was sent to a men's prison by grixit in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I believe this person committed violence against women. Great idea to put him in a women's prison.

Also keep in mind, Indigenous Aboriginal women are over-represented in Australia's prisons, both male and female. Indigenous women already experience the highest rates of rape and domestic violence, the worst healthcare outcomes, are the most economically marginalised, and have the worst life expectancy in Australia. ABC can fuck right off with this pandering nonsense. They've been running non-stop BLM coverage (a lot of it related to Indigenous people in the local context). So which is it? Do Indigenous women matter, or do violent men matter?

Thankful for this sub... I NEED to say something... by harlemtropic in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not per se. Spinster works more like twitter, it's just a big site that doesn't have communities and forums etc. But it's very easy to find lesbians to follow, and if you only want to follow lesbian accounts it's very easy to do that. There are a lot of lesbians on spinster, and in some ways it's nicer there as a lot of them are very outspoken.

Who would of thought that in 2020 lesbians , gays, and bisexuals would be on the run again from hate and homophobia. by midnight305 in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yep. You're right in everything you say. Even if I wasn't there for a lot of that, what you say matches up with other accounts I've read, and also a lot of things I've seen myself, particularly non-lesbians insisting on calling themselves lesbians and being in lesbian spaces. Not in all cases, but in many cases the non-lesbians were the ones at the vanguard of insisting lesbians be more open to having men in our spaces.

It's one of the reasons why I think lesbians need to be vigilant and tell all the bisexuals and celibate straight women wanting to hide from their own toxic culture to buzz along and stay out of our lesbian-only spaces. There are plenty of other spaces where they can mingle with lesbians if they want to.

following saitit rules by writerlylesbian in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i think you'd get an awful lot of goady questions, if the types of ppl who've been showing up on gendercritical are anything to go by.

Here’s the update you asked for by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Perfect name for him. So happy it all worked out for you!

"interesting" thread about the femme/butch label debate I've found, what do y'all think? by hyunnahh in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, it's so sexist. No woman could ever accomplish anything, so all the women who accomplished things were obviously men!! These people.

What are your demographics? Race, ethnicity, nationality, etc. by IamWomanHearMeRoar in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Australian, late 30s, mix of English and Irish ancestry

Political Lesbianism is not forced lesbianism/fake lesbianism. by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I guess where we differ in our assessment is that I think political lesbianism's 'project', as it were, to redefine 'lesbian' as a term for all feminist separatist women, and excise lesbianism as meaning female homosexuality, was actually quite damaging for a lot of lesbians. Both then and now.

I do take your point about the movement creating space for some women to explore their lesbianism. I have met older women who talked about that being the case for them. But at the same time, space was taken away from lesbians who wanted lesbianism to be conceptually about female homosexuality. And such lesbians were often viewed as 'lesser' lesbians, by 'political lesbians' who were in fact often straight women, which is bizarre. I actually don't see it as very different to today's identity politics. The difference is that those co-opting lesbianism today are doing so within the framework of queer politics, whereas those of the second wave were doing it within a feminist framework.

It's difficult as well because theorising the ways that lesbians, specifically, were oppressed as both lesbians and women was important, and a lot of that work was being done in the feminist movement, but not in the gay movement which was a lot more focused on gay men. But I think it very unfortunate that a lot of that theorising ended up in a place where 'lesbianism' was an identity that had not much to do with being an actual lesbian. Because I think that was probably alienating to a lot of lesbians who then didn't necessarily want to engage with the feminist movement because they could see the anti-lesbian sentiment that was inherent in a lot of these co-options. So they went and joined the gay movement instead. But then the gay movement progressed without having a lot of understanding of feminism, which was also ultimately to the detriment of lesbians, who got ignored and marginalised there too.

I suppose the way I wish things had progressed was more like: 1) recognising lesbianism as a neutral sexual behaviour that has existed throughout history and across many different cultures and ethnicities (which suggests it is a biological phenomenon more than a culturally learned behaviour); 2) recognising that this behaviour has political consequences because patriarchy etc. but not collapsing it into a political identity, because it is a sexual behaviour that would continue to exist even if the political climate changed (e.g. feminism 'won' and there was no more oppression of women); 3) women getting together to form female only communities/groups, centreing themselves and other women, and recognising that such spaces will naturally be appealing to lesbians, without trying to say this is synonymous with lesbianism.

At least 24% of the thread posters on r/actuallesbians are male and 56% of the moderators are also male by strictly in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Uh oh, maybe they've realised that all the lesbians have escaped...Expect some sad dicks soon as many dudes realise they've been wanking over other dudes spouting lesbian porn fantasies.

The "Sexual Spectrum": Why I Think It's Bunk by writerlylesbian in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

haha, yeah, I totally understand losing your patience. Being polite and logical with the ones who feel entitled to lesbian sexuality gets us nowhere.

What's the most unexplainable thing you've ever experienced? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Saw an absolutely enormous spider once. This was when I was growing up in the sub-tropics, and enormous spiders were a usual occurrence, but this spider was still bigger than any one I'd seen before. It was just chilling in an area close to the house, wasn't particularly aggressive or anything.

I still wish I had a photo of it, but I don't alas.

There are still so many spiders from my home state that have never been classified/formally identified/described etc. So I always wonder if that ginormous spider was some kind of special rare species that hadn't been seen or classified before.

What kind of stuff do you write/are you writing?

let's retire the tomboy stereotype by fckme in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, absolutely the next generation should have it easier. Fighting for legal rights as well as cultural acceptance was the point of the movement. And in a lot of ways, I don't think the young LGB, especially the young L's, do have an easier or better time, which sucks. There's still the old conservative homophobia in many places, as well as the progressive new homophobia that is destroying the movement from within and completely changing the message from self-acceptance as a same-sex attracted person, to you're wrong and you must change in some way (presentation/identity/preferences etc).

The type of 'posers' I was talking about are those like Fox and Own Fisher, heterosexuals who have an edgy fashion sense and odd identities and think that gives them the right to come in and start presiding over the gay movement and telling us what to do. Not young gay people who are still coming to terms with themselves. The truth is, if things ever did go pear-shaped with gay rights, all those trendy straight hangers-on would not be able to distance themselves fast enough and blend right back into the dominant culture. And they are often the loudest voices who are complaining that same-sex people expressing their attraction is bigoted violence etc.

What was your worst date experience? by fieryoyster in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Oh no, condolences. That just...Really sucks.

Not entirely relevant, but the thing that really upsets me about political lesbianism is that...In the ideal world as according to PL, lesbians actually wouldn't exist. I.e., according to that ideology, women are only lesbians because they are reacting against male dominance. So, if feminism succeeded and we had a properly equal society, then...In the world as according to PL, all the women would go back to men and there'd be no lesbians. Because lesbianism wouldn't be 'needed' anymore.

What's your petty dealbreaker for relationships? by Jaded in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

A gay male friend of mine had a conversation with a bunch of guys, both gay and straight, where they all talked about wanting to be the little spoon at least some of the time. Perfectly legit.

Good LGB(T) Youtubers by oofreesouloo in LGBDropTheT

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, it's really sad. But at least she left us an amazing legacy.

How Can We Reclaim "Lesbian"? by LesbiSilly in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

yeah, I seriously can't stand the straight-queer academics.

Vanishing L/B female artists....? by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's everywhere, unfortunately. I agree that among the writers/artists who I've seen fall down the rabbit hole, the quality of their work usually diminishes and eventually they drop off altogether and disappear.

Personally, I steer well clear of anyone who evidences that level of dissociation and self-hatred. Had a young woman who wanted to collaborate with me on a writing project I was doing a while back. She got in touch with me all enthused about how she loved my work etc. (She didn't know I was a big bad terf, obvs.) From the way she spoke, it was pretty obvious she was a lesbian. Went and checked out her twitter, full of trans and non-binary advocacy, 'they' pronouns, drew lesbian characters who looked like transwomen (why?) Got back to her and said, thanks but no thanks. Didn't tell her why. I think a lot of these kids are probably destroying their careers before they even start.

Guess who I do pay to do art for me when I need it? A gay male friend of mine who's a great artist and hasn't swallowed the QT rubbish.

The detransitioners: what happens when trans men want to be women again? by questioningtw in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, nice to have the evidence there, I guess. Will make the denials harder.

Can someone help explain these posts from r/gc? by emissch in GenderCritical

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This person is baiting. Don't fall for it.

Thankful for this sub... I NEED to say something... by harlemtropic in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

what was the story with brigading? Was that happening just before TL had to go private? Eh, I haven't been added back either, and as far as I know I shouldn't have any reason not to be added. A lot of TL's value was that it was a publicly visible space that lesbians could find once they got sick of being bullied by men in the other lesbian subs. It provided a different narrative to the all-lesbians-are-fine-with-TWAW and that's the reason it was targeted. The only way the Queer/TRA movement works is by suppressing alternative viewpoints. As much as possible we have to try to keep having a visible presence publicly, even if that's hard. (Not saying the mods shouldn't have privatised, just saying there needs to be other visible resistance).

following saitit rules by writerlylesbian in Lesbians

[–]writerlylesbian[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

thanks, not trying to be a busybody, just don't want to give anyone excuses to turf us out again.