Does anyone have an Ovarit invite code?

tea4two · 2021-01-14T20:06:01+00:00

Thank you so much!

tea4two · 2021-01-14T19:41:08+00:00

Which is why the cheat code to female-only spaces in my experience is finding places populated by women that society deems unfuckable (hence non-women) and whose interests are assumed to be not sexy or linked to female fertility (hence non-women): older women.

Older women are the best. Funny, based, and with a wealth of stories and life experiences. And the groups I was in (pre-covid) were blessedly free of men and verbiage about gender identity.

tea4two · 2021-01-14T19:10:59+00:00

I read it the same way... thought Nature finally extracted their head from their ass and then...

disappointment.

tea4two · 2021-01-14T19:05:06+00:00

I'm going to piggyback on your post if you don't mind... don't want to spam the community!

I've been lurking on ovarit since it was created, but now some members are talking about starting a book club and book clubs are like catnip for me... Can anyone spare a code?

tea4two · 2020-10-23T02:30:34+00:00

I understand you have a strong opinion, but with all due respect, stop USplaining and learn about the legacy of satire and the Enlightenment in Europe and particularly in France. Have you ever read Charlie Hebdo before the attacks? I have. Charlie Hebdo was not trying to incite the Muslim world specifically, Charlie Hebdo was treating islam like every other religion and every other ideology in the world: equal irreverence. Have you seen their drawings of Jesus? The pope? About Judaism? Charlie Hedbo's publishing of the caricatures was a resounding no to censorship and sacred cows.

They did not demonize a population, they laughed at extremists and died for it. How can you be on a feminist sub and not see the chilling parallel: "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." This is what happened here. Laughter was met with murder.

tea4two · 2020-10-23T02:10:52+00:00

You act baffled and yet you have the answer in your post: free speech.

Look at all the feminists silenced online, don't you think they need free speech too? We need to speak up for everyone's right to speak freely, for everyone's right to parody anything they want, for everyone's right to offend anyone they want. You can't only defend free speech when it comes to your pet cause, every erosion to free speech -on any topic- ultimately hurts us all.

And, yes, there is also a total overlap between people who will kill because of an image of Mohammed, and people who want to strip women of their rights.

tea4two · 2020-10-18T16:42:07+00:00

That was exactly my issue with it. It was written to be overly sympathetic to the men, with no empathy left over for the women whose lives they were destroying. Moreover, it wasn't just a case of cheating, Heath Ledger's cowboy was absolutely awful to his wife on the regular! And these poor women who were not getting their needs met were framed as the obstacle to their love. I'm getting angry all over again just thinking about it!

tea4two · 2020-10-17T22:28:25+00:00

I disagree. I think soundbites like that could lose him the election. On Twitter, sure, it would get him votes. In the real world, it will push centrists towards Trump. I still can't believe the Dems chose him. It's like they want the US to be stuck with 4 more years of Trump.

tea4two · 2020-10-17T22:11:09+00:00

I think when a critical mass of "girls" become "not like other girls" (aka non-binary), and aren't special anymore because they are all the same, they will either default back to regular human being or find another fad.

It won't last. I knew (and knew of) a large number of women who went ftm about 15 years ago and almost every one desisted, even those on T.

tea4two · 2020-10-17T21:55:58+00:00

I hated it too! Everyone kept on saying it was such a beautiful love story and when I finally saw it all I got were two assholes being downright awful to their wives.

tea4two · 2020-10-15T17:43:02+00:00

The best part was (paraphrased to underline the hypocrisy) "you should accept transwomen are women because self-id" and "you should accept that you're cis because we id you".

Either you believe in self-id or you don't. Can't have it both ways.

tea4two · 2020-10-15T17:35:00+00:00

That's the moment when, if this bookstore is local to you, you call them or write them to express your displeasure and the fact that you will no longer be their customer.

Then you stick to your guns and make sure to spread the word to everyone you know.

We need to make sure not to financially support those who would erase women and their opinions.

tea4two · 2020-10-12T15:30:07+00:00

Why is it always tampons? I'm totally unashamed of buying tampons, I'll walk home with them in my see-through shopping bags, I'll carry one to the bathroom without hiding it, I'll even give detailed explanations to my male partner about which ones he should buy for me at the store... But I don't need a wall of 20,000 wasted tampons art in a hotel restaurant when so many women around the world could desperately use them to, say, go to school or work or just leave the house. Isn't that literally disempowering?

I can't even hate on the haters because I hate it too (albeit for different reasons).

tea4two · 2020-10-09T17:46:43+00:00

A friend of mine came out as non-binary in a similar situation and I don't feel disappointed, I feel utterly betrayed. Identifying out of oppression instead of trying to fix it for everyone is pure cowardice (and selfishness!). It leaves the rest of us behind to fight against stereotypes because we understand biological reality and admit we are women.

I refused to wear dresses as a child. I still refuse to do so now. I have a bigger pocket square collection than any man I know. I'm also a woman.

Honestly, I even dislike the whole "GNC" situation. Wear what the hell you want. Have whatever hobbies you want. Be you. A you that just happens to be, biologically, a woman and understands the importance of sticking together to give other women the opportunity to just be themselves. That doesn't make you a "GNC" woman, just a woman -full stop.

Also: I was open (diplomatically) about the fact that I don't agree with her decision.

tea4two · 2020-09-23T01:09:16+00:00

That's the one. With the bomb drop and the radiation poisoning and the human suffering of it all.

It's one of those incredible movies I never want to see again.

tea4two · 2020-09-21T13:51:17+00:00

The problem is that "anime" is just like saying "filmed entertainment". Just like there are art films, there are sophisticated animated movies that tackle difficult problems (like, say, Grave of the fireflies) and there is... drivel.

What I see as a problem in this case is the kind of media being consumed: with anime you have a whole segment of the industry creating escapist fantasies for isolated young men with no prospects, the intersection of a Venn diagram of high school nostalgia, misogyny, and sexualization of young, compliant girls.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

tea4two · 2020-09-12T13:13:38+00:00

I'm a genXer, and my whole life I've had some friends with totally opposed political views. We'd shout about it sometimes, insult each other in jest then go on with our friendships.

So I don't understand this ideological purity bullshit in friends groups. What a strange world we live in that diversity is only skin deep, and doesn't embrace diversity of viewpoints too.

Unfortunately, as to your question, there's no magic pill. I'd say to find a hobby you like* to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied until covid ends and you can make new friends. Dwelling on things only worsens the problem.

A productive hobby. Consuming media (TV, movies etc.) all day is a gateway to being more depressed about your life.

tea4two · 2020-09-11T14:04:04+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I passed it around to Canadians I know and got some extra signatures.

tea4two · 2020-09-07T13:00:08+00:00

Unfortunately I think we are conditioned to ignore sexism because it's so pervasive if we didn't we'd never find the time to get anything done.

tea4two · 2020-09-06T13:53:44+00:00

Not only insulting but nonsensical! What the hell does "opposite of male" mean?

Males wear shirts, should I go topless? Am I not allowed to wear pants, be strong and capable, and use powertools?

Wait a minute, if males are human, what does that make me? What is the opposite of human?

Help me, Merriam-Webster, I'm afraid I'm womaning wrong.

tea4two · 2020-09-06T13:36:07+00:00

I'm glad you asked this question because I have the same problem (×100 due to covid ruining everything).

Unfortunately, it means I can't tell you where to go but I can tell you what didn't work for me: "Women in X" groups (with X being occupations, hobbies, etc). I was invited to a few by women who seemed cool and feminist and then I'd go to their website and there was always a trans flag, "trans women welcome" banners, inclusive speech manifestos etc. which turned me off right away because I don't play that game.

I pondered looking for a chapter of gender critical orgs in my city, or buying and wearing Posie's "definition of woman" t-shirt in public, but I'm going to be honest: I'm not that brave.

tea4two · 2020-08-27T13:06:01+00:00

This post is the winner, OP.

If you give any details, he will try to negotiate. That's what always happens and it'll get harder and harder to extricate yourself without looking like an asshole and hurting his feelings even more. Meet him in a neutral place you can leave fast, tell him the relationship has run its course, if he ask why, use the good old "it's not you it's me" then GTFO and cut off all contact.

My only disagreement is that even if you would like to stay friends, I couldn't say it. It'll sound like a chance to stick around and rekindle the relationship and unfairly gives hope. Better to cut it all off and reopen the lines of communication later.

It sounds harsh but it's much kinder than reading him the riot act about not being clean or making it about his dick.

tea4two · 2020-08-24T17:50:01+00:00

I've watched that live and there was nothing hateful about it. It was sad and poignant and important. To those who know youtube better than I, how would one go about sending a complaint about the deletion?

tea4two · 2020-08-19T16:47:52+00:00

Your story resonated with me because I developed the same "Sorry" habit and had to work hard to unlearn it. I'm still struggling with it and reread all my emails to remove "sorry" before I send them!

On to my story...

We were having a big company meeting and were asked to introduce ourselves. The men went around the table presenting themselves as [Professional title] [Last name] while all the women used their first names only. Which drove me crazy because these women had the same credentials as the men.

When it got to me I loudly introduced myself the way the men did, no first name in sight. Everyone stared for a beat then all the other women followed suit.

Ladies, always present yourself the way a man in your industry would. Humility gets you as far as the break room to bring everyone else coffee.

tea4two · 2020-08-17T13:29:11+00:00

I lived in a communist country and in that particular country was subjected to more capitalism and advertising than ever before in my life. (I didn't expect that.) The local models were even skinnier, more plastic surgeried, and photoshopped (to an alien degree) than what I saw in American advertising. Very little variation in features, no variation in age, size etc.

tea4two · 2020-08-15T12:57:43+00:00

A lot of people (including myself) care about that "le masculin l'emporte" rule (literally "the masculine prevails/ takes precedence") because both the rule and the way it's named are really sexist and mirror a very patriarchal society that we want to move away from.

But the solution isn't shoehorning gender neutral pronouns in the language or making things unreadable by double-purposing pronouns*, it's just saying "use ils or elles, if it's a mixed group, it doesn't really matter because there are both men and women in it".

That being said, like most of my compatriots, I fought back against that stupid spelling reform law because we like our language and some of its beautiful idiosyncrasies. It's not that hard to learn how to spell "oignon"!

But it would be nice to stop telling little girls that men 'always prevail' and are so much more important than them that it's enshrined in the language.

** Double-purposing pronouns like what English is doing with singular 'they'. It makes texts ambiguous and hard to follow. There's a reason why so many Americans use "y'all", 'you' being singular and plural was confusing enough!

tea4two · 2020-07-24T17:20:48+00:00

I wanted to second your post. I was also active in fandom spaces since before OP was born and it was indeed already a thing.

The girls affected were of two kinds: lesbians who were struggling with their identity and straight girls who had very little romantic/sexual experience. In both case, their transitions were coping mechanisms inspired by the allure of fiction which featured two fully fledged human beings (men) in passionate relationships, that could be sexual outside of social expectations (the policing of female sexuality).

Most of these girls found "gay male" relationships with other girls, some even producing "gay male" porn of themselves (It went pretty far). On the bright side, years later, they all seem to have accepted their womanhood, although a few have facial hair and teenage boy voices to show for it.

I blame this on the fact that those derivative works (fanfiction) pulled from a sexist tradition and culture. When male characters are (relatively) fully resolved and complex human beings who exist outside of their relationships to female characters and female characters... are not... it's really hard for consumers of the fiction to identify with female characters or to even see being female as desirable.

Moreover, for young people interested about sex and looking for porn, the options were in general (1) degrading objectifying porn created for men, (2) prudish barely suggested heterosexual sex behind sparkles and flowers or (3) gay male porn written by women showcasing idealized relationships and hot sex.

No wonder so many girls thought they needed to opt out of womanhood.

I think what needs to happen is a breakdown of "man" as the universal experience that women are asked to identify with and the writing of interesting female characters. This lack is exemplified by the number of "fem" fanfiction, where male characters are being made female because female fans of a source material don't have access to actual interesting female characters to write about.

Normally I'd just say we need to do better, but, unfortunately, in the context of anime, it's a particularly complex issue as it's not only caused by our own Western neuroses about womanhood but also by the effects of Japanese patriarchal culture.

tea4two