Same-sex sexual desire as the natural, but not actualised, default (criticism of sexuality)

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-13T20:23:34+00:00

I feel like you are a bisexual person projecting your experiences on to everyone else. I know I didn’t choose to be homosexual. If it was that way, then I feel like more heterosexual people would choose to be homosexual. I’ve always been friends with girls and women and don’t have any really male friends, so like why wouldn’t I have chosen to be with women. Female bodies repulsive to me that way though and that is just how I’m made.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-12-05T22:13:48+00:00

1) Because female and male are literally defined by the development of those reproductive systems (whether they are functional or not or whether they are removed or altered or not).

2) See above

3) It possible male pregnancy may happen at some point, but it’s a bad idea and a poor use of resources. I feel the same way uterus implants in females for pregnancy too because it’s just so risky and so many safer options already exist. Trying to do that in a male will be even harder because there is less of what is needed already there. My husband and I can’t give birth, but are going to adopt. People should just do that rather than put themselves and a child at risk. Even surrogacy would be a much better choice, although there can be ethical concerns about that.

4) Maybe, although the person would have to take anti-rejection drugs for that to work and they might die (everyone who has tried it so far has). It’s possible genetic engineering could enable it, but I don’t feel like it should be a priority considering the state a women’s healthcare and all the diseases we don’t have cures for yet.

5) I feel like the only way you could really change sex is if you could rewrite your genetic code somehow. If that happened, maybe it would really be a sex change. It wouldn’t change your experience though which would not be typical for someone of that sex so many GC concerns might still apply.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-29T22:29:00+00:00

I was really horrified. Maybe it will wake people up to what can happen with self-ID laws. I feel like it’s a sex offense regardless of what the law says. There also has to be something wrong with you too want to force women and girls to look at you naked like that. He’s a piece of shit who should be behind bars.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-16T14:36:03+00:00

Obligatory, not QT but trans. I feel like a lot of transwomen are really self-absorbed. Many of them really feel like being a TW is the worst and more persecuted minority you can possibly be. They even believe TM have it easier than them because at least they are transitioning to be the privileged gender. I remember listening to some of them in trans groups and rolling my eyes because many of them were paying for transition with the all money from careers or degrees they got as man that somehow they never thought of that as a privileged. I could really go off about this lol, but I’ll stop. If you really believe you have it the hardest of any women, maybe you don’t care about the “minor struggles” that women more privileged than you have faced. I don’t think they would ever say that, but I think that’s what they believe. They look at “cis” women with an idealized view of having that body must be like (male gaze) and imagine it must be the best thing ever and no struggles you have could possible compare to the burden they have to bare. I used to get it too to some extend where they would tell me how lucky I was just because I was young and passing, even though I was nearly homeless at the time. It’s so insane!

peakingatthemoment · 2020-11-18T17:48:43+00:00

I feel similarly. Using preferred pronouns should be something we can choose to do, but not something that is compelled. I feel like employers and others shouldn’t pressure people to say their pronouns because beliefs can be different and it’s also very personal.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-20T16:11:27+00:00

What happened to David Reimer was a tragic case of abuse. I don’t really think much supporting either side can really be drawn from it. Maybe there are other times this happened, but I don’t know enough about those cases. Doctors shouldn’t do those things to children whether they are intersex or had an accident happen. I feel like even if you were told you were a girl and had confirmation surgeries before you could remember it, you would eventually realize your body wasn’t like those of girls around you and you’d want to know why. Parents aren’t capable of hiding that forever.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T20:15:20+00:00

I feel like it doesn’t make sense to say it isn’t real. Just because something may only exist in a society or has a societal part mean it isn’t real. If you applied the same standard you are trying to apply to gender dysphoria, you’d throw out all sorts of mental illnesses. Very few can be easily located in the brain I don’t think. As u/loveSloane said, it’s a mental condition that exists. How can it exist and not be real?

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-19T01:11:14+00:00

I feel like in the trans community there is a lot of blaming unhappiness on externals things whether is like “transphobia.” The trans people who are happiest and most well adjusted don’t really stay around because why would you, it’s just depressing at the very least (many more reasons too). I think it leaves the most unhappy, militant ones in the community who really define their whole lives around being trans and it just stays toxic because they want to blame others for why they aren’t in a better place and everyone agrees with each other about that.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-07T20:33:54+00:00

Obligatory not QT, but trans. So, I’ll start by saying a woman is an adult human female. I feel like this is many trans people think it is too even if don’t want to say so. They feel like it’s a fiction that helps them or other feel better so they will support it even if they don’t really believe it. A transwoman might feel like they are a woman inside or want to be one, but, for the most part, that can really only be about sex stereotypes. I guess a male person could really, really feel like we’re meant to become pregnant and give birth for instance and that could be something that wasn’t a stereotype only female can give birth. I don’t think that is the usually what people refer to when they say they have a gender identity though. If it was, they could feel that way, but they still wouldn’t be a women for feeling that way because it’s not how their body is.

If someone passes as a woman or girl (female), then that is how they are treated in society whether they are actually female or not. I feel like this is what being a male transsexual used to be about it doesn’t really need the definition of woman to change. I guess things like being about to change your birth certificate after surgery helped, and I know GC is against that, it still seemed less demanding. The “trans rights” stuff is for people who don’t pass to make it to where they are included in the category anyway. I don’t think it works though because you aren’t treated like a female if you don’t pass. You may be treated super nice and people may use your pronouns, but that’s a different than actually being seen as a woman. I hope this makes sense.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-04-28T14:40:21+00:00

I don’t think there is a way to tell unless you know a person. I learned long ago to keep my guard up around all male people. Being trans doesn’t make someone safe. I feel like sometimes they can be more dangerous to you because you may not take the threat as seriously. This happened with me when I first was in trans spaces.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-11-28T16:28:52+00:00

I think its just something activists came up with to influence public opinion. TWAW doesn't make sense in any real way.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-09-18T14:49:54+00:00

I feel like many trans people, both male and female, seem to want other people to also be trans. I noticed it awhile ago and I know don’t why people want that. Maybe it’s wanting validation for your choices or feeling like it helped you so it will help other people too, but, whatever the reason, it hurts gender nonconforming people the most. We should be allowed to be how we are without being told we need to change ourselves. I feel like transition should be a last resort if nothing else helps you, not something that encouraged or pressured. If it is something someone needs to be okay, they will figure that out. Putting people into boxes because of how they are is regressive and anti-feminist. It reminds me of religious conservatives who want conformity, but this time is somehow like left and progressive. 😠

peakingatthemoment · 2021-09-09T13:04:05+00:00

Yes. Even if safety isn’t the issue, men still have a need for privacy I feel like.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-11T18:30:14+00:00

So happy we made it! I’m especially happy that Reddit didn’t succeed in ending the conversation this sub represents. <3 you all!

Also, big thanks u/gritix for starting this sub and u/worried19 for inviting so many of the former users including me!

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T15:05:04+00:00

No, not even close. I’m not female obviously, but had female friends who I’ve discussed these things with. There isn’t like one way of being with your boyfriend/husband and plenty of women are the more active partner sexually (I don’t really like the word dominant). I feel like very few would fit the stereotype of being totally passive.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-02T16:55:33+00:00

This was a good idea. Thanks Worried! 😊

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-16T18:35:26+00:00

Sadly, I don’t think it is that different. My experience in trans groups is from along time ago too so words like Incel and MRA weren’t really there yet, but a lot of ideas were the same. I think they really believe they have it worse, which seems just so insane, but maybe they experience life in a way that is privileged enough to let them think that.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-02-24T21:07:05+00:00

Please be respectful to your fellow participants by taking the time to respond in your other threads before creating additional ones. Many commenters have made an effort to address your points, but you have remained silent.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-02-19T19:31:07+00:00

Obligatory not QT, but trans. I hope it’s okay for me to answer.

I feel like women’s words are being targeted the most is because the usual reasons. Women are always expected to make sacrifices, perform emotional labor, put the needs of others above their own, etc. Apparently, the feelings of trans people are more important for many people who make decisions about what language is used. Men words aren’t being targeted the same way because those things aren’t expected of men.

I don’t like the new words. They are less imprecise and more difficult to understand. I can’t imagine how non-native speakers figure it out. Is it trans natal females or trans natal males who want these changes the most? I feel like trans natal females are the ones who would be because words like woman applied to them, but I guess it could also be trans natal males who don’t want it be that women have certain biology. Either way, it’s not good. 😐

For males who identify as trans, would you like people use terms like ejaculators, prostate havers, impregnators, individuals with testicles, non-birthing parents, bepenised people, and etcetera? If not, then why not? After all, if this kind of language is inclusive of natal females, then it should be the same for natal males, right?

“Identify as trans” seems like an weird way to put it, but I think I understand what you mean. I feel like this type of language is bad for everyone. I guess if someone wanted to call me a prostate-haver in a medical setting that would be okay, but a little strange. If they wanted to refer to specifically something about male biology stuff, they could just say male. It’s not like I’d melt away, lol. I had to have a pelvic CT scan about 5 years ago (cyst worries, unrelated to any trans stuff) and there were a bunch of notes explaining my surgical history so it would make sense, but they didn’t have to use prostate-haver I don’t think.

For all, don’t you think it’s contradictory that you complain that GC reduce people to their genitals when we insist on a sex-based definition of women and men, and then you impose new words that reduce women to their body parts and body functions?

I don’t really make those arguments, but I agree that it seems contradictory.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-08-16T21:22:38+00:00

I'm not sure if this is wrong of me to think, but I'd be really surprised if there are many similar stories of mother's behaving this way.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-08-13T20:41:15+00:00

I feel like most (probably not all, but a lot) trans people who transition in a relationship and expect a spouse to go along with it are extremely narcissistic. To stay in that relationship, she probably had to really, really internalize gender ideology to satisfy her partner. It’s heartbreaking that she did that to the point of not being able to accurately characterize the reality of her own rape.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-07-13T23:56:06+00:00

Wouldn’t all male embryos already have male DNA? Even if the embryo started phenotypically and physically female, wouldn’t having male DNA make it a male embryo? Maybe someone here is a biologist...

peakingatthemoment · 2021-10-12T00:01:24+00:00

Thank you BiologyIsReal! I don’t expect we will be aggressive with this, especially if someone is new here. Also, it is fine to refer to yourself as cis or cisgender if that is how you identify, just don’t label others.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T21:12:57+00:00

I don’t think so. I put kissing there because it can hard to avoid in real life. I just know I’m not that perfect to where I could avoid it with how men often are and I don’t want to say you are terrible if that happens. I did bad things when I was younger where I would meet a guy and seriously make-out, but stop short of sex and not disclose, but I feel like doing that is wrong. I guess maybe you could say no harm was done because the guy never knew, but I still don’t feel right about that looking back.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T21:03:29+00:00

Be careful with this topic! Usually these threads don’t go well. I will lock it if it gets bad.

I feel like dating and kissing (because sometimes it’s hard to avoid) are okay, but it the safest thing would always be to say it in advance. I feel like trans people today meeting people they don’t know on dating apps should just disclose because it’s easy and there isn’t any social risk because you don’t know the person yet (like they can’t out you at work or in a friend group for instance). You should always disclose before sex though. It’s not fun and it hurts, but it has to happen unfortunately. It would be very wrong not too.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T19:20:59+00:00

As a transsexual, did you ever feel that you had a more female-typical sexuality in any way?

Probably... I don’t want to stereotype female sexuality, but I feel like I have a lot in common with my friends (female) and it’s hard for me too imagine I’d have much in common with (most) men that way. I don’t think HSTS sexuality is exactly female sexuality though because I’ve just been told it isn’t, but I haven’t notice too many differences. The one thing I can think of is that I’m more into masculine men than some of my friends, some are more like me, but it matters more to me than most if that makes sense. Scrawny men or like super boyish looks don’t really do too much for me, but some women and girls are very attracted to those guys.

I am sexually receptive (if that is what we calling enjoying being penetrated lol) and never used my original parts to do that or masturbate when I had those parts. It wasn’t something I wanted and I feel like it would have been really upsetting. I feel like you can still be active though even if you are receptive, just in different ways. I feel like even that way society teaches us to think about it makes it where the man is always the active one, but it’s not true.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-02T22:39:25+00:00

I don’t know. I’m not super hopeful. I feel like maybe it could drop again because there is like a social contagion element of a lot of people now (“finding out” you are trans on the internet, social groups with many trans people, etc.). Maybe some of that will go away, but it probably won’t go back to how it was. Plus, a lot of people transitioned/are transitioning and probably aren’t going to all detransition so they will be a lot of those people just around even if it’s not happening at the same number for future people.

If you don't mind, though, could you elaborate about the problems from even before?

Male entitlement and narcissism has been a huge part of trans communities I feel like even when it was less demanding to people outside of those communities. The misogyny runs deep. Also, blaming all problems on external things like transphobia. The bad behaviors are just enabled so much worse now. So many people are just focused on coddling trans people that these super narcissistic personalities can just feed on it. I feel like transitioning has to select for those people or something because it can’t just be a coincidence there is so much toxicity. I’m super biased though because my experience in trans communities were almost entirely negative, so take that for what it is worth I guess.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-30T01:12:37+00:00

I’m not super sure if friends could happen, not with everyone, but like if the number of trans people returned to the tiny amount of people it was 20 years ago. Also, self-ID, “cis”, preferred pronouns, a bunch of other things that were pushed on everyone in the last 10 or 15 years. I feel like if it became more quiet again and no one was being as demanding it might be able to just be noticed less. I don’t think it can be fixed entirely though and there were always problems even years ago. I felt it was easier to just be friends though and there are so many people here where I feel like we care about the same things but we don’t feel like allies any more because this and that makes me sad.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-26T13:58:31+00:00

Hi MissAnarchist!

I made a thread awhile ago about this topic and I feel like it was an interesting discussion. Legal sex change helped me a lot to being able to live a normal life and not have to deal with issues around me being transsexual or discrimination. That said, I know you can’t actually change sex so it is a fiction, it can be a helpful one. Anyway, I’ll leave the thread here in case it helps. Happy to have you here. 😊

https://saidit.net/s/GCdebatesQT/comments/62sl/gc_legal_sex_change_is_there_room_for_compromise/

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-19T21:27:40+00:00

Totally agree with everything you said! You are very insightful.

I don't understand why many trans people seem to want other to be trans or be happy when other people are trans. I just can't relate to that at all. I have a good life (that I had to work really hard for), but being this way isn't something anyone should want for themselves or anyone else.

The literal sex change thing is weird too. I feel like that is newer because years ago people would use biological, or bio, or born (no cis until later) or other words to differentiate between us and people who were actually that sex. I felt like most people understood what they were. There were like books by Kate Bornstein or Riki Wilchins that tried to say that sex wasn't really real, but those ideas weren't mainstream like they are now.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-18T18:24:40+00:00

🙄I would just ignore people on TikTok personally. I’m sure they’ll look back in 5 years and wish they hadn’t made that video. I don’t feel like it’s worth engaging with.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-13T22:37:56+00:00

I was worried it might come out wrong... I mean repulsive sexually. I don’t mean that in any other way whatsoever. If I imagine myself doing something sexual with a woman, that is disgusting to me. It’s not because female bodies are disgusting though and I like female beauty and fashion. I will admit being a little squeamish about vulvas (and my surgical one too, although fortunately I can’t see it without a mirror). Strictly mentions finding males revolting sexually so I don’t think I’m the only person who feels this way.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-05T00:36:15+00:00

I don’t know. I don’t think stereotypes or gender expectations have nothing to do with it in terms of identity. It’s hard for me to imagine I would have been trans if I’d been straight or gender conforming as a boy. I don’t know if that means those things cause you to be trans, but they were there and it’s part of you. It’s hard to me to imagine my sense of self has nothing to do with that even if I feel like it was there from the beginning. Obviously, a lot of trans people weren’t gender nonconforming or gay as kids so I don’t want to speak for them.

I feel like people who equate transness with stereotypes in presentation currently is super cringy though. That’s kind of a separate though. The idea of girl mode/boy mode really don’t describe the experience I feel like. If that’s literally how you see yourself, I feel like we aren’t the same thing.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-04-20T20:59:28+00:00

I don’t know. If it weren’t for reproduction, sexes wouldn’t exist at all. I don’t really thing there is anything intrinsic about being a female or male other then reproduction. Practically, there are lots of things about how we are that are because of that, but it’s socially created indirectly not because being a female or male makes someone a certain way. If sex didn’t exist, there’d still be all kinds of people.

Homosexual people, like myself I guess, still want to same things in life and may want to raise kids too so it’s not like straight relationships are better or more complimentary. It seems like it has a lot more to do with the individuals involved complimenting each other and loving each other, not something to do with reproduction. I feel like I can have a meaningful life even though I can never reproduce. Homosexuality isn’t useless or harmful. If our sexuality makes us feel good or makes us happy, then it’s not useless.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-01-17T23:48:53+00:00

It seems like nonsense. The type of relationship is totally separate from the identities of the people who are in it. I don’t think that necessarily means you can’t be part of a community. It’s not for me to say, but if people of the opposite sex are in a relationship, it’s straight by definition. The OP says a bunch about same-gender/opposite-gender, which generally isn’t what that is about so I feel like GC would have lots of problems with this.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-12-04T23:54:27+00:00

I just don’t understand why people keep asking this. It’s really easy.

Also, trans people can still be valid even if we acknowledge sex. Why is it so important to pretend that sex can change or is a spectrum?

peakingatthemoment · 2020-10-29T15:10:42+00:00

I feel like the most important thing anyone can do for trans people is to normalize gender nonconformity. Kids should be taught it’s okay to be a masculine girl or feminine boy and we should try to make it where those things are just like a part of personality and not because of someone’s sex. Visibly trans people shouldn’t be treated badly because they don’t adhere to expectations for their sex. I feel like GC (actually GC, not trans hating conservatives appropriating it) do this, but it is the most important thing to me because it helps everyone and doesn’t reinforce gender roles.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-10-25T21:56:23+00:00

I’m not sure if I’m understanding the question entirely. Like, if sex is defined by gametes, which I think it is, there are only two types of gametes and nothing in between them. It seems like that has to be binary rather than bimodal. I don’t think gametes can be a result of dimorphism either because they are very different even apart from size. I’ve only heard dimorphism used to refer to traits. Traits among females and males are a distribution with a lot of overlap though so maybe that is what they are getting at. Those traits aren’t sex though. Plus, many of those traits can be changed and do change throughout someone’s life (to varying degrees). For instance, characteristics of my body include breasts and a vagina (or at least something like one 🤷‍♀️), but it is still a male body because I was born male, just not a typical one. Like, using sex to describe someone can be less useful in those situations, but that isn’t a reason to try to pretend sex is something other than what we’ve known it to be throughout human history. 100 years ago, no one had any trouble knowing who was and wasn’t supposed to vote or who the 19th amendment was for. It’s silly we’re pretending like it’s complicated all of a sudden.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-10-17T00:27:48+00:00

I feel like actually listening to transwomen, especially the ones online, is like the thing peaks so many people.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-09-22T16:59:51+00:00

Not QT, but trans. I think I’m okay with it. I assume those of us who are under the radar wouldn’t be any more and would be expected to come out as trans. Is that correct? It does make me a little nervous and it would change things if I had to be out, but it’s less scary if neutral spaces would be there and it would help trans people in general, so I’d probably say yes. I don’t care at all about being called a transwoman instead of a woman.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-08-23T21:14:19+00:00

I don’t really feel welcomed by the current trans movement. Like, my personal history by itself would be welcomed and, in many ways, is what the trans movement wants people to focus on, but I don’t think my beliefs would be welcomed.

Edit: I wanted to elaborate a little. I feel like I’m against most of what the trans movement is about now. I don’t like what is happening with redefining words. There is nothing transphobic about being honest about biological sex and differences that exist because of it. I also am really against their attitude towards childhood transition. Children should have the opportunity to grow up (or at least be teenagers if it’s been there a long time) before being given life altering, sterilizing medical treatments. We shouldn’t be celebrating transition at all because it isn’t an ideal outcome (it should be the last resort when nothing else helps). Also, I’m very worried about the idea that self-ID should be all the matters for access to spaces. I feel like it puts women in danger, including transsexuals like myself.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-08-13T19:45:27+00:00

I meant add some potential compromises.

I’m like 110% against self-ID allowing someone to change identification, but is there some standard that could be agreed upon? Like going back to more gatekeeping where someone would have to undergo surgery before being able to amend things. I feel like this worked better than how things are now. Under no circumstances should anyone convicted of sex crimes be able to amend documents like that. There could other standards that might work too.

Could we take sex off a lot of identification documents or make it only visible to people who really needed it (medical people, law enforcement if a crime has been committed)? I feel like maybe GC could support that even if you weren’t okay with legal sex change.

What could being able to change some documents, like IDs and passports, but leaving birth certificates with natal sex? Amending birth certificates is weird to think about anyway since it really seems like falsifying because even if someone believed sex reassignment is actually possible it still wouldn’t change how someone was born.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-11T14:23:14+00:00

Saying “all trans women are men” for instance would be fine.

Addition: Or like, “I’m tired of women harassing the gay men on r/AskGayBros”. You can make statements about groups, but if you can’t say “userx is a woman/man” or use pronouns they aren’t comfortable with if userx is trans. Gender neutral is always fine though or just avoid pronouns all together. The rules don’t force anyone to use preferred or anything like that.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T23:12:59+00:00

You probably could today without it seeming too weird! It used to not be talked about as much though.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T22:06:39+00:00

Do you think other transsexual women also have a preference for more masculine men? I wonder if that could be because of a desire to not see similarities between yourself and another member of your natal sex, even subconsciously.

That’s an interesting thought! I feel like (male) HSTS might have similar preferences in men. I was briefly on Tailcalled’s discord a few years ago and they would ask us to rate male attractiveness sometimes (for data lol) and it felt like the few of us that were there all preferred the same (more masculine) type. Your idea makes sense, but I feel like I couldn’t possibly know. Presumably, it be stronger with more male appearing TW and, at least for HSTS, it’s just seemed like universal (of that small group at least).

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T21:56:57+00:00

Porcelain_Quetzal is QT I think. I’m not against another QT mod necessarily as they aren’t super active. I’m not sure about your other suggestion. I feel like people being able to talk about their experiences with trans people is important to these conversations so I don’t know if it makes sense to ban that. I guess we could ask people to be more general... 🧐 I don’t know... It wouldn’t be my decision to make by myself in any case.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T20:55:47+00:00

More QT participants! Being on Reddit helped to people come to debate even though is an awful place.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-02T00:47:51+00:00

Yes. Even when I’ve had sex I didn’t want to have in dreams it’s always with men.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-19T00:35:35+00:00

There is no healthy lack of homophobia in a group that contains HSTS

I’m not saying this isn’t problem, but is it fair to say we automatically like that? I always felt like the straight ones were the homophobes.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-18T18:40:36+00:00

It’s disappointing, but not surprising. The same guidance existed under the Obama administration and when Trump reversed it, I’m not sure if much really changed. I don’t think it make a big difference now, but I do worry about the future. Some amount of trans young people have used bathrooms for many years without much coming of it, but it was really small group of people and it was kept very quiet. I really don’t like how all this is being politicized because laws in either direction won’t fix it. States are trying to pass laws to ban it, but many involve invasive genitals checks and will probably never become an actual practice, but the people doing it think it is popular politically. States and cities that were already allowing it will still be allowing it and those that weren’t probably hardly have any trans students anyway. I do want girls who are negatively impacted to sue though so maybe the courts can clarify Title IX to be only about sex.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-17T03:35:04+00:00

I’m not going to really comment on this tonight because I have to sleep (and also I am not QT), but I do feel like when it is framed this way it makes it really hard to respond too. I understand this is how many GC people see it, but just so easy to imagine QT looking at this question and just being like.... nooope...

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-11T19:14:12+00:00

Hi worried! Thanks for sharing! I’m glad those women are speaking out and trying to exist in a way that is more comfortable for them. I’m not an expert on South Korean culture or anything and I’m sure there are many reasons it’s different. I feel like Women’s Lib/Second Wave Feminism didn’t take place in many Asia countries at the same time it did in many “western” countries. Things just stayed more traditional and changes was slower. I feel the liberal feminism we have now is like a product of patriarchal backlash and co-opting of second wave. Maybe some of it is because it’s a newer movement there that that just hasn’t happened yet and they are still more in their “second wave” moment? I don’t really know, but just I’m thinking about it.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-31T13:54:54+00:00

Please note you have the capacity to block users. Use it as liberally as needed to maintain your well-being.

This would be my recommendation if a user really bothers you or use the report function. Insulting the mods probably won’t be effective.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-24T15:59:18+00:00

The only thing that sometimes worries me about discussions of transmen in GC spaces is that I feel like they are infantilized. Like, transwomen are seen an abusive, evil narcissists most of the time, but at least are seen as in control of their lives and choices. In contrast, I feel like transmen are seen more often as victims unable to really make true decisions the way male trans people do. Often they are described as just doing things to stand out (“not like the other girls” comes up a lot, which seems to me a like a ridiculous way to talk about someone’s struggle with dysphoria, not that everyone is dysphoric, but if they are that just crazy to me). Of course patriarchy exists so there are some reasons to view female choices through that lens, but it’s hard for me not see some of it as infantilizing and perpetuating a kind of sexism.

Btw, this isn’t directed at anyone here, but I read Ovarit and the GC main sub and I feel like it’s something I see a lot. I feel like it would really bother me if I was a transman and I feel bad that they are treated that way.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-16T15:34:46+00:00

Lol, I don’t know if I should really do that. If I said everything I really felt about adult transwomen it really could make it even more difficult to be QT here. There so few QT and trans users already and I want them to participate.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-01T16:05:08+00:00

I feel like it’s only ethical when it’s treated as a last resort. I don’t think everything about transitioning is unhealthy, but some of it is and there are so many other areas where we just don’t know long term. There were many transsexuals before me, but I’ve asked questions with my doctor where they would say they didn’t know because there just aren’t that many people who’ve been of hormones that long. It’s still experimental in many ways and there is even less known for trans natal females. We shouldn’t encourage it or treat it like it’s a good thing. I’m really not comfortable with the way culture celebrates it now and praises people.

That said, I feel like I wouldn’t still be here today if I hadn’t been allowed to transition. Maybe that’s wrong and I can’t know what might have happen in the years after if I hadn’t been given treatment, but I was not in a happy place and couldn’t see a future for myself if I wasn’t allowed to live as a girl. I always feel like if medical treatments didn’t exist, I’d probably still be trying to live the same way, but just with a worse quality of life because I wouldn’t have been able to pass as I got older.

I feel strongly that children should be allowed to go through puberty naturally so they can desist. The data shows that most of them will, but not if you interfere with blockers. Blockers themselves aren’t safe either.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-04-27T12:59:00+00:00

It’s not really my place to say, but I feel like most GC women seem to say they should be included. I think it’s like a tension though because transmen usually don’t see themselves as women.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-04-26T15:29:04+00:00

I don’t know. I don’t think there is anyone I’ve consistently identified with. My personal style has changed over time too as I’ve gotten older. I’m not very unique in appearance I don’t think, so there are many women who have similar styles. Pandemic life has been weird since we don’t go out like we used to or go to the office. It will go back eventually, but I feel like I spend my whole life in leggings now...🙃

peakingatthemoment · 2021-04-18T16:03:48+00:00

Hi MT! I brought it back after I saw it was getting additional comments. I’m still not sure this is on good faith given the users history, but I will leave it up. Thanks!

peakingatthemoment · 2021-03-20T14:25:35+00:00

I don’t know if you are sincere, but sex is defined by the type of gamete someone’s reproductive anatomy is developed to produce. If someone has parts of that anatomy removed or changed or even if it doesn’t fully develop, our bodies still begin developing around either eggs or sperm. I feel like this video explains it really well.

https://youtu.be/XN2-YEgUMg0

This definition includes all three of your groups.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-03-11T03:27:26+00:00

So they can just ban a fundraiser if they don’t like who it’s going to? It’s a rape shelter for godsake. This moment is so fucked. 😡

peakingatthemoment · 2021-02-26T15:54:33+00:00

I do want to quickly defend Genderbender and Not_a_celebrity. Both of them started with these types of questions, but were willing to engage in conversation and genuinely did listen to responses. I feel like there are some people who can come here with questions that we might view as silly, but that they may be genuinely asking. There is so much gaslighting other places on these issues so I’m not beyond believing someone can be legitimately confused by what sex means and why certain QT arguments don’t hold water.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-01-23T19:59:20+00:00

I feel like a lot will depend on how it is interpreted and used to create rules. I worry especially about that talks about sports. That just seems like an area where it is just so clear that no exceptions should ever be made or sports for women and girls will just cease to be. It’s good that they reference Bostock because at least that one was based on trans people being protected because of gender noncomformity, not gender identity. The EO does use the words gender identity elsewhere unfortunately. 😐

peakingatthemoment · 2020-11-21T18:26:33+00:00

Not QT, but I am trans. It’s a lot. When I read things like this is just shows to me that like the “gender essence” narrative or the idea the TW have female brains or vice-versa don’t make sense. Even there is like a true transsexual that exists then is still seems like the majority of people identifying as trans aren’t that because if they were they’d be more like their identified sex. I feel like society, culture, social media, etc. is like a big part of what is happening now.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-11-18T23:24:13+00:00

Do you mean you find it insulting for someone to ask your pronouns? If so, I agree, for most of us it’s really obvious. I guess preferred pronouns do normalize trans identities and that isn’t something we should want necessarily.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-10-21T21:04:55+00:00

Number 3 is a really good point. I don’t think you can connect being dysphoric to being a woman or man because of that. Growing up, for me, I believed I was really supposed to be a girl or that I was one inside because of how I was, but beliefs like that don’t really make sense or rely on sexist stereotypes (unless we actually found out it was in the brain or something, but there isn’t evidence that that is real). I don’t know if the dysphoria with my body would have existed the same without that because I can’t know what that would be like since that is how I felt. I feel like if someone says TWAW they have to believe some version of that because dysphoria wouldn’t make someone a woman.

Woman being tied to female the way trans people use it makes sense to me. I feel like if it wasn’t part of that they wouldn’t want the word to begin with and that’s why the TWAW people want to come for female too. Woman doesn’t make sense without it and if TWAW people managed to change it to just mean an identity, I feel like it would actually be really self-defeating for them. I don’t know if that makes sense.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-10-20T14:31:49+00:00

I don’t think you can be mainly attracted to female characteristics and also be attracted to the primary male sex characteristic. A penis isn’t a female characteristic.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-10-20T14:01:26+00:00

Secondary sex characteristics can vary a lot between individual females and males, but genitals are like the primary thing that differentiates us even before puberty. It’s silly to pretend secondary sex characteristics would matter more. If a guy has sex with someone with a penis I really feel like it can’t be straight and there’s nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t erase homosexuality to validate trans people.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-08-31T00:58:51+00:00

Some trans people (less than I used to think) do things to our bodies that make us sterile, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have a sex anymore. It’s especially silly to say that with a transman because I’ve heard that transmen can still get pregnant after being on testosterone for like a decade. Gay men aren’t going to want to have sex with someone with a vagina because gay men feel about vaginas the same way lesbians feel about penises.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-08-29T02:28:48+00:00

I feel like there has to be some kind of social contagion taking place just due to the massive increase in trans people compared to 20 years ago (it went from like 1:20000 estimated, to nearly 1:100). Internet usage and social networks seem to play a large role based on the Littman study, which was mostly transmen. It’s also so weird how over represented transwomen are in the tech sectors, which are presumably people who spent more time online growing up. I’m not really educated enough about it to say how it’s all connected, but it really feels like there is some connection.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-08-21T12:48:55+00:00

I feel like there are major issues with females being labeled as trans because of sex-based oppression. There were so many incentives to try to pass for male because it was the only way to fully participate in society. It might be more reasonable for males who passed as females back then to be looked at as trans, but I don’t really know if that happened much or that those people would have been recorded by history.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-08-10T01:17:27+00:00

There a couple QTish posters here, but not very many. I feel like someone could make an new reddit account and start complaining about us on GenCyn or something. Trans people really aren’t on SaidIt sadly.

Maybe I’ll start making threads about the small number of areas where I disagree with GC just because it might be more interesting.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-07-28T02:29:38+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

I feel like the AGPs are a problem too. I also have issues with anyone who comes out as trans after having kids to be honest (How does that even happen?), but that’s a whole different conversation I guess.

I absolutely don’t believe in publicly funded fertility assistance for adults who have voluntarily sterilised themselves, so if they want a genetic baby after transitioning, better have saved up some cash and eggs/sperm.

That seems fair. My husband and I have been trying to add to our family and we are using our own money (not that any sort of fertility assistance would have helped in my case).

I’m also concerned that a transgender parent may be willing to put their child through hormones and whatnot if the child ever said ‘I’m trans’ or was gnc.

Oh wow, I hadn’t really thought about that. I hope parents wouldn’t be like that with kids. I do worry about some trans people seemingly wanting others to be trans (presumably for validation?). That would be so wrong though...

peakingatthemoment · 2020-07-25T22:07:09+00:00

I’m not QT, but I guess I’ll try to answer. I feel like in real life “a woman is some who says they are a woman” is like the best QT definition because if you question whether someone is a woman beyond that you are considered transphobic. Other definitions would be “someone with a female gender identity”, “someone with who identifies with femininity” or “someone with a female body map”. I feel like they all have problems. This question has been asked a like a million times on the Reddit sub and there is never one that fully makes sense that QT wouldn’t think was exclusionary.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-25T16:55:39+00:00

I feel like passing counts for something, just not changing sex. If you pass, you can move through the world being seen and treated as the opposite sex, but your sex hasn’t actually changed.

peakingatthemoment · 2020-09-19T19:26:30+00:00

I think male seahorses are neat, but I don’t really know how they fit into this debate.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-13T00:06:07+00:00

Obligatory not QT, but trans. Yes! Any reason is fine to exclude someone I feel like. I wouldn’t be sure that all trans people believe a particular ideology. I guess you can say because we are trans we must believe something about gender, but I don’t know if that’s true especially as people mature and grow in life. It probably would be true of most trans people at the moment though.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-10T23:39:50+00:00

Wow, thank you for this! I was thought I had lost everything I ever said there.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T23:05:37+00:00

Basically I think if someone is going to react in a shitty way, they’re gonna react that way no matter when you tell them, and it may be worse if things go further than a casual flirt and exchange of numbers. So if someone is afraid of someone they know knowing, it’s safest to not risk dating them at all.

That’d true, but I feel like you have to get to know someone to know sometimes though. You always the option to just break-up without telling them. If I had felt like my husband, after I got to know him better, was someone who would try to hurt me I had the choice to just break-up with him and not tell him. I didn’t have to allow it to go so far that I had to tell him. We weren’t jumping into bed immediately. 😛

peakingatthemoment · 2021-07-08T22:30:19+00:00

But I understand if someone is out and about and gets hit on not disclosing then and there. though if numbers are exchanged, would it not be better to disclose over the phone, before the date?

I feel like it depends a lot on how you know the person. Like, my husband and I had been coworkers for 3 years before we ever dated. I didn’t know him super well before he asked me out, but if he reacted badly I would have had to worry about him outing me to work or other people as like an act of revenge. I could have decided not to agree to go out with him, because it would have been a risk, but if did that standard I’d never date any guy because it was almost always men I worked with or were in my friend circles who would want to date me. You have to trust someone to give that to them I feel like because they can try to mess up your life. Even if telling him over the phone removes the immediate physical danger, it doesn’t remove other worries like that. If someone isn’t dating someone like that who could hurt them, they should just do it though.

I am curious if you think not disclosing is similar to concealing something else that may be a “dealbreaker”?

I feel like it could be like a (lesser or greater, depending on how they take it, version) of not disclosing marital status. I’ve unfortunately found out I later a guy I was (or thought I was!?) dating was married and I was really upset. There could be women who would be alright with that, but I wasn’t and felt deceived and that he had led me on.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-29T11:48:41+00:00

Hi Houseplant! I read those comments and it didn’t appear to me they were directed at specific users. That’s sort of how we’ve approach misgendering too. It’s allowed with groups, but not with users. If I missed a specific instance where they called a user a bigot, please let me know.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-27T00:25:08+00:00

If you don’t mind answering, how do you feel about taking sex markers off more forms of ID or making it where only law enforcement or other people who needed to knew could see it? I feel like if it was only visible when people needed it or if you were applying for a sex-based scholarship or sports league, maybe we could insure sex-based protections stayed sex-based and make it easier for passing trans people to live normal lives. I know none of this is GCs problem to solve and there probably aren’t that many trans people it even would matter for, but I’m just curious if there is something wrong with it that I’m not thinking of. I’m sure some trans people wouldn’t like this idea either because they’d want everything to say the sex they want to be, but I feel like if I could exist without risking being outed when I had to show ID it would have been fine to not change anything.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-26T18:41:50+00:00

I get you guys don't want kids to get treatment for their disorders because the power of love and acceptance will heal them, etc etc.

Most dysphoric children will desist if they aren’t affirmed though. There isn’t any magically therapy for it or any training in self-acceptance. For those who desist, it will just happen naturally. I feel like it’s better protect the majority of kids rather than harm them just because the outcome will be better for the smaller percentage that won’t desist. We have the easiest time passing anyway and being forced to wait a few more years didn’t ruin my life, even if it was really tough. I feel like adult trans people shouldn’t project their wishes onto kids.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-15T22:39:09+00:00

Obligatory not QT, but trans. So I feel like I know what you are asking. I don’t know how QT people would answer that. I feel like you have to look at HSTS transsexuals and gay people and see that sort of as different ways the same type of thing presents in an individual or in society. Maybe not exactly, but close. I feel like it would be silly to pretend that doesn’t overlap or someone might develop identity differently in a different society. Pointing it out doesn’t change the identity of the person though. I feel like QT is resistant to that though because it means we aren’t real (unless only the straight ones are, lol).

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-14T13:23:00+00:00

And in particular, performing oral sex on a woman would be more than just unarousing. I don't think I could do it.

Totally agree

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-09T01:24:32+00:00

I don’t know if we know totally what causes gender dysphoria, but I understand what you mean about it being different than depression without a known cause. Thanks for clarifying! I’m glad you weren’t saying it’s not real depression.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-06-08T23:30:13+00:00

Ssri discontinuation is a serious issue with measurable physical effects as well as psychological distress.

I agree with GB on this. How does stopping T not also cause both those things? It doesn’t mean you have to like female people taking it, but that is how it is for them.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-28T00:17:10+00:00

I feel like you asked this before and I don’t understand because if you pass people always use your pronouns. GC uses preferred pronouns for passing trans people just like everyone else. That’s what passing is.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-27T17:12:09+00:00

Oh god... ☹️ No one should any surgeries like that without their consent. It just seems barbaric, but is was common practice to do these things for so long. I feel like there is more understand now that people with DSDs shouldn’t be treated surgically without their consent. I hope neither side would disagree with that.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-16T18:21:27+00:00

Okay, you make a good point! I just don’t want make a like a “Peaking throws TW under the bus” thread. The self-absorb people seem like the rule rather than the exception though for trans people. I feel like sexual orientation and history is important too because I feel like those tendencies are often much worse in heterosexual trans people or even those who passed as straight. I’m biased though because, at best, I never got along with them. I wasn’t straight and felt like we didn’t share much in common. Maybe I’ll make another thread when I have time to write enough.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-05T14:49:29+00:00

So I feel like there is a lot here. I’ll try to give my best guess on the terms.

Sexism is important I feel like. Women are expected to compromise in ways men are not. I feel like that’s a big part why women are expected to change terms about their bodies to be inclusive of transmen and not non-woman-identified female people in a way that men are not expected to for transwomen and non-man-identified male people. So many things with male and females make sense when you think about sexism and misogyny.
Also, there isn’t something totally like OB-GYNs for males. Urologists exists, but men don’t usually need to see them as often I don’t think. I asked my 39 year old husband about it and he has never seen urologist at all in those years. I think you go if something is wrong. I think if male people had to see those doctors more, there might be pressure from transwomen to change the language. Also, once a transwoman has fully transitioned (with bottom surgery), there isn’t much a urologist would really be trained to do I don’t think and even if they were trained I don’t know what it would be for. I’ve been told that prostate cancer risk post-op is super low because it is super tiny and doesn’t receive any male hormones. I don’t know all of what urologists do, so if anyone knows something I am not thinking of please let me know.

peakingatthemoment · 2021-05-01T18:16:41+00:00

Every trans person I know (admittedly not many, but quite a few) has a slew of health issues, and the health issues are pretty similar amongst them, so I’m guessing it’s possibly related to their “transition” (I acknowledge it’s an uneducated guess).

Hi LoveSloane! Can you elaborate on this? I’m super curious.

peakingatthemoment

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