Dating apps and cancel culture

paleolithicat · 2021-11-09T21:35:13+00:00

What do you mean you couldn't get into it? Haven't watched it or didn't enjoy it?

Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Can you elaborate on the effect you mention and your views on the movie?

Personally I found it a bit overhyped and I didn't understand some of their inner motivations.

Spoilers ahead

The period drama has also a certain outdated flair for me, it is a beloved genre but clearly one destined to fulfill the trope of the impossible love. I am just so far from it that I couldn't understand their last interactions in the movie. It felt weird because why don't they just run away? The artist was at first sight (!) less of a rebel than the blonde but she obviously was more rebellious because she was following her own path which had more freedom. The blonde seemed only to be the rebel but she chose the heteronormative destiny. And what did she want from the artist in their last conversation? It all felt very dramatic but for me it also felt they DID have another choice.

paleolithicat · 2021-11-07T22:55:06+00:00

Thanks! Yes, I would absolutely say it is my favourite. Its allegorical nature makes it universal for the core experience which lesbians all over the world go through.

If there was to be one movie on the topic, I'd choose this one because it just sums up everything so perfectly.

Yet, I enjoy lesbian comedies quite a lot so I simply LOVE D.E.B.S. Have you seen it? What is your favourite lesbian movie?

paleolithicat · 2021-10-28T02:23:09+00:00

Ok, I need to intervene here. Thelma is not a superhero thriller. I am too tired at the moment to search for the correct genre but it also doesn't matter.

The movie is a masterpiece and nothing will manage to surpass it, as it tells the lesbian "coming-of-age" in an absolutely genius way. I will try to shortly explain:

(Spoilers ahead)

Thelma's "power" is her will. Throughout the film we see her having the seizures when fighting her natural desire. She "deletes" the other girl because of how deep she suppresses her sexuality. Only when in peace with herself is she able to revert the narrative.

The father represents Patriarchy. That is why the mother is disabled while he is alive. He gives a fake impression to care for his daughter(female) and be her friend while he actually is absolutely bent to keep his power and the status quo (represented in the movie by Religion) as he wishes it. That's why he describes Thelma's "power" as a sickness. Strongwilled women have never been favoured in patriarchy.

I can talk more but I watched the movie years ago. Hit me up or answer here, if you want to discuss it further. :)

paleolithicat · 2021-07-26T16:46:38+00:00

Thank you for the wholesome answer!

I'd say in my case we are talking about number 2, you gave a very good example with the war situation thing.

I'd add that part of what upset me was the contradiction between what I had Perceived from her talk ("oh no I hope you aren't like that guy" to mean he wasn't any good) vs her book (where he is the perfect man).

Another reason in this regard is that I never gave it a lot of thought whether she is bi or lesbian. I often assume (my problem, I know) that women who came to the conclusion to date women (and have been seeing only girls since XY time) are lesbians, no matter their relationship history. So my shock probably came from the realization she is bisexual, after all.

I am sure about not being so bothered by love stories with other females because as you said, I can relate. "Love stories" between females are still not the same as heterosexual ones - factors like not knowing whether the person is homosexual and likes you, the flirting, the "chase" - they all happen differently albeit being the same thing in its core. So I think the easiness in heterosexual romance often irritates and frustrates me. I am just angry I was stripped of that by being born in a tiny minority I guess.

paleolithicat · 2021-02-26T17:23:45+00:00

Well, hetero men see two pretty women have sex = hetero men like. Furthermore, it presented a deeply dysfunctioning lesbian relationship AND one of the women cheating with a man. So while it is difficult, I can see how someone can be homophobic but enjoy the movie.

With years passing by and seeing some scenes again, I don't think it was all that bad actually. There are some good scenes, probably original conversations from the comic book. Besides, the actresses are good. I found it almost intolerable the first time and by now, I might even like it. (if you cut off the soft porn from the movie)

The director is quite famous and well liked in France so I guess the comic book author felt flattered and confident he will be able to pull it off. And he sorta did in a way. The movie was a success.

paleolithicat · 2021-02-26T17:12:22+00:00

It's art. They are free to sing about whatever their heart desires. Yes, young lesbians (and not so young too) consume every slightly lesbian thing in media and also take it close to heart. It's a whole niche and it was not filled by anyone quite a long time. Straight romance songs etc are also often about unhealthy relationships. It's normal.

I don't like the lyrics of this song either and it reads to me like cheap rap. Heard the song and I think the lyrics are secondary (people hear it for the music and her voice). It is very possible that a hetero dude or chick wrote it too.

paleolithicat · 2021-02-20T22:54:34+00:00

Interesting, didn't know these details about Brokeback mountain. But then I'd say the lesbian version of it is Blue is the warmest colour. Although the original comic book is written by a les/bi woman, the movie is made by a man and was heavily criticised for the male gaze and perspective by the wlw community. And the sex scenes were sort of soft porn.

paleolithicat · 2021-02-01T18:12:14+00:00

I think I got compared to males more frequently while I was closeted. Or maybe I cared more then. Probably somewhere in between.

I think on an unconscious level it was sort of comforting for me not to show a feminine side because being "girly" was considered as "doing it solely to attract males" and it invited all sorts of dumb sexist comments and opinions. When I came to terms with my sexuality, it had the side effect that I embraced my own femininity much, much, much more and stopped caring that it attracts males. I know women find it hot, as well, so why would I suppress my female sensuality because of men?

I still get it sometimes but I also think I have a more aggressive and upfront personality which is traditionally connected to male behaviour so it doesn't surprise me.

paleolithicat · 2021-02-01T18:04:06+00:00

That's definitely an interesting take on it. But I think men are also not completely free of limitations as they try to cater to women. Being cocky for example is a trait I'd connect with masculinity. Funnily, I sort of enjoy it in women and not at all in men (probably it really is innately connected to attraction).

paleolithicat · 2021-01-31T22:30:30+00:00

Actually it can be. :) Most of those "representative" studies work by taking samples of the population. I think there are many factors as to why the reported number is lower than the real one. Or maybe it is only my wishful thinking haha!

paleolithicat · 2021-01-31T21:50:30+00:00

What do you mean?

paleolithicat · 2021-01-31T21:39:58+00:00

Hahaha, we are sure to get along - I haven't had fights with Scorpios (thank God :D). It definitely depends on different factors. I have noticed that October Scorpios for example are less intense and more cheerful.

To be honest, I have also not met any lesbian Scorpios. You are surely lurking somewhere in dark places where I don't go lol.

paleolithicat · 2021-01-31T12:46:58+00:00

I think the percentage should be at least around the same as gay men.

Why?

1) Somebody said it here already - historically men had a better opportunity to live out their homosexuality AND they are better recorded in history anyway. Women were on the background most of the time so I think a lot of the homosexual activity was just secret enough not to get any attention by men (who were the ones writing history). For one, I have thought about it and I am pretty sure that I would live a heterosexual life as a closeted lesbian if I was born >150 years ago and either seize opportunities to have clandestine affairs with other women or just fantasize about it my whole life.

2) Bisexuality is more accepted in society than homosexuality which explains the higher numbers of females identifying as bisexuals. Again, I went through the defining myself as bisexual phase (even so I was closeted though) as a teenager because it made me feel less decoupled from everyone else and it felt less of a threat to my social status and just less scary. "Oh, yeah, girls are hot and I like them but I like boys too, all good". It is a powerful safety.

3) Heteronormative society pushes women into defining as bisexual because it is convenient for heterosexual men. That way they get access to lesbians and access to threesomes with their very much straight girlfriends. I think all of this makes coming to terms and realizing to be exclusively attracted to women a very, very hard process with lots of craziness in between. Not to speak that there are so many hetero girls convinced that you don't have to be very attracted to a guy, just like his character and how he treats you. I have actually heard about ones explaining that it is normal that sex isn't pleasurable, at least in the beginning etc. All my hetero female friends are very sexual so I didn't have that energy in my life but my ex for example had told me she is so happy she can't complain about sexual issues when talking with her friends who ALL do not enjoy the sex with their boyfriends... Point of the story: Many women would continue defining as bisexual even though they like only girls for real because boys are so easily available (ugh!), pushy (lesbians unite and go for the girls you want!), can be good friends and are maybe making an effort in relationships (which is the part where not-there-yet-lesbians think that because they are fond of their male friends, this means they are in love and everyone told them sex isn't so important anyway).

A personal statistic: in my school year we had 100 girls. From them I know for sure for 4 (including me) who turned out to be lesbians. That is 4% and it doesn't account for others who might have come out but I do not know or are still closeted. I come from a country traditionally considered as homophobic and am a 90s kid. So I think 5% is the minimum actually.

paleolithicat · 2021-01-31T11:35:42+00:00

I have quite a few Scorpio female friends and get along with Scorpios very well generally. But wouldn't date one, to be honest. :D I mean, I have seen it from my friends how intensive they can be with people they like/date and I find it too much to handle. Even though I myself have a Mars in Scorpio so intensity doesn't per se scare me, I even crave it in a certain sense. But it just looks really tiring when it comes to you guys. No harsh feelings!

PS. Dated a Cancer with a lot of Plutonian energy, I love her but she was a maniac. Sooo should not be my cup of tea as I experience it as toxic. I have an airy Jupiterian chart so I think I am just too much on the bright side for the gloom and darkness of the underworld, so to speak.

paleolithicat · 2021-01-31T11:19:26+00:00

I heard it on the radio during a show they have where they present books and add interview excerpts with the author. This was yesterday but it is not a UK radio show so it is normal that there were already British articles on the topic in the internet (probably that's how the radio journalists found out about her new book as well). After hearing it, I had to check what I heard so I "investigated" a bit on the web and posted this particular article on it.

I will join whateverbeaver and reassure you that there is nothing to be insecure about. You will see with time that there are constantly such attacks on our sexuality and identity with the sheer goal of convincing you that lesbians do not exist, all women are either bi or straight, and that being a lesbian is some sort of a choice because you have a certain problem with men. Like trauma, hate, aversion to sex in general because according to them sex is only sex involving a male (notice, gay sex is sex! Lesbian sex on the contrary doesn't exist or is not a real thing) or even disobedience which is mostly an indirect message and only clear to see after analysing the deeper context of their accusations.

You will see and hear a lot. Don't worry, you are not alone. Probably each of us lets it get to their head from time to time - the attacks are at every turn after all! But it gets better with time because you stop caring about morons and their stupidity and realize you don't have to fit in their narrow view of who you are supposed to be or how you are supposed to act.

I have said it in another posts already but with the years to come you will see that lesbians are the only people on the planet free of men. It will be a big revelation and you will realize how much of how the human world functions is dictated by men's desires and opinions. This gives us a special power as we are able to see things outside of the male box which men (straight, bi or gay) and women (straight or bi) all over the world inhabit. I believe that is why a lot of the most prominent and independent women in history turn out to be lesbian women. So fuck expectations and go strong!

There are many others like you and you are one step forward because you have already at least found an online space where you can communicate with other lesbians. :)

paleolithicat · 2021-01-30T18:21:13+00:00

Omg she is awesome!!! Thanks! 😂👌👌

paleolithicat · 2021-01-30T18:17:00+00:00

That's very interesting! Thank you for the comment. I don't have much more than general knowledge about these movements in America as I have grown up in a completely different setting. I don't doubt the credibility of her words but it doesn't make sense for me what she did to be labeled "lesbian lifestyle" nowadays. If I was her, I would tell the story as "I didn't want to be sexually involved with men as a form of protest" or something like that but in any case, it is her responsibility to not lead on her public by claims like "I was a lesbian 10years because I was an angry feminist and since then I have been leading a happy life as a straight woman".

The thing with MLK would be quite shocking if it is true but I wouldn't be so sure. It could easily be fabricated in order to discredit him. And there certainly are people who want that and would profit from that.

I will read into Fannie Lou Hamer nonetheless, thanks for the tip.

paleolithicat · 2021-01-30T17:28:54+00:00

I agree completely, it was an interview about her new book so it didn't center around that but if you are a lesbian you are sensitive to such sentences and topics even when on the side.

You make a very good point about gays too. Men are also never considered to be gay "because of a cause". And they do not get labeled as "angry womanhaters".

What troubles me is that there seem to be real women spreading this nonsense as their personal story. I feel it really does contribute to less real (mostly closeted) lesbians identifying with the label and thus it is a step backward. I personally meet almost only bisexual women in my country of residence (in Western Europe) and almost all girls I have met from "homophobic" countries in Eastern Europe, South America etc seem to be more comfortable with being exclusively attracted to women.

paleolithicat · 2020-12-11T21:57:59+00:00

Well, I am a millenial and I have joked with lesbian friends about some girls who ping on our radars but are either still closeted or sort of not really there yet. And looks/"aesthetic" are often a part of this.

What it all becomes with social media though.. Turns out we lesbians are just too cool and people repeat and try to imitate.

And yeah, wondering whether you are bi for the attention... You probably are. Either times have changed to the point where there are no closeted people and stigma anymore and lesbians rule the school or the tiktoker has no idea what she's talking about.

paleolithicat · 2020-12-03T02:04:07+00:00

I just saw it in instagram and didn't believe it at first, thought it might be some sort of meme or a joke. Then had to come here immediately... I actually like her, I watched Gaycation and liked the core idea behind it. You could also see more of Ellen's actual personality and I find her a really genuinely nice person. It is just disappointing because it is so deeply random and strips us out of one of the already close to none openly lesbian stars who are also activists. Although the thing that annoyed me the most with Gaycation is that they were progressively spending more time on the T in episodes than all the others together (and especially female B and Ls. They were almost inexistent at some point). Might have been a sign. Maybe she really is trans, jee, who knows.

paleolithicat · 2020-12-03T01:51:33+00:00

Hahaha that was funny! Oh well, the sort of funny where you have to cry if it becomes true.

I come from a Slavic speaking country and can confirm that Vanya is a unisex name in fact. In both cases it is a derived diminutive from Ivan/a (male/female). It is full with such name variations in all Slavic languages. In some one form is more popular than the other which is probably the reason why you think Vanya is solely male. In my language for example Vanya is almost exclusively used for women while Vanyo for men.

paleolithicat · 2020-07-22T10:13:07+00:00

Yes, all good. I do me, you do you. You used the pronoun "we" though when describing how YOU are. And implied that lesbians as a whole are not into something or have certain traits. Which is simply untrue. A massive generalisation and a stereotype. That's all.

paleolithicat · 2020-07-16T16:24:57+00:00

That is not true.

Lesbians may be largely more loyal than other sexuality groups (which also isn't proven through anything besides some people's observations, is it?) but that doesn't mean they are not really into the whole hookup culture. Actually it annoys me to keep hearing that because it is perpetrating a stereotype that is harmful for the community in my opinion. Lesbians are not different from heterosexual women. Some enjoy one night stands, casual sex, flings, harmless flirting, no strings attached, whatever whatever, and some don't.

The fact that there aren't such spaces or that "hookup culture" is frowned upon by some lesbians, is more of a consequence of not wanting to have something in common with anything "heterosexual" and "male-driven" like hookups, or more so with how they normally get portrayed.

paleolithicat · 2020-07-16T16:11:44+00:00

See my comment in this thread. I am pretty sure the numbers are similar if you count in 1. huge numbers of comphets who repress their sexuality unknowingly/stay closeted for years, if not for their whole life; 2. many "bisexual" women who actually crave only girls but comphet world makes them have/seek relations with men.

I agree the idea about lesbian-only places like hotels, restaurants etc sounds unrealistic. But it has more to do with being female than with being lesbian in my opinion. How many women-only spaces do you know? Spare me the ones who are connected to men indirectly and have existed since ages in patriarchal societal forms too - like pregnancy, mother, housewife circles etc.

I agree though that it isn't the TQ community solely to blame in the case. They are just an additional factor nowadays.

paleolithicat · 2020-07-16T12:56:45+00:00

I wasn't aware of this for a long time or somehow didn't want to accept it, but the truth is, it is plain.old.misogyny&patriarchy.

GBT are better presented because they involve men in their lines. Now bare with me.

I recently read a journalistic book which sort of followed the whole development of the "gay issue" politically and socially throughout the last 60-70years (it is called "Global Gay" by Frederic Martel in case you are interested). And what I had to notice is how little lesbian content there was. Yes, there are lesbians in some of those organizations fighting on a political level and so on. Yes, there are lesbians on high level positions who have changed things for the better and fought for the cause. But generally - when the author was travelling in different countries, there were no spaces exclusively for lesbians. There were the gay clubs, the gay spots, the gay bars, the gay this, the gay that (Ok, he is a gay man I believe so ofc he is more interested to visit them but I am pretty sure he would have visited lesbian spaces as well if they actually existed). I live in Europe and I notice that too. We wanted to visit a lgbt club once in Rome while on a trip and security told us it is a gay-only party tonight, so no ladies allowed in. I fully respect that but I want to see the same with no men allowed. I really do.
Have you watched Gaycation with Ellen Page? I was quite happy she did such a format, so I followed it. For those who don't know it, shortly: Ellen Page and a gay pal of hers go to a different country every episode and try to show the LGBT situation in it in the span of 40minutes or so. Why did I watch? I was curious ofc for the general LGBT situation but also purely egoistically, I was super interested in the L-part of things. I actually realized that only later when this part started getting less and less minutes in an episode. At some point it was not more than 5 minutes per episode concentrating on lesbian issues and all the rest was G and T!

There are probably thousand more examples, but slowly I started realizing what you wrote - lesbians have less spaces. Then I thought, it is probably because lesbians don't go out as much or don't party or just aren't the type to form networks like gay men blablabla. But come on - we are writing here right now bc we got KICKED out from our platform in reddit. I created an insta account a few days ago to make relatable lesbian puns targeted at other lesbians in my region - with the idea to use it as a platform to connect lesbians to each other later if it works out (sharing events etc). It got deactivated from instagram on the second day. I have no idea why. It just stopped existing.

Lesbians are women. Women are in a worse position in society. We stop seeing it sometimes because SOME women have it damn good. But when you look at the lesbian situation, you look at the REAL female situation. Because lesbians are fundamentally "free" from anything male.

paleolithicat