Everything Else

jackrusselterror1 · 2021-05-16T19:25:51+00:00

I just rejoined saidit this week. After my younger brother passed unexpectedly, I had to take a break from any sort of debate. I’m at a good point now and I’ve been steadily going through months worth of posts to get acclimated to the rule changes and what type of comments are typical before posting again. Not sure if anyone remembers me from the old site, I wasn’t terribly active to begin with and I only recognize a handful of usernames so I’m not really expecting anyone to.

Got a new job opportunity in a creative field I’ve dreamt of being in but thought wasn’t accessible or realistic to me as anything more than a hobby, paying about the same as my stable STEM job has, and I’d be able to set my own schedule. Issue is that it’s contract and everything is on a bid system, so the income won’t be nearly as predictable as I’m accustomed to (still per project it’s substantial, and judging by the earnings of other people in my position I’ll end each year at roughly my current income, and it’s not like I have no savings so I’ll be fine if I have a few bad months) and it’s extremely competitive to get the projects you want. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity so I think I’ll take it, it’s just something that I haven’t done even as a hobby in a while so I’m nervous about taking this risk. If it doesn’t work out I still have my degrees and licenses, but it’ll be difficult to break back into my field after being out for any length of time, so I’m alternating between being absolutely thrilled at the opportunity and being very cautious.

jackrusselterror1 · 2021-05-15T07:44:19+00:00

Exactly. I’m bisexual and I either beeline for a private space if possible at a communal locker/shower area, or I face away from any person and change as quickly as possible. Tbf I think most women try to rush through this with minimal interaction, the locker room isn’t a magical gathering place for women to converse and bond. I do judge people who start up conversations with strangers in these places or can’t stop staring in locker rooms or bathrooms, there’s no reason we can’t save talking for when I’m actually fully dressed or not on the toilet, and I wish they’d have a little social awareness please.

Consent is extremely important, and no one wants to be watched with sexual intent when vulnerable. Like I said, I’m attracted to other women, but even if I was attracted to the woman eyeing me in a locker room, I’d find the lack of tact and consideration for others completely off putting and wonder what other boundaries that person routinely breaks.

jackrusselterror1 · 2021-05-08T23:37:11+00:00

Personally, yeah, I have quite a few transmen in my social life and work who I respect. I just don’t believe in their spiritual concept of gender identity. It’s like getting along with any religious person as an atheist, you just avoid the topics you can’t agree on and focus on the things you share in common.

I also respect some of the regular commenters from the old discussion site (haven’t been on saidit much, so nothing personal, just don’t know everyone here): basically if they’ve never justified rape by deception, don’t downplay women’s safety concerns, and are here in good faith, I’ve appreciated their comments.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-21T01:48:12+00:00

You actually have lesbian spaces where you live? All of ours closed years ago: no lesbian owned bookstores, coffee shops, or bars. We have a few historic gay bars remaining but they hang trans flags on the doors, I’m not sure if it’s just for show so they don’t get shut down or what. It seems like TQ won in our area and pushed out all the homosexuals from places that used to be for them and now lesbians and gay men have to figure out a secret smoke signal to gather without our gender overlords, because once we create a new thing they want to join in and take over.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-20T17:17:20+00:00

See, I don’t understand how someone can be exclusively same-sex attracted and also fully be on board with QT without experiencing either serious self-loathing, internalized homophobia, or some sort of cognitive dissonance.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-20T07:05:11+00:00

I also don’t understand where he is getting the idea that lesbians accept transwomen as women. No, women who are exclusively same sex attracted aren’t interested in sleeping with men, even if they say they identify as a woman or cosmetically alter themselves to look like women. Lesbians are incapable of sexual attraction to men. That’s the entire point of the word lesbian. If, hypothetically speaking, a lesbian dates or has sex with a transwoman, this would be a traumatic event and likely she would have done this to prove she accepted TWAW, or out of self-loathing and a desire to be straight. I’m like 90% sure we had a lesbian poster on the old subreddit who said something similar about her experience with a transwoman but I’m blanking on the username.

I don’t know what TRAS think lesbians are, but clearly we don’t have the same definitions.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-20T04:09:07+00:00

Because somewhere along the way, people decided that whatever feels bad is bad, and people who say things that make someone else feel bad, regardless of the truth of their statements, is a bad person.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-19T04:16:19+00:00

I don’t like any request for things outside my job description where I feel like there’s no way I can opt out without being penalized. I also heavily dislike bringing politics into the workplace. I feel that companies promoting pronoun circles or suggesting adding preferred pronouns on email signatures is blurring the normal boundaries between personal politics and work. I think it’s a huge faux pas in etiquette on the employers part.

I’m very obviously a woman, my pronouns are based on my sex, like the vast majority of the population. I don’t have more in common with a man who identifies as a woman or considers himself to be female-aligned, than a man who uses sex-based pronouns. By using the same pronouns and words, I am signaling, through language, that men who identify as women are women and there’s no difference in our groups, when obviously sex is the big glaring difference.

The biggest issue to me is that this isn’t an individual deciding to announce their personal preferred pronouns- it’s a company strongly suggesting all of its employees do so that makes it strange and off-putting, and honestly, it’s corporate virtue-signaling.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-19T03:49:43+00:00

Sure, there’s a basic level of decency and civility that should be present in social situations. We don’t always achieve it.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-18T09:55:31+00:00

Let me try to clarify: when I said “women are expected to be overly accommodating” I am referring to a particular toxic sexed expectation women are expected to fulfill at their own expense for the benefit of others. I am referring to a level of niceness and accommodation that is beyond what is expected of men, and at a cost to themselves. What I consider to be a toxic expectation of niceness in debate is expecting women to not address certain topics that might cause offense, expecting them to use hedging words and sacrifice clarity, expecting them to emphasize when the transwoman they are debating isn’t, and in general holding them to a higher standard than the transwoman they’re debating. One of the effects is silencing women.

More specific to this subreddit: In a debate situation that is about two very different, sincerely held beliefs, there is bound to be hurt feelings. Unfortunately that’s unable to be avoided. There are things TQ people on the original subreddit have said that have genuinely offended and horrified me, I’m sure TQ posters can say the same about GC posters. Being rude and not considering how others feel, or refusing to accommodate others, isn’t exclusively something GC feminists perpetrate and TQ posters suffer. Ultimately I don’t think I have the right to demand that certain posters shouldn’t be able to voice their opinions on this subreddit because I find some of what they say to be misogynistic, hateful, or homophobic.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-17T23:18:42+00:00

Can you address my points? That isn’t what I said at all.

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-11-17T20:27:10+00:00

Women are expected to be overly accommodating. When we refuse to be quiet, to soften our language, to put other’s feelings above our own, to center men’s feelings over women’s reality, and to back down, men call us rude rather than address our points. Tone policing is a distraction tactic- suddenly we aren’t arguing about the points themselves, but the way we say things.

The issue isn’t that we aren’t being nice enough when we speak about sex mattering and women’s rights, the issue is that we don’t consider transwomen to be actual women, and just the thought is considered hateful to the trans movement.

jackrusselterror1