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How do you feel about the "split-attraction model"? by dilsency in LGBDropTheT

[–]firezemiszziles 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I used to be very-open minded to the concept. It still bangs around in my head as a thing that is a logically possible category, but not consistent with reality. If you're making a complete typology, having categories that might exist, sure. These sorts of abstractions can sometimes make clear a confusing, but real thing. I modeled a sort of communication cable today in my engineering job as having an infinite length. Made the math come out wonderfully... but no such thing exists.

Ultimately, I think love and lust are two different sides of the same coin. Maybe it only ever comes up heads.

/u/TransspeciesUnicorn makes a most excellent point that if it's hetero or homo romantic attraction, that is still attraction on the basis of sex. Sex matters.

That being said, I have to pivot and say that not wanting sex, the activity, also very much matters. That's important. These people going on about the split-attraction model might not have that idea quite right, but not wanting sex, that is important to them, and it should be recognized. It makes them stand out quite starkly, and they are different in that way, insofar as much as they are not closeted homosexuals--which would be a typical resolution. I recognize that there are people who are not gay, and are not interested in the activity of sex, are attracted the opposite sex (often; sometimes both and the opposite,) and they are their own thing. It's rough for them. Imagine navigating the world where the majority of people want to initially form a relationship on the basis of a thing that you're either neutral on or disgusted by, naturally.

I'd add that the asexual-crowd definition of "sexual attraction" is far too nebulous. As if you could even get people to agree on the topic of what the adjective "sexual" means. You can't. E.g. are women who engage in penile-anal sex virgins? Some say yes, some say no. Pardon the explicit example. I've seen the research. Opinions about what even constitutes "sex" are quite varied.

Split-attraction is one of these awful semantic arguments where nobody is really playing with a full deck of cards. They will defend their rather bleak conceptualization of things with semantics, in defense of some concept they're not being honest about, or have not realized.

So, I have a lot of criticism for the asexual/split attraction thing, as far as it is presented, but I think it's people trying to make sense out of an uncommon situation. Maybe they'll find their voice. It also strikes me as completely absurd to say that there is only one kind of sexuality that matters--a desire for genitalia, and if you are not in possession of that, then you are not part of the club. There's other things out there, peculiar things, yes, but they still share the same nature.

Am I being a hypocrite by advocating for GNC Gay men to not "transition" when I have trouble in my own life as a GNC gay man? by Kai_Decadence in LGBDropTheT

[–]firezemiszziles 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

here I am trying to advocate to the world that there's nothing wrong with men being feminine in presentation and appearance but yet in my own life, it's pretty rough to say the least

It will continue to be so, but...

there are days where I feel that society really is more accepting towards men who think they are women for arbitrary reasons and not towards feminine presenting men who live in reality

People like their binary boxes. We're probably hard-wired for this, as a species. Their reasons are not arbitrary. The justifications and rationalizations however, are. Their desire is an authentic one.

minority of bi men who are open to feminine men want the ones who are delusional enough to think they are actually women because they're too cowardly to confront their own internalized homophobia

They're not bisexual; they are fetishists of a particular kind. I don't mind them, so long as they are not deluded on this topic, but they often are. They've been afforded three, narrow categories, and they're picking the one that suits them. Can't blame them. Sex has been put on a pedestal as the only thing that matters--we only have sexual identities on this basis--and the consequence of this is that the actual sexual diversity that exists is trying to fit into gay, straight, and bisexual. You've seen this though. There is a sort of person with a particular attraction to you, no?

feel like a fraud sometimes and as much as I wanna continue speaking out against the ideology, I can't help but feel like maybe I'm just not right the person to due to my own problems

You are not a problem. You are the way you are. You're trying your very best to navigate a world that isn't really quite set up for you. That includes your autism. It is instead the rest of the world that has to eventually recognize that some people are just a bit different, tolerate, and accept them. How different people fashion themselves in the morning. Who they want. How their cognition works. Etc.

Try and steer clear of this gender crap for a while; it is healthy for no one, and it is exceptionally easy to obsess over. (It's rather set up that way by its proponents, after all.) The gender stuff promises some sort of halcyon future--a quick fix--but it is by conforming to a standard, fitting into that box, as opposed to being oneself.

Sometimes we take our personal issues and project them onto another topic. You, an effeminate gay man, them: autogynephiles. It seems likely you've done this. (Sarcasm: I have never done this.) Work on yourself, get a good foundation, and only then, please, rejoin the fray. You've been dealt a weird hand of cards in life, but it is this sort of thing that really builds character in a person. You can come back stronger.

You're fussing over archetypes, same as the people who frustrate you. What should a man be? What should a woman be? What is a man? woman? Transsexuals concern themselves very much with this topic. You're very invested in it, same as them. So the question is, of course, where to go in life? What about your romantic pursuits? Family? Who are you seeking validation from? No matter how advanced, how eloquent, how learned you get, not everyone will agree with you. Sometimes, those kindred spirits are really quite far between. I think it will work out for you, but you've got to solve your own issues first, before you can go solving the world's. Resolving the Grand Transsexual Problem is not going to resolve your problem.

Don't you hold opinions of people that you would never share with them? Almost in no circumstances will another person truly tell us what they think of us. And, these sorts of opinions are really quite fickle and can change in an instant. Maybe the topic is politics, or religion. Say one wrong thing and... The point is, challenge yourself. Become a better person than you were yesterday, in your own regard. Otherwise the accomplishment is fleeting and arbitrary.

That when it comes to acceptance, people in the grand scheme of things just cannot accept that there are men out there who prefer to appear feminine without having to be some fetish.

The overwhelming majority of people are completely ignorant on the topic. You're assuming far too much about their knowledge. If it ever "cuts loose," the disparity between the types of male-to-female transsexuals will be glaringly obvious, and everyone will know where you land on that one--someone who probably toyed with the idea but rejected it. It won't reflect poorly on you. It will, however, reflect very poorly on those persons who deny the reality of their situation--and in this, I think we agree.