Body type?

emilyprentiss · 2020-12-10T09:32:19+00:00

I'm similar to Alison Brie, our height/weight/body measurements are almost totally the same. I think I just have slightly wider shoulders and I have a bit more lean muscle tone. I am attracted to femmes in the 160-165cm height range who are slender!

emilyprentiss · 2020-11-30T13:39:35+00:00

I’m 22, I really enjoyed it. I wouldn’t have taken Harper back either, especially when Aubrey Plaza is out there looking like that!

I personally felt Harper was very relatable because I too grew up in an upper middle class household that is concerned about appearances and reputation. Not as intensely as her family is in the movie, I feel like that’s exaggerated anyway, but definitely, the reason why I haven’t come out is because being gay wasn’t ‘part of the plan’ (quote Harper) and I’m afraid it’ll ‘disappoint’ my family more than anything. I started bawling when Harper started crying during the Christmas party scene. That to me felt incredibly cathartic, and I felt seen and understood.

I get the frustration from the fact that lesbian and gay movies always revolve around the closet, the anxiety of coming out, and/or past opposite-sex partners creeping up. But that to me is a big part of many of our lives, and I don’t think it’s ‘tiring’ to watch.

I think our problem is that we have so few lesbian movies, that we put a lot of pressure on each of them to be as good as possible so it is a hit and we get the money and resources to make more. But no movie is ever going to be perfect. No straight movie is really that great, if you think about it. They just don’t have that ‘make or break’ pressure. If you as a straight person didn’t like Love, Actually, you still had The Holiday, Last Christmas, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, and 8272628 other straight Christmas romantic movies to choose from. Hopefully this will get better with time as we make more lesbian movies of different varieties, so we can all have more options. I think this movie is definitely a good start. :)

emilyprentiss · 2020-11-25T14:47:53+00:00

Wow, that is... quite out there haha! For me, it was crushes on certain female teachers. Wanting to impress them, wanting to hang out with them, wanting to look at them because they're so pretty...

emilyprentiss · 2020-11-14T17:57:11+00:00

Me tooooo! Came to say almost the exact same thing.

emilyprentiss · 2020-11-14T17:55:54+00:00

I think the no-face pictures could be because they're closeted so they're afraid someone could out them if they were seen on lesbian dating apps. But then, I agree with you - what's the point?

emilyprentiss · 2020-11-14T17:53:46+00:00

She's either secretly in love with you (unlikely) or has severe issues she needs to resolve with her therapist (likely). I would honestly just not pay her any attention, or if you think she's mature enough for this conversation, then sit her down and tell her how you've been feeling.

emilyprentiss · 2020-11-07T06:31:30+00:00

Label ‘bicurious’ or any form of uncertainty (it’s ok to be questioning but I won’t want to date someone who is at that stage in her life), and if there are no pictures of her face. I was on this lesbian dating app once and there were so many women with pictures of their backs, pictures with their face scrubbed out... what’s the point!?!?

emilyprentiss · 2020-11-02T18:16:37+00:00

Meeting a potential partner I assume you mean dating? I think these you can tell from thirty minutes of being on a date with a woman:

Green flags: Respectful about your boundaries, polite when interacting with customer service staff (baristas, servers, cleaners), interested in what you have to say.

Red flags: The opposite of all the green flag examples, and talking about her ex too much.

In a relationship, same things as above, and extra qualities you will discover with time:

Green flags: willing to grow as a person with you, mature enough to communicate clearly, able to admit mistakes and apologise when wrong.

Red flags: dishonest, terrible with money, cruel to animals and children.

These are the fundamental ones, I believe. The relationship green flags are actually quite difficult to achieve, even as an individual as they require a certain level of maturity and kindness.

emilyprentiss · 2020-11-02T14:05:58+00:00

Yep, I feel like there’s always that slight disconnect, and it’s not just them, but both of us where neither of us really gets each other for gushing about a man or a woman. It’s also not intentional, it’s just a little gap between our realms of experience? So I’m super happy this forum was created. :)

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-27T07:30:55+00:00

Thank you!!

I feel like they just never seem to take lesbian relationships very seriously, which is frustrating because they have no problem taking gay men seriously. But I’ll definitely talk about it, because you’re right: letting resentment build is how friendships erode.

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-26T09:01:02+00:00

I just started it! It's really good so far. I am on Episode 4 and I find Dani's story so relatable in a sad way. In the flashbacks, I noticed she was cringing and not really responding every time her family mentioned husbands, weddings (to men), etc. and that's me right now.

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-26T08:58:20+00:00

I think Coronavirus has wrecked recreational in-person events but there are new community-based ones that have been formed as responses to the pandemic, like neighbourhood volunteering to cook meals, raise money, etc. I don't know if that is true where you live, but it could be nice to join some of these (while staying safe) just because they're also good causes on their own. I'm not in the US, but if you are, lots of people are organising/volunteering related to the election too.

Don't go in thinking you're solely there to meet somebody, you may be disappointed. But if you want human interaction in general, I think this is good.

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-20T07:29:27+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you had to carry all that fear and worry with you for years. :( I think that's true for many gay Christians, and that part about religious homophobes never budging is so real. I think you have a totally reasonable approach. It honestly takes courage to be able to say religion is not for you, especially if you come from a religious community and/or family.

I am firmly spiritual, but I have been questioning whether religion is right for me or not for a while now. But every time I express uncertainty or reluctance to 'do church things', my family gets upset and lets me know (however subtly) that I don't have a choice. Which really sucks, and makes me afraid to tell the truth: that I don't want to participate in 'church things' not because I'm just lazy, but because my heart is not really in it anymore. But I'm almost certain they'll flip out and make me apologise for blaspheming, and once I say it I can't take it back, so I've just been trying to figure things out on the inside first.

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-20T07:21:34+00:00

Thanks for your honesty! I feel you - I think 'progressive communities' are a bit of a mess right now, all over the place. And I do like the atmosphere of churches, to be honest, especially at Christmastime, or Easter. I am not in the USA, so I'll have to do a bit of research on my own as to where to go next, but I will probably not join a coven, as that is a little off the path for me too, personally!

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-20T07:16:59+00:00

The pastor at my church is actually a very chill dude, who is very open to talking about anything and does not judge or condemn. It's more like my fellow churchgoers who are awful, to different degrees. A lot of younger people are quite liberal, so I was mainly thinking about them.

But I understand what you mean, and I know that in the long-term, I will likely end up leaving my current church for an inclusive one, just because I don't want to always be 'fighting' or feel like I'm swimming against a current.

I have not thought about checking churches out online, but it sounds like a good idea. Thanks for the advice!

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-20T07:08:37+00:00

Thank you again! I have been looking for new ways to look at and interpret Christianity and the stuff in the Bible, because I am feeling suffocated by what I grew up with - which I suppose is a lot like what you call the 'surface-level Christianity' that takes everything quite literally, with little to no wriggle room.

I like the comparison of a person to a kind of 'vessel' to conceive the mystery of Christ. I have heard that interpretation too at my church, but still, there is a great emphasis on the literal bits, which frustrates me too, to the point where I used to wonder if I was the problem because I was not really 'getting it' like everyone else was. I felt like there was not really a way for me to develop a better relationship with God because it was all rules and dogmas and none of it felt genuine to me.

I like your little conclusion. I do agree that if there's no 'soul' involved in what your actions, you're missing the point.

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-18T16:22:33+00:00

Thanks for your response, it’s really thoughtful and I really enjoyed reading it.

It is very true what you said about how being gay really forces you/anyone out of your/their ‘complacency’. I feel that way too, that I have more of a personal relationship with God and that it’s stronger because I’ve has to re-examine religion for a moment.

Would you say you’re ‘spiritual’ and not ‘religious’? I hesitate to define myself this way, because I’m not too sure what the definitions are and if they overlap.

emilyprentiss · 2020-10-17T17:10:36+00:00

A sleepy, no makeup face. A lot of men say they like the no makeup look, but what they mean is they like the light makeup look.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-24T13:30:47+00:00

Interesting! I can see how picturesque that would be when the leaves also turn red. I have medium brown hair that is on the 'warmer' side.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-17T07:02:06+00:00

The colour palette! Wearing mustard yellow, burgundy, forest green, burnt orange, and all the browns. And Autumn drinks, too. I have never had a pumpkin spice latte because they aren't sold here (though I really want to try), but we have chestnut, maple, hazelnut lattes, which I looove.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-16T14:02:47+00:00

I think it's best to not have any expectations... I always just say "hey, how's it going?" and so far, so good. I don't really know how to write pick-up lines anyway, and then it gives them a chance to talk about their day.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-10T06:23:44+00:00

Life Partners (2014) and Summertime (2015). I really enjoyed both films. :)

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-10T06:18:43+00:00

Cetaphil is a really good moisturiser. Particularly during Autumn and Winter when it is even drier. I have fair, sensitive skin, at night I put it on after I wash my face, and I always wake up looking fresh and hydrated.

And if you are not already, definitely use sunscreen! It makes a big difference.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-06T12:56:11+00:00

Yum yum! Soupmates.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-05T18:38:47+00:00

THAI FOOD. I love Thai food in such a way that is deeply personal.

Edit: Sorry I got really excited and forgot to list my favourite food. It has to be the green curry, with coconut in it.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-05T17:03:04+00:00

Yes! Especially dating. Out with your passion for Scrabble! It’s adorable and anyway you can’t hide forever!!!

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-05T14:34:39+00:00

Dishonesty/not being authentic. For me, lying is unnecessary at best, and destructive at worst.

I don't judge people for their passions and interests. I think people are most attractive when they have passions and interests of their own, and aren't embarrassed to be dorky about it. When someone downplays or covers up who they are to impress the people around them, it's an immediate turn-off.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-05T14:27:52+00:00

Oh definitely. There's a difference between being honest and being rude, and it all lies in whether or not you have tact.

I like your tip - to go into it like you already know them, and you're catching up with them rather than worrying about the introductions, how you'll come off, impressions. Thank you!

Honestly, I'm introverted, but I get along with both introverts and extroverts, so that's not really an issue. I'm just skeptical because I'm looking for someone who is honest, kind, communicative, and introspective. And in my experience, women with all of these qualities combined are usually offline, in a bookshop or in a café, and not on a dating app. (Not saying never ever, just saying it's rarer.)

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-05T14:21:47+00:00

I agree. I think one of the hardest things for me as a femme who is into other femmes is invisibility. Over the years, I've gotten quite good at picking up 'vibes' and clues off of women, and I usually am quite accurate, but still, having that absolute certainty is really refreshing.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-05T14:19:32+00:00

Haha! I don't! I can be so crabby sometimes, especially when I'm hungry.

emilyprentiss · 2020-09-01T06:08:51+00:00

I agree with the 'saying what you look for' and being as specific as you need to.

I'm also much better at becoming friends first and then having it develop into something else/something serious. In fact, that's been the way I functioned my whole life, which is why online dating makes me nervous! But I agree that it's way, way difficult being in the sexual minority, especially as a femme looking for other femmes.

emilyprentiss · 2020-08-31T09:28:23+00:00

At the end of the day… do what feels right for you. But I know it’s difficult! I’m in a similar situation, I am socially out with friends but not with my family because they’re really homophobic. I just graduated so I’m looking for jobs now and hopefully I’ll come out when I’m financially independent, with my own place and a steady career-type job. That’s the best advice I can give, since you don’t actually know how your family will react and your best bet is to make sure your safety and well-being aren’t compromised.

As for going about dating, I’ve just started trying online dating because of Covid messing my social life up. It is not my preferred mode of dating, I am introverted and don’t do hook-ups so I’m using a less Tinder-y app to begin with, and putting down age and location perimeters. I would say, to make this less stressful, be really honest about your intentions. Don’t lie about your hobbies, your future goals, and values you know you can’t compromise in the long run, just to land a date. If you do, it’s just a waste of time for everyone involved. (Unless you’re looking for something casual, then be honest about that too!) Good luck!!

emilyprentiss · 2020-08-30T12:26:43+00:00

Oh, definitely, that's a given. Sorry, I didn't mean it like a joke or to offend. I just mean in the course of your lifetime, knowing there are 33 people out there you may meet, that's quite cool, and it helps when you feel down.

emilyprentiss · 2020-08-30T11:53:35+00:00

Haha! But then, we have 7.8 billion people on Earth. 49% are women, so: 3.8 billion. I'll say 10% are in the eligible age range: down to 380mil. 1% are near enough to us geographically - a train ride or short flight away: 3.6mil. 2.2% of the female population are bisexual or lesbian: 83.6k. Women we find attractive, probably 2% of those: 1672. Compatible values, opinions, hobbies, personalities, education levels, beliefs: 2% probably? So we're down to 33.

So there are 33 women, still, in the world for you! Which is not a lot, but if you think about it, you only need the 1. So it's going to be OK!

emilyprentiss · 2020-08-30T11:39:08+00:00

I can only speak for myself. As a femme, I am never clocked as a lesbian just by appearance. But once I open my mouth, it's obvious.

This girl who was my acquaintance at university, she's feminine, but I got a gay vibe from her quite early on. And maybe my own gay energy began to radiate as a response, because halfway through the term, she began to talk about her boyfriend for five minutes each time we met up to study. It didn't feel like it was 'girl talk', it felt like she was reminding me she had a boyfriend. Once, she even brought him with her while we studied, and he was just on his phone.

Then I found her on Instagram and she had a rainbow emoji in her bio, so I guess she's bisexual or something. But I just found it so random, the repeated 'I have a boyfriend' talk.

emilyprentiss · 2020-08-30T11:15:54+00:00

Face over body. And I agree, her presence, the way her brain works, her sense of humour, her smell, her laugh - these things come first. I think you just have a type and I do too. So I can find a range of people attractive, but I'm only attracted to a very small subset of them.

emilyprentiss