Am I a lesbian? by LightOcean8 in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you are sexually attracted to men, but you don't want to date them, you could call yourself a febfem: female exclusive bisexual female. Usually it's bi women that have a strong preference for women and only feel like they could be happy in a relationship with another women so they make a choice not to be with men. I don't know how it works if they fall in love with a man, whether they just stop calling themselves febfems or if it happens they'll just run away from the guy... But yeah I guess if you're bi even with a preference for women you could end up with a guy. That doesn't mean that your attraction to women is a phase though. But if, differently than you implied, are not sexually attracted to men, you are a lesbian and that's not a phase. Maybe this could explain the feelings you have when you think about a relationship with a man but that's not necessarily the only answer in my eyes.

Probably your post will be deleted though. Good luck figuring yourself out.

I [24F] feel like I lost the love of my life [28F], what happend? by PasLagardere in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My therapist says that in the first 6 months of a relationship we have this idealized notion of our partners. It can last more or less than that, depending on your personality and the relationhship. Now, I feel like right after a breakup we tend to only focus on this idea of the person. An idea that we had before really knowing her and before things got shitty. There's no way the perfect girl you first described would've done all of this to you. The love of your life wouldn't have treated you this way. With time you'll realize that. Also it helped me to make some effort to remember to myself all of her personality not just the good parts, and how I really felt in the relationship, not only how I felt when I was happy.

My new gf has never gone down on me by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah. Thinking about it that way I agree with you. With someone who I know has a good hygiene and/or is my girlfriend I don't differentiate, but I see why her girfriend would. Anyways I'd be totally ok with my gf thinking it's more intimate as long as that doesn't stop her from doing it lol. I don't think I would be down to date someone who doesn't reciprocate sex wise. If it happened to me I'd probably try talking to her. Its got to be something more than "it's too intimate". They have been together for 4 months.

Anyone else heard about the new lesbian TikTok “rapper”? by Gusher in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I started watching some of her videos after she came out as a lesbian. I really do think that she's a lesbian but the way she talks about it sometimes is just...... "You can be gay if you want to" was the worst thing possible for me. And then I went to the comments to see if anyone was saying something like "oh be careful with saying that kind of thing" but everybody was like "ohhh I'm so happy that she said we can be gay if we want to"

My new gf has never gone down on me by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I agree it would be horrible not receiving, but for me it's not necessarily more intimate than other sex acts. I just think it as a part of sex because if I'm down to have sex with her it implies already that I'm down to oral sex lmao. But that makes sense.

Anyone else heard about the new lesbian TikTok “rapper”? by Gusher in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Something in the way she described her own experience made sense when I watched and I didn't doubt her but I wouldn't bet anything

My new gf has never gone down on me by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've heard stories of guys telling this as an excuse not to go down on women. I've also heard from straight female friends that they think oral sex is more intimate than penetration. Since I've never heard this in the context of lesbians, I thought it had something to do with straight people considering penetration the main sex act and I guess compared to oral it can be un-intimate? In my head this logic doesn't make sense for lesbians but I could be wrong.

Anyone else heard about the new lesbian TikTok “rapper”? by Gusher in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly!!

The definition of lesbian: the googoogaga factor by Skipdip in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ok. I understood your point now. But women that feel pressured to sleep with men because it's cool to be pansexual and fluid are still being PRESSURED to sleep with men. Whether it's old day homophobia or cool homophobia, they aren't doing it for fun or because they are fluid. They're doing it because they feel like it's what they are supposed to do.

Edit: but your friends could just be bi that lean towards women as well.

"You can still get pregnant even though you're a lesbian" A RANT by me by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wait... Trans women became mods??? Not even trans men? That doesn't make sense at all. So frustrating.

"You can still get pregnant even though you're a lesbian" A RANT by me by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 15 insightful - 7 fun15 insightful - 6 fun16 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

You also can't say lesbians have sex with women because non-binary lesbians exist! Don't erase them!

What Were Your Best/Worst Subjects at School? by CJLez in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Best at: language related stuff, history, geometry, philosophy

Worst at: chemistry and physical education. I also grew to hate some aspects of biology, but I wasn't bad at it.

I'm very into humanities and I study things related to it but I kinda miss physics and math.

Does anyone else struggle with being out to straight women? by SickOfThisShitNow in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm better now (or I was before covid) but I used to get nervous and act weird whenever I was talking about my sexuality with straight friends. And all of them were 100% accepting of me. I wanted to show them and myself that I was ok with liking women so it was even worst because I'd feel bad during the conversation and after.

Phobias and fears by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Insects. The only ones I can stand are ants, mosquitoes and spiders - the small and non threatening ones of course. I'm not like this when I'm in nature but insects anywhere near concrete are the worst for me. When I have nightmares they usually include insects or some nasty animal like rats.

Who would your fictional parents be? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I love this image. Image Bette building an ark? I guess I can't say that's sexy bc I just said that I'd be her daughter but oh well. She could do a Provocations II because what's more provocative than an exposition at an orange ark run by lesbians that will save humanity from a worldwide flood?

Who would your fictional parents be? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

If Bette Porter had Michael Scott as her donor. He and I would've had only contact enough so I could appreciate a good amount of dad jokes while staying away from the crazy self absorbed side of him. Mama B would've teached me that making jokes with oppressed people isn't cool, obviously, but she wouldn't be able to contain my urge to make unfunny non offensive jokes around people I love.

Do you believe in life after love by Innisfree in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What helped me the most was reading and being in contact with nature. I was lucky enough that after this breakup that wrecked me I travelled to a place with lots of nature. It helped me so much to feel better, I didn't know that this was possible.

Edit: the other breakup I had I didn't suffer too much but what helped me to forget that I wanted the company that I used to have was focusing in the shit ton of work I had to do. I was wrecked at the end of the two initial weeks but it was because I was mentally exhausted, not so much because I was missing the companionship.

'Being in love is more important than loving' by PasLagardere in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In my language the word for "being in love" is a synonymous to being infatuated. So yeah for me it is something that fades away after some time. Love is what persists. I think it also depends on how much of a romantic you are.

Do you believe in love? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

YES. And the thing you said about family makes so much sense, I've never thought about it this way

Do you believe in love? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes and no. I believe in love as a feeling you build up for and with somebody, a feeling that is fed with companionship, support and respect. I believe love is something you have to work hard to maintain and you have to choose keep on feeding everyday. I believe that a lot of people have the potential to be the love of our lives. I don't believe in love at first sight or soulmates. I don't believe that it is the only thing that make humans happy and fulfilled. I don't believe that there is a person that will be perfect for me and fit into all of my dreams. I also don't believe that it only happens once.

Open relationships? by Skipdip in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Why are you on a little break right now?

Does my bisexual girlfriend want to commit to me? by Fox_Whispers2 in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think it's a problem that she doesn't have photos with you in her social media as long as she isn't the kind of person that shares everything online. BUT what I do find weird is that you describe her as "openly and proudly bisexual" but then she's saying that she can't be public because it'll offend others? I didn't quite understand if she was talking about social media or about life in general but it doesn't sound right either way. How come she's proudly bi and cares about "offending others" just by being in a lesbian relationship?

My lesbian ex just came out as queer and nonbinary. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly

Being a lesbian in this social climate makes me feel so alone. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you! I'll grab my lesbian confidence and just do it lmao

My lesbian ex just came out as queer and nonbinary. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It saddens me that so many people in academia are ok with this Foucault idea that individual resistance is the way to go.

My lesbian ex just came out as queer and nonbinary. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You're right. I got curious but it's better to leave it as it is. She'll either answer something that doesn't answer it or be offended. What we really want to know is what is moving people to do this and how it all started, like you said.

And ahhhh I wish I had the knowledge to start this thread and I hope someone does that. I confess that I should have read a part of Gender Trouble for university but I was busy with other stuff and didn't do it. I still want to at some point but I also wanted to read someone that is acclaimed and criticizes her work. Unfortunately one of the only professors I have that worries with LGBT and gender history is super into queer stuff. We could do a monthly/weekly thread for reading critically works like this. If I have people to push me maybe I'd do it. I always end up reading other stuff and never go back to Butler. And yes, it's crazy that she's a lesbian!

My lesbian ex just came out as queer and nonbinary. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't know what's worst. That they're denying they are lesbians or the denial that they're women.

First message expectations? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't really care what the first message is about as long as it isn't insulting. What matters to me is whether the conversation is good after that and if we have anything in common. When I was using dating apps I'd just say hi or ask something about her profile. I used to ask people how was their week going instead of the normal how are you bc I saw that it would give us something else to talk about after.

My lesbian ex just came out as queer and nonbinary. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ask her! Now I'm curious for you too.

I think all of this queer stuff is having a bad effect on me (possible trigger warning) by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

We exist and we are here. Please take care of yourself.

What’s an involuntary habit you have that you think a lover would find cute some day? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yess. In my case it's also true

I think all of this queer stuff is having a bad effect on me (possible trigger warning) by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I also think you should go to therapy, it can really help you. You DON'T have to have sex with a man to find out if you're a lesbian. Please don't do that to yourself. One thing would be if you were desiring man, another completely different is wanting to have sex with men because you feel bad for not desiring them. That doesn't sound bisexual at all.

I hate my GF's best friend by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wow. That's fucked up. I'm so sorry your going through that.

Being a lesbian in this social climate makes me feel so alone. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The thing is I've told her she's not a lesbian so many times. She won't change the way she behaves because she's so stubborn. A bisexual friend of mine has talked to her about this too. In this case I don't really have anything to do. But I agree with you, we have to do something. Complaining here won't change anything.

Being a lesbian in this social climate makes me feel so alone. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes! We both are from 21-25 . I'm not sure about her age but she isn't older than 25. You're completely right. I cannot imagine 30+ women saying this sort of shit.

Being a lesbian in this social climate makes me feel so alone. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's sooo disappointing. They can't see that they are contributing to men dismissing our sexuality?

I wish there was less lesbian representation by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I don't care about "representation". I don't want to see movies about lesbian sexuality or lesbian romances, especially if the problem is coming out or men. I don't care. It has been talked about enough already. I wanna see a protagonist that lives her life and happens to be gay. And I want good storylines. Just a normal good movie idk why that's so much to ask.

Being a lesbian in this social climate makes me feel so alone. by sickofit in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

When I hadn't admitted to myself that I was a lesbian the presence of this one friend of mine would always irritate me so much. I didn't feel any sexual attraction to men and just because I admired them I thought I was bisexual and this woman was telling to my face that she liked fucking and kissing guys and that she did it for fun and how hot men were but she was a lesbian... No wonder why I was so annoyed. I told her so many times that she isn't a lesbian. Weirdly enough I'm kinda scared of telling her that I'm actually a lesbian. I'm worried that she'll dismiss me. She's a good friend besides that.

I hate my GF's best friend by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Some parts of this just hit too close home. In my case the best friend was doing her phd and she was also 30 something and seemed like 15. She was also going through some shit. She was ALWAYS going through some shit that was making her behave like a stubborn child. Honestly? I've been "going through some shit" since my early teens and I've never treated anyone badly because of it. We're all going through shit, that's no excuse to treat badly your best friends girlfriend.

Anyway, the difference is that she pretended to like me, which was even more annoying?? Because I had to see her every fucking time and pretend it wasn't obvious that she didn't want us together. Ugh. She was this protective friend personality too and would do anything to defend her friends even when they were obviously wrong. People like this aren't able to like anyone their friend is dating honestly. Their friends are always so perfect in their eyes so nobody is enough. I always feel like I broke up with her because her presence just made social situations unbearable at some point.

I know people are telling you to talk to her and try to work it out but if I'm right (and not just projecting, which I obviously am a little) she'll only fake liking you after that. And if you really don't like her it's for the best that you don't spend time with her. At least I think so. You could just be honest and have the courage I didn't have to tell your gf that her best friend makes you feel bad and uncomfortable and see how she reacts. I think a good solution could be leaving you out of some places where her best friend is. Seeing her less I guess. If you and your girlfriend last long enough, her best friend will have to give in I believe. Or your girlfriend will realize that she's full of shit and won't be her friend anymore lmao

How much does where you live impact your dating life? by uroborosjohnson in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have no idea about how bad the dating scene is in small places, but I know some women with good experiences in smaller cities, but mostly not REALLY small. Besides that I'd say that this decision also depends what do you value more and how great is this position. For example, if I got a job I really wanted and it was in a smaller city I would move right away because my career is my priority right now.

Students: How are you doing? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly! Today one of my teachers said that she noticed that this online format silences women even more. She said that we normally we speak less in class than men but now it's even worst.

Early 20s single lesbians, what's the plan? by HelloMomo in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I love it

Book genre/s that should have more lesbian storylines? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 9 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I'd love some kafkaesque lesbian shit.

Students: How are you doing? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's hard to have online classes. I can concentrate during the class which I've heard is a big problem for people but my biggest problem is that I miss getting out of the house. I had to go out everyday early and I I was home when it was starting to get dark. I almost always wake up feeling like I won't have the energy to get through the day but that used to go away when I had to leave the house, to deal with traffic, to interact with people. Even if the feeling didn't go away, I had to force myself not to give up. Seeing people and having to deal with other things helped a lot with my university related anxiety because I had other things to worry about. I'm woking from home so I also miss that environment. Right now is harder not to think constantly about my future and the things I should be doing. I can't find a good balance between studying too much or too little. I miss having to go out and I miss my friends. I'm so fucking anxious right now ohhh man.

Students: How are you doing? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I felt the same. After speaking I started overthinking everything more than usual.

Pros of being a lesbian? by Shroomba in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 21 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I've always seen my straight friends constantly do things that took a lot of time and effort just to impress men. I'm not talking about dating, just daily they were doing things to impress men they weren't even interested in. Lesbians don't tend to do that. We tend to have more time to us and a healthier way of seeing ourselves because unlike straight women are with men, we don't need to be constantly worried about other women's judgment. That's not a universal experience of course but I'd say it's common that we tend to spend less energy on that kind of stuff.

Another great thing is that we tend to have higher self confidence than the average woman. Having to accept ourselves and getting the courage to live our lives truthfully hardens us up. Again I don't have statistics for that but in my experience lesbians are way more assertive and confident than the majority of straight women.

Lesbians used to wear rings on their little fingers. by BraveAndStunningTERF in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

My boss is a lesbian and she asked me once in what era I'd like to live and I said that being woman and gay I would have to choose today. She was immediately like "ooooh man but Paris in the 1920s was probably easier for us than today. And the clothing was awesome"

Lesbians used to wear rings on their little fingers. by BraveAndStunningTERF in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Lolllll damn I guess you're right now I can't unsee it

Lesbians used to wear rings on their little fingers. by BraveAndStunningTERF in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Ohhh not even when you're wearing a fancy tuxedo? I'd use one if I had the chance to fully dress up to a wedding or something lmao

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yay! Thank you so much! Subscribed to her channel already and will try it tomorrow.

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh yes! War and peace was another one that I did this!

As for Hannah Arendt, I've never read this one. Will look it up, sounds nice.

Biggest turn off? by ColdSoup in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not speaking for everyone but most people I've met that claimed they were an "empath" were not empathetic at all in a day to day basis. Sure everyone is empathetic in some areas but this word just rubs me the wrong way.

Can you pick up the energy of another girl who is into you? Are your inklings usually correct even before speaking to her? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I guess your username says a lot, and since I'm not spiritual at all its impossible for me to think in terms of energy or before meeting strong connections. But like some people said, I have never been interested in women that weren't into women and I only had strong crushes on people that also felt the same for me. I feel like reciprocity plays a good part in my interest for people because if they're not into me at start I feel like a creep and loose interest easily. I can also usually tell if someone has a crush on me but I'd say it's because I'm fairly good at reading people. Nothing before speaking to someone.

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I love this! I love dramatic orchestral music but I have never thought of hearing it while depressed. I can totally see it working for me too. Rite of Spring is awesome.

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey it's not lame at all! Cleaning the house helps me sometimes too. And the notes thing is adorable :)

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh I feel you on the energy thing. My energy level is one good sign that I'm not doing great.

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Aw it isn't lame at all. Last year I was dying to get into DBT groups but turns out that we don't really have them in my area. So without better options I downloaded two Marsha's Linehan books on DBT. I read parts of one and the other one from start to finish. I know she doesn't recommend doing this without a DBT therapist but I didn't really have a choice and it helped me A LOT. Those are great skills :)

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

When I was younger reading sad books also made me feel better for some reason but then they started making me feel worst. I might try it again, sometimes these things can come and go. Thanks for the recommendations! It's funny that Hannah Arendt makes you feel better! I love seeing how different people are. I like her books too, but definetly she doesn't make me feel good.

I didn't mention it but definetly reading is one of the things that make me feel good. Anna Karenina was one of those books that helped me through rough times. I had borrowed heavy edition at the time and just the feeling of it laying on my chest relieved my anxiety.

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Working out is great! I liked going to the gym but covid took that away from me lol I might try yoga :)

Things that make you feel better when depressed by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm into lists too! Sometimes I'll literally write take a bath and two other things and to do them is great. A story can be a good one! I've been working on that and just forgot about it this month so maybe I could go back to it. And thank you!

Interesting Body Parts by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Eyebrows and teeth

Do children have the ability to have crushes? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think that's a complicated thing that's blurred mainly by semantics, but also by our memories and experiences as a child. Firstly because our definitions of what a "crush" can change depending on how well we know about our sexual desires. For example, I do not believe that homosexual biromantic people exist. I think that they are gay people that are confusing a strong admiration for a crush. Or a bisexual that is in denial about their sexual attraction. They can call it a non sexual crush how much they want, but the way I see it, it isn't. It's just admiration if you are a sexual person that doesn't have sexual attraction to this person's sex. When we are children, since we're told so many times that when we like a boy it means we like him romantically, we can assume that we have a crush without really having them. In the same way a biromantic homosexual woman does, we are calling a feeling of admiration a crush. As kids we don't really dig the meaning of words so that's easier to do. We aren't really aware of our sexual feelings too so that makes it even easier. We do not know, as children, that romantic feelings are basically the mixture of sexual feelings to admiration. So we can call a crush what it isn't.

What we define crushes can be moulded by our experiences as well. For example, I never had crushes in boys untill a female friend tell me "oh you must like this guy, you seem totally into him". So I would then say to myself "oh I like this boy then", but never actually have sexual feelings for him. I had, on the other hand, sexual feelings for my girl friends. Of course, it was as sexual as a kid can go, but it was sexual. I found them incredibly beautiful and when they touched me I felt things. I felt sexual attraction for female bodies on TV and so on too. Never felt it for a male body. But I never would say I had a crush for a girl because the way I understood this word would mean "admiration for a boy". I know that my sexual attraction was developed really early in life and I was aware of the existence of sex and masturbation and I could get wet as a child. Not all children develop the same way. So probably there are children without sexual feelings, I'm not experienced in any way in psychology to say for sure but I know that development is different for everyone.

And the last thing that plays a part in this is memory. We do not remember things completely as they were. Especially in childhood. As adults we try to make sense of our past and create a narrative that makes sense for us. But it never is completely right because we'll interpret memories however we think they were but we can never achieve the whole "truth". Plus we only remember part of them.

So... My opinion in the end I guess is, if as an adult and a teenager a woman is a woman who feels sexual attraction for women only, they are lesbians. Because these stages in life are the stages in which our sexual feelings are developed and our memories and vocabulary use don't betray us so much anymore.

Interesting Body Parts by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Oh toned arms are great

Of Butches and Femmes by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes me too. That makes me sad. Every post I open there are people arguing and being hostile to each other.

Sucks to be a lesbian sometimes by coliemelan in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Being with a man isn't statistically safer but it feels safer because everyone around you will treat you normally. Just like cars aren't statistically safer than airplanes but people will more likely be afraid of flying because being in the sky it's such a foreign concept to them.

Just peaked after spending some time on r/Al when questioning my sexuality. AMA if you want. by ColdSoup in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

While I was reading this post I thought about something. The only trans women that I know of that don't make ANY efforts to look like a female or to ditch shitty male behaviors are trans lesbians. Trans straight woman don't usually do that because no man would date them. Patriarchy gives them power and confidence enough not to date women just because they don't have a big butt, imagine if they'd ever date someone who claims is a woman but looks just like a man and acts just like one. 'Queer' women on the other hand will make anything 'valid'.

Lesbians and Long/Medium Distance Relationships by yousaythosethings in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would not start a relationship being long distance but I would give it a try if one of us moved out and we had hope to be together at some point. I don't think it would work bc it's hard for me to feel connected with someone that I don't spend time with and because I hate video calls.

Came across this graphic which illustrates just how fetishised lesbians are... And how no one has a problem with this. by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Ew. It's like our super power that we don't have to deal with sperm in sex, why would we simulate that.

Why I think a lot of lesbians end up thinking they are asexual at some point by Jinera in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I feel the same. I have this overpowering feeling that men describe when they are talking about sexual attraction. The difference is that I've been on the other side and have been sexualized and treated like an object for being a woman so I know better how to act and what to do with my feelings. In other words I know how to control this non-controllable feeling they talk about.

Having said that, I never thought I was asexual. On the other hand I did think for a while that I wasn't a lesbian, I was just sexualizing women's bodies because I live in a world that does that so that's what I learned to do. We always find ways to fool ourselves.

I can't sit straight by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do the same

Do you come out to acquaintances/friends or just let them assume you're straight unless there's a good reason to correct them? by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In college everyone knows I'm not straight because I have openly dated women and people have asked me. I don't really go about telling people unless it makes sense, but I prefer that people know. I'll not hide it either, so if I sense that the person is trying to guess my sexual orientation I'll probably talk about my gf or about my ex/women if I'm single. If I feel like telling a story about my gf I won't keep from doing it too. I pretty much try to act like any straight person would, except in places that I feel like it's dangerous to do so. I have the privilege to be in a pretty les/bi friendly university/work environment so I just prefer not to interact with people that don't accept me.

With my family I tend to let them assume whatever. If they ask about relationships and I feel like it is better to lie I will.

How long after a break-up do you start dating again? by TarshishJupiter in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It depends a lot. I think that there's no such thing as "how long before it's not rebound". If it's rebound it'll feel like rebound, you won't feel connected or even if you do you'll still be thinking about going back to your ex. Sometimes you can start dating weeks after and it won't feel like rebound and other times months after it still doesn't feel right. If you want to go back to dating right now it's ok. As long as you're honest with yourself and with the people you're meeting you'll be fine. I'm sorry for your break up, hope you're doing alright. It's for the better, and in the long run you'll see it.

everyone's feelings and anxieties are valid unless a lesbian woman experiences them by Disillusioned in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Even if we ignore the fact that lesbians don't care whether bi women have touched a penis the argument doesn't make sense. Why having something against someone who touches a penis has something to do with slut shaming? A bisexual woman could have touched one penis and thirty vaginas. Or 6 penis and 6 vaginas. Why only touching a penis counts as ""being a slut"" (=having lots of sex)? It seems like either this woman doesn't consider sex with other females sex or that in her head is absolutely obvious that a bisexual woman has had more sex with man than with woman.

Threesomes or polyamory by Jessica1993 in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'd be ok with an open relationship, depending on the circumstances. Full polyamory on the other hand just seems exhausting and I cannot see myself being able to commit enough to more than one relationship. Usually poly people are all the way up into the queer train so they're not my type too, but if it makes them happy it's fine as long as nobody's doing it to please their partner. Nothing against threesomes but I probably wouldn't do it with a woman who's in a relationship with me.

How do you tell if a woman is really into women and not just bored? by Depressed in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

How does she talk about her attraction to woman? Does she look at you with desire? She started dating woman older but how was her process of coming to terms with her own sexual orientation? Maybe the answers to these questions can give you good grounds to answer this question, but you can only know for sure with time.

How long do you wait until you move on? by Philliy in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh I'm sorry. I'm glad you were able to do it though. One week without response is no good sign. You'll find someone that cares about you, I'm sure. If you ever need to talk I'm here.

Dating App Red Flags by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lmao yes

Dating App Red Flags by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

People that need to mention weed in their bio are not for me. People that have something like "let's grab a drink" are ok but I've seen some weird stuff about alcohol or even women jokingly state that they're alcoholic. Also not for me. That's what I've thought that isn't here yet.

No social media? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not really big on social media myself so I don't think it's weird at all. That being said I know a guy that has the resources to have a smartphone and has never had it. He can't use gps, any sort of apps or anything that involves internet unless he's with his computer. To choose doing that in the world we live in I think is a little bit odd. To each his own I guess.

I love how there’s always something to love about a woman by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'd say there's always something to love about a woman, but this something is not always enough to make me fall in love for her. Or enough to make us a good couple.

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hahhahaha yes!

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I didn't know she said that. I just heard people telling she's a lesbian and saw she was dating only woman. Thought I could delete the post after people said that she was bi but the discussion stands without her as an example so I didn't delete it

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

100% agreed I'm sorry if I sounded like I thought female excluive bis were lesbians lol. I just didn't know that she liked guys and should've researched more :D

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes from what people are saying I'm guess she's probably bi. Just edited the post to don't delete it.

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lol I could be wrong too. People that I know have called her a leabian so after knowing that she doesn't like labels I searched and she only has dated women after breaking up with Pattinson so I figured she wasn't bi and dated guys before bc she thought she was straight. But I don't fancy her as well I was just sad bc I thought she was a lesbian

Edit: if she's bi I'm sorry hahahah. I kinda hope she is so it's not one more lesbian to the list of not liking the word

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I like lesbian too, it's more descriptive. Recently it's been more and more lesbians calling themselves gay or queer, but I have seen some going the no labels route. I'm glad in my country gay and especially queer aren't used for homosexual females. And about Kirsten, yeah I didn't realize that maybe she's bi because I've heard she's a lesbian before and I looked it up and she only dated women after the first one

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah you're right. And I said that I think it's ok that someone famous isn't out, it just saddens me when she's out but she doesn't say that she's a lesbian. But that's ok too. As you said they're people with problems and internalized homophobia just like we are. It's just unfair that this happens in a systemic level. I guess more to lesbians than to other LGBT people. I probably phrased it like it was her problem but I agree with you.

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes! I don't know a lot about her but from the few interviews I have seen she's awesome!

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly!!

Lesbians that don't call themselves lesbians by carrotcake in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh man I feel you. I've only had one relationship with a man but he was nice and we still talk sometimes. I do think about what he'll think when he knows that I'm actually a lesbian and not bi. I don't want to make anyone feel bad.

How does your hair look? by lmaonope333 in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Pixie cut, slightly wavy, thick and full hair. Brown hair with natural blonde-ish highlights.

Experiences of Lesbian Erasure and Lesbian Invisibility by Skipdip in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I cannot understand when a lesbian always calls herself "queer". It doesn't say anything about your sexual orientation, it can even be a gender descriptor. It feels like a deliberate choice to hide the fact that you're only same-sex attracted. I get it when it's someone that is discovering her sexuality and isn't sure yet or when it's used sometimes, but I can't understand why it would be your go to answer when describing your sexual orientation. I personally wouldn't use in any of those cases, but some of them I understand.

Desert Island, Lesbians edition (aka ‘Lost’ but make it lesbian) by Innisfree in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel like Kate and Leisha would find their way to freedom - maybe building a boat with wood from the trees? They'd charm and be friends with everybody and with Gertrude's networking skills nobody would be able to harm them.

Edit: Yes, I've decided that Gertrude Stein would be their third friend and the other one that would survive lol. It doesn't make too much sense but it did when I first thought about it.

Story time: Cat teaching me how to be a cat by IamWomanHearMeRoar in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Awww that's so cute!

What is/was your profession? Did you ever think you’d end up in the profession, and if you had the freedom/financial stability what would be your chosen profession? by IamWomanHearMeRoar in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You sound like you could be a great historian too. It's never too late!

Women are just objectively more aesthetically pleasing than men by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes. All the fucking time. I honestly still can't understand if women really are more aesthetically pleasing or I'm just really biased.

Women are just objectively more aesthetically pleasing than men by RedditHatesLesbians in Lesbians

[–]carrotcake 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hahahahahhhaha oh god i felt exactly the same way. Every school, boys were never attractive and girls always were