I think it's more that this doesn't affect men as much as it affects women. So naturally they don't care as much

i dont necessarily think this is the case. i definitely grant the fact that this hurts women more, but that doesn't necessarily mean that men dont care as much. women are more understanding, and men are more protective (of women) and i can think of many scenarios where men would be more upset in a situation involving female loved ones than the female herself.

your example of your husband not being as understanding of the "uterus havers" "penis havers" things, although at first may seem like some uncaring, it is mostly an example of the differences in how men and women deal with social situations. men are less likely to be hurt by comments like that, so to us it doesnt seem as bad, that doesnt mean we are downplaying your experience, but we may just not understand that it feels more visceral to you guys.

lastly, i just want to say that i dont think men (most men) "dehumanize" women. we treat women somewhat differently on a biological basis though; this means that we naturally treat the opposite sex differently, no matter how conscientious we try to be, i imagine women do the same. for example, as a man, seeing my male friend hurt himself is funny (as long it's not serious), but seeing a female friend getting hurt is not funny. that is some deep biological programming that is hard to change, and maybe it ought not to be changed without a sure understanding of the consequences on human life. but just because we may treat women differently sometimes, it does not mean that we don't value them, and many cases we value them more than our male friends/relatives, or even ourselves.