Lesbian fetishization on egg_irl

begonia_skies · 2021-03-15T16:35:18+00:00

Ack, some of the comments go on about how lesbians are so pure and so perfect, I really hate that crap, no actual lesbian with any life experience talks that way. Lesbian relationships are just as complex and difficult at times as all other relationships. We don't sit around all day painting our nails with rainbows in totally cute sleep attire blowing hearts out of our ass. We argue, get jealous, cheat, get depressed, have bad days, etc. I really don't know why they seem to believe that lesbians have these perfect lives, I've been a lesbian my whole life and it's not easy, at all.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-22T20:00:04+00:00

Not a single issue voter and I'm not going to ignore racism, workers’ rights, climate change, etc. I would never vote for Trump. Never going to happen, might be a shock to you but there are much much larger issues at stake than the microcosm of "trans issues".

begonia_skies · 2021-01-09T16:19:58+00:00

The delusional part is most of these "transbians" wouldn't date "someone with a penis" themselves. I have zero issues with a MTF dating another MTF, I don't even care if they want to call themselves lesbians, as long as they leave me alone I don't care. But that is the exception rather than the norm, when they say "lesbians like sucking dick", what they mean is "they should like sucking my dick" not that they themselves would ever do that, so intrinsically they know the difference. Why is their sexuality allowed to be static but mine must remain fluid to fit their needs?

begonia_skies · 2020-10-18T20:37:52+00:00

Straight men generally don't really seem to actually like women. They don't like things women tend to be interested in, they don't like how women are "emotional", they don't like how women tend to communicate more, and they have an obsession with women who are "just one of the boys" who like all the things they like.

I actually greatly prefer the company of women to men and love women as authentic people, not just objects for sex.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-12T09:29:25+00:00

I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing, especially since it does sound like you do in fact have interests that men tend to share. I don't have an issue with men, I have friendships with men but none of them are deep friendships by any means. My closest and deepest friendships are all with women. No, I don't "hate men" I just find straight men tend to be deeply problematic frequently, especially related to lesbian topics. I never seem to be taken seriously by them or they believe since we are friends they can ask me deeply invasive and inappropriate questions. It's not my job to help men grow (despite what every movie storyline depicts), and I just don't know that straight men can ever really overcome the "lesbians are a fetish" or women just deep down "need a good dick" belief.

I actually connect with gay men even less than with straight men. Generally, I don't have much in common with gay men and you can hate me for saying it, but I personally find a lot of gay men far more openly misogynistic than straight men, at least the ones I have encountered. The gay men I know all seem to hold the belief that women just aren't as good at the things they are, like decorating, fashion, cooking, etc. And a lot of gay men I know have this weird obsession with drag that just doesn't sit well with me (I won't bore you with my belief that drag is men mocking women).

I don't think anyone really cares if you have a lot of male friends and I'm glad you seem to have had mostly positive experiences.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-15T19:58:26+00:00

Ugh, I was at a bar with one of my close friends (straight girl), and she told me her boyfriend thinks she is a "half a lesbian". I had no idea where this conversation was going, so I just nodded along. She then proceeds to tell me it is his fantasy to be involved in a threesome and that it would just be the two of us and he would just watch. WTF. As if I'm going have sex with a straight woman and have her bf like wanking in the corner. I politely turned her down, but that really stuck with me. Like that is how they saw me, just a sex tool, not a person. The worst part is she acted like she was doing me a favor, as if all lesbians secretly want to sleep with all straight women, news flash, we don't. You aren't being cool and inclusive, you are being gross and invasive, leave us alone.

begonia_skies · 2021-02-07T21:17:04+00:00

They can repeat the same lies over and over again, such as trans women don't have any physical advantages, but it just objectively isn't true and people aren't buying it. The only option to reel this back is for women to get crushed in sports by trans women repeatedly and courts have to get involved, it's just a terrible situation through and through.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-15T20:44:31+00:00

lol, yep. "non-binary" or "they/them" pronouns in a profile is a swipe left that saves me the time and trouble.

begonia_skies · 2020-11-19T20:32:36+00:00

For real, how many straight women are true allies to lesbians? This lady is a perfect example, everything is about them and the "gay rights" they support are almost always for and about gay men and maaaaaybe trans women (again, men....).

begonia_skies · 2020-09-08T16:28:56+00:00

In addition to everyone else, I think talking/being vocal can be very sexy. There is obviously a line where it can turn into weird and distracting and depends on the level of intimacy, but moaning and a well-timed "spread your legs for me" - yes, please.

begonia_skies · 2021-02-07T21:12:46+00:00

I can't imagine they are even relevant anymore, I loved them so much when I was in college but mostly because they were gay and I latched onto anything I could. That was over ten years ago, I haven't heard anything from them since.

begonia_skies · 2020-12-27T20:09:34+00:00

God I wish someone would listen to classical music with me, you are lucky!

begonia_skies · 2020-08-30T20:53:11+00:00

I loved the movie and actually recently rewatched it. Not happy about the ending, at some point, it feels like we are being told over and over again indirectly (or directly) our love isn't longlasting and will end in tragedy. I watched another sad ending lesbian movie right before this movie, so I'm pretty much over that particular type of ending, especially when it is so common in gay/lesbian films. I do understand this was a realistic portrayal for the time and place, so I guess I will just have to get over it.

I loved the cinematography, there were so many beautifully shot scenes. Of course, the lack of men in the film just made it so much better, when a man finally appears later in the movie it's almost jarring. Adèle Haenel is striking on-screen and the relationship develops organically. I do not know French, but I did feel like a bit may have been lost in translation. Overall, love the movie (I just don't watch the ending), it's a beautiful film.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-16T18:19:29+00:00

This is the real problem, if we really drill down, with the trans movement, is that it is based on misogyny and gender roles that are bullshit. Women don't want to be women anymore because they believe their lives will be easier, better even as men. And many MtFs are MRAs that believe being a woman is life on "easy setting" and women get hand-fed value and sex (which is usually what MtFs are after). It's just bullshit through and through, how they can't see the whole premise is a joke is beyond me.

begonia_skies · 2020-10-21T18:17:33+00:00

I don't really like having sex with someone I don't have an emotional connection and some degree of intimacy with. It's just not that good and awkward. Getting to know someone, what turns them on, being vulnerable in front of each other because there is trust, that is so much better than basically banging a stranger. But that is just me, to each their own.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-24T21:21:49+00:00

That subreddit is literally nothing but selfies. Maybe it is just me, but I find "selfie subs" pretty annoying. It doesn't seem totally overrun by MtFs you can clock from a mile, but they clearly have a presence. I personally just don't get the appeal. If they want to make the sub viable the selfies should be limited to a thread or something, imo.

begonia_skies · 2020-10-18T20:56:11+00:00

I'm pretty far left on pretty much every topic, gun control, decrease in military spending, civil rights, universal medical care, debt-free public colleges, etc etc. The trans issue to me in the broad spectrum is rather low rung, at least for me. It is an issue where I do not align with the typical "left" perspectives; however, I believe with information about the ill effects of transitioning as a child, and more research on the psychological process (i.e. it is a fetish), that is how changes can be made in that regard. People need to keep talking about it to continue to raise awareness. However, personally, I would never vote for a Republican just because of how I feel on that one issue, there are US Supreme Court judges openly talking about repealing same-sex marriage and another conservative judge is headed there now, the cost for me is just way too high when you look through a macro scale.

begonia_skies · 2021-02-06T19:35:40+00:00

Just like most straight men, they get soooo pissed when women don't want to have sex with them. Screw off dude.

begonia_skies · 2020-12-27T20:05:09+00:00

I just try and understand that sometimes things fizzle out and just keep trying, like you'll have a great conversation with someone but after a few days they stop talking and lose interest. That is just the way it goes in love and war, it doesn't always work out. I don't really think of that as ghosting, just in my opinion, I tend to think of ghosting as making plans and never showing up, that is just straight-up rude.

If you define ghosting as just sort of letting a conversation go or not really expressing much of an interest in a second date, then I guess I have found myself more on the "ghosting" side than the receiving side.

Reasons why I have "ghosted": One person I went on a date with disclosed some serious mental health issues, I am glad they disclosed and wish them well, but I did not go on a second date. Another girl seemed a little too obsessed with her muscles and started calling me "babe" via text after one date. Most times though it is because we just didn't have any chemistry and there wasn't really that zing of excitement. I will say, and I feel really terrible about admitting this, but I did "met" someone on reddit and we would have really great conversations and she seemed like a really interesting person, but after she sent me some pictures I just sort of let the conversation go. That sounds really terrible, and truly it is, I fully admit it was a real asshat thing to do, but I didn't really know what to do.... tell her I thought she was unattractive? And I didn't want to keep dragging it out due to guilt. I do really feel bad about that, but I don't think that sounds like your experience, I just wanted to confess my misdeeds, lol!

begonia_skies · 2020-09-26T14:13:48+00:00

I am American and I have dated someone who is British, someone who was Russian and I now live in Germany and I have gone on dates with German women. What I will say is that cultural differences can be hard, and language barriers can really make those differences feel insurmountable. There were challenges in each relationship. I found the Russian woman I dated was very blunt, and that was really hard for me since it felt like she was criticizing me a lot, but she did not see any issue with using direct language.

I also have had a hard time dating German women, I'm not saying anything negative about Germans or Germany because there are wonderful things about Germany, but Germans can be rather cold and, again, are very direct. Germans like to say that a German friend is a friend for life and view American niceties as frivolous and fake. Germans tend to see themselves as more authentic in this regard, maybe, but having to "prove" yourself worthy of friendship (or just basic friendliness) is draining, esp when you are an expat. So, for me, I think I would prefer to date another American or someone from a culture more similar to mine, but of course, if I met the right person then that may change, lol.

And these are just my own personal experiences, I don't think they are representative of any country as a whole.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-28T17:43:44+00:00

Yeah, I noticed the same thing. "Transbians" are usually the dominant voices on that sub, but on that thread, it seemed like it was dominated by actual women. Really interesting, I read through the thread, it's like they are so close to figuring it out, just keep thinking ladies, there is a reason that sub sounds and acts a lot like a straight male sub.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-05T19:53:38+00:00

This is the part that cracks me up, do they even have like real female friends or spend any amount of time around women? All the trans men I know pretty much exclusively hang out with women, you know like normal dudes, lol.

begonia_skies · 2020-10-05T16:33:52+00:00

Of course, I basically came out of the womb and straight into a gay parade. I hated all girly things and I desperately loved the ghostbusters, batman, the ninja turtles, power rangers, etc etc. I insisted on wearing boy clothes because I hated girl things, and children don't have a lot of physical identifiers for gender other than clothing and hair (mine was a curly mess), so I very frequently ran into problems at school. The bathroom was the worst and there were multiple times I was told to leave the girls bathroom because I was boy. I grew up to become a huge lesbian (shocker) but I'm actually not very butch at all as an adult, and I actually am quite feminine in many ways. I wear make up, I'm girly about skin care, I like decorating and cooking, typical "woman" types of things. But yes, I was bullied horribly, would not recommend.

EDIT: I forgot to discuss impact. I rarely think about it these days, actually it is something very few people know about me since I don't read as butch in present day. Even my family doesn't know the extent because I just never discuss it. Has it impacted me? I'm sure, but I'm quite adept at reading situations, a skill you learn quickly as a young bullied child to read situations for safety/threats. Again, I would rather not have had those experiences, but they have shaped me into the woman that I am today.

begonia_skies · 2020-10-04T19:28:09+00:00

Desert Hearts is, in my opinion, one of the best lesbian movies and the fact it debuted in 1985 is really crazy when it feels like movies lately only seem to take steps backwards instead of forwards. It came up on my Netflix a long time ago (don't think it is on Netflix anymore) and I thought, what the heck else do I have to do today? I was prepared to really cringe at an 80s lesbian movie. I was very pleasantly surprised.

The dialogue does feel very clunky at times, and those fade-outs lol! However, the chemistry between the two leads is undeniable and they are what really sell this movie, even through some weird set-ups and strange choices. To me, Vivian is so beautiful, I can watch this movie just for that actress, and you can feel the connection and desire between her and Cay. And I believe the sex scene is really one of the best for the genre, it isn't tacky and cringy and clearly directed by a man (like Blue is Warmest Color/Handmaiden, etc etc) and really does feel intimate without being too gratuitous. The plot thread with Frances was tedious and her character is really pretty annoying, but I didn't mind the homophobia undertones, this movie took place in the 1950s, it would be strange to not include. Plus the ending is wonderful enough to make up for it!

begonia_skies · 2020-09-24T16:30:50+00:00

Yeah, I feel conflicted about this myself and go back and forth a lot. On one hand, I think the best way to break down stereotypes is to be out, so my straight co-workers can see a lesbian is not an exotic creature or a porn fetish, but a normal human being. But on the other hand, I really hate how uncomfortable straight women can get around lesbians, and I work in a really small office so it would get uncomfortable real quick. Sure, I shouldn't care what others think, but it's like I'm uncomfortable hiding that part of myself or I am uncomfortable with them being weird, so it's just a lose/lose situation. Plus pretty much everyone I work with is pretty religious, so it's just not something I want to deal with, so I feel you on this.

begonia_skies · 2020-08-31T19:17:35+00:00

I hate online dating but I am also glad it exists. I work in a pretty closed off environment and I'm am introverted. I think you just have to have lines drawn for you that you do not want to cross and keep an eye out for someone you get a "spark" with. I just try and be honest in my profile, for example, I love pets but I am allergic to cats, since this a dealbreaker for anyone that owns a cat, I include that in my profile so I don't waste their time or mine. I also include that I am a lesbian, I'm not exactly totally against dating a bisexual woman but I would prefer to also date a lesbian. I would get flamed if I directly wrote that, so I put it out there to vaguely imply as such. I don't know if that works, so time will tell I guess lol. I am also pretty tall so I include my height since I have gone on dates with women who seemed surprised I was taller than they expected, but that is probably specific to me!

I think "ghosting" in the sense that you have plans and don't show up is extremely rude. But if you aren't getting a positive feeling from a recently started text conversation, letting it go isn't the end of the world. You can be direct and say you aren't interested, but most of us weren't socialized to be that direct, so I think most women can "read the signs" when someone isn't interested.

I like to meet up fairly quickly, but having a bit of a conversation beforehand to make sure you are compatible is my preferred method. If someone just out of the gates wants to meet up, with little discussion beforehand, it does throw me a little bit.

begonia_skies · 2021-05-14T19:37:34+00:00

I guess I don't understand what you are truly trying to ask here, my dad is in his 60s and dating, so is it too late... no? But I think you know that. Relationships are difficult, I can tell you they are great but it's a lot of pressure to put on someone who is their own person and has their own flaws to fill a hole within you. Honestly, as the other commenter mentioned, I think working with a therapist on your mentioned self-esteem issues would go a long way to ensure you are in a place to be a partner to someone rather than hoping someone else will "fix" those issues. I'm speaking from personal experience here!

begonia_skies · 2020-10-19T17:46:51+00:00

I don't believe any one candidate is going to check all the boxes for any single person, it is just impossible. I would recommend looking over the candidate's views and choose which one tends to align more with your personal belief system. Personally, I cannot mentally handle 4 more years of insanity, but I don't believe it is ethical to try and direct someone's vote. You can easily google both candidates and read through their planned policies and make an educated and informed decision, don't be swayed by media emotional pulls, make a decision from a place of logic.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-21T09:24:32+00:00

Cute and sweet film. I loved it back in the day when it was released, I was in college and recently came to terms with being a lesbian, so movies like this one were really my "gay friends" since I didn't actually have any real ones, lol. I think the side plot with her mother really added depth to the storyline outside of the meet cute, get together, tension rising miscommunication/climax, and then the resolve. I loved that this was directed by an Asian-American woman and focused on the Asian-American community in NYC because lord knows their stories so rarely get told in film. I remember being really excited about this director and wanted to see more from her. Turns out it would be nearly 15 years before I would see another release from her, The Half of It, which I didn't love, but won't digress into that here, ha!

begonia_skies · 2020-08-14T20:26:48+00:00

To throw in my two cents, honestly, it seems like you are willing to stick with this relationship even if you never have sex again. And while that may be fine for you, is she okay with that? Feeling that your partner doesn't want you sexually due to your weight seems like it would be difficult to deal with, have you considered this/discussed it with her? I really just do not believe this sounds like a healthy relationship from a lot of different angles. Will you resent her weight gain even more severely in the future? Given her health issues, she is probably, in reality, going to continue to gain weight rather than the reverse.

I sort of understand where you going with this, i.e. people gain weight and you don't want to just keep dumping people when they put on weight. But it is okay to have boundaries and if those boundaries are crossed then that may be a clear signal the relationship is over. To be honest, she would probably be happier with someone who embraces more curvy women in a sexual manner. You both would probably be happier with a more sexually compatible significant other.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-21T12:19:49+00:00

It is just part of who I am. I love being a lesbian, getting to be with a woman is a wonderful experience. The thing that is pretty annoying is there seems to be so few of us, it's hard to date, meeting the right person can feel impossible sometimes. However, I don't really feel weighed down by fear of male rejection or the pursuit of male approval my straight friends feel, so that is a good thing. Hmmm.. sometimes I do feel shame about feelings of attraction to straight women. I don't know, I have a lot of feelings lol.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-18T09:46:38+00:00

I have never listened to Joe Rogan before, his target demographic is definitely not me. However, I listened to this entire episode and think it is powerful that he has such a voice and he is talking about these issues. The TRAs want to shut down any dissent through fear, fear of being labeled a "bigot" or a "transphobe" or "TERF". But people in powerful positions are standing up, J.K. Rowling, Joe Rogan, it will be interesting to see how this plays out. We have been pushed out of open LGBT communities because we don't want girldick, pushed off of Reddit for the same, they keep trying to silence us, we need more voices, unfortunately male voices, speaking out.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-09T23:45:47+00:00

I personally lend more towards the understanding there should and can be a degree of nuance allowed. You can say, no one but only biological women that solely date other biological women should get the title "lesbian" - and while I do agree with that, the trans population isn't going away, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube and the world is changing. My anger is pointed towards those you clearly highlighted in this post, the MTFs that shame lesbians, that invade spaces, that constantly beg for validation from lesbians like we are validation machines. Two consenting adult people that want to live their farce outside the realm of my reality, I don't really care, now if they push themselves into spaces and demand the center stage, that is a different conversation and not one and the same. While I don't personally love when they call themselves lesbians, arguing over semantics between ourselves isn't going to make a difference while the loudest MTFs bully themselves into more and more positions of trust.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-05T19:59:09+00:00

I take an aspirin, pack some tampons for work, and move on with my life. I don't think I have ever in my entire life held someone and cried over my period. Sometimes if it is bad I'll get a heating pad and watch a movie, but shockingly real women aren't caricatures from ridiculous rom coms.

begonia_skies · 2020-12-23T15:36:51+00:00

Can't say I'm surprised, I hope the SaidIt community here stays active, this is the only space I personally have where I can feel comfortable to discuss this movement the TRAs have taken against lesbians. The other day I noticed one of my old friends, who is very much a lesbian, on Facebook was in a relationship, and at first (this will sound rude, but...) I thought her girlfriend was just very unattractive, like hit with an ugly stick, but after looking closer, the arms, the adam's apple, the face structure - yep, one of my good friends who is an out and proud dyke is dating a MtF. I just can't believe it, I wish there was something more I could do.

begonia_skies · 2020-11-24T20:00:19+00:00

I don't think lesbians that are first coming out necessarily have the highest standards, I pretty much would have dated anyone that would have me when I came out at 21. My first girlfriend and I met in a women's studies class and the only thing we had in common was "the gay". But I was over the moon a woman actually liked me, lol. I have much higher standards now and cringe at my early dating choices (one of them was a drug dealer, so yeah).

begonia_skies · 2020-11-21T11:42:56+00:00

I'm having a flashback. After I came out to my mother, a few years later I was visiting and she was watching Grey's Anatomy with my sister, and I, for some reason, decided to join. Apparently, there was a lesbian storyline going on (Arizona? or something like that) and I felt SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I didn't want to be super weird and leave right when they were like kissing, but I think I pretended to go get something from the kitchen and never went back. I still cringe when I think about that moment.

But to your question, I don't watch anything with lesbian content with my straight friends, and I honestly don't really even have enough straight friends to even like sit around and watch movies like that. I assume this a democracy-like situation and you can just say you don't want to watch it and explain why? That seems reasonable to me.

begonia_skies · 2020-10-21T20:50:56+00:00

I'm not trying to be rude, but if you have no attraction to men then what you mean you are trying to figure out your sexuality? And how would a one night stand be ideal?

begonia_skies · 2020-10-11T17:28:41+00:00

Yep, I joined a discord only to realize everyone on there was a teenager - hard pass.

Edit: Okay, I replied to the wrong comment, but I'm leaving it lol.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-28T19:04:35+00:00

I'm in my early 30s, so there are a lot of late bloomer lesbians. I don't actually have an issue with someone who comes out later in life, I personally know a few lesbians that have had children or were married to men and they are clearly very gay. However, pretty recently I was talking to someone from a dating app that was a "late bloomer" only to later reveal she was still married, and according to her, "her husband was totally cool with it". Are you freaking kidding me? I'm not your lesbian experiment and my dating profile clearly states I'm looking for a relationship. That shit just really bothers me, just be honest, you know?

begonia_skies · 2020-09-05T19:34:57+00:00

I've been listening to PANTS with Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey, they just sort of ramble on about whatever, but I grew up on the L word so I have a fondness for them.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-05T19:07:02+00:00

I would say bad hygiene, untidy (i.e. their apartment is a mess and dirty), unhealthy habits such as smoking or a poor diet, and poor money management.

begonia_skies · 2020-08-29T08:20:41+00:00

I'm 5'9", I don't think I care too much, but I would feel a little uncomfortable if she was quite a bit taller than me. I guess it depends a lot on the person, maybe I wouldn't actually care. I'm quite tall, so I haven't met many lesbians that were taller than me.

begonia_skies · 2020-08-11T18:55:33+00:00

I'm pretty emotional, but I have learned to control my emotions better as I have gotten older. I very rarely cry in front of people, but mostly because it is generally socially inappropriate to do so. If I am in my house and watching a sad movie then I would have no problem crying, but I would not want to cry at work.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-26T20:18:21+00:00

Probably smoking, I would not date a smoker, it's just so gross to me. I'm also pretty hygienic so someone who leaves dirty dishes around the house or does not clean up is probably going to drive me crazy. I'm also in my mid-30s now so skincare and my hair routine is a whole thing (I have curly hair), I don't feel like I have to date someone who can relate to that, but if you don't at least wear sunscreen every day I'm going to silently judge you.

begonia_skies · 2021-02-27T12:01:57+00:00

When I was younger I think I really idolized women that were career-driven and didn't have to bother with getting married or having kids. For my job I had to sign a waiver that basically says that I understand the job entails long hours and I may miss family events, etc. and I was all for it, that was what I wanted to do and my career aspirations mattered more than my personal life. However, as I venture into my mid-30s, I feel a sense of loss in my personal life and I find myself really envying co-workers that have families and hobbies and for them work is just a job. I think I will always be ambitious, I just don't think I can get away from that as it just my personality, but I've definitely started to take my foot off the gas and try and focus on things outside of work, and maybe get a girlfriend, lol.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-23T10:17:00+00:00

Exactly, "put a gun to my head", what a ridiculous hyperbole. This person posted this and then deleted their account, like a coward.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-06T22:03:36+00:00

This is my fear, I'm moving to the DC area soon and I have no idea what to expect. I currently live outside the US and have not actively dated in some time (I was in a relationship for several years, broke up, then met someone organically, and recently broke up). I mean I think I'm a good catch, but a lot has changed since I have been out of the US and I really don't have any interest in dating someone that is "F T-RFS" and that sort of thing, le sigh I guess I'll see how it goes. I was actually very close to moving to a position in Seattle so maybe I'm glad that didn't work out!

begonia_skies · 2020-12-31T21:18:04+00:00

I'm thinking about getting braces, I'm in my 30s so I'm really nervous about it and I know people will think I look silly and I'm dating right now and I can't imagine anyone would want to date someone with braces. I have very straight teeth now and I take good care of them, so they don't look bad but I have an overbite that I'm very self-conscious about. I've been going back and forth in my head and I think I'm going to go for it later this month, or at least start the process.

begonia_skies · 2020-12-14T20:29:53+00:00

Ugh me too, I have a sensitive job and live in an area that isn't super populated so apps really aren't an option. I'm moving soon and I cannot wait to actually go on dates, I've been out of the game for awhile so I hope it isn't all MTF.

begonia_skies · 2020-12-02T19:40:39+00:00

Ellen was always pretty weird, didn't she live in a commune for a while? I never cared much for her, but I did hate how she was a Hollywood "star" for a short time and then it seemed like after she came out, no one really wanted her in roles anymore. This is beyond dumb, but given she always seemed to be deep into woke liberal Hollywood trends, it's not surprising. I feel sorry for her wife, even though I'm sure she is totally on board with this nonsense, I personally would be pretty upset if I was married to someone that suddenly woke up and decided out of nowhere, "I'm a man!"

begonia_skies · 2020-11-23T17:14:49+00:00

I was more invested in the sister and her grass than the "lesbian" couple and I feel like this movie wasn't even for lesbians, it's for straight people.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-26T17:33:34+00:00

Haha, yes my German friends hate the "how are you?" greeting in America that is expected to be met with a "good" or a "fine". In their eyes, "how are you?" is a question for putting on a pot of tea and listing health and life problems for 45 mins. I've tried to explain, it's really just a greeting and not meant to be taken literally, but I can see how that may come across as fake or insincere.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-20T08:55:24+00:00

I think the idea of love is interesting, especially with how oversaturated media influence is about how "all you need is love". Is love an emotion that you can easily place and identify such as sadness, panic, or joy? What does it mean to be "in love"?

I find it so interesting that American culture (I'm American, so this is my culture) places on how the relationship goes to the next level when both parties state they love each other. I think I read this normally occurs around the three month mark. But some people are stingy with the statement and will only say it when they "really" feel it. But honestly, I do not believe love is a state of being or even an emotion (the emotional aspect would lust imo), it is a concept. And the distinction between love and the mighty "true love" is a false dichotomy, it sounds nice but it doesn't mean anything. Love is the concept of caring for a person who is separate from yourself, who has their own beliefs and motivations, whose wellbeing you value and safeguard, and in this context, there is a sexual aspect to the relationship. Loving someone is constantly making the decision and conscious choice to value them and their needs. At least that is what I think.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-07T16:09:41+00:00

I don't really get it either, it was on TV when I was more into Dawson's Creek, Popular and Young Americans (Kate Moennig had me feeling some kind of way in my early teens - if anyone else saw that show). Plus I was never really into shows like that. It is kind of how I feel about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I have dated several women that were just crazy about that show but I was never really into it. I think maybe if you are from that time period when there were basically zero lesbians on TV, Willow and Tara (or I guess Xena) were characters people really latched onto due to the dearth of representation.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-07T15:45:14+00:00

I like Carol but I don't love it. It is visually a beautiful film and creates an atmosphere that really does a great job of replicating the 1950s. I actually don't even mind the age gap, Rooney and I are about the same age and I would definitely go for Cate, so I'm not upset about that. It just feels distant and a bit hollow. I don't mind it's a slow burn, I actually greatly prefer that. Further, I understand that women in the 1950s probably were very "glove lunch" about flirtatious advances; however, I didn't feel pulled into the characters and in some ways I didn't see or feel the emotional depth the film attempted to present. The restrained dialogue pushed the emotional growth to be told via longing looks and beautiful shots. This may serve well for award season but makes it more difficult to connect to the characters (in my opinion).

begonia_skies · 2020-09-06T14:00:23+00:00

I'm fairly tall (5'9"), so taller than most women but I don't feel tall generally unless I am shopping for clothes, that is certainly more difficult. However, in terms of dating, I guess I have never really thought about it before, I haven't dated anyone shorter than 5'3"/5'4", the only thing that is kind of annoying is I look huge when we would take pictures together, so I preferred photos when we were both sitting. That is really all I can think that was slightly irritating but that is being very picky.

However, I believe you are referring to sex, and I can't really think of any issues. Maybe sex in the shower is more difficult due to the height difference, but my shower is like the only 5 mins I have to myself and I have curly hair, so it's a whole thing, washing my hair upside down, etc. - so I'm not that into it anyway.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-06T08:00:27+00:00

Honestly, just planning out your meals before you go to the grocery store and cooking large portions that you can have as leftovers are the best way to eat healthily and save money. For example, I love chipotle but it's expensive, so I found a chipotle chicken copycat recipe and then just add some brown rice, black beans, lettuce, and guacamole and there you go! I will make enough to last about 4 days. I also buy frozen, canned, and fresh vegetables. I'll roast the fresh vegetables after shopping (I like baby asparagus and broccolini) and then later in the week use the canned or frozen vegetables, yes they lack slightly compared to fresh veggies, but it's better than not eating vegetables. I also eat a few pieces of fruit a day, I just bring them to work with me and that will be my snack. Nothing is worse than buying fruit and not eating it and throwing it out, so I try and stick with things I know I like and that I will eat, for me that is bananas, kiwis, oranges, and peaches.

I also just don't buy "snacks" so that forces me to snack on fruit, nuts, or vegetables like carrots. It probably sounds insane, but I never buy chips, ice cream, cookies, etc. If I don't own it, I can't eat it. I also don't drink any soda, it's terrible for you and loaded with sugar. So I save money on snacks and soda. I hope that helped, lol.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-05T19:40:20+00:00

I have never developed a special love language with someone I have never spoken to before. I mean, when I was in my 20s and hanging out in the clubs/bars, yeah you can pretty much pick up if someone is into you by the way they are looking at you, but outside of that environment, I wouldn't pick up on something like that. I would probably be confused about why they were looking at me intensely.

begonia_skies · 2020-08-13T15:57:14+00:00

I love glasses, so when a cute girl is wearing some cute oversized glasses I just swoon.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-28T19:49:02+00:00

Not the person you replied to, but for me, well-managed and actively involved in therapy would not totally turn me off. I've had really terrible experiences with past gfs who clearly had mental health issues but they did nothing to manage them and sought no treatment. To be 100% honest, it really depends on the person and how severe the issues are. I want an equal partner, not someone I have to care for all the time or walk around on eggshells. My father has a lot of mental health issues, I have dealt with that enough in my life. I would not exclude someone since as you stated it is very prevalent but the severity and how active they are in seeking treatment would be factors I would consider.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-24T21:33:50+00:00

I would love to see the day, the straight men that run reddit would have no idea what to do with that one.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-24T21:13:14+00:00

Just to echo everyone else, this is shady. While she may have not moved into the lines of physically cheating, these are the building blocks that lead to that behavior. I don't personally ever feel comfortable telling someone online "dump your gf" but this is probably a red flag that you either work together to address or acknowledge maybe it might not be the most healthy relationship moving forward related to trust and confidence in the other person. It's pretty clear she wants to sleep with "A" and maybe it is just something she just needs to pursue, clearly the boundaries of a relationship aren't much of a deterrent.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-26T16:15:02+00:00

I love salmon but I hate salmon that has been frozen and defrosted, to me it is pretty grim. But fresh salmon that is baked is one of my favorite dishes! I made a pretty big batch of imitation chipotle chicken and made some pico de gallo, guacamole, and brown rice to have a burrito bowl for the next few days.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-23T21:28:59+00:00

I had a lot of issues with the movie and I did not really care for it. I saw a lot of praise for the sex scenes, but to me, they felt almost too... modern? Definitely out of place given the overall tone. I watched A Portrait of a Lady on Fire afterward and was reminded of how superior it was compared to Ammonite. I didn't really feel the chemistry between Winslet and Ronan, and the movie needed to open the doors a bit on the portrayal of Anning, we had little insight into her interworkings and the screenplay was, in my opinion, pretty poor. Winslet and Ronan really gave it their best, but there wasn't much to work with and it felt stilted. I sort of felt the same way about Carol, it's like they didn't really have a real relationship, just lots of longing looks...

As far as the reworking of a historical figure, it didn't personally bother me or take away from the film. Historical fiction can have a place to imagine what might have been, I just don't think this movie does a great job of it.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-08T20:52:19+00:00

Honestly, it's a really nice place to live. I think it's just a lot of little things that have built up for me personally that perhaps make me biased; however, for every negative feeling I have there are probably two or three positives. I think maybe I'm not a great resource since the honeymoon phase of moving abroad has faded into the stark reality where I don't feel like I fit in here. I live in a small town so definitely not anyone nearby to date, so I'm lonely, and I'm feeling burnt out from my job - so please take my considerations with a grain of salt! I'm sure when I'm back in the dumpster fire that is the US I'll wax poetic on my European adventure, lol!

begonia_skies · 2021-01-08T17:24:05+00:00

Hmmm, yes, German is not an easy language for a non-native speaker and Germans seem to love correcting you when you speak German incorrectly. I also speak Korean (not as well anymore!) and it was kind of the same, like if the sentence isn't said perfectly they act like they can't understand you. It is frustrating, but I'm assuming they aren't used to hearing people speak with an accent or with less than perfect German. Maybe since I'm American I am used to hearing accents, but the Germans I live around can't stretch their ear around an accent even if I am blatantly pointing at what I would like to buy. However, I think the cultural differences are the most difficult, in my opinion. Germany seems a lot more insular than the US, a "foreigner" just feels not welcome here. There are several surveys done on expats that rank Germany quite low in terms of "ease of settling" I think one of the lowest in Europe and I personally can attest to that. Maybe in a more diverse area like Frankfurt it might be more open and fluid, but I live in a small area so your mileage may vary. Why do you ask?

begonia_skies · 2021-01-06T22:12:17+00:00

Thank you for the info! I will check it out when I get there, given COVID restrictions and everything hopefully it is still open (edit: clarify to mean the bar hasn't been bankrupt due to the situation not that it should remain open during a pandemic). The country I'm currently in has a curfew due to COVID, so it will be interesting to come back to the homeland, to say the least!

begonia_skies · 2020-12-31T21:12:31+00:00

I feel really awful about it, but to be fair she described herself in a way that was not totally genuine in my opinion. I went on a Tinder date once with someone that had apparently used very old photos and it was just really uncomfortable, I don't know why people do stuff like that, just seems really weird to me and I feel terrible when I have to be the bad guy and be like, "no thanks".

begonia_skies · 2020-10-13T10:21:36+00:00

I do really like this movie. Piper and Lena do a great job in this film, even though Piper's accent is a little wonky sometimes, I loved seeing Lena as a lesbian. I found the screenplay to be great, it was snappy and light, Ol Parker did a great job here, (he did a great job with Mama Mia Here We Go Again as well). However, it really stuck to the bounds of its genre, and other than featuring a female-female romantic relationship, it really doesn't color outside the lines or explore new territory. I guess I can't complain too much, most lesbian films try too hard to be serious and never end well. This movie is great for a rainy day with a cup of tea to warm you up inside.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-29T20:43:13+00:00

This is the one I was going to suggest as well.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-26T19:57:10+00:00

I don't think I find the US more funny, I guess. I haven't been back in awhile, so it is always a little disorienting the first few days back. Americans will just start talking to you, like in a line, or anywhere and that never happens in Germany unless they are telling you that you did something wrong, lol! I have been to Italy several times and in my personal opinion Italians seem more laid back and more focused on their families. I think Italians are louder in conversations than Americans, but I don't think passion is a bad thing. Italians seem to be really proud to be Italian and proud of their culture. Driving in Italy is a nightmare though!

begonia_skies · 2020-09-23T16:05:21+00:00

I often say there are many things I can forgive, and many people I have forgiven. However, I can't forgive Christianity for teaching me to hate myself when I was young, vulnerable, and impressionable. It's just not something I can personally reconcile and I'm much happier without religion in my life.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-22T17:05:43+00:00

I think I'm good at financial management, making decisions, and I think I'm pretty good at thinking critically and solving problems. I'm pretty introverted so I do struggle in large social situations. I'm the person that ends up just playing with a dog or cleaning up, so I'm that weirdo doing the dishes at a party, lol.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-21T14:22:22+00:00

Yeah, that definitely may be why I also did not really get that into The Half of It. I think, for me, there were some storyline choices that I just couldn't get behind and I felt the script overall was pretty weak. Also did not understand the choice to spend so much time "teaching" the male character how to be a person and have a conversation, WHY do women always have to fill this role, even in a "lesbian" movie we are resigned to spending copious amounts of time helping men grow, bleh. Okay, I'll stop derailing this forum on Alice Wu's Netflix film, lol.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-14T17:48:47+00:00

Flimsy and terrible story with even worse acting. Seems like the sole purpose of the movie was to cram as much lesbian sex as possible into the running time. I tend to like a slow build, like Desert Hearts or Carol, where the characters have some room to develop tension and this is basically soft porn but framed as a movie. Actually, I think I have seen better plots and acting in actual porn.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-09T18:23:35+00:00

SO awful, I would also like to hear what other people thought of that one.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-09T16:32:53+00:00

Disobedient - to discuss that scene, you know what I mean

The Handmaiden - The Park Chan-wook adaptation of Fingersmith, I doubt anyone has even watched this but I have a lot of feelings about it and no one to vent with, lol.

begonia_skies · 2020-08-13T16:05:46+00:00

I have personally never had any interactions with a white woman that referred to themselves as a "stud" and personally I would find it very offputting if they did. I guess it would be akin to a bisexual woman or a trans woman referring to themselves as a "dyke" - kind of cringy.

begonia_skies · 2021-02-08T18:10:52+00:00

Totally agree with you, I think we are so starved for content we will take anything available. The "queer" and trans movement seem like it is taking the wind from the sails of progress from LGB media with resources being re-diverted. The re-boot of the L Word is a great example, so bad, so cringe, and so annoying.

Edit: To be clear, the original L word is pretty awful, but at least it was mostly about lesbians. Very white and very rich ones, but again, the only lesbian focused tv show on US premium television I am aware of.

begonia_skies · 2021-01-19T17:06:40+00:00

I feel the same way, so it is not just you! I also tried dating apps for a short period but it really didn't work out for a variety of reasons, but dating as a lesbian is really hard. I feel like it is to the point that I'm willing to compromise on things currently that I would have never considered in the past. It's tough, I think I am fairly well balanced, well educated, in good physical shape and it's almost annoying to know I could easily find someone if I was straight, but my career is hard and forces me to move around, it sounds exciting to most at first but eventually, they always leave. Honestly, for you - giving dating apps another try might worth it. Given the current status of the world bars and group meet ups just really aren't a thing right now, so apps might be your best point of contact. Yes, it is annoying to sort through all the couples, men, etc. but your person is out there looking for you too!

begonia_skies · 2020-12-31T21:06:31+00:00

I don't want to offend anyone, so I'll just say that she was not my type...

begonia_skies · 2020-10-01T16:40:00+00:00

I dislike musk, powder and ambroxan, if it has a strong presence for any of those, I'm probably not going to like it. A lot of women's fragrance has a powder scent, and I just really dislike it.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-28T18:14:40+00:00

Yes.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-28T15:44:49+00:00

I'm not pretending to be a dating guru, and there seem to be some strong feelings from both sides on this topic, lol. Honestly, I usually just give a, "Hey, how is your day going?" or "Hey, how are you doing?" I never really had any issues with things sorting themselves out from there. I can say I would personally appreciate a more tailored intro, and maybe if I was really feeling the person I would put in a little more thought, but there are so many flaky, boring, "bi-sexual", or just straight-up weird girls on dating apps, I'm just trying feel out the situation to see if they are even responsive, worth the effort of trying to meet up, etc. If I find myself asking all the questions and putting in all the effort then I'm out.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-26T20:43:58+00:00

Haha, okay I thought you meant "funny" as in weird. Yes, I think Americans do have a better sense of humor than Germans, but I don't really "get" German humor, so that might be the issue. And I love Italy, I have been many times! Spain and Italy are my two favorite places to visit because I love the laid back vibes, when I am on vacation I want to chill out and relax. So I am a big fan of southern italy and sicily, with a nice glass of red wine - sounds like heaven to me.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-22T16:51:13+00:00

I get too scared to really watch horror films, I have no idea how someone can watch a scary movie and have an enjoyable experience! Really the only one I can handle is Halloween, the original one, because it's really well done for a horror film in the late 70s as far as pacing and character development. Further, the use of the score to build tension is excellent, imo. Also palatable for me because the villain, Michael, mostly just walks around in a scary manner and has zero apparent motivation, lol.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-22T16:33:46+00:00

Yes! Beauty and the Beast was originally written during a time when arranged marriage was common in France and their suitors may have appeared "beastly" to young women. The author wrote Beauty and the Beast to convey the message that with some love and kindness, even the most beastly of men can turn into a beautiful prince, which of course is not how that works at all. Hollywood has really run the nonsensical idea that "good women" can change "bad boys" into the ground, and if you really pull back the onion it's a really dangerous message to send because a lot of the "bad boys" express a lot of controlling and abusive behavioral patterns.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-21T14:03:34+00:00

You should check it out if you have Netflix. It's pretty cute, but it was a one time watch for me and there were some choices in the storyline that were... a bit weird to me. But a lot of people I know really liked it so maybe it's just me!

begonia_skies · 2020-09-07T16:42:04+00:00

I think Carol asked her what dolls she liked when she was younger, and she was working in the toy department so I don't think it would be odd to ask those questions. 100% agree the "I never looked like that" was such a weird and strange dialogue choice, I guess they were trying for a more proper way to say "your body is banging" but definitely weird.

begonia_skies · 2020-12-31T22:08:57+00:00

Sounds like we have the same issue, I had braces as a kid (which is why I have straight teeth now) but my jaw continued to grow. Unfortunately, my health insurance will only cover "ugly betty braces" aka wire braces, so yeah, I'm going to look like a dork!

begonia_skies · 2020-12-15T10:45:19+00:00

I'm headed to DC area, so I guess I'll see, I know politically it is a very liberal area, but I'm not sure how that has translated to gender politics.

begonia_skies · 2020-10-01T14:06:53+00:00

I love chanel and dyptique, but I just don't know if jo malone is worth the money. I just never get much longevity with that brand; however, I haven't tried all their scents by a long shot.

begonia_skies · 2020-09-26T17:48:44+00:00

Agreed, I lived in Poland for a while and I did not feel the forceful coldness I tend to get in Germany, lol. I loved Poland, I was pretty surprised how deeply Catholic the country is and traditional, if that makes any sense. It seemed very, "the man is the head of the house" vibe to me, but you can correct me if that inference is incorrect. And I love an eastern european accent (obviously, given my dating history, haha).

begonia_skies · 2020-09-10T14:37:12+00:00

So I listened to the newest PANTS podcast on my way to work today, and lo and behold, Liz Feldman was the guest LOL. They allude that she and Kate were "smitten" with each other when they met, and talk about her youtube show. Rather serendipitous!

begonia_skies · 2020-09-07T12:53:59+00:00

I totally forgot about her, lol! I think she has a great sense of humor, but I felt generally a little turned off by the constant flirting as you mentioned but she is pretty sharp and actually does a good interview when she isn't being creepy.

begonia_skies · 2020-07-21T15:03:53+00:00

No, everyone I work with is straight. Maybe if there were more gay people then I would feel comfortable being out to at least them, but you know are how straight religious people are.... so no thanks, I keep my personal life personal.

begonia_skies · 2021-03-31T19:30:50+00:00

Travelling is one of my favorite hobbies, so this has been pretty awful. I guess I'm lucky because I got both doses of Moderna in Jan. I have spend a lot of time trying to work on my physical fitness and meditation, things like that. But I'm so tired of sitting at home, I can't wait to get out of my house and move around a bit.

begonia_skies · 2020-10-05T16:25:55+00:00

lol, I have a bottle of black opium that I've had for awhile. It definitely feels a little dated and I'm trying to update my collection now that I'm in my 30s to scents that aren't too flowery and sweet.

begonia_skies