Would anyone be interested in a weekly film discussion thread? by piylot in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I'd definitely be down! I have been trying to get a podcast or book or movie group going with friends to no avail, so it'd be fun. Does it have to be lesbian themed or just anything?

Has there been an instant spark with your romantic interests or did the attraction take time to develop? by piylot in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There has to be an instant spark when we are together in person. Even if I feel excited about an online conversation, if we later meet and it's "meh" in person, I lose all interest. I'm not sure what it is. Typically they will be "my type" physically, but that's not the only thing that matters. It's something about how the conversations we have leave me energized and excited. How they look at me. It almost feels like an undeniable physical pull that you can't control and it's almost never sexual (to start with). It's why I have had absolutely no luck with dating apps (imo). I go on dates but they always fall flat. Pictures don't really do anything for me.

Kinda lonely by midnight305 in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Am right there with you! The last two weeks have been incredibly sad and lonely as I went no contact with a friend who I grew feelings for and she did not feel the same. Hopefully we can be friends again after my period of grief, but right now it's incredibly hurtful. You're not alone! These are tough times. Pre pandemic I was healing while still in contact by going out to events, physical activity, and dating, but now I barely go outside and almost everything is closed and canceled so it's all about being alone with your thoughts.

I shaved my head, I'm not a woman anymore! by Beth-BR in GenderCritical

[–]basetenprefix 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I actually almost shaved my head during pandemic, but went just short. Now it's shaved everywhere but the top and I love it. Was always too afraid to do it, but while quarantined I figured "whatever, to hell with it". Feels awesome. Still a woman.

I got outed by manto in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. This sucks no matter who does it to you. Coming out is such a personal experience. My brother outed me to my parents when I was a teenager, probably to get them off his back because he was... a handful, let's say. Hope you are safe!

What are your future goals? by IamWomanHearMeRoar in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Short term: Finish writing a third song and release a small 4-5 song album with my friends. Also start meditating regularly (which is more difficult than it would seem).

Medium term: Prototype an app. If people like it, maybe it turns into a long term goal, otherwise I'll move on as I just want to try it once.

Long term: Start an investment fund. It's a moonshot goal as I have a full time job already, but I love investing and would love to do it for a living. If not that, then probably write a book or start a podcast about saving/investing/budgeting.

A new letter in the LGBTQIA+ family - polysexual! by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]basetenprefix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

LOL they already have a flag for it.

Straight girl needs help overcoming her compulsory heterosexuality in order to make her heterosexual sex with a trans-identified male "queer." by yousaythosethings in LGBDropTheT

[–]basetenprefix 23 insightful - 14 fun23 insightful - 13 fun24 insightful - 14 fun -  (0 children)

queer sex

I never know whether to laugh or to cry.

WAAAH! Why wont anyone believe how special I am? by artetolife in LGBDropTheT

[–]basetenprefix 20 insightful - 4 fun20 insightful - 3 fun21 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

If it wasn't so self absorbed and hurtful to our experiences, I'd feel really bad, because when you're young you really want to belong to something, and now people get praised for being LGB or trans or whatever, so I can really see the appeal if you're lonely and alienated.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey, I know it's been a little bit, but I just wanted to reach out and say thank you. TL;DR: Your recommendation ended up being extremely helpful in what I found when I looked up information.

I haven't read the book yet ("Attached") because it's still on hold at the library, but I decided to look up some YouTube videos in the meantime. Ended up on a channel that explains it in a really understandable way and took the test she offered. I scored as a "Fearful Avoidant" which speaks a lot to me. During one of the videos, she mentioned the word "limerence" which I had never heard before, so I looked it up. Turns out it's pretty much exactly what I am going through and the main reason why I feel depressed again lately. It has given me so much clarity over the last few days, it's helped me a lot. I have a lot of work to do, but it feels good knowing I'm seemingly heading in the right direction. So thank you.

Transgender woman arrested accused of sexually assaulting teen in Walmart bathroom... This never happens. by GConly in GenderCritical

[–]basetenprefix 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ojeda told officers she was looking for someone she met online who looked like the teenager.

His excuse that the teenager looked like ANOTHER teenager that he met online and was supposed to meet up with... This guy better be on a watch list now.

How much do you flirt with other women while in a relationship? by endlesssummer in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not very to not at all. I'm very one person focused, although friendly flirting is fun when you're single (if none of the parties involved are romantically interested) if I have someone in mind already, I don't focus that kind of attention elsewhere.

Like other posters have already mentioned, her reaction/response to your concerns is the most questionable part. Even if you insist on continuing, you don't tell your partner to just "get used to it" when your behavior concerns them. You talk it out.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words :) and I am really glad that it helped! Sometimes we just need to know that others are sharing our experiences and it lifts the loneliness a bit. Even if temporarily.

On r/actuallesbians, penises make lesbian sex easier. How convenient! by fuckupaddams in LGBDropTheT

[–]basetenprefix 27 insightful - 6 fun27 insightful - 5 fun28 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

Implying sex with two women is somehow difficult. Sounds a lot like someone that has no idea or experience about what they're talking about.

Coming out vs "passing" by notdelusional in LGBDropTheT

[–]basetenprefix 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Personally speaking, I have found that I can never actually be close to anyone unless I'm out to them, because I constantly fear what you just stated: "But if I 'came out' publicly I could risk the friendships I already have." It was important for me to trust that my friends were truly friends because they knew me and who I was. Not the same for acquaintances or coworkers, who's opinions don't affect me as much, but friends yes. Can you have a fulfilling social life with people if you fear that they will leave you once they know the truth about you?

I don't see a reason to "come out" in some performative, grandstanding way, but privately, to people who you trust to care for you, I think is important.

Coming out vs "passing" by notdelusional in LGBDropTheT

[–]basetenprefix 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Absolutely. The default is straight so there will be a natural assumption you have to "correct" (for lack of a better word) every time you meet someone new. Some people might guess, but they can't ever truly know unless you tell them. Ideally though, this form of coming out just morphs into a normal conversation and the frozen look of shock/confusion/uncertainty stops appearing on people's faces.

Children's news website apologises to JK Rowling over trans tweet row by [deleted] in GenderCritical

[–]basetenprefix 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes that stood out as the most egregious thing out of all this to me. Essentially telling kids that this person is literally killing trans people with her tweets and that they should boycott her. Chilling.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm so sorry :( I can only imagine what it must be like to have something ontop of depression.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh thank you, I actually really love book recommendations. It's true, at a certain point I admitted to myself that I was causing the events to unfold how I wanted them to, to prove that I was broken and unloveable, those words exactly. Especially the broken part. I will give the book a try!

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you! Best of luck to you as well :)

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your words and perspective. I also agree with it all. During my good days I put the work in, but on down days, I just lack the energy or care to even try. I definitely don't hope they stick around, in fact I typically end up leaving, which I know isn't any better. Not sure if I can explain it, but when I have so much emotion revolving around someone, it makes it that much more difficult to maintain steadiness. It's like I go into emotional short circuit. It's frustrating.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wow I relate so much to your second paragraph. It really feels like late middle school and high school just stopped me completely. It took years to recover. And then years to start growing again. In all honestly, it feels like a decade of my life just halted. I was trapped inside my own mind and my own feelings and I couldn't move past any of it. Not only did I avoid being same sex attracted, I also pushed myself in all the wrong directions trying to convince myself otherwise.

I am not sure about the diagnoses, I'd likely have to go see a new therapist and open up properly about everything, but I appreciate you sharing, thank you.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No worries about deleting, I understand completely. That fear stops me from posting a lot.

I struggle with that as well. I don't understand how someone could possibly care that much about me and I am bad with articulating emotions. Since my last breakup I have spent a lot of time reading about recognizing feelings and putting them into words, and have tried to practice with the friends I care about the most. Thank you for sharing.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A black hole is a really good way to explain the feeling. Or the lack of feeling. An emptiness that sucks in anything positive. And then when you do feel, it's just sadness or anger, or both. The most difficult part is coming to terms that there is no "fix", especially for someone so oriented towards pattern finding and problem solving. I approach all my hurdles and goals with a plan A, B and C and actionable items. But there doesn't seem to be a plan to follow for this, at least none that have worked so far.

I like your idea of just letting it go without judging or assigning meaning. Thank you.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Interestingly enough it was also my partner that pointed out I could be depressed and urged me to seek therapy to help. At her request I signed up, did the screenings, and went into the two month long waiting list. In the end he started mentioning that perhaps I didn't want to have as many sessions, and eventually, any at all, because I seemed to be fine. He did help though, especially then.

Please don't feel like you wrote too much, I read every word. I enjoy other people's perspective. It's not so much that I don't want advice, but more like I was not specifically asking for any, if that makes sense. I've read a lot of books, tried a lot of exercises, went on medication, etc.. It was better for a while until I had a near burnout at work a little over a year ago and it felt like I was starting over from zero.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.

Depression, Down Days and Dating by basetenprefix in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You pretty much nailed it with "ending relationships and feeling lonely" because that is how it usually ends up. I completely agree with what you're saying. Thank you for your reply.

Are you out at work? by a_blue_bird in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Partially. Just came out to my boss a few weeks ago. Colleagues that I am close with know and I am a part of the extremely small LGBT group channel we have setup. I'm not hiding, I'm just not the kind of person to discuss my personal life and so unless you start asking questions, I won't say anything.

People always assume I am straight though, without fail. Even though I'm extremely tomboy-ish and GNC. Oh well.

What book changed your life? by southpaw in Lesbians

[–]basetenprefix 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The Power of Habits - Finally gave me actionable advice backed up by science about how we can form habits that shape our lives in a positive way and explains how many of our bad habits are formed. I recommend it to anyone.

TRAs know Rowling has researched both sides extensively and wonder why she is still gender critical by RoundFrog in GenderCritical

[–]basetenprefix 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was also on board. I've had direct interactions with two transwomen and they were both fine, we just gamed together, nothing weird, then never really talked again. Didn't think much of it. I'm very much in the camp of people can do whatever they want if it's their business, if it isn't hurting anyone. I didn't think the transgender movement was hurting anyone. I know differently now.

TRAs know Rowling has researched both sides extensively and wonder why she is still gender critical by RoundFrog in GenderCritical

[–]basetenprefix 11 insightful - 9 fun11 insightful - 8 fun12 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

As a lesbian, I agree that one of my main female feelings happen when men want me. /s

TRAs know Rowling has researched both sides extensively and wonder why she is still gender critical by RoundFrog in GenderCritical

[–]basetenprefix 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Slogans work really well to rally people. Think about "Make America Great Again". What does that even mean? What was great? Why is it not great anymore? It's so subjective. But it's also quick and catchy and you can chant it and put it on merchandise. It doesn't require you to think very far or critically. "Transwomen Are Women" has been really effective in this same way.