Man weed ain't addictive

TRapostate · 2022-04-17T19:06:22+00:00

weed is mild as far as drugs go, but it's absolutely addictive. it absolutely can reduce a person to a shell of their former self. but it's a nice drug when used responsibly. if you wake and bake you are a drug addict, and maybe you can be functional, but most people who smoke all day end up become lazy pothead dumb dumb heads.

TRapostate · 2022-04-06T18:04:02+00:00

this guy is insane, he spams chat and insults people for no reason.

TRapostate · 2022-04-05T13:07:41+00:00

no. i guess some mod deleted it.

TRapostate · 2022-03-29T23:09:35+00:00

When i fell for transgenderism, i think alot of it had to do with the fact that, my father had been essentially psychologically abusing me in a covert way, and i had lost touch with my feelings, since they were denied so much. when you rely on the intellect and do not follow your gut, it only takes one misstep in logic to go way off course. i wonder if for autistics, their distance from social instincts means they naturally lack this sort of counterbalance.

TRapostate · 2022-03-29T11:52:33+00:00

i think because i was shamed for being acting out feminine behavior when i was young. basically until i knew it was shameful i thought it was a relatively neutral thing, if i could pretend to be an alien or a pirate, why not pretend to be a girl? i still can remember being shocked at how strong a reaction that i received from my mother once "YOU ARE BOY, YOU ARE A BOY!". because i had bunched up my shorts to look like a bikini and danced around in front of her. just playing really at that age. i don't think it had gotten sexual yet. but i think the knowledge of how taboo it was, combined with the knowledge that boys could "be turned gay" and the teasing i would sometimes receive from older teenage girls, and the times i was crossdressed against my will. i think that imprinted a strong shame reaction to the idea of being emasculated. i think that, pre-puberty, before my hetero drive would attempt to awaken itself, crossdressing was just another outlet for my masochistic drive. not particularly preferred over being the loser in a game on purpose to suffer a consequence, to being tied up, or something else. i'm starting to think ray blanchard's ETLE may have a prerequisite of a prior masochistic crossdressing response to get started. basically once you become fascinated with symbols of femininity, it turbo charges your cross-dressing desires as a corrupted form of heterosexuality. and i really was afraid of girls when i was in highschool age. and today there are remnants of that feeling still. but i'm not nearly as hopelessly awkward. i think i fear being rejected in general, and am sensitive to other's perception of me. and i think i was hyper vigilant to being shamed. and girls represented a level of emotional sophistication i wasn't close to matching. so i feared their emotional power, and kept my distance.

TRapostate · 2022-03-28T16:14:36+00:00

i think that it is less that women are themselves inferior, it's more that having one's manhood reduced is humiliating. i personally see women as people. the other half of the human whole. i am more afraid of them than anything haha.

TRapostate · 2022-03-25T17:13:06+00:00

i do not understand what you mean honestly. i actually haven't crossdressed in years, i am just going from memory on what it felt like. i am not seeking to justify or rationalize anything. i am simply explaining an odd manifestation of experience that i agree ultimately stems from a destructive place. i do think people are confused about the sensations i am describing. and i think dismissing it in the way you are ultimately serves to hinder your understanding of this phenomena.

TRapostate · 2022-03-23T02:30:49+00:00

hmm... yes it sounds like something similar. when you say "see" yourself, you're imagining like a visual scene/situation? if you have some masculinized characteristics in your brain, i wonder if your fantasies are similar in function to male ones. like people always say men are more visual, and for me i actually do use alot of visual imagery. full on 3d scenes around me, people, props, areas, i can see these things fairly vividly in my mind's eye, and "seeing" the situation around me can turn me on all by itself. if so, it could be that your preferences there were caused indirectly, via the same system that creates male paraphilias, in a reduced form. instead of say, some natural inclination toward that.

TRapostate · 2022-03-23T02:15:05+00:00

but I don't really see the mechanism of how you go from little boy doted over by women to deciding to sing Helen Reddy's I Am Woman unironically.

Because if you have AGP, and then go on to be exposed to transgender ideology, you see before you the option of changing sides. once that happens, you imagine actually living as the opposite sex, and socializing with girls as a girl. when you imagine the set of socially acceptable activities you would then newly have access to, it plays on that prior psychological loss. i'm just saying it's one of the possible motivations or incentives to transition.

TRapostate · 2022-03-23T01:50:44+00:00

i found your post to be a bit harsh, esp the beginning there... but i did get some things from it. i do think you have misinterpreted me though. i do think these feelings are ultimately stemming from an AGP drive. it's just that i think it's odd how it manifests in that particular kind of experience. i don't mean to somehow rationalize or downplay the activity, or say that it's somehow innocent on account of these subjective feelings. i just think that particular experience is interesting, and a parallel motivator, and for many i'm sure it helps to convince themselves that they have a case of latent transgenderism. i'm wondering if it's something like, for a normal man who might want say, some raunchy wallpaper for his computer. after a while he's not going to get horny from it any longer, but he just likes having it still. something like that, mixed with some other something in the brain, combines and makes an odd but powerful sensation. as if it were music for the skin.

TRapostate · 2022-03-18T01:45:33+00:00

thanks i like how you re-put it.

i dont got any data, just i can remember feeling it myself. i've read many accounts from transgender people on the internet and a common theme is a sort of "gender euphoria" that atleast claimed to be non-sexual. i think it is true for many of them, that they will get an emotional high from feeling like they are reclaiming the right to enjoy old interests and an older set of boundaries with females.

i could see how that would be appealing, i can remember feeling some grief over giving up childhood interests that i was worried would be perceived as too feminine. i can remember feeling grief over what felt like getting kicked out from the clubhouse, being under suspicion at all times, suddenly it was more complex to relate to females.

the loss of once enjoyed activities, almost creates a psychological forbidden fruit.

i think maybe alot of sensitive types are closer to their female relatives when young, and then they might have trouble adapting away from that. if you didn't deal with the pressure to man-up all that well, or atleast if it gave you stress, it creates that contrast in your mind. makes being a kid seem desirable in comparison, or atleast subconsciously it makes you fear the loss of your childhood.

going into a transgender identity is a way to fully vanquish the anxiety of being one-of-those-gross-males. i think it probably has many layers, and what happens is when someone actually thinks it's possible to switch over, the subconcious just rips open all those old seals. and that's what could create gender dysphoria in alot of them. literally re-living the mental "trauma" of changing out of being a kid.

i wonder how many young ones today have had those feelings unnaturally prolonged because of the idea of it being possible to change genders. when i was going through that phase i never even thought changing genders was possible, it was unthinkable to me.

TRapostate · 2022-03-17T21:21:28+00:00

i just wouldn't get turned on. atleast i think i wouldn't. i've tried many times to vividly imagine women i knew irl that i thought were attractive, i tried to imagine having sex with them in different contexts. but i couldn't get going. i seem to need some sort of story roleplay of something happening to me.

if i could stand the embarrassment, if she wanted to be all dominant, that would probably work.

i wouldn't say i have any particular reaction to being admired.

and oddly, in porn, i'd rather see a woman be partially clothed. i have some sort of (weaker) disgust response to seeing a vagina, but i probably could get over that disgust response quickly i think.

and i've watched many genres, but i do that thing where i project myself onto one of the actors in the porn, i think that's really what got me confused back in the day.. but anything where i could project myself onto the person being the submissive partner. i used to read lots of erotica, watched alot of that hypno, would watch straight porn but imagine being the girl in it, would watch alot of cd porn and imagine being the CD.

TRapostate · 2022-03-17T20:55:29+00:00

from american south, i had been made aware of the existence of gay people somehow, and i knew that it was possible that the person wouldn't know until after puberty had began. so i thought it could happen to me. i thought if i was gay, that i would be rejected by my entire family and subject to social ostracism basically. i didn't even know what sex was at that age, i just knew that everyone seemed to really dislike gay people. i think what got me worried was that i seen everyone else start being attracted toward one another, and i wasnt. i felt like i was missing something. nothing toward boys at all though, except for years later i developed pseudo-bisexual type fantasies of sex with faceless men. but that was really just AGP.

as for the difference between imagining male and female interaction, i would say that the female oriented ones feel more natural, they feel more flexible. seems to be a more intense activity in ways. even though for years at this point it's been less erotic than male oriented. i think maybe what happened was that after using girls as props to enact a roleplay scenario in my imagination for so long, i eventually became conditioned to be aroused by just the roleplay itself. it may be the propensity to be able to be conditioned in that way is a prerequisite for having this happen.

with men it actually took time to get into because i had to become desensitized. at first it was more just the "idea" of it, but eventually this idea become more and more detailed and i got to the point of fully imagining it. it feels more exciting and taboo? it's kind of scary it feels like it could start sustaining itself and taking over.

i have had desires to act on that when i was doing nofap and got super horny a couple days in. but i strongly suspect those would deflate if i was in the presence of an actual person. i don't know maybe if he was clean and did a good performance and got my masochism going.. but i think with a normal looking dude i would probably become too disgusted IRL, plus it feels wrong to do something gay while not even being gay.

lately female involved ones can stir up emotions i've noticed. maybe it's a product of not being so young anymore, but the last time i went in that direction, i was able to shift to thinking about a comparably tame lifestyle situation. like as if i met some girl who took it upon herself to win me over, was kind of bossy and competent, but benevolent and pushy with boundaries. once i got it going, it actually seemed more potent in a way, like it's more realistic than the porn fantasies of years ago.

that experience is what actually inspired me to try and change things actually.. planning to follow that thread to try and shape myself to be more normal. if this ends up being much easier to change than i thought it was... i will feel like such a fool. but at the same time it will be a relief.

TRapostate · 2022-03-16T19:47:05+00:00

it's not really about comparing who gets to do what, it's about the loss of what once was had. and even in progressive areas, you don't get all those liberties until you renounce your manhood essentially. but i think you could say, going transgender as a male lets you have your cake and eat it too, in that way of retaining the power of a man while wanting the concessions that actual women receive.

TRapostate · 2022-03-15T14:17:38+00:00

probably sexual repression if i had to guess. i think it's that the demographics of the military are likely to be the type to want to suppress anything like that from their conscious awareness. i think doing that actually makes these sort of fetishes worse because they don't fix or it try and deal with and it just gets stronger and stronger over time. i think this sort of thing will in the future be a moral justification for adults to try and purposely imprint more natural sexual behaviors on children. however they may do that idk, but i think they will say: "You must face these perversions and train your mind against them, or else you risk slipping into a behavioral addiction and warping your sex drive, making it difficult for you to enjoy sex or be compatible with other people."

TRapostate · 2022-03-14T00:45:24+00:00

yes i am masochistic. i think the feminization was just probably what i happened to settle on. i can remember being a late bloomer somewhat, i was worried for a while that i was gay, just because my sex drive seemed to take longer to kick in. i didn't ever have an orgasm until i was 15. the first time was while thinking of how feminine i felt wearing a thong. but until then for years, i had fairly frequently been consuming content where i would identify with the "victim" of a story and experience what they did vicariously. usually erotica or comics or just imagination. so i think i had a few years of conditioning built up in my brain, of being used to only being aroused to these fantasies and never anything normal. so then once the puberty fully kicked in and i was full of horniness, it all just went that direction.

i think what happens is that the male sex-drive becomes disassociated from wanting women. like if you never built those pathways in your brain, the horniness doesn't go there. like i can find a woman very attractive, and it will make me like her as a person, see her charitably, i would probably be just as vulnerable to sweet talk as any other man. it's just if she tried to seduce me it wouldn't go as expected, i wouldn't have that: [potential sex with female === boner] response. i can get horny to the idea of a having sex with a man but it's more of like an advanced fantasy, "faceless men".

i am able to get off to fantasies that don't seem that sexual but i think they really are. like there have been times where i would get off simply to the "feeling" of being feminine or feminized. i could also probably get off to a feeling of being "controlled" by some sort of bondage scenario. it's odd about with crossdressing though there seems to be this extra kick, idk maybe childhood trauma fearing emasculation? i have wondered if the masochism caused me to like crossdressing or if they are sort of related but independent. but i remember maybe it was my earliest memory i can remember of ever getting aroused. and i think it had to do with the thought of being put back into diapers at too late of an age. i don't know how old i was, maybe even as young as like 7 or 8? i'm thinking maybe it has something to do with a male sex drive latching on to a female caretaker figure? and liking being feminized is really just liking an association to being under the influence of this figure from the perspective of a young boy?

TRapostate