How to cope with fear of (potentially) being forever alone?

RedVelvetCake · 2020-11-02T18:59:29+00:00

Thanks for your input! I generally have this bad habit of looking at things from a (relatively) pessimistic point of view and it's been one of the things I've been working on. Though I haven't really made much of a progress yet, I really need to start being more conscious of my thoughts and trying to look at the brighter side of life...

And I hope you'll find someone in uni! You'll meet all sorts of people there, so it'll definitely increase your chance of meeting someone who you click with. Good luck and hope you enjoy your uni life!

RedVelvetCake · 2020-11-01T19:22:16+00:00

I'm currently living in one of the larger cities in East Asia. The reason why I'm currently leaning towards Canada is because I personally prefer some of the policies/laws in Canada over the ones in the US. But I'll be reflecting on my decision again because I didn't take into consideration of the progress of the TRA movement in Canada. I assumed the situation in the US was a little worse than Canada, but based on what you said, my assumption was wrong. So I'll be following more closely to the TRA movement for the next couple of years before I settle on a destination.

I also agree with you that self-improvement (especially in self-esteem and mentality) is extremely important. I've been trying to seriously improve myself (and just generally trying to understand myself better) around 6 months ago, but I haven't made a huge progress yet. Hopefully, by the time I move to somewhere else, I'll have more experiences and will be at a better mental and physical state.

I really appreciate your insights, I'll try to incorporate more ways to improve myself first, and learn to accept and love myself.

RedVelvetCake · 2020-11-01T14:30:25+00:00

If you guys don't mind sharing, which province are you living in? I'm thinking of moving to Ontario (probably somewhere near Toronto), but I don't really know how the dating pool is near that area. I understand things will probably be different in the future, but I'm curious about how things are like in the present!

RedVelvetCake · 2020-11-01T14:26:06+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're in such a rough condition... You're absolutely right about appreciating the love we receive from our friends and family. I sometimes have the tendency to focus on the future rather than the present, which causes me to overlook things that bring me joy in the present.

Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom and advice! I wish you happiness and good health! Please stay strong!

RedVelvetCake · 2020-11-01T14:01:51+00:00

Thank you for your insight! It really sucks to hear that dating apps are dominated by people who aren't lesbians. Theoretically, dating apps would make our lives so much easier but unfortunately, that isn't really the case. And given the current climate with the trans movement in the West, I'd also feel unsafe to actively look for a girlfriend if I were there...

And I'm sorry to hear about your health condition, I hope you're doing well! Wishing you all the best!

RedVelvetCake · 2020-09-23T19:21:28+00:00

I have this irrational fear of public speaking. I overcame this fear during high school but for some unknown reason, it came back again during my first year of university.

I also have this fear of dining with people who aren't my family members. I'm not so sure when exactly I started having this fear but whenever I have to dine out with friends/classmates, I start feeling nauseous because of anxiety. I think it stemmed from people judging me for eating too slow or too little so I just became really self-conscious about it. So the idea of eating with people really freaks me out and in some severe cases, I can't even take a bite of my food.

RedVelvetCake · 2020-09-21T19:59:53+00:00

When I realized that whenever I "admired" a girl, I kept on thinking about her 24/7 and daydreaming about ideal situations where I'd impress her or "hangout" with her. But now that I think about it, even back in elementary school, I always had a soft spot for girls, I wonder why it took me so long to get that lightbulb moment facepalm

RedVelvetCake · 2020-09-11T14:53:26+00:00

I totally get where you're coming from and I can relate to you very much. I came to accept my sexuality a couple months ago but was completely oblivious to the TRA movement. I'm residing in Asia right now and the news outlets here didn't cover the TRA movement so there really was no way of knowing it unless you search about it online by yourself. I also stuck to AL when I started learning about lesbians and was a bit perplexed when I noticed that the users there were mostly men. Luckily, I soon discovered TL and learned that I wasn't insane for not wanting to date men who identify as female. But then when the ban wave came along and banned TL along with other subs like LGBDroptheT, I finally realized the severity of this whole issue. One of the factors that made me furious was how, as you mentioned, TRAs will call us transphobic/bigots for not wanting to date transwomen. But the funny thing is, there're probably a lot of transwomen who are not looking to date each other as well and yet no one really questions/criticizes them when they're basically also discriminating against transwomen. I felt devastated at this point because I was only looking for a community for lesbians where we can freely share our experiences. Unfortunately, this issue isn't something that can be resolved easily so I'm just hoping that more people (not just people from the LGB community, but also heterosexual individuals) will eventually realize the risks and problems that may arise in the future for accommodating trans' ideologies.

Sorry for the incoherence, a lot has been running through my mind regarding the TRA movement and I also feel really upset about how this situation has escalated. I want you to know that we still have this sub, so let's lean on each other for support and don't lose your hope! This too shall pass :)

RedVelvetCake