L/G/B people - would you ever want to have kids and if so, through what means?

Locke · 2021-01-18T14:33:53+00:00

I'm a woman married to a man though we both realized we're bisexual after being married for years. We've always wanted children and being more in touch with our sexuality didn't change that. I agree with one of the comments that it's awful how common it is to think of children as something that "just happen." My husband and I spent a lot of time and effort getting financially and emotionally prepared to be parents, and after we felt ready we tried to have a baby for a year and are now getting fertility treatment.

We agree to be sex positive with our future kids though only teach them about sexuality in age-appropriate ways, and not inappropriately let them know about our sexual activity. I was sexually abused as a child and definitely don't want my kids to go through that. I'm open to the possibility of adoption if fertility treatments don't work, though I know adoption is a long, expensive, emotionally draining process.

The first line fertility treatment I'm starting is intrauterine insemination. My husband's semen analysis results are good. We have unexplained infertility and an IUI increases our chances. I don't have a problem with single women or women in same sex relationships deciding to have an IUI with donor sperm. How could I? I might not be able to have children without that help myself. However I become a parent, my children will be so wanted and loved, and their parents will have such unique perspectives to teach them. Infertility has been painful but we're excited to be parents.

Locke · 2021-01-18T14:12:37+00:00

I'm a woman and sometimes make jokes about fictional characters being tops or bottoms after seeing similar jokes. I don't like the term "problematic" but this makes me think maybe I shouldn't make jokes like that. I don't personally think there's anything wrong with what somebody prefers during sex and I don't actually think there are obvious "top or bottom" personalities. I like to play with stereotypes when I make jokes but I guess maybe I'll be a bit more careful.

Locke · 2021-01-03T21:29:47+00:00

I've seen straight people using "partner" with the justification that it's to normalize the term, like "cis" people listing their pronouns. But... Should we normalize everything to the point where everyone is a homogeneous blob? I respect people's right to use the terms they choose but "partner" has always felt odd to me. It feels so... sterile. So matter of fact. I cringe a little at overly cutesy terms like "hubby" too, but I happily say "husband."

Locke · 2021-01-03T21:23:00+00:00

It's sad and alarming how many people transition because they're gay and think transitioning will make them straight. It's awful how a lot of these people act but I feel for the amount of internalized homophobia. I wish more people were working on fixing that and their trauma instead of thinking transitioning will magically make them happy.

Locke · 2021-01-03T21:20:02+00:00

Obviously it's only OK to kink shame things you aren't into. /s

Locke · 2020-11-06T15:34:26+00:00

I wanted to leave my gender on this account ambiguous for a while as a sort of experimental thing, but there are a lot of things I can't get across properly without stating I'm a woman. I was born female and have never questioned it.

I love anime myself, and sometimes watching anime about "cute girls doing cute things" cheers me up. I don't limit myself to anime aimed at women and can enjoy almost anything. The glaringly obvious fetishization reminding me something is aimed at men often makes me uncomfortable. Not even in a moral way. I write kinky erotica. I've done a lot to accept and embrace my sexuality. The thing is, I watch anime for the story. If I wanted something sexual, I'd read erotica or watch porn.

I watch anime for the story and the characters, and I like immersing myself in a fictional world for a while. It's always been an escape for me when I've needed it. It throws me off how often anime aimed at men overtly reminds me it's aimed at men. When I'm immersed in a story and care about the characters, I know it isn't real, but it throws me off how often I'm suddenly expected to sexualize a character. I've been accepting that I'm bisexual, so it's not even that it's usually female characters being sexualized. How forced the sexualization tends to be is just so off-putting to me.

I identify as demisexual along with bisexual, though I can admit that the demisexual label probably isn't an innate thing about me. It's probably a response to trauma, sexual repression, long-term repression of my bisexuality, and rebellion against the hypersexuality pressure of society.

Sometimes I'm embarrassed that I like to consume a lot of media aimed at children and young adults. A big part of it though, is even though I have no problem with sexual content, I don't like being constantly bombarded with it.

It's awful how much men are taught to repress their emotions. It's awful how many think they have to become female to be emotional. Cute boys can do cute things along with cute girls doing cute things. Representation in media of boys and men being unapologetically in touch with their emotions without ridicule for it is sorely needed.

Locke · 2020-10-27T15:14:03+00:00

I once got curious and looked up before and after pictures of sex change surgery. I'm sure there are a lot of botched ones and I was looking at surgery websites that obviously don't want to show bad jobs. Gore doesn't really bother me, though the right after surgery images could definitely be disturbing if that's something that gets to you. In the images after the surgery healed, the neovaginas somehow looked more convincing to me than the neopenises. I guess that's probably because it's somewhat covered, though. It's not like they're zooming in and spreading open for the photo. Maybe that's why the neopenises were much more off-putting for me. I think too, though, that it's because of how overly large all the neopenises looked along with the skin being so unnaturally smooth. If the "vaginas" were that prominent, the uncanniness would probably be harder to ignore. I thought the "penises" looked so incredibly unnatural, and all so similar. Natural genitals are kinda weird looking, but there's a beauty in that they're all unique. It's very sad that people feel the need to try and literally cookie cutter themselves into what they feel pressured to be. Into an exaggerated caricature of what they think a man or woman is supposed to be. And there's all this talk of supposedly abolishing gender roles as they're actually becoming stricter. It's like we're stepping back in time to the suffocating social norms of the past and pretending we aren't.

Locke · 2020-09-16T13:01:44+00:00

I've only very recently started the process of accepting that I'm bi. Part of my realization was I've often had thoughts like, "If I really loved someone maybe it wouldn't matter to me if they somehow magically switched bodies." I had a lot of work to do to get rid of the sexual repression and homophobia I grew up with being raised Catholic, though. I also never dated until I was over 20 and admittedly used to have very skewed views of romance. I think my same sex attraction was so repressed the body switching thoughts were a way to "justify" it to myself. The sexual repression is far from the only trauma I've been through, too. I've admitted in other comments here that the label demisexual helps me but it's probably a trauma response. So many trans people need to admit how much of their wanting to transition is a trauma and repression response, probably often very similar to how I "justified" same sex attraction in my head before admitting it for what it was. It's sad we're not getting so many people the help they really need, and we're raising kids to hate themselves so much they think transitioning will fix them somehow. What a sick world we live in.

Locke · 2020-09-04T17:04:39+00:00

It's odd to me how pretty much any trait or interest is supposedly a "community" nowadays. I don't think it used to be like that. It throws me off to see people saying "the [literally any hobby, interest, or identity trait] community." I look at all kinds of stuff online because I'm interested in a lot of things.

I have some niche interests and the amount of gossip within these "communities" is ridiculous. I just want to look into hobbies I'm into and constantly see gossip shit like, "Did you hear what so and so of the 'community' did?" and 9 times out of 10 I've never even fucking heard of that person and have no idea what everyone is up in arms about. Along with shit like, "We're a family!" No you're fucking not, and I grew up with enough emotional abuse from actual family, I'm not going to feel safe in a place I just want to talk about a hobby and people are more interested in gossip and punishing the non majority viewpoints! I try to get out more and meet people but I've tried and left so many groups over this shit.

I don't want to "join a community" over every separate interest and every separate aspect of my personality. Why does it seem like that's what's expected anymore? I don't have the time, energy, or patience for that. When did this shift start? It probably has to do with the decline of in person community for people to feel a part of, and we're social creatures, so I get it. But it's exhausting and I hate it.

Locke · 2020-09-04T12:32:51+00:00

I saw a comment on reddit recently saying part of why Twitter has become so awful is probably because so many people who left Tumblr after the adult content ban moved to Twitter. I hadn't considered that. It's probably true.

Locke · 2020-09-02T00:44:26+00:00

Ugh, I tried attending a UU church and left in disgust for very similar reasons!

Locke · 2020-09-02T00:37:29+00:00

A trans person I used to know is definitely narcissistic and dysfunctionally hungry for validation. It's sad because I cared about this person only to watch the toxicity slowly grow over the years until I made the decision to cut contact. And it's sad because people like this need actual help but get roped into TRA nonsense. Whether someone so narcissistic can be helped is debatable, but I watched this person slowly decline into worse and worse behavior that got reinforced instead of called out. It could have gone differently. I imagine it's much the same for others.

Locke · 2020-08-20T16:30:27+00:00

It's a little tough to describe the distinction so I get why it's misunderstood, but demisexuality isn't about choosing to not have sex until emotional attraction is there, it means the sexual attraction doesn't exist in the first place until the emotional connection is there. I thought I was asexual for a while until I met someone I felt sexually attracted to. I grew up with a lot of emotional neglect and abuse and I'm willing to admit it might be related to that, along with my autism. It could definitely be somehow related to a reaction to a hypersexualized culture too. It wasn't a choice but I can see how certain things probably influenced it. Including the asexuality umbrella under LGBT muddies that, because it's so important to say LGBT people were born the way they are, people bristle at the possibility that trauma might have caused something they make a big part of their identity. Like how a lot of people considering transitioning should probably be focused on healing from trauma instead. I think the rise of encouraging children to transition is related to constantly pushing the prevalence of childhood trauma under the rug. It's easier to believe a child was born in the wrong body than to admit they're traumatized in a society refusing to help them heal from it. And we cause more trauma by closing our eyes to the truth. It's sickening and I'm glad groups like this exist to openly discuss it.

Locke · 2020-08-19T03:21:38+00:00

I actually consider myself demisexual (though also bi, but I'm still coming to terms with that). I see whether or not sexual attraction is experienced as being a different continuum than sexual orientation, so I'm fine with it not being considered part of LGBT+. I can admit my odd feelings around sexual attraction are likely related to autism and trauma. I think a lot of people don't admit that. Demisexuality is a label that personally helps me although I think it's separate from LGBT+. It's a bit hurtful for me to see it lumped in with things like made up genders. Not like it's "literally killing me" or anything lol. I am a bit curious why that attitude crops up here so often. I guess a few outspoken wackos probably give demisexuals and asexuals a bad name.

Locke · 2020-08-17T16:48:59+00:00

I blocked it early on but all I knew about it was the posts showing up on the front page that caused me to block it. As the mods are admitting it constantly dragged down the pyramid of debate, I don't know why it was allowed on the front page in the first place. I suppose "They donated a lot of money to the Patreon." could explain why they got special treatment.

Locke · 2020-08-17T16:43:35+00:00

There's a difference between accepting and not being ashamed that you have a certain kink, and parading it about and expecting everyone to be okay with it. It's sad how far we've muddled that line. I know some "furries" who are mainly into the artistic side of it but mainly keep to themselves because they're embarrassed by obnoxious people who parade it around.

My "furry" friends probably consume some kind of furry porn, but I don't know because they don't tell me about it. I hate the lack of nuance anymore. Accepting what you like sexually doesn't have to mean it isn't still a private thing.

The extent of very public discussion of kink lately is so odd to me. I recently listened to a podcast where a guest speaker talking about a science topic went on an aside about puppy play and was like, I don't care that you're into that, dude, but that's really not appropriate. I'm sex positive and kink positive, but I don't think everything someone's into has to be public. It's crazy how I get attacked for saying that. I'm into some kinky things, and sometimes I hint at it to friends, but I don't think giving them details is appropriate.

Locke · 2020-08-17T16:24:17+00:00

I've always had thoughts like, "If I loved someone and their genitals somehow magically switched I'd still love them." It took me way too long to realize this isn't "normal", I'm just bi. It would have been so much easier to figure that out about myself without all the "genital preference" bs.

There's nothing "woke" about the fact I'm just wired a certain way. It's such a contradictory mindfuck how bisexuality is treated. You simultaneously get the messages, "Everyone should be like that!" and "You should just 'pick a side'!" I kinda forgot what the original topic was, sorry. I've been working on accepting that I'm bisexual and this community is a helpful breath of non crazy fresh air to help with that.

Locke · 2020-08-17T03:43:13+00:00

Good riddance to that trash sub.

Locke · 2020-08-01T22:47:24+00:00

I do appreciate this snail.

Locke · 2020-08-01T22:43:08+00:00

It depends on how big the subreddit is and on the moderation team (and obviously there are many corrupt mods). I still browse Reddit but the experience changes entirely when I sort by "best" instead of "hot." I usually sort by "best" anymore and I'm in a lot of small subs with good discussion that end up in my feed that way. I do browse on mobile a lot and it's definitely tempting to reflexively constantly upvote, probably by design. I love how Said it's mobile app makes me have to think more about what I vote up.

Locke · 2020-08-01T22:26:05+00:00

It's so odd how masculinity is said to be bad by these people, but when you really think about it, they're saying femininity is bad too. They preach about "liberating" women from traditionally "feminine" things like caretaking, and insist these women will be liberated by being more assertive, more aggressive, more traditionally "masculine."

This brand of "feminism" isn't liberating to either women or men, it wants to eradicate the concept of "woman" and "man" altogether. Androgyny is increasingly celebrated, and people who choose to take pride in being a man or being a woman are shamed. It's definitely related to the "trans rights" movement. I don't know if it's somehow intentional and what they mean to accomplish or if it's some kind of natural trend, but either way I can't be the only one seeing it and I don't like it.

I have no problem with someone presenting themselves however they want, but someone shouldn't be shamed for not fitting the ideal, and androgyny seems to be becoming the "trend." I want men and women to have equal rights, but I don't want to pretend "male" and "female" don't exist as concepts to get there. That's what we're heading towards and it's some next level dystopian shit. It's scary and we need to speak up about it.

Locke · 2020-07-20T16:30:36+00:00

Yes. This a hundred percent.

Locke · 2020-07-20T16:30:09+00:00

Thanks.

Locke · 2020-07-20T14:24:46+00:00

Bold move to assume I had a social life to begin with.

I already didn't go out much. I prefer it that way, but have been making myself get out a little more because I know it's good for me. I was just starting to get into a better routine when COVID started. Now I'm getting used to a new routine and finding ways to socialize again.

Locke · 2020-07-20T14:19:21+00:00

Thanks for the post. Here's your share of the paid shill money beep boop. /s

No, I'm not a bot or getting paid to post here, just a politically moderate human being. We exist!

Locke · 2020-07-20T14:01:48+00:00

I'm who started one of the threads (and I really appreciate your comments, Fedinetizen.). My concerns are genuine too. I said my piece and I'm glad it was seen.

All I wanted was for mods to see it and I'm glad you did. I was very clear on I just don't want people driven away from the site. Please do something about it if you agree that's all these people are trying to do. I'm not here to only post about that sort of thing, but it bothered me a lot as a new user to see the front page flooded with that. I already know a few people who considered trying Saidit after recent Reddit bans who were turned off by those posts and haven't bothered creating an account here. I'm not disputing their right to make the posts and I agree posting a greater variety of content will help, but we're not going to get more posts if more people don't post here.

The gender critical subs are very active and when I include them in my front page the conspiracy theory and antisemitism posts are drowned out. I've seen the justification for some of these not being in /s/all is they don't allow debate. The people quickly turning to personal attacks because I called them out obviously aren't allowing debate either. Why allow them in /s/all? I'm not saying ban them, I just really don't understand the reasoning behind allowing them to flood the front page, especially if you agree that scaring away new users is exactly what they're after. Why give them the chance?

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:19:25+00:00

If you don't like my content leave the post. You don't like being told that, I bet, so why bother telling me? This site is supposedly about open debate, not trying to intimidate people you disagree with into leaving. Come back when you have some actual debate.

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:16:30+00:00

If conspiracy kooks want a website I wish the site could be honest about you're not welcome if you disagree with them. Too bad I'm not welcome. I'm not leaving.

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:13:13+00:00

I never said ban it. I said don't prominently display it on the front page.

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:12:26+00:00

I'm not Jewish.

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:11:41+00:00

No. :)

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:11:12+00:00

I don't believe in "woke culture" either. We're not in disagreement.

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:09:57+00:00

You might actually learn something if you read out of your own bubble.

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:09:02+00:00

That wasn't me lol, makes sense with why I chose the name here though. I wanted Demosthenes but it was taken. I don't use the same username everywhere and it would be foolish if I did. I'm not surprised other people have used the name. In fact I'm glad they have.

Locke · 2020-07-18T23:05:10+00:00

Thank you!

Locke · 2020-07-18T16:46:52+00:00

I'm glad other people are saying this.

Locke · 2020-07-18T16:42:15+00:00

I never stated antisemitism and conspiracy theories are related, I said neither should be prominently displayed. I'm not "snobbish" for disagreeing with "alternative facts" and you can go off and pretend I am all you want. This might as well be called right wing Reddit and you're certainly not convincing me otherwise. Two different kinds of Internet cesspools. Lovely.

I'm theoretically supposed to be able to call out what I disagree with here. So are you. Go ahead and go off, call me whatever you want, IDGAF. I see the echo chambers are already working here similarly to Reddit and I'm disappointed. Maybe I shouldn't have expected better.

Unless the mods start caring so many people will be turned off by this site there's no way it will be able to compete with Reddit. Let people leave if they don't agree with everything? That's certainly not in the rules. Is this about free speech or not? Do we want something with actual mass appeal or not?

By all means say whatever you want, but that doesn't mean everyone wants to see it.

Locke · 2020-07-18T15:12:59+00:00

Locke · 2020-07-18T15:01:16+00:00

Shitcunt whorebag titface fuck! Wait, what are we talking about? I thought we were angry scatman singing.

Locke · 2020-07-18T14:58:06+00:00

Go back to Reddit, racist. Oh wait. You probably can't and that's why you're here. Real nice "debate" you have here.

Locke · 2020-07-18T14:52:49+00:00

And blanket statements are clearly spelled out as against the rules, yet these posts not only stay up, the subs are automatically subscribed to and prominent on the front page. I'm not holding my breath on Saidit not having similar corrupt moderation issues as Reddit. I don't care if a shit sandwich is right wing or left wing extreme, it's still a shit sandwich. I'm very politically moderate and feel just as unwelcome here as on Reddit. If this account gets banned I'll certainly know why.

Locke · 2020-07-18T14:48:23+00:00

The US education system needs burned to the ground and redone entirely. It wasn't started to better people. It was created to get kids ready for mindless factory work and it hasn't moved on from that mentality since.

Locke · 2020-07-18T14:42:59+00:00

The entirety of my life in high school.

Locke · 2020-07-18T14:40:33+00:00

Whackjobs who got banned from Reddit for antisemitism migrated here obviously.

Locke · 2020-07-18T14:28:50+00:00

I love how the video shows the same outfits with a modern bra vs a bullet bra. Really can see the difference!

Locke · 2020-07-18T07:39:20+00:00

Oh it's not new to me unfortunately, but somehow I'm still surprised by the lengths people are going to.

Locke · 2020-07-17T08:13:47+00:00

Yes.

Locke · 2020-07-17T08:07:52+00:00

Username checks out.

Locke · 2020-07-17T08:04:01+00:00

Locke · 2020-07-17T07:57:28+00:00

I agree there should be an option for this.

Locke · 2020-07-17T07:45:13+00:00

Yikes. People are really reaching to find racism where there isn't any.

Locke · 2020-07-17T04:11:56+00:00

A lot of people need more sleep, but I don't see how that's racist.

Locke · 2020-07-17T03:23:01+00:00

Nope, but I'm past giving a fuck about it.

Locke · 2020-07-17T03:18:51+00:00

Yes.

I started mainly using reddit for "support group" type subs for various things, which have been really helpful for me. I still go to reddit for those. I also still like to look at cute animals.

Locke · 2020-07-17T03:15:48+00:00

It's because there's actually evidence to support that the TSA is mostly security theater.

Locke · 2020-07-17T02:48:13+00:00

Well California and Florida might end up across the ocean eventually and we might be better off lol

Locke