Another person requesting an ovarit invite

Jaded · 2022-03-20T21:30:25+00:00

Could someone also give me an invite?

EDIT: Received!

Jaded · 2021-01-21T02:21:20+00:00

My entire existence is one big feeling of insecurity. Makes me loathe to try new things and meet new people or even maintain current social relationships, so I'm a pretty lonely person. But of course feeling lonely just makes me feel even more insecure so it's just a terrible cycle

Jaded · 2020-12-01T21:16:47+00:00

Honestly this just makes me more pissed about how Page bullied that historic lesbian only club in Japan to allow in nonpassing trans

Jaded · 2020-08-14T10:08:42+00:00

Lesbian sorority, here I come!

Jaded · 2020-08-14T00:30:55+00:00

Housewife is fine if the partners are in a healthy relationship like with your parents. However I think the point she was making was that if an individual is an abuser, they may purposefully seek out someone unemployed or underemployed and try to make them as dependent as possible. It's a lot harder to leave an abusive situation if the abuser also controls all the money in the household.

Honestly though I would love to be a housewife if my future partner and I were able to afford it and they were okay with it

Jaded · 2020-08-13T21:52:07+00:00

What are things you wouldn't tell your friends? You don't have to list your things, just some general examples of things a lesbian might share with her partner but not with her friends

Jaded · 2020-08-13T21:50:12+00:00

To find your wife goals, you must first become one with the wife goals :)

Jaded · 2020-08-13T21:28:08+00:00

It's not about the money, it's that it's possible for unemployment to be a red flag for underlying issues. Someone unemployed could just be between jobs or was part of a mass layoff at their company. But they could also be the type of person that's difficult to work with (so interpersonal issues), or has mental health issues that makes holding down a job impossible, or they could be a scrub looking to freeload off their partner. No job in and of itself isn't a dealbreaker, but it's important to be aware that it may be indicative of other issues.

So when I say that I'm probably not interested in the type of woman that would begin dating me while I was still unemployed, I mean I'm interested in a woman that's savvy enough to not be interested in someone with these issues. Barring some instant magnetic connection, if she's a woman with options, then she's probably going to pursue those other options instead.

And of course it's completely different if we're dating and then I lose my job, because sometimes that just happens.

Jaded · 2020-08-13T20:56:58+00:00

Men literally cannot comprehend something not centering them. Therefore lesbianism must equal hating men, rather than exclusively loving women.

Jaded · 2020-08-13T20:54:30+00:00

Same about the unemployment angle. Plus I have to ask myself-- do I really want to attract the type of woman that is interested in dating someone unemployed?

Jaded · 2020-08-13T20:47:31+00:00

I think this shows that you have a healthy view on what a relationship should be. Values are important and aren't something that should be compromised on just to be in a relationship for relationships' sake. Longterm happiness and fulfilliment are key-- women are conditioned to set the bar low an accept less than what we want. Good on you for not bending

Jaded · 2020-08-13T20:37:23+00:00

"[...] I was probably mistaking extreme pleasure for orgasm."

I mean... yes?

Jaded · 2020-08-13T20:28:05+00:00

Pretty much. I've become too cynical and skeptical of life in general to bother with relationships. I feel like a person needs a little bit of idealism to be able to fall in love properly.

Jaded · 2020-08-13T20:21:31+00:00

This words the intent of my question better

Jaded · 2020-08-13T18:48:27+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions!

Jaded · 2020-08-13T18:31:13+00:00

What are some examples of weekly activities that have been done or that people seem interested in doing?

Jaded · 2020-08-13T17:49:01+00:00

It depends on her features.

*If she has pretty neck/shoulders, then something with a wide neck that shows off her collarbone. Not to be confused with something low cut

*If she has a sharp or prominent jawline, then a hairstyle that shows it off. So short hair, or long hair in a ponytail, or hair pulled off to one side.

*Anything that brings attention to her hips.

*Super loose fitting shirts that show absolutely nothing except just barely outlining where the fabric rests on her breasts/bra

*Backwards baseball cap. Such a classic look haha

*Big glasses. The dweebier the better, especially if she's a girl with big brown eyes

Jaded · 2020-08-13T17:31:57+00:00

What exactly IS Ovarit? And what's the culture like on this particular Discord server? I don't feel like going through the vetting process for a Discord server I end up not enjoying

Jaded · 2020-08-09T09:05:41+00:00

The only french movies I've seen are "Farewell My Queen" and "Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fey." I should probably expand my horizons haha

Jaded · 2020-08-09T02:59:46+00:00

Not gonna lie, I curled up and died from secondhand embarassment at what you wrote in your letter.

I'm actually the opposite, I'm naturally a very affectionate person so while I was still closeted I was very fond of hugging and kissing my friends, and felt comfortable speaking endearingly with them even though I wasn't attracted to them. It's agonizing in retrospect though because now that I'm out of the closet I'm pretty sure there are all these girls that probably think I had crushes on them when I really didn't. It's also agonizing in a different way, because since I'm naturally affectionate I feel so touch starved and affection starved after coming out. Like you I had to distance myself physically and emotionally from everyone so that I didn't make anyone uncomfortable or cause them to misinterpret my intentions. Thinking back on how freely I was able to show my affection when I was younger makes me feel sad/bittersweet. Even though it was kind of an open secret that I was a lesbian and got bullied for it on occasion, because it was never "confirmed" I was able to get away with not having to censor my affection with my friends. In private, at least. At school I had to censor myself to a degree so that my friends wouldn't get targeted for homophobic bullying (learned that one in elementary school).

Jaded · 2020-08-09T02:47:17+00:00

Financial security
Emotionally and sexually fulfilling romantic partner
Personally contribute meaningfully to lesbian culture

I'm boring, I know

Jaded · 2020-08-09T01:26:52+00:00

I can read Spanish fluently and understand it spoken depending on the accent, but I feel uncomfortable speaking or writing it myself since I was never made to use it growing up. I used to speak a little French when I was very young, but I don't remember any of it. I can read Portuguese and German on a conversational level. I'm currently dabbling in learning Mandarin and Vietnamese. I know the Korean alphabet as well as Japanese Katakana and Hiragana, but I don't understand any of it. I just use it for translating ingredients on my beauty products haha

Jaded · 2020-08-09T01:14:53+00:00

To me a lesbian or female-leaning bisexual is someone who centers women in her life, NOT men. Unfortunately, it seems that the popular conception of this is that this must mean you center your attraction for women, rather than women themselves. It's like a male gaze oriented view of your relationship with women rather than a female gaze oriented relationship with women.

When a woman takes a male gazed view by centering their attraction towards women, they tend to treat the women in their lives as objects of consumption. They find more fulfillment in viewing women sexually or as objects to be acted upon.

However, when a woman takes a female gazed view, they center the women themselves. They find fulfillment in uplifting women and take pride in seeing them act for themselves. This does not mean that she never views women sexually or never wants to do things to them, but it just tends to be secondary (though still enjoyable) and not the sole focus of the way she values women. Her hobbies and media consumption more often features female leads and artists, though not necessarily exclusively, particularly depending on how niche her interests and values are. If a television show or book series for example does focus on males though, they tend to exemplify "female values" so to speak, and even masculine warrior type males will demonstrate nurturing, supportive, and community-oriented behaviors and relationships. Think Luke Skywalker and Eragon.

Above these points though, a truly lesbian or female-leaning bisexual woman does not center men. That means she is not constantly complaining about men, bemoaning the patriarchy, or talking scathingly of heterosexual relationships. Of course she is going to be aware of the issues surrounded toxic masculinity, patriarchal values, and heteronormativity-- as well as the unique ways these affect our lives as lesbians and those lives of bisexual women. She will likely be engaged with current events and social issues, and be able to converse critically on them. She may even be a feminist activist or a radfem. However her daily conversation will not be constantly filled with criticisms and snarky asides of men, because lesbians and female-leaning bisexuals have lives, hobbies, interests, and daily activities that have nothing to do with men and which they would much rather talk about and enagage with.

Jaded · 2020-08-08T10:39:27+00:00

I think it depends on the reasons for the initial breakup. If you broke up due to red flags or toxicity, then you won't stay friends. If you broke up due to general romantic incompatibility then I think lesbians will prefer to stay friends since the community is so small and it's nice to have other lesbians in your life.

Personally out of my exes, I stayed friends with two. One we just chat occasionally via chat and don't hang out in person, and the other I would consider one of my closest friends. The one I'm very close with we finally broke up because we accepted we were sexually incompatible, so it was very natural to shift to a close friendship.

Also Innisfree is a great brand. I generally prefer A'pieu or the Etude House Soonjung line though. Kikumasamune is good too

Jaded · 2020-08-07T14:40:35+00:00

I mean, there's the Pussy Church of Modern Witchcraft

https://pussychurchofmodernwitchcraft.com/

Jaded · 2020-08-07T14:30:46+00:00

May I just say I appreciate the practicality of this question? Looking forward to hearing everyone's answers and reasoning.

Anyway I am single and am picky enough than I'm fine with staying that way. I live in a 850sqft one bedroom and like it great, but I do wish I had a two bedroom so that I have a spare bedroom for family visits

Jaded · 2020-07-26T08:52:59+00:00

Jaded · 2020-07-26T07:51:44+00:00

I don't have a preference when it comes to spooning while cuddling during a movie or whatever. But stay the fuck away from me when I'm trying to sleep-- I'm a light enough sleeper as it is and don't need need more reasons to be sleep deprived

Jaded · 2020-07-26T06:01:40+00:00

It could be cultural. Even as a fourth generation American I felt a lot of pressure to continue to live at home with my family until I get married (if I ever do), and even then my parents wanted my future partner to move in with us

Jaded · 2020-07-26T05:58:57+00:00

When making a PB&J the jelly needs to be on bottom so it touches your tongue first, otherwise the peanut butter overpowers the flavor. Jelly on top is just wrong.

Jaded · 2020-07-26T05:13:55+00:00

I think we're too busy being angry over real issues haha

Jaded · 2020-07-26T05:06:29+00:00

Is it weird that I prefer subtext over canon? I frankly just don't trust writers not to kill off the characters, queer them/invalidate their same-sex attraction, or film/write them exclusively to cater to the male gaze

Jaded · 2020-07-26T04:55:51+00:00

Yep, unless film or photography is legitimately a hobby or source of income for you, there's no reason to check out of real life in favor of likes and followers.

Jaded · 2020-07-26T04:53:47+00:00

I dislike vibrators as well. On the occasion I do use one I can't use it for direct clitoral stimulation, even on the lowest setting

Jaded · 2020-07-26T04:48:15+00:00

The anti-porn = anti-sex narrative is some of the most ridiculous and damaging rhetoric I've seen springing up the past few years. Like hardcore pro-porn users legitimately can't understand that it is natural for sex to exist outside of porn

Jaded · 2020-07-26T04:44:05+00:00

Maybe I'm making it up, but I feel like lesbians (LGBs in general really) are more susceptible to becoming pathologically immersed in fandom because it's an easy way in to having a steadfast and loyal group where they belong. For someone who feels like an outsider due to their sexuality, it's a simple and escapist way to feel that sense of belonging they don't have in real life

Jaded · 2020-07-26T04:28:43+00:00

I think due to being fetishized by it, lesbians are more aware than most of the harmful effects of porn. I personally treat porn as any other drug or alcohol-- easy to abuse and become dependent on, but fine if used responsibly and in moderation

Jaded · 2020-07-26T04:25:49+00:00

I think casual fandom is fine and even endearing, but generally if someone allows themselves to be completely consumed by fandom and makes it the defining feature of their personality I know to stay far away

Jaded · 2020-07-26T04:21:40+00:00

The tribbing, yes!!! Like I just want to enjoy the wet feel of a woman on my thighs but then all I can focus on is SCRITCHY-SCRATCHY-PUSSY-PATCHY

Jaded · 2020-07-26T03:54:05+00:00

I'm fine with my partner consuming porn as long as the degree of use isn't problematic, but I instantly become wary and distrustful of any woman who criticizes when other women either don't use porn or are actively against it. Or if they accuse those women of being "swerfs"

Jaded · 2020-07-26T03:47:56+00:00

I get what you mean. To say a genre of music is not to your tastes is one thing, but to actively look down on it and as well as your interest in it can be indicative of a disrespectful person. It depends on the attitude behind it.

I like the smell of fresh perspiration on a woman. I dislike the smell of stale perspiration and clogged pores

Jaded · 2020-07-26T03:41:40+00:00

Trimmed, as in kept under an inch in length-- not shaved. I actually dislike shaved because I don't like feeling the stubble on my face when I go down on her.

Jaded · 2020-07-26T02:17:18+00:00

I hate girls like that. It just makes hets take us even less seriously than they already do

Jaded · 2020-07-26T02:15:24+00:00

Honestly at least her wanting that info would have made more sense. Gotta get that green $$

Jaded · 2020-07-26T02:06:10+00:00

I would argue that tomboys were only mainstream from very late 80s to early 00s. Present day fashion is too busy reclaiming sexually provocative clothing as "empowering" and "feminist"

EDIT: Oops I think I misread your comment. If you're saying that you dislike the intentional appearance of lesbianism or "queerness" through fashion then yes I agree. Although I get blisters easily so I will continue to wear socks with sandals

Jaded · 2020-07-26T01:31:37+00:00

I think it's not a particularly useful concept for lesbians, however with the increase in gender politics and the insistence that clothing=sex, I think tomboys are increasingly important in feminist discourse and for fighting against gender essentialism.

So yes, I agree that we should not promote the idea that tomboy=lesbian any more than tomboy=secretly wants to transition. However we can still acknowledge that lesbians are more likely to be gender nonconforming since we are less invested in performative femininity.

Jaded · 2020-07-26T01:22:18+00:00

Went on a first date and I wanted to show her something on my phone. She was immediately offended and suspicious that I wouldn't just give her the password to my phone so she could unlock it herself. I told her if we were in a longterm relationship then of course I would, but that I would not provide my phone password to someone I didn't know well.

She insisted it was a "red flag" (her literal words) and that people should be open in the beginning of their relationships, and only develop "secrecy" later on. When I said I disagreed and that trust and openness were earned and deepened as a relationship developed, she insisted that that was also a "red flag" (she just kept repeating it). She then announced she couldn't be in a relationship with someone who thought like that so we could only be friends.

We hung out a couple more times platonically, but seriously bullet dodged.

Jaded · 2020-07-26T01:12:08+00:00

God forbid lesbians look out for their fellow homosexuals! Sounds like she has some internalized issues around being left for men, which admittedly sucks but that's no reason to take it out on you

Jaded · 2020-07-26T00:25:43+00:00

Well that was a rollercoaster

Jaded · 2020-07-25T23:54:57+00:00

It seems like you already know for a fact that you're attracted to women, so I'm going to focus instead on the other factor that makes a woman a lesbian-- zero attraction to men.

One night stands are a pretty terrible way to judge if you enjoy sex with men or not. I've never been with one, but the understanding I have from straight and bisexual women is that short-term sex with male partners is almost always awful. Enjoyable sex seems to mostly proceed fron long-term partners.

Were you genuinely attracted to these men? Regardless of whether the sex itself sucked or not, did foreplay with them excite you? Did you initially look forward to sex? Or did you instead feel pressured to give in to their advances, or were you feeling low self esteem and needed to feel desired or wanted? Did you agree to sex because you're "supposed to?" Alternatively were you under the influence of drugs or alcohol and therefore unable to consent, in which case what happened was not sex but rape.

These are just some guiding introspective questions to think on while you figure things out. And remember it's possible (and okay!) to be a bisexual woman who is primarily attracted to women, or even a febfem (female-exclusive bisexual female) that consciously chooses to not date men whether for personal or feminist reasons.

As an aside, I've always known I'm a lesbian but the male body and physiology doesn't inherently bother me at all (though for some lesbians it does). Though I'm anti hardcore porn now, I used to occasionally use porn especially during puberty. Before I discovered there was lesbian porn I was stuck watching heterosexual porn and would focus exclusively on the woman. Whenever the video ever went to the guy I would lose interest, and I hated when videos cut to guys performing oral on women because that meant I was forced to look at some male's face and I would instantly lose any arousal I had and feel disgusted by it.

Heterosexual kissing scenes and sex scenes in movies and television don't bother me at all unless the romance is shoddy or the scene serves no point to the narrative. Interestingly though, simple nonsexual scenes where a topless guy wraps his arms around a woman and holds her close completely grosses me out, which admittedly seems kind of weird since I'm fine with the other stuff. I guess it seems more intimate and "real" so my reaction is real.

Jaded · 2020-07-25T23:15:17+00:00

Such a pure soul...

Purely homosexual, that is.

Jaded