Would you date a transman?

Icebridge · 2021-03-02T18:00:00+00:00

No, I am mostly interested in femmes anyway. While trans men are still female, I dont like the idea of my partner talking hormones to imitate a male body. It's offputting and unnatural to me. I want someone proud to be a lesbian, not someone that i have to play "straight" with, despite the homosexuality lmao : )

Icebridge · 2021-03-02T05:35:53+00:00

I'm with you, I say it to straight couples as well. Its just something you say if you dont have any other response but want to be supportive. You look cute/nice/happy together.

Icebridge · 2021-03-01T05:25:46+00:00

Wish there was a by lesbians for lesbians website. This sub is good but its still on saiddit and ovarit lesbians isnt much of a community its so small and the site is focused on politics so theres not much general chat :/

Icebridge · 2021-03-01T01:03:41+00:00

My favorite part of this is that the reason "just having fun" as to why you are taking the quiz is "straight"

Icebridge · 2021-03-01T00:49:17+00:00

Probably a lost cause, if you're willing to talk its better to do so over dm. But i guess i would wonder why she feels that a community (younger gays/lesbians) with much more direct experience interacting with trans communities than the straight community or older community in general is terrible for expressing the issues they have with it, or having reservations toward supporting the movement as a result, as well as why she would prefer not to listen. The majority of us were very supportive until we gave an inch and the movement took a mile. The overwheming majority support anti discrimination laws for gender/sex non conformity, and many are okay with calling someone their preferred pronoun if it makes their mental health better, but the movement has gone on to demand more and more, and is trying to pretend sex is fake and irrelevant at this point, as well as spouting conversion therapy rhetoric. What right does a straight person have to tell gays and lesbians to fall on a sword?

Icebridge · 2021-03-01T00:09:43+00:00

Doubt it, anything with "true" is a ban guarantee now. If not banned its probably private permanently

Icebridge · 2021-03-01T00:06:39+00:00

She got passive aggressive and antagonistic pretty frequently and viewed the downvotes she got as a result as a personal attack so there was probably criticism from within also (and based on how she reacted to downvotes im sure she took criticism personally). From my experience on there i have much more faith in the other mods, who at least kept things professional. Unfortunately throwing a tantrum is not out of character for her.

Icebridge · 2021-02-27T05:58:11+00:00

I definitely prefer lesbians like everyone else here but I'll consider a bi women if she's pretty and has a nice enough personality. I am much more critical of looking for red flags tho since i think its a lot riskier. I definitely dont want to be a stopgap or with someone that really idolizes men and has garbage politics lol. Idk why but i notice a a disproportionate amount of bi women are the "not all men" type even if they dont directly say it. I also really dont want to be with someone who cant conceptually understand monosexuality thus lesbianism. So many bi people believe everyone is a little bi which makes them... homophobic. So thats what i look out for.

Icebridge · 2021-02-27T05:44:44+00:00

Agree completely. I've fortunately never been abused but i find ops outlook on this disgusting. It's interesting to me that so many women are abused but its lesbians that get thier sexuality explained by this. Its a very obvious "explain why she is broken" rationale, when lesbian is the "broken" part. I never see childhood abuse used as the justification for why gay men are gay either, whether the abuse was perpetated by a female or male. Furthermore, if you hate/dislike men as a class you probably aren't a real lesbian is... such a wild take on a sub made up primarily of radfems lol.

Icebridge · 2021-02-27T05:24:45+00:00

I would say no one needs to "compromise" when it comes to this. It doesnt feel like a compromise because in this sort of situation it would be one of them something shes uncomfortable with. Seems like op has has the discussion and her gf has either explicitly or passively expressed discomfort with going down on her or using toys. Why would it be wrong for a guy to pressure or want his gf to do something she doesnt want to do (not saying op is doing this by asking one time ofc but in this context suggesting she should "compromise" reminds me of that), or get her to do something else she doesnt want to do as "consolation/compromise" but its ok for us? Nor should anyone be shamed for boundaries imo. Ops gfs boundaries are pretty restrictive and will limit the amount of people she is compatible with, but thats how it is. Op makes it seem like they have a good relationship outside of sex so its hard for me to see ops gf entirely negatively, i agree its better to be friends.

To answer op, is it "normal"? No, not really. Maybe she just has an excessively low sex drive or something. I wouldn't draw any conclusions about her not being a lesbian unless i saw her act attracted to men though. The way i look at it is: I'm a lesbian and I'd never let anyone who isn't female go down on me, even if i didn't have to reciprocate, the idea of men doing that to me is repulsive. So she must at least be attracted to you in some way? But it doesn't really matter because at the end of the day you arent sexually compatible. Its not a rejection or a reflection on either of you negatively. I know its tough to end a relationship with someone you like over this, especially because our dating pool is small, but i dont think this will be a common issue you run into.

Icebridge · 2021-02-27T04:51:37+00:00

I feel the same, some people just like colorful or cute things and its pretty popular to dye pastels or brights these days. But if they have an edgy aesthetic overall... thats a no from me.

For dating, im okay with it as long as it's well maintained and also not crunchy looking.

Icebridge · 2021-01-03T15:25:45+00:00

I'm very slim, but im working on gaining some muscle/tone (im underweight), as for women i like... slim or athletic is best too.

Icebridge · 2020-12-30T16:10:49+00:00

Unfortunately my goals are the same as last year because covid got in the way. But it's to get serious about dating and to attend more events/meet new people. I am a bit of a shut in. I think it'll at least be possible in the second half of the yr.

Icebridge · 2020-12-24T07:21:27+00:00

I'm a gold star lesbian (and even platinum star, as ive recently learned that term lol) I've never meant it to mean I'm better than non goldstar lesbians, but I'm definitely better than "lesbians" who arent homosexual 😂 Tbh though i feel its not as useful a term as people treat it and i dont think it really encapsulates my experience. I feel it sort of implies you had an easy life / were confident without internalized homophobia, but I struggled a lot, just the thought of being physically intimate in any way with a male person makes me feel disgusted so i couldnt do it.

Icebridge · 2020-11-27T19:51:14+00:00

Started online dating and got a lot of interest which was a nice confidence boost but i didn't actually meet up with anyone because covid is pretty rough in my area and i just decided its better to wait rather than risk getting/spreading it. So i kinda stopped checking the apps. Overall things are pretty boring for me (im thankful i have it much better than most) but im glad we are close to a vaccine.

Icebridge · 2020-11-27T19:30:40+00:00

I feel in general the analysis is pretty trash even though I also dislike the masterdoc. One particular part that stuck out to me was when she didnt seem to understand the "im ok conceptually with dating men but the idea of actually having sex with them makes my stomach churn" (paraphrasing) part and interpreted it as "sex is scary". I felt this in particular is stupid because when i was desprately trying to convince myself i wasnt a lesbian, and convince myself i could be normal, i would try to imagine what being married or dating a guy would be like. I was ok with any of the hanging out stuff (i.e. just being friends/roomates) but any time i thought about something physical i wanted to vomit. I cant even imagine wanting to have sex with a guy so any conceptualization of it is inherently some degree of nonconsensual. I still feel the same way. Guess im just afraid of sex though. Weirdly enough i didn't feel the same when it came to women and I knew this even at the time. Huh.

I didnt get the same vibe as you did with respect to qhat the author thinks of lesbians. The writer doesnt seem to understand that no one cares she is bisexual (girl we get it you probably have a boyfriend and feel lesbians are oppressing you) and that it's bisexual women who are bending over backward to call themselves lesbians, not lesbians trying to convince bisexual women they are lesbians. We do not want y'all. It's incredible how bi women can whine about how mean lesbians dont want to date them them because they're bi and then pretend we're trying to convince them they're lesbians. Like lesbians dont have the ability to be attracted to men in any capacity. We know way better than you that you calling yourself a lesbian and only dating women doesnt make it so, any more than me calling myself straight and only dating men wouldnt make it so. Although its pretty obvious what would be more psychologically damaging... considering op would be dating people she has the capacity to be attracted to... which is why i feel infuriated by her implication that this doc is conversion therapy. Like...sweetie if you think this is conversion therapy you are so tone deaf i dont know what to tell you. Lesbians dont dislike you because of "monosexism" or whatever it's because you're like this. Nothing but respect for the bi women who stay in their lane... but I hope bi women like this stick with men. Lesbians and normal bi women deserve better god damn.

Though there are parts of the masterdoc where im like "yeah this lines up with my internalized homophobia experience" most of it is creepy ass political lesbianism and not "bi conversion therapy". And while i hate the masterdoc, i hate this op almost as much.

Icebridge · 2020-08-09T18:28:44+00:00

Same, no problem with febfems but OP dodged a bullet imo. I definitely envision this woman having difficulty getting in a romantic relationship with another woman unless she is extremely attractive and meets someone dumb enough to ignore the army of red flags.

Icebridge · 2020-08-07T18:10:36+00:00

I am single as well, but ive put some thought into this. To me a 3 bedroom is ideal (we do not have basements where i live, or the basement could easily substitute for a bedroom) as i would like a guest bedroom and game/media room if possible.

Icebridge · 2020-08-04T15:17:11+00:00

Thats not the vibe i got from it, but i didnt spend a ton of time reading the comments. With straight women i definitely understand the frustration, but with bi women, they're actually attracted to women so if theyre willing to fully commit to dating women exclusively I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. That being said, op's post is a hypothetical so i suppose its fair to be more critical of her.

Icebridge · 2020-08-04T15:12:46+00:00

Ive never personally met that style of fake lesbian, no. That definitely is shitty and I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but op struck me as someone who is naieve more so than outwardly malicious like those people. At the very least she's willing to admit her bisexuality and call herself a febfem rather than pretend to be a lesbian like so many bi women do.

Icebridge · 2020-08-04T15:07:30+00:00

This is fair. No one wants to be anyone's second choice.

Icebridge · 2020-08-04T06:48:03+00:00

Mixed feelings about this post. I'd be okay with it if it weren't a hypothetical but since it is it just feels so... dumb and pointless? Who cares what you do in the hypothetical case that you divorce your husband? It also seems very naieve in the sense that it gives off the vibe of "gay relationdhips are always great and easy to find!" Which is... no. That being said I'm also surprised everyone is universally against this post? As a radfem I feel like its obvious the way men treat women is way worse than the way women treat women. Most male violence is from someone the woman knows and often is a partner. When I go on dates, as long as I've verified that they're a woman and not a catfish, I dont have to worry about getting stalked or killed like I would if I were dating men. Even with assault, statistically it's so low I don’t really stress out about it with women like I do when I'm alone with a man i dont know well for example. I definitely dont think "straight women have it harder than us" or even that that's what the post is getting at. But that when you're dating women the fear and opression usually comes from outside the relationship but with heterosexual relationships it comes from the inside. If someone wants to avoid that, I can't blame them. When i try to put myself in a bi persons shoes, its hard to decide if i would be able to date men based on the bad experiences ive had with them, the trauma those close to me have suffered, and just knowing what i know. I think op is naieve but i dont think she has any ill will based on what i read. It's not like she came at lesbians with this post anyway, from what i understand fds is a het focused sub?

Icebridge · 2020-08-03T04:32:45+00:00

Marathoned land of the lustrous last night and (mostly) caught up with the manga. It wasn't what i expected but I'm pleasantly surprised at how well written it is. I expected it to be a cute fun show i was just watching for the animation...Theres no sexual content or abuse but the story is about how trauma, loneliness and grief can tear you apart. My favorite part (though the anime does not make it this far) is that i feel like although there is a lot of conflict, i can understand all of the characters motivations fully and i really feel for each of their situations. Even the most "evil" characters arent really evil even if they do shitty things or decieve the people around them its like... even if i dont agree as an outsider i can understand how someone would feel that way or make that call. If i were put in the same shoes as them i might make the same choices.

Icebridge · 2020-08-03T03:45:49+00:00

Ah, just when i finally stop lurking and sign up for an acc i find out we're moving 😭, still this sounds nice! I've not used spinster before but i glanced at the ovarit link posted on twitter and i like how it looks. I also like that its by women for women, and the userbase isnt like the wider saidit userbase...

Icebridge