FlyingKangaroo

When I was a child and young teenager I obviously didn’t have a clue about it and didn’t care (would probably be against), unfortunately something in my teenage years had changed.

I met two girls from my school (different classes) who became my friends. I met the first one because I was “paired” with her during a certain event made by our school, when we had to do certain charity activities. We talked more. A few months later she was absent for a long time and the second girl (friend to both of us) told me that something difficult is going on but she isn’t sure she can tell me - the absent one is in hospital. My mind wondered is it a cryptic way to say she has a cancer or something. I was very worried. Some time later I contacted the absent girl on Skype. We talked and she revealed she is a FTM, wants to transition and prefers a male name, etc. I wanted to be supportive because she was my friend so I switched name and pronouns while addressing her. I wanted to let her know I support her. At school, no teacher knew (I think?), she was only using it in private conversation with her closest friends (including me and third girl).

During our teenage years she was still trans, after going to high school in that other school she began to used a male name and pronouns and unfortunately all teachers used it too. All students as well, although I believe there were some who were secretly joking or just acted suspicious. It was also a small private school so it can explain something too. She was always a tomboy but of course her style became much more “masculine” in high school, aka looking like a depressed boy in a hoodie, even shorter hair but not super short.

She was also weird, she had some smart talents but also dated online from a young age (which was super weird for me), said she had “boyfriends” from far away parts of the world (Asia), I learned one day accidentally she also liked some Facebook pages about ecchi when she was ~13. Grooming in plain sight but I didn’t even think much about it.

Our trinity was close because we all seemed like “outcasts” and were introverted and had some more niche interests. Eventually the third girl came out as bisexual sometime, later pansexual and somewhere after it - nonbinary. She began to use in private conversations neutral pronouns which sound really cursed in my language. I agreed, not to hurt her feelings.

About 2 years later we all parted because these two girls (FTM and nonbinary) decided to cut contact with me, even though nothing seemed to me like they planned it. The reason was eventually that they found me too innocent, called me a bigot (for supposedly not agreeing enough with all queer stuff that exists), they focused more on their sexuality and I was too vanilla and not queer for them. At first I was confused over losing two close friends but then I came to realized it’s better that way for me and that actually their shenanigans were harmful for me, making me wither confused or depressed.

Then I realized how harmful the trans thing is, first I rejected the nonbinary variant of it (seemed much more illogical and based on stereotypes) but then I also saw such qualities exist in the “classic” trans identity too (FTM and MTF). I began to understand the pattern of anxiety, coming from toxic or abusive families, being an outcast and unhealthy obsessions, issues with body image. I understood that transition is not a way to help those with dysphasia, it harms their bodies and fuels their problems. As I saw with the FTM friend, even though she started transition (in a “social” way aka using new name and style change; supposedly she was taking hormones too which is weird because she weren’t 18 yet and we live in kinda conservative country) there was always something which would make her spiral into suicide thoughts. Nothing was ever perfect, there was only pain and confusion. I also felt bitter over how schizophrenic it all felt, using name and pronouns for someone who isn’t even a man but people around agreed to call her such if she demands so.

One day when she stood near me I got a glimpse of her ID with female name and identification info on it, I wonder if she ever changed it or not.

Beside these two whom I know irl, I knew online some people who turned out to be trans (all FTMs, one nonbinary). That being said, most of them trooned out after our contact loosened, there was only one FTM whom I know online while it was going on. She was also weird, self-harming, bragged out once that her father molested her out of the blue (some inappropriate touching while he came to her room; it seemed to me it didn’t ever happen before that accident she told me about). I think I was urging her to get help, tell school psychologist or something but she didn’t want to. I don’t know how we came to lose contact but I felt grateful in a way for being freed of burden of someone’s trauma.

Now I’m anti-trans in a way I acknowledge it’s evil and harmful (and gives a pass to many rapists as MTFs show us). I think maybe a portion of troons, rather the FTM variants (girls and women in general) might get help, because it’s due to trauma, body issues, etc. I can sympathize a bit but don’t support the trans identity.

I also felt wrecked in a way because I was often that girl who was perfect and had a burden of caring for others, my empathy made me hurt, people who were in charge (teachers) didn’t seem to care much and I was left to be occupied with pains of teenagers I knew, my peers or only a bit older or younger. I didn’t deserve to learn of such cursed things. These people turned out that way because they didn’t get proper help and it will continue to happen if we won’t change it, most girls will be harmed and will spiral into various forms of self-harm (including transition) and boys and men will find ways to harm themselves too or even assault others and go away with it.