What happened to LGBdroptheT? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I haven't been on Saidit in a good long while (it gets too depressing sometimes) so I'm very late to this party.

Has anyone been successful in requesting an invitation for the sub or is it under complete lockdown? I just sent one and am waiting to hear back. I think the saddest part to me is that I can't look at old comments/saved posts from that sub since it's where I spent most of my time whenever I do pop over to Saidit :(.

Wtf so many labels by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For some reason, this reminded me of that scene from The Incredibles, "When Everyone's Super". TQ+ would be Syndrome and LGB would be the Incredibles.

Edit: Link https://youtu.be/GYmHYQPaHaw

Same-sex attraction is a homophobic dogwhistle 🤡 by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"Same sex attraction is homophobic." That's quite the contradiction considering that people who are against same-sex attraction are in fact the homophobic ones.

These statements remind me of something a friend of mine told me about a few weeks ago. She lives in a conservative country where they have restrictions on the types of books permitted (they have a department that pre-checks books). There's this one textbook that discusses different types of families and was just recently discovered to mention "same-sex marriage". There's a whole investigation going on about it at the moment to figure out how who's responsible for it slipping through the cracks. My friend works at one of the schools that had these books and she said they had to go through the books and blacken out all the sections that mentioned "same-sex marriage". Keep in mind, this is a country where you won't be killed for being gay but you will go to jail for being openly gay.

Anyway, I say all this because I find the parallels between the thoughts expressed in these tweets and the ideological leanings of this conservative country to be very concerning. These people against "same-sex attraction" would probably also be against these aformentioned textbooks and be in favour of the censoring of certain portions of those books. Yet, in the same breath, they would call themselves "liberal" and "progressive". It also makes me wonder if people in more progressive countries will eventually reach a point where they end up in jail (or in any other sort of legal trouble) simply for saying that they are "same-sex attracted" as opposed to "same-gender attracted". I used to think "that wouldn't ever happen" but, with the current state of things, I'm not so sure anymore.

r/actuallesbians - To my trans lesbian sisters „Full blown dyke“ and „cis lesbian“ would love to be with „pre HRT, non op“ trans woman. Collective headpatting, uwuing and homophobia ensues in the comments. by howdidthishappen in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is a prime example for why a lot of people still think "lesbians secretly like dick". The fact that these "lesbians" don't see how they're perpetuating something incredibly homophobic/lesbophobic is so ridiculously ironic that I would find this laughable if I didn't know that they were being serious.

Now this is the Pride flag I want to see right now by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Oh my god, I was not expecting to laugh as much as I did. This really made my day a bit brighter.

Any comebacks to "if a gay man likes penises, why not be with a woman that wears strap-on dildos"? by Not_a_celebrity in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 17 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 3 fun18 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

A penis and a dildo are similar but, they are not the same. It's like 12 vs 21. Both numbers are comprised of a 1 and a 2. In this sense they are similar but, they mean two different things. Likewise, even though a penis and a dildo are similar in shape, one is a thing that is natural/biological and the other is a man-made replica.

As for comebacks, just flip it on them. Use their logic against them by asking a similar question but reversed. E.g. "If straight women like penises, why don't they just be with women that wear strap-on dildos?"

They might counter this by saying that a penis is needed to make children. You can counter that by using another page from their playbook by saying, "Not every man is able to have biological kids so, why shouldn't a straight woman just be with a woman with a dildo?" At this point, they should be able to see how their original statement, i.e. a penis and a dildo being "the same thing", was wrong.

If all else fails just say that as a gay man, you aren't interested in women and that a woman with a strap-on does not equal a man with a penis.

Restaurant Selling 'Gay Burgers' Fun or dumb? by xandit in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The first half seemed fine to me: 'A burger restaurant that uses rainbow wrapping paper and where all the proceeds go to an LGBT centre'. Unfortunately, the second half is where it loses me. The item names, and some of the descriptions, are pretty cringey. The more I read, the more questions I had: E.g. What are "gay fries"? What are "extra gay fries"? And what on earth is a "daddy patty"?

And TRA's wonder why some people are against srs 🤮🤮🤮 by [deleted] in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is just sad...I wonder how many more people will have to go through something like this before people realise that gender politics has become a really big problem.

Am I needy or is being a lesbian in a predominantly hetero society that hard? by oofreesouloo in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

No, there's nothing wrong with you. Dating is going to be really hard especially for people who don't fit with most of the stereotypes (dyed hair, rainbows everywhere, flannel, birkenstocks, etc.). Plus, with covid restrictions, I think the general consensus is that online dating is the way to go. However, once restrictions do lift, I think the best ideas I've seen so far for finding other lesbians/bi women in the wild are the ones that involve having a pendant.

I think if you want to go for something that's subtle but also obvious, you should get a labrys necklace and/or earings. Most of the time when we pass people in the street, we're more inclined to look at faces or what's directly in front of us. Since the earings (or necklace) would be around your face, you increase the chances of people seeing the labrys pendants moreso than if you were wearing a bracelet or had something on your bag. Seeing the pendants, I think, would make lesbians and bi women do a double take. If someone comments and says "labrys" then that's a dead give away that they're lesbian or bi or at the very least, in the know. If they say anything else like "battleaxe" then they most likely don't know the symbolism. Having a pendant would also give you plausible deniability if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation; It's a lot easier to feign ignorance for an unassuming pendant than it is to feign ignorance for a flag pin.

I would also caution against getting anything that explicitly shows the labrys flag. This is because recently some people have been connecting the labrys flag with terfs. On top of that, the TQ+ crowd is very obsessed with flags and upon seeing a labrys flag pin they'll automatically know that you're a lesbian. They may also be more inclined to question you to see if you're a terf. There's also the rainbow flag but, that's obvious to everyone and not at all subtle. I think anything rainbow is more likely to draw in TQ+ people unfortunately. I guess overall it depends on how subtle or how obvious you want to be. You'll need to find a balance that you're comfortable with.

Either way, if you go for a flag pin or a labrys pendant, it's still up to you to weed through people. I just think a pendant offers more subtlety than a flag pin.

I might be biased in my opinion here because I like subtlety, discretion, and puzzles but, can you imagine if we all made it a point to wear labrys pendants? And what if we made it so that if the pendant were rightside up or upside down became an indicator for if someone was lesbian or bi? It would be like a nod to the past when people wore carnations.

Can someone tell me what on a subreddit specifically for bisexuals there are suddenly trending memes about trans people? by Mermer in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 25 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

They want to be the center of attention. I'd also reckon that some do this for the thrill of telling people they're transphobic if they say that these posts don't belong in the sub. I'm actually very surprised that r/bisexual is only now being targeted.

It's similar to something someone else mentioned before: If sci-fi fans of Star Wars and Star Trek started posting in magical fantasy subs like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Avatar the Last Air Bender you'd expect those posts to be taken down as per the subs' rules. However, instead of taking down those posts, the mods say, "Sci-fi content is welcome here". So now eveyone who says, "This isn't the sub for that content," gets banned for being insensetive to the feelings of sci-fi people.

They're able to take over specific groups so easily because they're following a very simple method: divide and conquer. You have group A (the T's) and group B (The LGB's). The loudest of group A have convinced the loudest of group B that group A's feelings and experiences are more important than everyone else's. Now you have a bigger group AB trying to convince the rest of B that A is more important. More divides, more splits, more fractures, until eventually group B becomes so small that group AB is able to convince other's that anyone left in group B is evil. Which leads us to where we are now, exiled to Saidit.

It's not so bad though. I quite like the level-headedness of the community here. It's like a very refreshing oasis where my mind doesn't have to jump through so many hoops to try and make sense out of what people say. You're actually able to ask questions and learn things here (things that follow logic) without being attacked for not knowing or not understanding something. We don't all agree on everything and that is how we're able to have civil discourse. Intellectual diversity seems to be valued a lot more by the people here than by most people on reddit.

There isn't much to be done about reclaiming subs on reddit. Unless mods change, nothing will work. Something that might work though is if we all go out of our way to politely and civily state our opinions and the facts that support those opinions. This will create waves and anger some people but, this tactic is for the benefit of fence sitters or lurkers who have only ever been exposed to one side of this gender debate.

Its so tiring by powpowpowpow in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What is the difference between "trans woman" and "transwoman"? Someone on reddit mentioned this to me before but, like this person, they never explained why "transwoman" is considered offensive.

#LesbianNotGay - Political lesbian anti-gay solidarity campaign by LesbianInExile in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't use twitter so I can't say for sure but, this does seem to be a very niche thing. I don't think anything needs to be done about it at the moment. However, if this does blow up into something bigger, then something should be done.

If this does blow up, it'll further demonize lesbians and turn even more people away from calling themselves lesbian. Also, most people wouldn't look to deeply into the difference between "political lesbians" and "lesbians" and they'll assume that it's all the same. But again, I don't think much will come of this so, I don't think there's much to worry about.

On another note, I think #lesbiannotgay is a great hashtag that we should take for ourselves. Someone else mentioned that there are only a few postings currently with this hashtag. Maybe we could repurpose it as a hashtag that challenges other lesbians to call themsleves "lesbian" and not "gay" as a way to destigmatize the word "lesbian" and essential promote lesbian positivity. Doing that would also effectively drown out whatever the political lesbians are trying to do.

I'm going to say it, the stupidity you see on Reddit for example like "lesbians wear flannels and snapbacks" is on the same level of bullshit as religious groups which force it's believers to dress a certain way. by MatthewofHouseGray in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They may not be forced to do anything but, neither are people in cults. They end up brainwashed and do harmful things (because they think they're doing good) and they don't ever really realize the impact of what they do until something significant happens to them (usually when they get burned by the group).

In my opinion, the "actuallesbians" sub is a cult as well as the woke left.


The Guardian isn't the best source in the world -- they have a left bias and mixed reporting on factual news vs fake news -- however, this article gives a very good description on the modern usage of the word "cult"; "actuallesbians" (and the woke left) fit the points to a tee.

Last groups on Reddit that still defend LGB people and acknowledge the homophobia of gender identity ideology? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not sure of other groups that are like this. However, I must say, the archived link was both a nice change of pace and slightly infuriating.

One of the people who was arguing for the "trans women are women/ transmen are men" side said:

"Homosexuality: someone attracted to the same gender. Heterosexuality: someone attracted to the opposite gender. Gender=/= sex"

How on Earth is this person able to understand the difference between gender and sex yet, they can't possibly understand the existance of sexual attraction; even though both words literally end in "-sexuality" and not "-gender"? They have no respect for anyone's sexual orientation but, they want the world to respect their gender attraction (whatever that means). If they're so convinced that attraction to gender is more important than sexual attraction, then why don't they make up their own words? It shouldn't be hard for them; they've made up so many other words already. They can put in some effort to make up something that specifically describes "gender attraction". Is it really so hard to coin something like "homogenderality" and/or "heterogenderality" and leave the rest of us, and our sexual orientations, alone?

"I Am Gay And I Am Done With The LGBT Community" So is she straight? Bisexual? Gay? Pro- or Anti-Trans? What on earth is going on in the LGBT community? by BonesReds in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 24 insightful - 3 fun24 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

She says: "I don't want to be branded as a gay girl."

Next paragraph: "I am a gay girl."

She's clearly interested in both sexs but, she's so resistant to being called what she is: bisexual. I think all that time she spent with the woke energy vampires has given her internalized biphobia. She needs to take an internet/media sabbatical from anything related to LGBT+every-other-letter-and-number or else her mental health might get even more compromised.

[Discussion] I honestly think a lot of these transmen are seeking a futanari life. by SailorMoon2020 in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hadn't even considered this for transmen but, I have definitely thought this about a lot of transwomen.

It’s a clown clown clown clown world by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I just watched that episode. Her singing part was first and the first lyric was, "I was born a woman". Then she had the nerve to stop in the middle of the practice run saying, "Oh my god. I am freaking out. I didn't tell anyone I'm trans yet". I didn't feel any symapthy for her. She wrote and sing it for the recording. She knew exactly what she was doing. I think that freak out was to seek attention. Why would she write and sing that if she knew if that it was going to give her dysphoria?

Also, I'm more inclinced to call a transman "he" and a transwoman "she" to be civil but, she said she is fine with people calling her she. What? Why? If someone calls her "she" shouldn't that make her dysphoric?

Another thing: I'm of the opinion that anyone can do drag because it's a form of entertainment by preforming as a caricature of women (drag queens) or men (drag kings). However, RuPaul's Drag Race is a show specifically for men (mostly gay men; I've only ever seen one straight man on the show) to compete as drag queens so it doesn't make sense for her to be on it. On top of that, shouldn't being a caricature of a woman be adding to her dysphoria?

Edit: I think the funniest part of that episode was when they were discussing who they would hypothetically vote out. A lot of them said her because she was "the biggest competition". You could tell by the looks on their faces that that was not the real reason.

Percentage of homosexual women by Elvira95 in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'd wager it's around 1% or even less.

There was a study done in the US in 2015 by news.gallup.com which found that approximately 3.8% of the adult population is lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. I'm not entirely certain on the statistic for lesbians specifically but, if we subtract the trans population (I've seen numbers ranging between 0.42% and 1.2%) then we're left with somewhere between 2.6% and 3.38% of the population being either lesbian, gay, or bi.

However, Gallup did another study in 2017 and found the LGBT population increased to 4.5%. I'm more wary of this stat becuse it also shows that young women and democrats are the ones identifying with the community more and it's unclear as to why. The steady rise could be because people feel safe and comfortable with who they are or it could be from woke brain washing.

Apparently it's outdated to be a homosexual by EzukiRaen in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen[S] 36 insightful - 7 fun36 insightful - 6 fun37 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

This person was responding to a post titled: "Can a non binary person be a lesbian?"

This is their full repsonse.

I am speechless.

Disgusting sub made by men and women fetish corrective rape on lesbians by babouch in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The description says: "A space for women who share the desire of being used and abused"

It also says: "We are not a "rapekink" sub."

They try to deny it but, this sounds like "rape kink" to me...or has it been rebranded to "sexual assault kink"?


I just read through some of the posts. Every post is about rapekink. This is literally a sub for lesbians who fantasize about being raped by men. What?

The biological science of trans everything by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not an expert in biology (physics is more my cup of tea) but, it seems to me this person is talking about intersex people; People who make up somewhere between 0.018% - 1.7% of the population. So, why is a biologist, someone who's studied this stuff extensively and, in this case, teaches it as a professor, trying to argue that exceptions to the rule somehow make the rule?

Is it possible to go to the media about the discrimination against lesbians by reddit? by mangosplums in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was gonna say this wouldn't work but, after a quick google search, I think this could work. R/biologicallesbians was not transphobic by any means but, any story about r/BL will have the sub labelled as a TERF sub. AfterEllen's already been branded a "TERF" website. I don't think another story that would have them labelled "TERF" would phase them. The CEO of the site even leaned into it and called herself "the Terf-in-Chief of AfterEllen".

If you gather together any screenshots or archived pages of r/BL before the ban (this includes the sub rules and anything that clearly stated that: tran women were welcome but, the sub's focus was to be on "cis" women), screenshots or pages of people calling it a hate sub, and write a compelling cover letter expressing why you think AfterEllen should write an article about it, then this could work.

You could probably do that now actually. Make another post titled something like "R/BL Data Compilation for AfterEllen". This way, anyone who has any additional information or anyone who wants to help, has a place to go/send their info. Everyone else would be able to look over things if they want and give their two cents on if they think anything is necessary, unecessary, missing, or complete.

Additional info: If you want to show the hypocrisy on reddit you should also get information on the subs that were banned vs the ones that are still up. I also recommend getting statements from the mods of r/TL and r/BL, if you can, to prove that these two subs were made independently from one another and not an attempt at ban evasion.

The word "partner" by HelloMomo in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've noticed something similar.

Where I'm from, I've only ever heard people in same-sex relationships say "partner". In the UK, it seems like everyone uses it.

It was strange to get used to at first and it was like a fun guessing game: "Is this person dating a man or a woman"? Everyone I've met so far who's said "partner" was in a heterosexual relationship and the one gay man I've come across said "boyfriend". Now, if someone says "partner", I'm much more inclinced to think they're straight or in a heterosexual relationship. (Though, in hindsight, this could also be because I just haven't had too much interaction with local gay community.)

Also, I've heard people using "partner" often enough that I honestly can't tell if they're trying to be trendy or if this is just the new norm in the UK.

"Who are you?" - Made a little Strawpoll about the composition of the user-base. Just for curiosity, hope mods are OK with it. Give it a click if you want! by _Moon_ in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Lesbian here. In agreement with what someone else said: I'm not "anti-trans". I just hate that I've literally been called a "TERF" and a "transphobe" because I've said, "A woman is an adult human female./A man is an adult human male." I am very much opposed to queer theory and I think trans people, unfortunately, have terrible "allies" and "advocates" who are making them (and the rest of us in the gay community) look bad.

Trans man complains on r/bigdickproblems by Scruffy_Nerf_Herder in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 23 insightful - 3 fun23 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I understand being insulted by being called a "dickless bro". That's quite rude. However, how is it insulting to say a female is not a male? And what business could a female possibly have with a "bigdickproblems" sub?

Stop Gendering Genitals by Rag3 in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

If we're not supposed to "gender genitals" then what is a lesbian? What exactly are the parameters for being a lesbian? Even further, what are the parameters for any sexual orientation?

Let's say for instance there are two men in a relationship and they are both "gender fluid". Some days they would call themselves men and other days they would call themselves women. On the "men days" it's "he/him" and on the "women days" it's "she/her". Now let's suppose that there are a few days where they both call themselves women. Are we supposed to call them lesbians on these days? What if one is on a "woman day" and the other is on a "man day" are we supposed to call them straight on these days? What are the rules??

Gender identity politics is so confusing. Sometimes I wish I was never exposed to any of this stuff.

Bisexual and lesbian women: do literally *any* of you use the word "boobies"? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I can vaguely recall a few instances where I've heard a female friend say "boobies" or "tah-tahs" as a part of a joke. I haven't ever heard anyone use these words seriously. It's mostly just boobs or breasts. I mostly use "boobs", sometimes "breasts", and haven't ever used any other words (though I think that's more of a personal preference).

GOLD STARS share your experiences! by TalerTest in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I love your reason for making this post. It gave me a good laugh to start the day.

I grew up Christian. Not because my family was religious (my mother and younger brother were athiests) but, because I liked to spend time with my gandma and she was Christian. At the time, I was under the impression that one man and one woman was how it was supposed to be. The first time I heard about gays and lesbians was during the 2008 US presidential election (I would have been about 8 or 9). My mother asked me, "What do you think of gays and lesbians? Do you think they should be allowed to get married?" After she explained what that meant, I said something like, "If they're happy and love each other, why not?" That was that, and I never thought about it again.

A few years later, at the start of the summer between middle school and highschool, I saw something on tv about this guy playing basketball. He was talking about "coming out" to his teammates and all the support he was grateful for. I didn't know what he was talking about but, his shirt was black with rainbow letters and I distinctly remember thinking, "huh, that's a little fruity. Maybe he's gay." Right after I thought it, he said he was gay. That was when I had an epiphany. I kept thinking, "He knows who he is. How does he know who he is? Who am I? How do I know who I am?" I then started to reflect on my life up until that point. I remembered the handful of times the older generation of women would call their female friends "girlfriends", how that always confused me, and how it made me uncomfortable to even think about calling any of my friends "girlfriends". I looked back on this "game" people used to do in middle school where they would go up to people and ask them "are you gay" and if you hesitated and didn't immediately say "no" then you were labled gay for the rest of the day. I remembered whenever my friends would talk about "cute boys" and they would ask me if I liked anyone how I would always say "no, none of them interest me". It was like my brain finally realized that being a lesbian was not only real but that I might be one too.

I was 14 at the time and I spent the whole summer and following school year doing research about lesbians and the LGBT+ community. However, most of that time was spent reading shoujo ai manga online or watching anime with implied relationships. About a month or two before I came to my conclusion was when I found out about the discrepencies between christianity and being gay. I didn't think it was true. I grew up believing God was a being of love for everyone he created. He had a plan for everyone so why would he make people knowing that they'd go to hell? I then found a video of a man who explained everything so well that I was able to reconcile my (at that point, potential) orientaion with my faith.

At the end of it all, I gave myself three tests. The first, I would have to say outloud "I'm straight, I'm bi, I'm gay, I'm a lesbian". In my head I was thinking, "If it's hard to say then it's probably true. I know I'm not straight so that should be the easiest to say. There's a lot of stigma around the word "lesbian". If I'm not one, it should be easy to say because it wouldn't be applicable to me. If I am one, it might be harder to say". The first three were easy. When I got to saying, "I'm a lesbian", is when I stopped for a few moments because I started to get anxious. When I finally said it, it wasn't as loud as the other ones. Then, I did it again to match the volume of the other statements I made. Finally, I said it a third time, just because I could.

My second test was probably the dumbest out of the three. I went on my ipad and typed "men" and "women" and looked at pictures to see if I felt anything or not. The only thing I got from that was, "Beautiful people are beautiful people. It doesn't mean I'm attracted to someone just because I can see they're beautiful."

The last test was the most interesting. For this one, I had to close my eyes and imagine my future and who I saw in it. First, I pictured my future waking up next to a man. It was one of the strangest experiences I've had. I had such a rush of adrenaline and started to get very figity. It felt like I was suffocating and I started crying. There wasn't even anything much to what I was picturing. The scenario was simply in a bed, look over, and who's next to me? I did not like picturing a man at all but I also didn't anticipate that I would feel like that. Even thinking about it now feels strange. After that, I pictured the same scenario but, instead of a man, seeing a woman. It felt like the biggest weight was lifted from my chest and like I could finally breathe and I was smiling like a lunatic.

I didn't think my thrown together "tests" would yield much. Even less, I didn't think I'd get so emotional. I think in the midsts of my research, "research", and self reflection, I had already come to the conclusion. I think my "tests" were my way of stepping over that line of acceptance for myself. There were still some doubts within me like, "What if I'm lying to myself? What if this is a phase that I'll grow out of? Even though I haven't ever experienced any sort of attraction towards men, what if I'm bi"? It took me a few years to get rid of those thoughts.

After I accepted who I was, I became an athiest (an unrelated coincidence), my dreams for the next few months were about having a girlfriend, and I was also able to realize, a few months later, that I had a crush on someone. In my last year of high school, I tried to start a GSA. The principal vetoed it so, it never happened (and apparently I was the second person to try and start one; the first person graduated a few years prior).

What are your thoughts on these tweets? by Nohope in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thread 1: I wasn't expecting it to go in that direction. I haven't seen too much about transwomen trying to get with straight men but, I could see that happening. However, what I've seen the most of is transwomen pushing their way into lesbian spaces.

Thread 2: I don't think it's a violation of a person's sexual orientation per se, moreso, it's a violation of a person's expectations within that relationship. In this particular scenario, technically, the transman is still a female so, it would still be a homosexual relationship; although, it may be preceived as straight, assuming the transman passes to look like a man. The issue here is that the transman would want to be refered to as a man and treated like a man. No lesbian wants to be in a relationship with a man or someone who preceives themself as a man. I also think there's a distinction to be made here between lesbians who may have pretended to be men in the past or else they would have been attacked, harrassed, shunned by society, or even killed, vs somene who legitimately thinks they're a man. The former is still well aware that they are a woman, whereas, the latter completely rejects womanhood.

It's fine if someone is a transman but, you can't expect that relationship to last. This would be a dramatic change to the dynamics of the relationship and not one that most people would be comfortable with. For instance, the transman would want to start saying that they're in a straight relationship; the lesbian would have to either go along with it and start calling herself straight or bi to accommodate her trans partner or she would have to say no, keep calling herself a lesbian, and leave the relationship. A good parallel to this is a lesbian or gay man marrying a straight person and then later on in life coming out as gay/lesbian. The straight person should be allowed to leave that relationship without being called homophobic. Just the same as the lesbian of this scenario who should be allowed to leave the relationship without being called transphobic.

Thread 3: A transman who doesn't take T (assuming they can afford it) doesn't make sense to me. If you're feeling dysphoria so strongly that you want to change the way society sees and treats you, why wouldn't you use one of the only things that could help you lessen that dysphoria? As for non-binary, that makes even less sense to me. I usually stay away from it because there's too much mental gymnastics that have to be done. The general conclusion I've come to is that if non-binary people exist then transmen/transwomen cannot exist and vice versa. Only one is able to exist or nothing makes sense. Eg. For transmen and transwomen the whole point is that they want to be the opposite sex. That's not possible in the real world so they do whatever they can to get as close to that as possible. For non-binary people, they're supposed to be transpeople who transfer from one sex to nothing. How can a person be nothing? How can a person feel dysphoria to be nothing? That doesn't make any sense to me. I don't think nb-phobia is a real thing but, that's also because I don't think nb is a real thing.

Thread 4: False. The statement "transwomen pioneered the way for the LGBT movement" is decidedly untrue. I see stuff like this a lot too and it's so confusing and hard to find facts. The big one is Marsha P Johnson. I've read so many articles that say "she has been quoted saying that she's a man" or "Marsha was her drag name" so why is everyone refering to this man as a "she" and why are they calling a drag queen an transwoman? I kept trying to find anything where he explicitly stated "I am a woman" or "I am a transwoman" to justify why his history and who he was was being so blatantly disrespected and modified. I couldn't find anything and eventually just thought, "maybe she said something off the record or on her deathbed," and left it alone. Until today.

Someone posted a link to a video called "A Fun Friendly Chat with Fred Sargent" and I highly reccomend watching it. It answered my Masha questions and gave a lot more insights into how things actually were back then.

Thread 5: That is homophobic. Gay men don't need anyone to help them like vagina. The point of being a gay man is that they don't like it or want anything to do with it. It sounds to me like this person is in favour of conversion therapy.

Thread 6: It took me a little while but, I think that this person was saying a transman might be a lesbian who is taking testosterone and the testosterone is making the lesbian feel attraction to men. And so, the transman would then try to find and date homosexual men.

The second part is nonsense. They're saying a lesbian who takes testosterone will begin to think like a gay man. Or, in other words, a lesbian who takes testosterone will then become attracted to men i.e. become a straight woman. "That doesn't change what we are" yes it does. That is a huge difference. The trans aspect aside, if a homosexual woman was able to become a heterosexual woman simply by taking testosterone, where are the studies about "successful conversion therapy" that's able to "change/fix" a woman's sexual orientation.

Thread 7: A gay man dating a transman would not be a homsexual relationship, it would be a heterosexual one. Assuming the transman is able to pass as a man, society would preceive them to be a gay couple and would treat them as such. That still would not make it a gay relationship. I think you're right in that a gay man who dates a transman would be bi to a very limited extent.

Thread 8: I understand getting upset if someone misgenders you on purpose to intentionally hurt your feelings. However,  calling someone "he" or "she" is literally based off of our perception of the person we are addressing. If you see someone as a male or female, you're going to address them as such unless/until you're corrected otherwise. 99% of the time the assumption being made is correct so, why should we change what has a very good track record of working?

Another thing a lot of trans activists do is ask "Why do you care so much about a person's pronouns/how they identify"? And the thing is, I don't. I could not care any less about what people call themselves or how they live their lives which is why I'm so against gender ideology. Most of the time when people use pronouns, the person in question isn't even there so, why does it matter? Everyone gets misgendered at some point in their lives and it's almost always by mistake. I don't see the purpose of getting angry at honest, harmless mistakes.

Thread 9: I don't understand the fascination people have with only listening to things if it's being said by people who belong to that group. Sure, people who are a part of certain groups may have more insight into the issues they face but, they aren't the only one's who are allowed to talk about these things. It's like if you exclusively follow trans people for trans issues, black people for black issues, women for women's issues, etc. That's how echo chambers and hiveminds are created. I follow/listen to people who's ideas I find interesting and make sense to me regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, being trans, etc. I think intellectual diversity should be valued so much more than diversity of unchangable characteristics via happenstance of birth.

Thread 10: "Trans-erasure"? From my understanding, being trans is a very recent phenomenon. How can you erase something that's only just recently started to exist? If anything homosexual erasure is what's actually happening. Historical lesbian and gay figures like Stormé and Marsha are being re-written as transpeople. A lot of young lesbians now adays are "transmen who have no intention or desire to take testosterone or get a sex change operation" or just flat out refusing to call themselves lesbian because "it's a dirty word". Trans people have the support of most people in the west both online and in the real world as well as the support of most media outlets. Trans people have free reign to disrespect everyone elses sexual orientation and will label you "transphobic" if you disagree with them or say you wouldn't date a trans person. How exactly are trans people being erased?

Thread 11: Again, pronouns are all about an individuals preception of the people around them. No one pays attention to the pronouns they use to address someone. They use whatever their brain tells them is the most appropriate to use. For the most part, if someone tells me they're trans and wants me to address them as he or she, fine whatever. But I have my limits. I'm not going to call someone any of these neo pronouns because I can't be bothered to learn however many there are right now (I think there are about 50 or so). I also won't call someone who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger a "she". I will try to be respectful but, my brain will keep saying "that's a he, that's a he". There's not much I can do about that.

This was long but it was also fun to go through and think about. Thank you for the post.

'Research shows many trans folks' sexual attractions change after transition' So were they lying to themselves or everyone else? by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That article was hard to read and it made me feel so uncomfortable. It's basically saying that conversion therapy works without saying "conversion therapy".

The difference between two sites reporting the same story. by MilkTea in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've heard that in men's prisons, rapists and pedos have to go in a sperate wing or else the other prisoners would give them "special treatment". It makes me wonder if this person is actually trans or if he just said that to escape what would have been his own, custom-made hell.

However, regardless of if he actually is trans or not, it's very weird and gross that this is being pushed as a win for trans rights. This person's a rapist and a pedo. He shouldn't be celebrated, he should be condemned.

Several subreddits meant exclusively for lesbians, gay men, feminists and detrans individuals have recently been deemed by the fuckwads over at AHS as ‘transphobic’. What are your thoughts? by Smolders1 in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 48 insightful - 2 fun48 insightful - 1 fun49 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It seems like a modern-day witch hunt. "TERF" is the new "witch" and "transphobia" is the new accusation of "witchcraft".

It's quite sad really. This is like the story "the boy who cried wolf". If they keep calling everyone transphobic, at some point people will become desensitised and will be less inclined to believe them when something that's actually transphobic happens.

When did everyone become ‘queer’? - '...16 percent of high school students, and 22 percent of girls, identified as LGBTQ.' by Chunkeeguy in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 30 insightful - 15 fun30 insightful - 14 fun31 insightful - 15 fun -  (0 children)

"If anymore is added to the list we will run out of the alphabet and have to start using Sanskrit. As Simon Fanshaw says, the latest looks less like an acronym and more like a fool-proof WiFi code."

It's early in the morning but, this made my day.

"S -- sapiosexual: a person attracted to intelligence."

This makes me wonder: Do people who actively call themselves "sapiosexual" actually attract intelligent people? Or rather, are intelligent people attracted to people who call themselves "sapiosexual"? Even further, what type of intelligence does this refer to; analytical intelligence, creative intelligence, emotional intelligence, etc?

Why don't we have a word like this in the West? by EzukiRaen in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think I should explain a little more. I saw a picture that someone linked which featured a kid who was using a bunch of different "pronouns" like "cloudself" and "puppyself". It reminded me of this word/anime and it makes me wonder if these kids are just chuunibyous.

Children's shows: gender identity ideology, and LGB represenation? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I haven't seen Steven Universe so, I can't say much about it other than bits and pieces I've heard. I've heard that then "gems" are nonbinary because gems are rocks and rocks don't have a gender. I also saw that they recently released a psa promoting pronouns like "ze/zir". And I've heard that the fanbase is really toxic.

I saw the new She-ra a few months ago after someone on r/TL mentioned the main couple were lesbians.

I personally enjoyed it. However, I have plenty of critisisms for it. They aged down the characters a lot from the original (i.e. from adults to teens/younger) and, even though most of them were teens, they'd act even younger and dumber than that. At the same time, the main couple was so toxic that it's pretty disturbing that it was glorified. One of the characters, Catra, tries to kill her love interest, Adora, pretty much every chance she gets in basically every season execpt for the last one. On top of that, the ending of the show was so rushed (specifically Catra's redemption arc) and it felt like her redemption was absolutely not earned. Adora practically forgives her instantly without Catra having to do much of anything to earn it. Even further, in the final season, Catra tried to abandon Adora because Adora was planning to sacrifice herself to protect everyone and save the world.

The show also had both a background lesbian couple and gay couple. That was fine, not much to say. The only time the show really shows its ideolodical leanings is with one character who's nonbinary. It was a little confusing to watch at first because all the characters refer to this one as "they" but, once you get what they're talking about, it's not that big of a deal. You can also tell the political leanings from the character designs but again no big deal. In spite of it's clear leanings, the show didn't feel preachy or pushy. If a character was something, the show didn't try to justify it or go down an identity crisis rabbit hole. They simply were whomever they were designed to be.

My biggest issue is that the show presents itself as a kids show but it seems more like a late teen/young adult show. I say that because I don't think it's right for children to watch a glorified toxic relationship regardless of sexuality. This is probably the only thing that makes me hesitant to calling it a kids show. I can't think of any other kids show that presents a toxic relationship as something to strive for. Even Plankton and Karen from Spongebob had a far better relationship.

I think it's also worth mentioning that the new She-ra fanbase is very toxic. From my understanding they are on par with the Steven Universe fanbase; incredibly viscious and mean to anyone who doesn't like their shows. The fanbase for the new She-ra in particular are also incredibly rude to the fanbase of the original She-ra. Example, there was a young girl who drew fanart for the original She-ra and people were harrassing her and accused her of whitewashing a character that was 1) originally white and 2) from the original series and not the new one.

"I pressured my bisexual girlfriend until she told me she was lesbian! Hooray!" Uh, what? by reluctant_commenter in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I skimmed through some of the OP's comments and I'm not convinced that this post was made to be taken seriously. I think it's just a dumb joke. She even says at some point that she knows you can't convert anyone/change anyone's sexuality. I think it was just a silly thought that came to her head after a conversation she had with her girlfriend.

I do think the post could be funny and light-hearted or harmful and tasteless depending on the context of where it's posted/the audience viewing it. I think the main reason why I would personally consider it tasteless is because of the fact that the post was made on AL. They have a very bad, yet entirely deserved, reputation for being homophobic. I think I'm less concerned about the OP than I am about the way this may be received by the AL audience. Based off of their reputation and past actions I do think it's fair to assume that a large chunk of their audience are impressionable young people. I also think it's fair to assume that a lot of their members, specifically those who actively view their content, think it's acceptable to "convert" people (and by this I mean both with regards to one's sexuality and by pressuring people into thinking they're trans) and they may very well see this post as a reinforcement to that idea.

It's very difficult to try and reconcile the discrepancies between what people who follow QT say vs what they mean. Their entire ideology is built off of lies and contradictions. It's based off of how people feel and not really about what people think. I'm not sure if it's even possible for anyone to actually, fully understand QT because words and concepts aren't static to them. They're dynamic in the sense that they're entirely based off of an individual's interpretation and understanding of it. QT may have started out with good intentions but, as the saying goes: "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".

"The Gays, the Girls and the Theys"? What does the "Theys" even mean? Does it mean "nonbinary they/them UwUs"? This person is just too rude for me to ask them any questions 🤦 by GarageCar in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I never quite understood why some people say, "go educate yourself," when someone asks a question. I still don't understand it. Is it because they're aware that they're incapable of answering it properly or is it perhaps because they feel cool and imagine themselves doing a mic drop after?

I just think that, if someone does go and take the time to do their own research, who's to say that they won't come to a different conclusion than you. There's no garauntee that you'll be using the same sources. It would be so much better if they just answer (or even attempt to answer) the question(s) because then they'd stand a better chance of convincing someone of they're particular view. Most people see something once and don't even bother to fact check what they come across after (Well, actually, everyone does this. No one has the time to fact check every piece of information they come across. People usually only do so for things that interest them or directly effect them). If that one question they ask you is the only time they come across [insert topic] then it would be so easy to convince them that you're side is true.

A Veritable St. Thomas Aquinas PROVES that Lesbians MUST Be Attracted to Trans "Lesbians"! give me a break... by fuck_reddit in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"Biological essentialism"? Is this for real? What about butch lesbians? As in really masculine women, some of whom are even able to pass as men? I remember when I first started to question my sexuality years ago and one of the arguments I came across against lesbians was:

"If you're attracted to masculine women, why not just date a man?"

Or: "Lesbians use dildos and strap-ons, why not just date a man with a real penis?"

And the response was always: "Because at the end of the day, they're still women."

If lesbians were so opposed to "biological essentialism" then why would they use a response like this? It's because homosexuality is literally about being attracted to the same sex. The only thing that could be considered a preference is how masculine or feminine you'd want your partner to be. Their sex is non-negotiable.

This article is such shit; it's both homophobic and sexist. Just because a trans woman may pass as a feminine woman does not make them a woman. Likewise, just because a trans man may pass as a masculine man does not make them a man. A masculine woman is not any less of a woman and a feminine man is not any less of a man.

"genital preferences are transphobic" tweet gets over 2 thousand likes. by turtleduck23 in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Seeing things like this really makes me wish I had a twitter account just so I could respond to it with something like: "And calling a sexual orientation a "genital preference" is homophobic. No I won't explain. Good day!"

However, I care too much for my mental health and twitter seems like a very toxic place.

They're not violent at all! (this profile is a shitshow, this man should be in jail) by blackrainbow in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wouldn't it be so much better to tell someone you're interested in dating that you're trans at the very begining? That way you can see if they're comfortable with dating a trans person and neither person would be too emotionally invested if they weren't okay with it. People like this are just attention seekers who thrive on drama. That is evidenced by the fact that they've pepper sprayed and have gotten into fights with people who didn't want to date them after the reveal. Seriously, why would you intentionally withold information like that from your partner/ potential partner? And why would you even want to date someone who isn't interested in dating a trans person?

"Straight lesbian" 🤪 by artetolife in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 18 insightful - 3 fun18 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Um...what? A "straight lesbian"? What is she even talking about? At least with "Bi lesbian" I can make a good guess at what they're trying to say. This makes even less sense than that.

We need more what now ? Insert the “Yes I’m a vegan. Yes I eat meat, we exist” meme here [x] by Pepsicola in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wait, I thought "he/him lesbians" were lesbians that didn't care what people called them.

I remember seeing a documentary a few years ago and it was about lesbians in New York who went by "he/him" but, it wasn't necessarily by choice. They were just very masculine/butch women and people would constantly mis-gender them (if I remember correctly, it was almost always by mistake). They got tired of correcting people if someone accidentally called them "sir" or "he" so they basically just said "Fuck it. I don't care anymore. Whatever" and they just let it be. They didn't get mad if people preceived them as men because they knew that they were women and that was enough.

This whole battle of the pronouns never ceases to amaze me because their usage is entirely based off of an individuals perception of others. It should not be treated as an end all be all for how we see ourselves. If your entire self worth is dependant upon whether or not someone calls you "she", "he", or "they" then you probably have some unresolved issues and should see a therapist.

Are you one of thooooseeeee people?? by fuckupaddams in GenderCritical

[–]EzukiRaen 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is both funny and sad.

AL: Turns out dick can be great by blackrainbow in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Can someone please repost that meme in r/AL but switch "girl dick" to "vagina"? I am very curious to see if they'll ban you or not.

Whaat the actual fuck. I am so tired of this by Mermer in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The mental gymnastics here is insane.

Let's suppose for a minute that non-binary is an actual gender. By their logic, a non-binary person cannot be a lesbian because a lesbian is a woman who is attracted to other women and non-binary is neither man nor woman. Which would mean that the only necessary component to be a lesbian would be for the person to be a biological female attracted to other biological females. Yet, at the same time, they tell lesbians that they have a "genital fetish" if they won't date a trans woman. They're so concerned with trying to be politically correct all the time that they fail to see just how nonsensical all of this is.

Also, they're making up new words all the time. I'm more amazed that they haven't made up a new word (or words) to describe a non-binary person's sexuality yet.

We've had threads on asexuality, what about demisexuality? by hyunnahh in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I always saw demisexual as an unnecessary word. Sure, it's fine to have a word that describes wanting to get to know someone before you sleep with them but, that's all it is. Being demisexual is not a sexual orientation. It's more an expression on "how" someone experiences attraction and says nothing on "who" they are attracted to.

#StartCisShaming is now trending on Twitter, and what a surprise that the hashtag is filled with homophobic and misogynistic nonsense. by Smolders1 in LGBDropTheT

[–]EzukiRaen 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I found this funny at first and was gonna make a joke about how the Alphabet Nazis are initiating thier own demise but then I realized...we're still a part of this group!

I hope they nip this in the bud ASAP because, to most of the world, the LGB is still happily married to the TQ+. Which means all of us, regardless of our ideological differences, will face backlash for this stupidity.

I'm tired of not having any lesbian friends and I'm tired of my generation by cinnamonstick in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat. I'm 21 and also tired of my generation's shenanigans.

I had a friend in high school who introduced me to tumblr and gender politics. From what I remember, she was bi and said she was gender fluid. I didn't question it too much at the time because all the words and concepts were new to me but, after about a year or two I fell into the camp of "wait, this doesn't quite make sense". We haven't spoken to each other in the past few years but, that's mostly because we lost contact. She's perhaps the only person I know, or rather knew, who subscribed to these new ideas on gender and sexuality and didn't try to push them on others.

The only lesbian I know is my ex. We ended on relatively good terms and are still friends but, it would be nice to have lesbian friends where the relationship is purely platonic.

I currently live in the UK and I thought it might be easier to make lesbian friends out here but, I don't know anymore. It's super liberal were I live that it's almost laughable (Keep in mind, where I'm from, I'd be considered a progressive/liberal/leftist; if I was in the US, I'd probably be considered a central libertarian; over here, with these extreme views to contend with, I bet I'd be called a conservative.) An example of what I mean: my mother is an artist and was invited to make a piece for a show that wanted the artists to celebrate womanhood by creating vagina artwork. My mother is an old school classical feminist so she was all for it but then someone on twitter started saying that everyone involved in the show was a TERF and got it cancelled. Things like this are what have made me (and still make me) hesitant to go out of my way to make lesbian friends because I don't know what ideological brand of lesbian it's gonna be. That is to say, I wouldn't know if they were actual lesbians or political lesbians or people jumping on the "I'm queer" train (which, from my experience, is code for "I'm a trendy straight person").

As for advice, I don't really know myself. Though, if I had to guess, I'd say the best approach is probably what you just did. Make a post and see who responds. This of course, also depends on what you're looking for i.e. potential friends in your area or pen pals. And if not here, then you could also try making posts on other forums that have like minded people.

Does your family know you're gay? How did they take it when they found out? How do they feel about it now? by piylot in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Bermudian, 21.

I'm not sure what exactly my family does or doesn't know but, it doesn't really matter tbh. I'm lucky in that I have such an awesome family and "coming out" didn't have to be a thing for me.

The first time it was ever brought up was when I was about 14/15 and I was trying to figure things out myself. My mother asked me if I was a lesbian and I remember telling her "I don't know. I know I like girls but, I don't know if I like guys," and that was that. There was no big reveal, no arguing or hyper emotions, just a simple question and answer.

Just to be clear, this is not the normal where I'm from. People won't attack you or physically hurt you but, they may very well shout or say hurtful things to you. I don't know how but, I haven't experienced any of that personally.

The Woke Left v. the Alt-Right: A New Study Shows They’re More Alike Than Either Side Realizes - Quillette by Scrubjay in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

That's exactly what I thought about when I saw this post.

Where’s everyone from? by IamWomanHearMeRoar in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm from Bermuda. I don't currently live there and have been gone for about two years. I wasn't a part of the scene back home so my information may be slightly off.

Bermuda's a very conservative country. That mostly has to do with the amount of churches that are on the island/ how religious most people are. It's just barely an exageration to say you can't go 30ft without seeing a church. This is important because, from my experience, even though the younger generations are more open, if they're religious, they will most likely be homophobic. However, that doesn't mean you'll get hurt or killed.

There are mixed opinions: half will see it as weird or gross (but they most likely won't comment), whereas, the other half doesn't care at all. Bermuda's become a lot more open in the two years that I've been gone though. They had their first pride parade last year.

The community itself is very small but, I think that's just because the island is tiny. And regardless of personal feelings people may have, Bermudians are generally very friendly people. Hospitality is basically second nature to us.

Best arguments against sexual fluidity amongst lesbians? by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm vaguely familiar with what you're talking about.

I remember a few years ago there was a study that came out about how different people reacted to sexual stimuli. If I remember correctly, essentially what they found is that men were only stimulated by what they were attracted to i.e. straight men were stimulated by things involving women, gay men were stimulated by things involving men. They also found that (most) women, regardless of their orientation, were stimulated by (for the most part) anything sexual (keep in mind that this included both straight women and lesbians).

I wonder if this could be the study that your teacher was refering to. If it was then, I think it would be a bit of a leap to come to the conclusion that lesbians don't exist.

First, if you think of it from a historical context, women were once treated as lesser than men and it was socially acceptable to take advantage of them. So, I think it's worth considering that perhaps women evolved to be more easily stimulated in response to being raped.

Second, as I said, the study concluded that women as a whole were stimulated by sexual stimuli regardless of the content of the stimuli/one's orientation. If we were to jump to the conclusion that "sexual orientation in women is fluid" and/or "lesbians don't exist" then that would mean straight women would also have to be sexually fluid and non-existent, which we know to be factually incorrect.

The only real way to understand exactly how all of this works would be for more studies to be done but, as someone else said, more studies have been done on gay men than lesbians.

Tl;dr: To answer your question, if you really want to argue with people, ask them "there is no 'gay gene' and there is no 'straight gene'. DNA is not able to predict someone's sexuality." Fight "science" with science.

Side note: I just realized that this makes it even more baffling that your biology teacher, of all people, made such questionable and misleading statements.

My GF came out as non binary by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A gentle reminder: you're allowed to break up with anyone for any reason. It doesn't matter what it is. You don't need permission and you don't need a "valid" excuse. If you think/feel that the relationship is no longer working out, you are well within your rights to end things.

Having said that, I find a lot of your girlfriend's behaviour to be very suspicious. Like what some of the other comments have already expressed, I think she's being manipulative. The most jarring part is where she says she "appreciates your openess to growth". She's implying here that there's something wrong with you for every opinion that you've expressed in the past that relates to this topic (even though it doesn't seem like she's ever expressed an opinion to the contrary).

The next thing that's concerning is that she's blatantly refusing to tell you how long she's felt this way/had different opinions. I'd like to be clear that having different opinions from your SO doesn't necessarily matter so long as both parties are on the same page with how they want the relationship to be. However, this particular situation seems very suspect.

I'm personally of the opinion that she knew all this time and was waiting until you fell for her before she dropped the bomb. You can try giving her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she's only just recently come to terms with this new identity but, then why is she refusing to be open about it with you (which is the same thing she's criticized you about -- not being open enough).

Also, in one of your comments you said that she said "you felt safe to she your thoughts and beliefs". That's the biggest red flag right there. She's basically telling you that you're no longer safe to share your thoughts. You shouldn't have to feel like your "walking on eggshells" every time you're talking with your partner. This whole thing screams toxic to me from her end.

And yet another thing to add. Let's assume for a moment that she isn't being manipulative and she's struggling with her identity. This doesn't excuse the fact that she isn't even trying to speak with you! She's already acknowledged that she knows all of this would be a lot for you to take in yet, it doesn't seem like she actually made an effort to help you through this. I don't know how often the two of you speak with each other but, I'd just like to point out 1 hour is approximately 4% of the day and 30 minutes is roughly 2% of the day. You're telling me she can't spend two percent of her time talking to you even though you're clearly distressed about all of this. It's one thing if you guys talk regularly and she needs time to herself. But this doesn't seem to be the case. It seems to me like she's pushing you away and starving you from attention.

I get that you love her but, you really shouldn't neglect taking care of yourself and your own mental wellbeing. I think you should seriously consider cutting your losses. If you do choose to stay with her, be very careful about trying to manipulate you. If you chose to leave her, be wary of her trying to play the victim. She might lash out at you by saying that your discriminating against her for being non-binary. And to that I say, "read the beginning".

TL is No More by [deleted] in Lesbians

[–]EzukiRaen 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's upsetting but, at the very least, I'm happy that I clicked on the link for this site when it was first posted on reddit. I don't feel as panicy and lost like when the original sub went private for a few days. This feels like a safety net to fall back on and it's comforting. I can't imagine what all those who either don't know or forgot about saidit must be feeling once they notice the r/truelesbians was banned. I would probably be devastated in their shoes. This is a community that I didn't realize I needed until I found it.