"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood." George Carlin

"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." George Carlin, on A&E Biography

"The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god -- that there's a man in the sky with 10 things he doesn't want you to do and you'll burn for a long time if you do them -- and private property, which I think is at the core of our failure as a species." George Carlin

"I've begun worshipping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate." George Carlin, Brain Droppings

"Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls. They got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. Lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I’ll tell you what they don’t want. They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that." George Carlin

"Some of the people who had so much edgy promise, they died young; Lenny Bruce, Sam Kinison, Andy Kaufman, Freddie Prince, John Belushi, Bill Hicks... there is a degree of luck and intellect involved in giving up things that hurt you. The drug and alcohol thing comes down to this: Drugs are wonderful when you try them first, they're not around for all these millennia for no good reason; first time - mostly pleasure, very little pain, maybe a hangover. As you increase and keep using, whatever it is, the pleasure part decreases and the pain part, the price you pay, increases, until the balance is completely the other way, and it's almost all pain and hardly any pleasure. At that point, you would hope, the intellect says "Ohh, this doesn't work anymore. I'm going to die." Drugs do seem to open a window for you. They do seem to broaden the vistas. At first. The thing you have to do is learn... i'm not a big drug user anymore, but i always have a joint somewhere near me. You do find, with judicious use, i find, there is some value in it. But most of the things we use don't let you leave them alone. Pot does, thank goodness for that." George Carlin