Any of you ladies have any knowledge/thoughts/advice on birth control for a teen?

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-10T19:06:19+00:00

15 years later and now I find out there's pills for teenagers. Thanks for nothing, mom! lol.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-10T19:03:40+00:00

A bit off topic, but growing up I couldn't talk to my mother about anything and that resulted in some pretty devastating/lonely sexual experiences. So the fact that you're open/able to speak to your daughter about these things is nice to see - and it will help if and when your daughter does need to open up. I think this will also help her make the best decisions for her, knowing that she has a supportive mother.

This is purely anecdotal, but for me, birth control at that age (I was a couple years older) was a life saver, and I didn't "feel" any side effects at that age, however, I'm finally taking a break from it now (first break in 14 years!) and while it obviously helped prevent pregnancy, the side effects over time really suck. Not sure if it was because I had taken it for so long without any breaks in between, but it really messed with my body. Now I'm trying to get my body back to its "normal" state. And! I made the mistake of not using condoms when I was younger so now it feels totally foreign and "not the same." So that's why I echo what others said about having your daughter getting used to condoms now - really, really recommend this. And use birth control as an almost-guarantee-back-up.

Also, when I was going through the process of getting birth control, I didn't have any women in my life (other than input from friends and they didn't know any better themselves) to help and it was a pretty lonely experience. Whatever your daughter decides to, just support her along the way and get some input from professionals.

BTW- I'm not a parent so can't give any advice beyond my personal anecdote.

As an aside: why aren't male contraceptives on the market yet??? (Rhetorical question because we all know why.. but still. I'm waiting for this blessed day)

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-10T00:04:45+00:00

Yes!!! Very important point.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-09T16:58:29+00:00

I'd attribute it to a number of factors, including post-modernism (and all the things that came with it - fragmentation of the self, etc), the rise of the hyper-individual in Western societies, overcorrection of homophobia (gay rights was really slow to pick up - and is still abhorred), Internet porn, and PC culture + cancel culture (which led to censorship), a dumb/uncritical society, topped with a good dose of misogyny.

In some ways it's unsurprising that it caught on so quickly...

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-08T21:47:46+00:00

You don't need to apologize. Your post was not malicious/critical at all.

Your last sentence is pretty spot on. In my experience, queer is all about "heteronormative" people (both men and women) trying to make themselves feel special. These are often the same people who are trans apologists and have deep seated self-loathing issues.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-08T07:34:50+00:00

To your first point, I'm sure someone else can explain it better but here's what I understand: Spinster is part of a greater network of social networks, many of the users on those networks are alt-right, fascist, etc. We've basically been forced to occupy the same spaces as these groups because we've all been censored for our "hateful" views. They do not represent Spinster users in any way. Your example is of a user who is part of a different network. You can tell by the domain, in this case their domain was @gab.com. If you're not sure, just stick to the Spinster (should you decide to create an account again) tab.

Also, I understand why you say you feel you have to lighten the post given the perceived backlash, but I think you should be angry if that's your lived experience. As women, we're always made to feel bad or mocked for being too emotional (and then for women of colour there's an added layer to it. eg. the angry Black woman trope). I would hate for you to feel like you have to police your tone in here.

I disagree with the moderator point though. I think there is a slippery slope in moderation, and the moderation at GC (RIP GC) was pretty solid imo. I'd rather have people speak honestly (even if it sometimes hurts because it is necessary to have uncomfortable conversations), than be worried - yet again - about censorship of posts/opinions, etc.

Also, vegans unite!

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-07T19:42:33+00:00

Why the need to make life more complicated than it already is? It must be so exhausting. This woman seems so far gone. To her I would just say: Get a hobby or get help.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-07T17:02:29+00:00

Nothing else to add, just to say: I agree. Would love to have more discussions on the above.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-07T15:40:10+00:00

Yes to leaving Reddit!!! It's just torturous to watch at this point.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-07T15:38:45+00:00

"Cyst-folk strong!" Someone else said PCOS is why they identify as non-binary...? Okay...?

And tons of comments congratulating this shift towards "inclusivity": "So glad to see this inclusivity statement!!"

Everyone is so hung up on that damn word. The very purpose of equity is lifting people up (whether it be access to opportunity, jobs, etc) according to their specialized needs, NOT supporting everyone in the exact same way (that's equality and inclusivity - those are not what is needed here). We need equity and exclusivity to properly address and bridge differences between people, so everyone is on an equal playing field. You'd think with all these woke people, they'd understand the difference, but they don't. It may seem like much ado about nothing, but if they're going to use these terms to manipulate, they need to at least understand them first.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-07T01:18:56+00:00

I used to work in this field (nonprofit/social justice) for several years and we had extensive training. In my experience it has failed miserably, and continues to fail. Based on the feedback: 1) people don't like being told what to think, 2) the trainings are Western-centric - by this I mean, people are thrown these confusing, new SJW terms that no one understands and are expected to just accept blindly. And if they do have questions about the term, it takes up so much time to actually explain that nothing gets done. 3) There is so much focus on who is the most oppressed, and rarely anything is said about practical things everyday people can do to support POC, 4) self-censorship is strong because people are scared of saying something phobic or racist, so open and honest discussions are rare. You would need a really, really good facilitator to be able to lead these discussions - and most of these facilitators I've come across are wayyy too identity politicky. (Example: In one of the trainings, a participant was called out BY the facilitator for calling the facilitator the wrong pronouns that day. The facilitator identified as both "she" AND "they." I mean, really??) Also, I'm in Vancouver, so I admit it's 100x worse here.

I don't know what would work to increase understanding/awareness, but the trainings just aren't it. And just to add, this condescending/cringey social media BLM campaign isn't it either (ex: "hey guys, tell me which Black creators/businesses I should give a shout to/follow!") It's awareness for the lazy.

To the OP: I haven't been on Spinster long, but I've never seen anti-POC/WOC rhetoric. I've actually seen a couple people reference bell hooks (though I wish I had the links now!)

Thanks for the recommendation, I will look up that chapter right now. It would be nice to see people educate themselves through you know, books, but you can't really expect many people to read on a good day...

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-06T23:54:20+00:00

What actions do you hope radfems take to support women of colour? (Not asking in a snarky way)

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-06T02:44:49+00:00

From my understanding, back then, when men wore them it was a status symbol (but they also used them for practical uses like horseback riding). They also looked very different structurally (thick, flat, supportive heels). The high heels of today are built very differently, that serve the sole purpose of "enhancing" certain features/appealing to the male gaze. There is no practical use for them. They slow women down, they're impractical, painful, and they cause a number of aches/pains/strains, etc.

Both serve very different purposes.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-06T02:25:33+00:00

I like these discussions because they challenge me to unpack my own beliefs, too.

And yeah, my mind went to 'libfem ideology' first but I understand how that probably wasn't the intention.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-05T22:16:54+00:00

Thanks for elaborating!

I agree with you re: putting on makeup because you have a fear of other women looking down on you. I've had the same thoughts. I think we have all at some point felt this. It's so ingrained in us (through media, pop culture, society, etc) and it's partly this that foments the normalization of make-up. But I've noticed when I don't play into that, I find that other women are able to breathe a little easier, too. Once you're aware of this, you can either continue "playing the game" or challenging it. I think it's our responsibility to challenge this, not comply to it just because it's the norm. This is what real empowerment looks like to me.

As for your point about cleavage, maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but showing my cleavage purposefully, even if it is for women, is still objectification. I don't see the need for it, even if the end goal was sex.

Re: terms like 'self decoration' and 'aesthetics' - I've noticed these terms are commonly used in libfem thought. I don't agree with their usage because the former implies there's some sort of ritual behind 'self-decorating' as if you're putting on a costume. The latter is just another way of saying "I just like how it looks on me.." which again I think is rooted in socialization/pressure, etc.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-05T21:15:18+00:00

Thanks for clarifying - I noticed bit of non-radfem commentary in /r/GC so I wasn't sure if the sub was intended to be radfem or not.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-05T20:08:28+00:00

I don't think it's about "defending" (but I can see how you might feel like you have to "defend" yourself) but I think if you disagree, it's worth it to have a conversation. I don't want anyone to feel like they're backed into a corner, but I also don't want to have to tiptoe around these important topics. Either way, I would still be interested in hearing what you have to say!

This sub is for Gender Critical issues - I brought up radfem exclusively because the OP mentioned the users calling themselves "radical feminists."

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-05T19:38:47+00:00

"We can be feminine for ourselves!"

Does this woman genuinely think she is wearing high heels for herself? High heels are purposely built to push your chest forward, stick your butt out, etc. -- high heels also create a host of issues like chronic pain, improper breathing, poor posture, etc. This isn't compatible with radical feminism. You're physically willing to suffer for... who? for what? why? And based on the comments, looks like the outfit is entirely designer. I don't see anything empowering in purchasing expensive, uncomfortable clothing.

All of this reminds me of the classic libfem retort: "It's MY choice. I wear it for myself!" If you peel back the layers a bit, you will see why it's not your choice at all.

To be clear: I'm not ragging on this woman, but I would like to see more people challenge themselves a bit as to the why - why they wear heels, why make up, etc. And I'm not immune to this either. It's a work in progress for many of us. I would just like to see more conversation around it instead of perpetuating the notion that these practices, created for the male gaze, are empowering. Especially in spaces where women call themselves radical feminists.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-04T05:26:32+00:00

That's really weird. Why would they send you an email asking you that? I was going to say, my account was compromised a few weeks ago and I had to deactivate that account but that was obviously a different situation.

If I were you I'd change your password to your email, set up dual authentication, and then deactivate your other Reddit accounts (if you still have any active accounts). Actually, before you deactivate your Reddit accounts, check your log in history - see if there's any unusual activity there. And, don't respond to them.

If you're really worried, set up dual authentication for all your online accounts and make sure you have a different password for each of them. So at least if they can access your Reddit account, they can't get to any others. Also, if you're really really worried, just to be cautious, you could make a post about this on Spinster and '@' the admin who has a tech background.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-04T04:28:47+00:00

Yeah I'm a little disappointed at what I've been seeing...There are so many women-only spaces popping up online now. I actually have more places to go now than I ever did! Why would anyone waste their energy on a site run by people who actively censor and silence them? What's the point? I don't want their pity crumbs. Fuck that. We're doing ourselves a serious disservice by going back to that.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-04T00:50:42+00:00

My grievance is that we don't even know what content is seen as hate/bannable. There's no transparency - it's totally Kafkaesque (you're being punished for a crime that you weren't even aware you committed).

What we do know is the people who run sites like Reddit are misogynists, and many of the mods are trans apologists/bootlicking power-trippers. So they can arbitrarily decide what is seen as hateful, and anything that challenges their ideology is often censored first. Their updated policy is vague enough that they maintain full ideological control, but SJW enough that they satisfy the political puritan (eg. "Remember the human").

Regardless, I personally want nothing to do with Reddit anymore and I would encourage women to find other spaces online to congregate. I don't want to have to tiptoe in a space knowing I'm being watched and scrutinized...it defeats the entire purpose of having a safe space (hate using that phrase but it works here) for women only.

Because you're here, in this space, I would hope that you would think about the women's perspective - it's not us that destroy these spaces, it's the men who want to silence us that destroy these spaces. It does matter where the banning is coming from, it's actually an important part of the issue here.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-03T20:03:19+00:00

I understand the concern but personally if I have to censor myself in any way just to participate in these forums, then I would rather not participate at all. Maybe before I'd be more wiling to comply, but now, amidst all of this censorship, I'm at the point where I feel even more fuelled to speak my mind. And, I would also caution to say "anti trans" discourse. It's not anti trans, it's pro-women. The two are markedly different. The former would only feed into the narrative that GC was a "hateful" subreddit.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-03T15:31:49+00:00

That really sucks. I feel for you. As the other commenter noted, I also wonder if it has to do with the circles you move in. I'm 30 now and my friend group (albeit small) looks so different than what it did just 2 years ago. I'm way more picky with the company I keep - and way more outspoken from the outset so I know where the other person stands right away. There are so many people who do agree with you but it feels like it takes so much longer to find them than other social groups. If you haven't done so, you could try looking up radfem groups in your area. Also, of course, we are here online for you, too. You're always welcome to vent. A tiny silver lining: at least you're not subjected to be in those hyperwoke spaces anymore. :)

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-03T04:16:39+00:00

Oh totally. It's like you're shedding this idea/concept of who you used to be, and everything associated with that identity, including friends, etc. It takes time to grapple with and it shouldn't be minimized/downplayed. I'm so glad we have this space to share and talk about it.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-02T23:57:55+00:00

I find it funny that most of these conversations happen on social media. I wonder if this woman would say the same thing with a straight face had it been in person... It's just so completely outrageous. Edit: funny in a 'social media is a toxic cesspool way, not in a ha ha way'

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-02T23:27:38+00:00

shudder CBC is such trash now.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-02T23:19:49+00:00

Way to go! The realization that your values are fundamentally different from your friends can be really devastating...personally it sent me into a grieving process. So good for you for putting yourself out there. In the long term, losing a few friends doesn't even compare to how good it feels to live authentically. It might take a while to find those likeminded people again, but it's worth it.

Diversity_Racket · 2020-07-02T18:25:25+00:00

I’m not sure where the discussion is from /r/GenderCritical, but on the topic of ContraPoints... I’ve noticed it’s difficult to find many forums/articles that actually criticize him (aside from that mini cancelation attempt, but that was for some petty trans in-fighting reasons from what I recall), which is disappointing. His videos are elaborate performances riddled with sarcasm, self-deprecation, and Socratic-style dialogue, so it's hard to decipher what he actually believes - on top of having a cult-like following, this makes him even more immune to criticism.

He’s a self-aggrandizing narcissist with deep rooted mental health issues (of which he has openly admitted to). I just went to his Shame video where he came out as a lesbian (da fuck…) and the amount of bootlickers in there is grody: “As a cis lesbian, I totally relate”… “You are a lesbian icon”…Lesbian icon?? How on earth can any woman (let alone lesbian) relate to a pervy, fetishist, narcissistic man who claims to be… a lesbian? And do these women genuinely not know of any other lesbian “icons”? There’s a wealth of feminist literature and historical accounts of well-known women (many of them lesbians) who paved the way in their respective fields, dating back thousands of years — and much of it is online, for anyone to peruse. It makes me sad that the voices of these incredible women seem to be overshadowed by men who are celebrated for their “bravery” self-ID’ing as women. I’ve personally never felt more empowered when I read accounts of women in history (Rachel Carson is a personal favourite). For anyone who doesn’t have any female role models, or a tight-knit female social network, I strongly recommend reading about women in history (or reading about a specific field from the lens of a woman’s experience).

Diversity_Racket