Signs a woman is crushing on you

ColdSoup · 2020-09-07T10:42:34+00:00

I don't have internalised lesbophobia to that extent personally, but I do have a few things I've struggled to come to terms with and accept. I'm happy you're allowing yourself to be yourself!

-Acknowledging to myself that I am, in fact, exclusively same sex attracted, and that my lack of wanting to have sex with men isn't caused by trauma that I need to get over - it's natural and perfectly acceptable.

-Not "testing" my homosexuality by trying to force myself to imagine intimacy with a man when I start feeling down about being a lesbian. I always feel immediately grossed out and a little sick, like I'd just tried to imagine someone pooping or something. No, ColdSoup, you don't like men and you don't need to check and make sure every time you acknowledge that.

-Trying not to feel creepy about my attraction to women. Being a pervert in my head isn't violating or wrong.

-Letting myself think about women while masturbating without feeling guilty afterwards

I've found that during actual sex with a woman I have 0 discomfort and internalised lesbophobia because I'm just so in the moment. I find it infinitely hot, sensual and simply right. It's easy for me to appreciate my partners body like a work of art, completely separated from whatever the hell media thinks. Like for example I'm not much of an ass gal, it doesn't get me going. However I love love love my partners stomach and waist, I love women's necks and I love my partner having hair down there and her uneven labia, these are parts that I love about her outside of the media's perception of what is supposedly attractive. Although we are in a FWB type deal. I've never found the ideal porn woman body particularly attractive.

ColdSoup · 2020-09-05T12:56:59+00:00

Completely agree with everything you've said here. I think the interrupting thing is a very male trait, but I've met women like that too. It's a type of arrogance where men are always trying to teach women things. I hate people who see a conversation as waiting for their turn to speak in general.

ColdSoup · 2020-09-05T12:29:25+00:00

I wish :(

ColdSoup · 2020-09-05T12:28:41+00:00

This may be odd but I enjoy warming up Coke on the stove. Like, Diet Coke or regular. The carbonated beverage. My mom is Japanese and I learned it from her, and it's actually so nice, warms and comforting!

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T16:17:35+00:00

Yes, he was a straight man! Do you think that contributed to it?

I'm not seeing him again, but I let him know my realisation in the last session we had together and he seemed happy for me, yet oddly disappointed. However I chalked it down to him being upset I left since I've been going to him for over a year. I may go see a female therapist in the future since I deal with a lot of mental health problems and therapy is the best way I've found of dealing with them - the male aversion wasn't the main focus by any means - but I don't think a male therapist is a good fit anymore. I feel like any female therapist, straight or otherwise, would have considered the possibility of me being a lesbian and discussed it with me, while he never did.

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T16:00:22+00:00

Yeah I thought I was frigid too until recently, frigid and picky and with unrealistically high standards, and that any discomfort and lack of desire was due to trauma. It's interesting how much culture can fuck with your head.

I remember telling everyone when I was a kid that I'd never get married and that I was just going to live with my female best friend forever... Maybe that should have been a clue? 😂

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T15:55:28+00:00

I wish it was other dudes. These trans women don't ever seem to want to date each other. Almost like trans dicks are feminine right up until it comes to having one in their mouths.

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T15:44:30+00:00

I can't get over how full blown men are using the terms butch and femme! This reminds me of a straight man joking about how he's a lesbian because he likes women too 😒

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T15:42:56+00:00

I think it's male socialisation to colonise and force their way into any space that doesn't cater entirely to them.

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T15:41:10+00:00

Yikes. Awkward how a subreddit meant for lesbians has something THAT homophobic on it.

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T15:38:54+00:00

Lol, it seems to me now that it's code for "shut up lesbian and suck my girldick" more than anything else. How often I saw the word girldick may have contributed to me noping out of there... Blehhh

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T15:36:00+00:00

I'm glad you've stuck by your guns! I'm glad I figured things out without it coming to sex/marriage, although I don't really understand how any lesbian can even get past the date part without feeling very uncomfortable. Another space I went into was latebloomerlesbians and so many were married to men, after my experience this seemed like a huge mindfuck. I guess it makes sense if you live in a very backwards area and everyone's experience is different.

To answer your question. I was aware but I truly believed that this was a small minority, and that most trans women were just trying to live their lives in a way they deemed most comfortable. I thought that a group shouldn't be judged by a few bad apples but it turns out this is way more pervasive than I thought previously and has actual consequences for women. I don't think all trans people are bad or harmful, but there certainly seems to be a lot who are nowadays.

ColdSoup · 2020-09-03T15:28:31+00:00

I don't believe trans women are women anymore - so by their logic, yes! However I'll have to do more research before I decide if I actually agree with the radical feminist POV even though I'm definitely a feminist, and either way I don't think I'll be trans-exclusionary because trans men are victims of the patriarchy too. Serious answer to your jokey question but yeah.