You've all been selected for one hell of an unethical surgical practice that may rival Sawboss's obsession with the human centipede. There's no get out of jail card so you need to make a clearly defined choice on the matter.

Both options include a foreign skin graft. Although the gammon dirk is in a constant state of priapism, the length is entirely random. You may be lucky enough to have a micropenis rammed up your backsnatch that feels like a minor case of piles or it could be a Mandingo Dahmer broom that never lets you sit down vertically.

With the ass on dick arises the same issue of whether you're getting a hoodrat booty that feels like lumbering a spacehopper or an anorexic teen botty where the contours dig into your pubis like pins and needles everytime you lie on your tum tum.

Okay, the real question is this: How the hell do I defecate/urinate?

With the dick up the ass, it will take 10 times as long to excrete because it needs to all fit through the dick tubes in a flurry. I know that's not how the anatomy works but this is my fantasy question so you can lump it or hump it.

With the ass on the dick, it swells up like a balloon as if you have an extra external bladder knapsack. Then you just shake about enough until it leaks from the skin folds like sweat. A lot of washing needed.

What's your thunking on this number?