I used to be big into supplements. I had considered trying ashwagandha. I don't remember why I didn't. Honestly I think the tiniest dose of Haldol would chill me the fuck out, and I'd be fine. It's difficult to get, and it's not like I'm a psych case. I just get worked up sometimes. It's like a blinding rage. A major tranquilizer seems ideal. Surprisingly, that's not easy to get. Especially with my high BP. There's a long Qt prolongation concern iirc. And all the other horrible side effects of long term anti-psychotics, but a bottle of 60 I think lasted me 6 years or more.

You'd think anyone who'd want an anti-psychotic should be given one.

Getting my mind off it helps. Even if it is a rant lol. This stuff takes a toll on me. I kinda just want to lay down in the bathtub with the shower running and take a nap. Surprisingly though, there is a risk of death. You can pool water by your nose/mouth and aspirate it while asleep. Chewing gum and sleeping poses a similar risk.

I'm much the same with things. My mad boss decided to email me at midnight on Saturday about something which had gone wrong.

I admire your functionality. If I was in your shoes I'd be worried I'd yell at the boss, get fired, and have to go live under a bridge. I don't like being this way. Well, it has perks. Not gonna lie. Sometimes though I wish I was normaler.

Maybe if I had a job that'd actually help to have something else to focus on, a different compartment. I have been cleaning. My knee isn't really cooperating. It doesn't hurt, thank god, Gua sha massage and getting off painkillers helped with the pain. Oddly enough. I guess if I didn't feel the pain, I moved like I wasn't arthritic, I just hurt things more. And the gua sha, chinese mysticism bullshit aside, the tools let you get deep in there. I mean if regular massage cut it, it wouldn't be a problem.

But the knee doesn't seem like it always wants to hold weight. Maybe I can just brace the knee totally straight and walk like a peg legged pirate.