I wish I could find a woman friend who doesn't want to fuck me

submitted by [deleted] from self.whatever

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[–]Noam_Chomsky 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (11 children)

I'd begin to realize she had taken advantage of me...but then she'd force me to take more pills and vodka

Did she discover pills and vodka were like spinach for your Popeye?

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (10 children)

My ex fucked me when I was passed out. I wouldn't really mind except I was with someone else. Also, I was 17 and she was 36 but that's legal here.

[–]Noam_Chomsky 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

My ex fucked me when I was passed out.

Wat?

I can only come up with a few plausible ways this could happen.

  • An alcohol-induced topor compelled you to rigorously and repeatably pantomime the spelling the alphabet?
    (Possible.)

  • Your ex could be described as a modern 'woman'; with a pud...
    (Possible... Tragically...)

I was 17 and she was 36 but that's legal here.

  • You were an elite nocturnal ejaculator, with the stamina of a clydesdale.
    (Plausible, LEGENDARY)

  • You had an inflatable penile prosthetic.
    (Plausible, Legend... ary/Tragic?, Certainly tragic)

That's it for possibilities.

Alternative scenarios are inconceivable, and are therefore beyond consideration.

Regardless of the truth. You should stick to the third possibility.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

As much as I want to go with the legendary option, I think it was just morning wood she took advantage of for a bit till it woke me up.

[–]Noam_Chomsky 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I think it was just morning wood

I was thinking you might shatter our perceptions of you, and confess that you were pegged.

Jk bro! ;-)

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (6 children)

I'm saving my asshole for prison.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

NO PORN ALLOWED.

[–]Noam_Chomsky 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

You're probably not saving yours.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

how could anyone not find this post to be ugly? how would you like to be female and come here and listen to this pig talk like this?

and this muskrat is a moderator?

fyi, muskrat keeps blocking my ip address, bitch.

this tells a lot about this site.

for starters, i think that muskrat isnt really an american alcoholic at all, but instead he is a muslim pretending to be an american.. just like /u/airbus320 and pretty much most of the users of this forum..

it is their true intent to turn our communications portals into a bunch of noise and arguments.

fk.

[–]Zapped 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I liken some of the stories of u/AmericanMuskrat to tall tales meant to entertain, much like some of yours. I haven't heard u/airbus320 pretending to be American. I assumed he was European with that username. If AmericanMuskrat isn't American, he has done a great job of communicating in American English here, unlike some. ahem

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

based muskrat

[–]Noam_Chomsky 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

for starters, i think that muskrat isnt really an american alcoholic at all, but instead he is a muslim pretending to be an american.. just like /u/airbus320.

You prefer the ethnic/religious bigotry?

I'm a free speech maximalist, so...

I don't know what I don't know.