Every time my wife leaves people think I'm gonna self destruct

submitted by [deleted] from self.whatever

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[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (5 children)

but I'm only on my first handle of vodka.

No you arent.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 6 fun5 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 6 fun -  (4 children)

No, I am... I got a feeling that tonight's going to be a good night.

I'm glad you're not dead.

[–]goobandit 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Please, this one is much more appropriate

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

so, is your girlfriend/wife really nice? whats her name? can i get her phone number? just for my records... i am not gonna call her.. at least not while you are at home..

could you maybe just tell her that i will shoot her a text later?

ps... we are not even going to bring up your name, so its all cool..

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

No, you can't poach my ladies.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

i really dont get that. is that how it is between us? you gonna be like that?

i mean, i wouldnt do nothing that you wouldnt do, right?

if it is a good thing when you do it, why isnt it a good thing when i do it?

i just want to know her name.