What's the point of living if you have no chance of a happy life?

submitted by Vulptex from self.whatever

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[–]Views 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

This was posted on saidit a while back. It seems appropriate to your suffering.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBBhxrJYsU4

I know can never ever heal...

From personal experience, I promise you that you don't actually know that. The reason I say that is because in my past the same thought was firmly implanted in my ideography for years. I also was borderline suicidal for a very long time. Having passed through it to the point where I am now, I can tell you that I have no idea how it happened, but that to a large extent it's out of our control. I came to a relatively happier place - though I'm still somewhat of an "internal Eeyore" - with a combination of two inputs: first, I recognized that there is nothing inherently wrong with being at the bottom of the "happiness pyramid". In other words, from a universal perspective, those suffering the most are absolutely equally necessary to the equation of life as are those who are the happiest. Without the sufferers like you, there is no balance. You are equally important to the universe no matter where on the scale you lie simply because you exist, just as everyone and everything else on the scale exists. That is in truth all that matters. Second, interactions in my social life started happening that I still don't understand. I would find myself doing things that weren't "me". I don't know why I did them, and I haven't done them since. But for reasons that are mysterious to me to this day, I found interactions that began to "move me up the ladder". I didn't consciously "choose" to behave differently; it's almost as though it happened to me. For these experiences among others, I am open at a profound level - though I won't say I know it to be true - but I am open to the idea of predestination. Sometimes mysterious patterns emerge inexplicable even to the author of those patterns.

I wish you the best. It's a rough road, but if you are lucky enough to find your way to a more open perspective, you'll find a beauty that I believe to be unavailable to those who have never suffered as you have. The suffering makes the beauty found through it significantly more powerful and meaningful.

I bow to you.

[–]Vulptex[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I promise you that you don't actually know that

I do, because I suffer from lots of permanent conditions.

In other words, from a universal perspective, those suffering the most are absolutely equally necessary to the equation of life as are those who are the happiest. Without the sufferers like you, there is no balance.

Fuck balance then.

I would find myself doing things that weren't "me"

I get that too, and I think it's because of the matrix's mind control system. We have the illusion of choice, but in reality even our own thoughts are moderated by outsiders.

you'll find a beauty that I believe to be unavailable to those who have never suffered as you have. The suffering makes the beauty found through it significantly more powerful and meaningful.

Every single time I think I'm about to, it disappears.

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Every single time I think I'm about to [find a beauty that I believe to be unavailable to those who have never suffered as you have], it disappears.

Same happens when you're looking for some object you've lost. Until you finally find it. Sometimes you don't, or it takes years, but it usually turns up at some point.