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[–]SAD1[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

weve had plenty of convos, too many actually. i let her speak and she either ignores me or uses it as an opportunity to bring up old shit all the time. its always the same reasons even she acknowledges im trying to change, i let her speak but she doesnt want. hasnt been interested for like the whole damn year. she tells me that she basically doesnt want to get over it, wants to use it against me. she says that makes her a bad friend but i still dont want to drop her, i hope that one day things go back to normal. she stays because she knows she's all i have, and she knows she has room to do whatever she wants because i cant afford to leave her entirely. i love her way more than she loves me and its costing me too much, she says she cant always deal with my fucked up mentality as much as she used to because it's too negative. i get too negative is the problem. She used to be able to listen to it and talk about it but now she says its just too depressing, that I'm "the most depressing person i've ever met". She's like 12 years older than me. i understand that, and try to cooperate with her explicitly stating that i want to cooperate and she says she doesnt want to cooperate. not right now at least. I even said i wouldnt even talk to her about my life if it meant we could still talk to each other. none of this is really me reading her mind, she makes it very clear that she doesnt want anything to do with me for at least the next 6 months, even before that she set out "rules" like i couldnt talk to her about my life or i couldnt rant etc etc.

The thing is it feels like i'll never find someone like her again, i know people always say that shit but it feels like it because i've never had someone with the amount of care she's shown. not even from my parents.

The whole crush thing is so pointless for me because it would never blossom into anything other than a friendship but i just feel that way all the time and cant really get rid of that feeling. she doesnt know i like her that way and never will tbh because confessig that would reap no benefits for either of us.

[–]AmericanMuskratMelody is my favorite lurker 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Internet women come and internet women go. One day you'll be laughing about this with #15.

You should stop being so negative, or at least stop sharing it, for your future interpersonal relationships if nothing else. This girl liked you and it was too much for her, people who don't like you want to deal with it even less.