I am heading out for a road trip and i need someone that i can trust with all of my worldly possessions.

submitted by skeeter from self.whatever

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[–]eh-non-plus 0 insightful - 1 fun0 insightful - 0 fun1 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

Skeeter sir,

If you are trying to find a person whom you can regard with trust and hold firm on commitment, look no further. I have a strong record of not just academic integrity, but also that of humble origins and the sense of duty, purpose, and plain grit that come along with that. You may search and indeed find others with this same candor, and with these fine folks I ensure you will accomplish any and all of your desired outcomes in addition to exceeding your expectations of satisfaction and sense of ease. However, I do feel the need to mention that while any one of these blumpkins are more than capable of the task, I may indeed be the only person who is not only willing and capable, but also coming with a strong record on the OEIS.

Because of this, you can rest assured that while you are getting a much needed time away from the regular grind, not only will your belongings be secure, but under the watchful eye of someone in deep research on the mysteries of the natural numbers. So, skeeter sir, with this I hope you enjoy the day, whenever or wherever that may be, and hope that you do feel free to reach out if you would feel so inclined to entreat myself and a certain nissan frontier at your service.

[–]skeeter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

i tell you what.. I likes the way you talk.. You are a person that can see an opportunity when an opportunity is available.. I like that...

i tell you what.. My problem is a bit more complex than my simply taking a road trip.. Let me just spill the beans.. I am married to a gorgeous princess.. but.. both she and my son and my daughter are straight up sluts and they are always sneaking down to the bowling alley and sucking off strangers.. I much prefer when they do this kind of thing at the truck stop because they tend to carry fewer std's than the average bowling crowd, ffs.

here is my proposal, i am going to put you in charge of my gold bars and my bitcoins in exchange for you coming over to my rather large estate and keeping a watchful over my princess wife and my very handsome children..

I somehow feel like i can trust you.

skeeter

ps.. my son and my daughter like to watch this video while they are jacking off, so if you could just let them do what they do and you do what you do, i would greatly appreciate it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWoVjAPj65A

note: both children turned 18 and 19 last week, so dont worry this is all kosher.

[–]eh-non-plus 0 insightful - 1 fun0 insightful - 0 fun1 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Well skeeter sir, I don't have much besides to say that this is indeed an interesting yet generous proposal. I should inform you that, due to financial difficulties, I am about to lose my current estate on the west coast of the states. Your abode could indeed offer me a place to live in lieu of being homeless or having to assimilate with my family which I had distanced myself from quite some time ago.

If you are seeking to do some sort of house trade, that could also be arranged. My property offers multiple private points of access as well as a few showers, both indoor and outdoor. A variety of potential activities would await, depending on your interests and varying wildly - botany, outdoor water sports, or even simple walks down the boulevard. Best regards to you and yours.

[–]skeeter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

obviously, i am playing...

are you really headed into homelessness? I am really sorry to hear that..

skeeter.

[–]eh-non-plus 0 insightful - 1 fun0 insightful - 0 fun1 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Yes. Two of the users on this very site colluded to confiscate all my wealth from me!

[–]skeeter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

not really? if that really really happened, send me a private message and tell me what happened..

[–]eh-non-plus 0 insightful - 1 fun0 insightful - 0 fun1 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Why don't you ask wary_observer and iridescentanaconda

[–]skeeter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

wary_observer

what did they do? did they try to get you to invest in a meth lab or whatever?

fyi, that can be a risky business? and they rarely pay you your dividends.. they would rather just dump you in a ditch somewhere...

you know there is a story that floats around in northern california that when they pay people to go up to mendocino(is that where they grow all the weed at?) and the people work all season and instead of getting paid they kill you... dead..

[–]eh-non-plus 0 insightful - 1 fun0 insightful - 0 fun1 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

That reminds me of my time at one of the largest dormitories in the world. Coming back from a long day of studious activities, and clearly skipping the burrito entrance (which would have been on the other side, from the secret east side entrance - let's just say I went the burrito path more often than not). Not often, but one week out of every year the people of the building would drop banners out of their window with various logos and lettering and whatnot. And yeah, that's all of the story, hope you enjoyed that.

[–]skeeter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

OK, you totally lost me... burrito entrance? wait.. now i know how joe biden feels when reading a teleprompter..