I am the lonliest dog in outer space. More on that later. Firstly you should know my name is Regis. My owner named me after a game show host or something. It's pretty humiliating. He's not perfect. He drinks too much and he has a temper. I love him unreasonably so anyways, and I always will.
This all started in the long long ago as I was sitting in my bed, bored, hungry, and neglected. The air suddenly felt thick and sparkled. One moment I was home and the next I was in a cold metal room that didn't smell right. I didn't know it then but I had just been stolen. Even worse, there were absolutely no treats.
Being a somewhat sophisticated modern dog I did only reasonable thing I could, I shat in the corner and layed down and cried.