There have been times in my life when I was scared I was going to die and then felt foolish afterwards

submitted by [deleted] from self.whatever

Not today, I'm honestly surprised I'm still here. I had to go grocery shopping. I was holding onto my cart like a walker. Had to take ephedrine to even manage that.

The wife was looking into oncologists for me. Can we gamble on saidit? I bet the odds on "whiny little bitch" would be tempting.

I think though the regulars here have seen Gizmo claw my hand to shreds and I consider that an insignificant amount of pain. So I don't think I'm bellyaching.

I don't know, I mean how do you know for sure?

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being you just found out you accidentally hooked up with your sister and 10 being hide the guns before you kill yourself, how are you feeling?

#MuskieLives

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[–]Jesus-Christ 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

8

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Damn, what's wrong?

[–]hennaojichan 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (9 children)

Muskie, just one word: Alprazolam2mg.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

I was on clonazepam for 10 years before my doctor cold turkeyed me off it. Half my body went numb (brain damage) and I have 3 missing months (more brain damage). Gaba drugs are sons of bitches. Alcohol is one too.

Imo beta blockers work way better for anxiety anyhow.

I just feel awful.

[–]hennaojichan 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

When GHB was legal, I made my own from kits I bought from Canada. I quit booze for three years plus and went to the gym at least four days a week and slept well with no aid. Then Big-Pharma realized it was a wonder drug and cut it off with worldwide over-the-top penalties. Now I am a wreck, go to the gym once a week or so and require meds to sleep.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I'm feeling the music again. https://saidit.net/s/MusicVideos/comments/7k16/madonna_like_a_prayer_official_music_video/ i liked that you called it herbal.... Something. I think correctly postulating that the narcotic effects of kratom have some ... Effects.

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

How are you getting narcotic effects? I find it quite energizing at about half a tablespoon.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Gotta get the right strains. I'll usually do 4 way split kilos so at least one of the four (hopefully more) has a pain relieving effect. It's useless to me otherwise. It's a natural product so sometimes shit happens ya know.

I also take about 10g at a time.

[–]hennaojichan 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Late reply: I've never tried it because it is illegal here and the sellers will not ship.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't think people are supposed to feel like this. Nobody else seems to have this.

[–]hennaojichan 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, I think the poster is outside the normal range. I prescribe 20 mg of oxycontin and 1mg of alprazolam per day or more as needed.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I was in the ICU, and I been thinking of that because I felt better then than I do now. They have awesome beds. There's little servo motors that whirl. It changes the pressure points so you can semi comfortably lie in a bed for days at a time.

Honestly rn I'd think hydromorphone would make more sense than oxy. If wishes were horses! I got kratom.

[–]Optimus85 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Hope you feel better soon. I'm a 6 on the feeling scale. I'm on paroxetine, mirtazapine and pantoprazole for anxiety/depression, sleep apnea and acid reflux. Daily drinking damaged my oesophagus. Paroxetine makes me sweat like a pig but quitting is a bitch. Mirtazapine makes me binge on junk food(I have the gut to show for it). Quitting those would require a dramatic lifestyle change which, given the current state of affairs, I'm not eager to do. For what it's worth, at least rejoice in the fact that we're still alive. You have a wife and a cool cat too. I miss having a cat. They're quite therapeutic. Even though I'd have a bad day at work, my cat would wait for me and greet me when I came back home and insist on cuddles. Then all those negative feelings would just vanish. That's enough ranting for now. Godspeed Muskie!

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Gizmo is an awesome cat. He was just sleeping with me. Then he decided it was time I got my ass up and give him treats.

I miss having a cat

You should get one. There's so many homeless cats. We do what we can for the strays but they disappear frequently. I like to hope they just got adopted but I don't think that's what likely happened.

Do the antidepressants work for you? I have serious concerns about the efficacy of the entire class of meds.

[–]Optimus85 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I wish I could get a cat but pets aren't allowed in the building I live in. Even if they were, there would be no room for the litter box. Sigh. I like watching Flatbush Cats on YT where they rescue strays and have them adopted afterwards.

As for the meds, it's hard to tell. I've been on them for so long that I lack perspective as I don't know what my normal self should feel like. They were great at first. Made me feel fuzzy and warm but now all I notice are the side effects and I'm getting more and more OCD and that drives my anxiety up. The reason I keep taking them is that I feel like absolute shit when I stop taking them.

They are not a substitute for healthy living. The solution is simple: cut sugar, minimize caffeine intake, avoid nicotine and alcohol, get sufficient sleep and exercize regularly. All things I should do but don't.

I'm skeptical about SSRIs as well considering you're playing Russian roulette with your brain chemistry and placebos have been shown to be as effective.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I wish I could get a cat but pets aren't allowed in the building I live in

My friend had her cat declared an emotional support animal, bypassed the rules that way.

Even if they were, there would be no room for the litter box

I live in a small apartment, that is a problem for us too. One box is right in front of the fireplace, which is hardly ideal but I don't want it on carpet.

OCD

My brother has that, bad. It's been a fucking nightmare for everyone. He seems to have gotten a lot better as he gets older but no medications or therapy worked, and we tried for decades to fix that.

It's caused me to lose faith in psychology. They failed him, and I don't see anyone being fixed.

[–]Optimus85 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Emotional support pet. That is sound advice. The litter box is always an issue but if you empty it daily, should be less of an issue. Although when my cat would go for number two, I had to crack a window open as the smell was quite overpowering. But overall, cats are pretty clean animals.

My OCD isn't that bad aside from the compulsive hand-washing, obsessive thoughts and triple checking if the door is locked. It does fuel my anxiety a bit. Psychology is still an emerging scientific field and there's not much empirical data to support some of the theories. Although cognitive therapy can provide one with coping mechanisms I think cats are better IMHO.