We were having a few drinks at my parents place. This wasn't unusual at all, and at the time I was living in a detached room from the house while I was at university. My boyfriend had been with me for over a year and we'd gotten drunk together many times and we always had a lot of fun.

On this evening, he and I, my brother and his fiancee were playing a card based drinking game once my parents went to bed. It was a lot of fun and we all had a great time. After my brother left, we went back to my room. I wasn't nearly as drunk as him and I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. But he had other ideas.

It started off as just a bit of more intense than usual physical contact, which I tried to brush off. But very quickly it became evident that he wasn't having it. He grabbed my shoulders, squared me off with him and said "I want to fuck". I didn't want to, I really didn't. He grabbed my shirt and tore it, sending the buttons flying. I'd never seen anything like this before.

My mind was racing... what do I do? This is my loving partner who of course I always enjoy being intimate with. But now I don't want to, and he is too drunk to see otherwise. If I say no, no one will believe me. If I say no, what will happen? What will become of the rest of my life? Ongoing legal issues, shame, ostracistation by my family. All I could think about while I was being roughed up was how the rest of my life would be ruined by this. I could have fought back physically, but really it was trivial compared to the long-running consequences.

So, we fucked. Me on top, as he directed. It didn't take long until the satisfaction I saw in his eyes turned to a moment of fear. He vomited all over me, and the bed. Red wine everywhere. It stank so badly. Fortunately that killed the sex.

I took him to the shower and undressed him. He could barely stand, but I cleaned him up. He had zero comprehension of what just happened and what it meant to me. Once he was showered, I took him back to my room and put him to sleep on the couch with a bucket beside him.

I went to sleep in my own bed. And I woke up with him beside me. He said he had no idea why he was on the couch and invited himself back into my bed. So I went back to sleep with my rapist cuddling me.

This is a 100% true story. Except the genders are reversed and I am a man.

** edit to change 'bed' to 'couch'