At least we're getting somewhere. It's ok to feel that way too...It means we're getting close. Those feelings bound up inside you. It's getting time to confront them..slowly one emotion at a time. Identify them and why they make you feel the way you do. You're older now, and you can handle it. I believe in you. I know deep down you don't want to be this way anymore.

Stop projecting these internalized negative emotions on others here, and go within yourself instead. Catharsis... take responsibility for your happiness or lack of, realize you yourself own them..then release them. Breathe through it.

What you could of been, what you could be. It's up to you, be the better person you truly desire, friend. It's in your hands.