Do I have autoandrophilia or just internalized homophobia?

submitted by androthrowaway from self.itsafetish

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right sub but I know that if I write in most "lgbt" groups someone will argue that I'm a "transman" or "non binary" or some bullshit. (Which I'm not!) I find it very hard to find info on "autoandrophilia" that isn't about straight or bi women that want to be gay men "fujoshis". Which I don't relate too though I myself fantasize about being a dude but with a woman? Sometimes I have a fantasy about a girl not being interested in me (im feminine irl) then becoming interested once I become masculine then i get turned on. Or that I'm having s*x with a woman while im masculine and/or have male genitalia. Even now that I have a gf these fantasies still creep in. Even though I like being feminine and girly irl. Also I get scared and annoyed by men finding me attractive which may contribute too it. I have talked to a lot of other lesbian/bi women and they experience the same thing of wanting to be a man but it's not acknowledged that's why I suspected alot of lesbian/bi women identify as "trans" or "non binary" because they have no other outlet to express these feelings. But I think it makes sense we still live in a heteronormative society where homophobia is common. I wish type of "autoandrophilia" was talked about and not all brushed of as "teenage girls gone too far with their yaoi fetish"

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[–]yousaythosethings 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You can have autogynephilia and autoandrophilia and not be "trans." The people who push for that are rabidly in support of self-ID and think that trans is a state of mind rather than an action coupled with a state of mind. They don't believe that any transition is necessary. It also seems that many/most autogynephiles and autoandrophiles who are self-aware about their condition don't tend to transition because they cognizant of the fact that they are not the sex they want to become and of where those feelings are coming from. Most people AGPs and AAPs LARPing as the opposite sex are deliberately kept away from information about these disorders because it would make them cognizant of the fact that their feelings are coming from paraphilia and not some deep inner truth.

So no, you're not trans. You're a woman. Fuck gender and leave gender out of it. You know you're a woman and you know you have a paraphilia. That paraphilia is not a "gender identity." "Gender identity" is not really a thing. I find it notable that you said you are quite feminine IRL but that you fantasize about becoming masculinized. This is like sissification porn in reverse. Do you feel comfortable presenting femininely IRL or does that feel like a facade for you because you're just trying to blend in?

I find it interesting that you think that lesbian/bisexual women wanting to be men is widespread because that's a stereotype of lesbian/bisexual women by straight people and I can't personally relate to it at all. I also think there's a difference between thinking your life would be easier if you were male than female in such a situation, so you can keep your attraction to women but obviously society treats straight men way better than lesbians and bisexual women, especially masculine ones. I have a feeling that far fewer gay/bisexual men wish they were women than lesbian/bisexual women wish they were men for this reason. And again, it's different than believing that deep down they really are or should be.

It sounds like you're only female-attracted, so as you pointed out, your situation is entirely different from the fujoshi types.

[–]androthrowaway[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply.

"Do you feel comfortable presenting femininely IRL or does that feel like a facade for you because you're just trying to blend in?" Yes I do feel comfortable presenting femininely.

" I also think there's a difference between thinking your life would be easier if you were male than female in such a situation, so you can keep your attraction to women but obviously society treats straight men way better than lesbians and bisexual women, especially masculine ones. I have a feeling that far fewer gay/bisexual men wish they were women than lesbian/bisexual women wish they were men for this reason. " I agree that's what I was thinking too rather than them having a paraphilia (or though a few may have one.)

I'm actually bisexual but I only pursue women (febfem) and I don't fantasize about being a man with other men. In fact I tend think of myself hyper femininely when I do have the occasional fantasy about being with men. I think I have a problem with rigid gender roles in my fantasies.

[–]gendercritfem 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

According to Blanchard's research, autoandrophilia doesn't exist, so I don't think that's where this is coming from. Maybe a therapist who specializes in LGB issues would help you figure out where this is coming from.