How many Jews does it take to screw on a light bulb?

submitted by LarrySwinger2 from self.funny

Zero. They get goyim to do it for them.

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[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 8 fun6 insightful - 7 fun7 insightful - 8 fun -  (24 children)

How many MAGAtards does it take to screw in a light bulb?

(All of them, because they don't like anything that's dark.)

[–][deleted]  (12 children)

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    [–]JasonCarswell 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (11 children)

    You need to stop that or be banned.

    This is an invitation to: 1) continue behaving poorly to get banned, 2) at least be creative with witty insults that push boundaries, or 3) improve to avoid banishment.

    If you're unclear what the rules of SaidIt are, consult the FAQ and importantly respect the Pyramid Of Debate.

    [–][deleted]  (10 children)

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      [–]JasonCarswell 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (9 children)

      Suit yourself. I was hoping to be pierced by scathing wit, not shit.

      /u/magnora7 and /u/TheAmeliaMay can deal with you.

      [–][deleted]  (8 children)

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        [–]JasonCarswell 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (7 children)

        Did you know she was a he?

        [–][deleted]  (6 children)

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          [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

          Of all the mean and stupid comments against people on Saidit, specialsauces, this has got to be your crowning achievement

          [–][deleted]  (4 children)

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            [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (10 children)

            That's actually sort of funny, socks. Equally as funny as the OP, but in reality, neither of these show any humor because they are too true to laugh at. Too many Trumpists and Boogaloos I've met have had a rabid hatred for brown-folk, and too many powerful and religious Jews really live their lives with the expectation that the Goyim (literally, this means both you and me and everyone else not Jewish, socks) serve them. It saddens me that both groups seem to entertain demonic thoughts on a regular basis, but I am not one to judge on that matter.

            [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (9 children)

            We agree on this, though as Mark Twain said, "The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow." (I'm somewhat referring to the lameness of the original joke with another lame joke. Apologies.)

            [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

            I understand. I have never heard it before, and I'm sure I can use that joke as an opener with a liberal friend I've been arguing with IRL.

            I think there is a difference between drama and human suffering, and the faerien drama and eucatastrophe. Both of them exhibit humor, but only one of them produces real joy that is felt beyond the moment of exposure.

            [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

            Best Jewish light bulb joke I've heard is:

            How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

            (It's alright... I'll sit in the dark.)

            In Israel they tell this joke, though refer to Polish mothers (Polish Ashkenazic Jews).

            [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

            Wow, this could also be taken to their religion.

            What does a Jew say when he discovers his god is actually Satan?

            (It's alright, I'll sit in the dark)

            Do you know why Israelis make fun of Pole-Jews?

            [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

            I should perhaps note that the joke is liked very much by Jews, and 'Polish mother' jokes are in honor of Polish Ashkenazic Jews, 90% of which parished during WWII. Jews joke about controlling mothers who are specialists at guilt trips. My formerly Catholic mother told similar jokes about Catholic mothers and their guilt trips. The guilt trip is classic 'mothering' in all Abramahic religions. (Hence Freud's fixation on it.)

            [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

            Ah, then that makes sense. I knew many Jewish children growing up, the area I grew up in was very rich and conservative, so many Jews came to live with the capitalist Christians who basically praised them and their money-making. I do not remember ever liking one of their mothers, nor do I remember liking going to Mass with my catholic friend and his mother.

            I grew up with a Presbyterian mother. She also guilt-trips. It must just be an unhealthy thing mothers do.

            Edit: how does one "parish"? Aren't parishes religious districts/buildings?

            [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

            Yes, I know a number of Presbyterians rather well, and they are almost Calvinist in their Protestant ethics (and guilt trips).

            To parish (usage: as a verb, used without object) is to die.

            [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

            Isn't that perish?

            Ye, they are fucking Calvinists at the core.

            [–]JasonCarswell 4 insightful - 6 fun4 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

            Jew many.

            [–]MisandryFTW 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

            Can confirm, I'm too short to reach lights even with a step stool so my partner does it for me. Not because of a global conspiracy though or lizard people mind control or the illuminati or anything.

            [–]Comatoast 2 insightful - 4 fun2 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

            No fanciful summoning of currency to swirl around and change out the bulb for you, then? Well, that's anticlimactic.

            [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

            But who would herd the goyim and count the money?

            [–]bobbobbybob 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

            only after the goyim had paid to complete an approved course and had the correct certificates to do so

            [–]Theopolitics 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

            How many jews does it take to invent the lightbulb?

            [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

            0

            (2 Brits: in the early 19th C and in 1860)