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[–]grelb32BS in Psychology, RBT[S,M] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I found this study to be very interesting, as it highlights the difference between camouflaging and compensation. Camouflaging is described as a "hiding" or "blending in" strategy, whereas compensation was described as finding alternate cognitive strategies to process and engage in social interactions. I wonder if compensation could explain why trying to follow social norms is so exhausting, as it requires expensive cognitive resources to produce (problem solving, creative thinking, error monitoring and correction, etc). Further, it talks about how learning new compensatory strategies could lead to late or missed diagnosis. Finally, I was impressed that their sample included 97 females and 29 males, all above the age of 18, as this is a strong representative of adult females with autism and as such can appropriately be generalized to this population.

[–]bobbobbybob 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

i've got a 160+ IQ and only realized i was autistic when i read about other's compensation strategies. I thought that they were just normal. Made my life much more understandable. i'd never get a diagnosis because I don't 'suffer' any noticeable deficits, it is all compensated. I just fail a lot socially due to the uncanny valley of faking. More so after i burnt out in my late 30s

[–]grelb32BS in Psychology, RBT[S,M] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Do you wish you could get a diagnosis, or are you content with just personally knowing? I personally would love to get assessed, as it would explain a lot. However, I don't think I'd get a diagnosis either. Most of my symptoms tend to fall under restricted/repetitive interests and need for routine. Social deficits tend to be masked by "lecturing," aka going off on spiels about my special interests. I think it would be helpful if people could get a diagnosis based on one of the two domains instead of both of them, kind of like ADHD. For example, "autism spectrum disorder, predominantly social presentation" or "predominantly restricted/repetitive interests/behaviors presentation." If that were the case, I would get diagnosed for sure.

[–]bobbobbybob 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I think it would be helpful later on to access benefits, but otherwise, no. I know I'm aspergers now, and that self-knowledge was all I really needed.

[–]grelb32BS in Psychology, RBT[S,M] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's fair. I agree with the services part; that would definitely be helpful. I still would like to know on my part because I keep going back and forth on whether I have it or not. Several people have told me they think I have it (not to mention the countless times random people have called me Sheldon, robotic, monotone, emotionless, etc) but I don't meet some of the important criteria. I can read body language, identify emotions, infer others' intentions, engage in joint attention, and make eye contact with no issue. However, I have extremely narrow interests which make it hard for me to relate to people or have meaningful relationships with them. For example, I only listen to classical piano sonatas or concertos because I am obsessed with the form and medium. I will only play, write or listen to piano music and even then I am only interested in sonata form. It makes it difficult to relate to others because most people who like or play music don't listen to classical music, and even the ones who listen to classical don't listen to classical piano, and even those who play piano don't only listen to sonatas. So when I try to find common interests with others, even others who play or love music, I can see their eyes glaze over and their bodies inch closer to the door when I'm talking about piano sonatas. It makes me feel lonely because nobody else likes what I like, so I don't have a lot of deep relationships with people. I think it would help to receive a diagnosis because then I don't think I'll feel as lonely anymore. Thankfully my other special interest is atypical presentations of autism that prevent people from receiving a diagnosis, such as people who can mask or only meet half the criteria. I still feel lonely when I try to talk about it at work or with my parents/siblings, but at least here I can talk about it and people understand me/don't give me blank looks.

[–]bobbobbybob 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

seek out diagnosed people's coping strategies, their compensatory strategies. See if they ring true to you.

I can read body language. I taught myself to, helped me understand my own so I could fake it better. I can read microgestures, and tell someone's deep moods. I've become so good at the two, that I can spot someone lying now, and am confident enough to insist on truth until they give in and admit it, or i've pressed enough buttons to make them admit it and go away. I'm fairly sure that they are honest at the last, and not just pretending to shut me up. Never really understood NT's need to constantly lie to themselves and others to protect their sense of self.

Same with intentions, once you've learnt body language, modelling another person's state becomes quite simple. but for the most quiet and reserved. Narcissists are really easy to spot.

Joint attention I struggle with, since once I'm onto something, I focus to the exclusion of all else. Have to pay careful attention to that with my children, or I end up playing with them on my own because they've wandered off, if you know what I mean.

Eye contact is another one that I learnt early. Also pausing and listening, not speaking. paying attention to the pattern of turns to talk (although that one is hard, as when a NT starts to hog I struggle to not disengage since that normally signals really boring conversations)

Meaningful relationships is the hard one. I've got family and kids, and I'm not sure i've got real connections there. I'm sure they think otherwise, but me knowing them is a long way from them having any understanding of me. I feel that I explain myself all the time, but am rarely understood.

Just an idea, maybe learn to play the piano sonatas/concertos. I made my sonic obsessions into a hobby and sometimes business and that works well. Not much need to communicate when you are performing, and people are nice afterwards because you've made them feel good.

Still need a "i'm autistic" badge, though

[–]grelb32BS in Psychology, RBT[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this thoughtful reply! These are some great suggestions, and I will definitely have to try them all. I probably should have specified that the special interests are my current social struggle. I didn't actually know really anything at all about autism until I met my wife, who figured out that she's on the spectrum a couple years ago. The more I looked into it, the more I realized how much it explained things I went through in highschool. Caring too deeply for people who didn't care back, buying them things and writing songs for them and giving my all when they weren't even interested in talking to me. Took me a long time to figure out how to not open up to people who didn't care back and to only invest myself in people I could trust. I also couldn't figure out why people didn't want me to join in on their conversations/hang out with them, so I learned to be content with being alone and found out that people liked me more that way, at least until they got to know to me better and they realized I wasn't normal. It also took forever to learn how to talk to people, but I figured out that if you ask them about themselves they tend to like you more. But you have to be careful, because sometimes people don't like you remembering things they said 3 weeks ago and asking about it, so it's a fine line that's difficult to know when and what to ask about. I still mess up on that one periodically. Anyways, I've figured out a lot of strategies now. I still stick out like a sore thumb, but at least people view me as eccentric instead of disliking me. I'm not lonely at home, fortunately. My wife and I understand each other really well in that respect. I feel extremely lonely at work and with my parents/siblings though, and I relate to the kids I work with a million times more than I do my coworkers. I'm sorry that you don't feel understood at home. I've come to find that being loved by family (my parents, siblings) but not understood is just the way it's going to be and no matter how many times I try to explain it they're not going to understand. I told them I thought I was on the spectrum and they were like "okay?" If it helps, I understand you. Everything you're saying makes perfect sense to me, which is really refreshing. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not to conform to social norms, and I don't have to exhaust myself trying to remember all the unspoken rules of a conversation. So thank you for that.